Sunday, August 21, 2005

   Can this get any more complicated?
Well, I just got back from my friend's house a couple of hours ago and finally have time to sit down and relax for a while. It's been a really long day. We went to a Tiger's game today because her sister won some tickets from a radio station. They had 4 but her parents weren't going so it was just them two and they asked me to go. The last ticket never got used though. We couldn't find anyone else that wanted to go with us. But that was okay. We still had a lot of fun. And surprisingly the Tigers actually won! YAY! It was kinda weird though because they the other team went 6 innings without a single score at all. By that time it was 15 (Tigers) to 0 (Blue Jays). But then the Blue Jays finally scored in the 7th inning. But they only scored 6. We won 15 to 6.
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Friday, August 19, 2005

   It's been a long time!
Hey all! If any of you still plan on reading my journal at all, I'll be really surprised because I haven't updated it in so long. By the way, sorry about that. It's just that a lot has been going on and life's been crazy. I've been really busy so there's never any time to really update this thing.

In any case, enough of the babbling already. Let's get this party started. LOL!

Unfortunately I have some bad news for those of you who have actually been following up on my "boy problems" and such. James and I broke up officially (for good) on August 8th... Exactly 4 days after our 1 year anniversary. And we haven't spoke since either. But that's ok because I think that if we did, some of the things that would come out of our mouths to eachother wouldn't be very nice.

I finally came clean about the whole Jeff thing to James. And then after I did that, my whole outlook on James changed completely. We got into a few big fights and then I actually had the guts to tell him that I had fallen out of love with him. So he broke up with me. In a sense, it was a relief because I had always said that if we broke up, it wasn't because I was the one that broke it off... And he said the same thing... But I kept my word about it, he didn't. He's the one that broke up with me. But that's okay with me. Because I still have Jeff. Granted, it's difficult because he's in California and I'm in Michigan still. But he came here to Michigan on the 30th of July and stayed until the 6th of August. But the last time that I had seen him was on the 5th because he was leaving early in the morning on the 6th. I cried for 2 days straight after he left. But that's ok. I got over it. Oh, and 2 days after he got here, he got me an engagement ring and proposed to me... And of course, I said YES. So I'm officially engaged as of August 1st. YAY! I'm so happy about that. Within the next year we're planning of getting married though we haven't set an official date yet. He has some things that he has to take care of first and foremost before that happens. Though I'm hoping that within the next few months I'll be out of my dad's house and in California with him. At least, that's our plan. I told him that I wanted out of Michigan. I want away from my dad and stepmom. As far away as I can get, that is.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I'm at a friend's house on her computer and I don't wanna hog it. But I told her I hadn't updated this thing in forever and she told me that I had to do it now while I had the chance so here I am. ENJOY!
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Friday, May 27, 2005

   Life is boring...
It's official. My life can't get any more boring than this. I'm (unfortunately) not going to James' house this weekend. There's just too much tension between his mother and I still. Although I hear that she has been asking about me I guess. I suppose that's a start anyway. But I still just don't feel comfortable going over there. So I get to stay home this weekend and be bored... Oh yea, and talk to Jeff. I guess you could say he's kinda my other other half. Yes I said my other other half.. LOL! It's a long story. And I just know James is bound to come in here and read this. So I won't get into that subject right now. I'd be in some major trouble. Anyway, dad, Marg and Katy all went camping for the weekend.. I didn't want to go so I stayed home. Besides, I'm supposed to be receiving something (from Jeff) by tomorrow. So I wanted to be here to make sure I got it. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait! LOL! Sorry. Anyway I Guess I better go. It's getting late here already...

More tomorrow maybe. Depends on what's all going on.
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Thursday, May 26, 2005

   Drama, drama, and more drama!
Yes, I know, my life's just full of it really... Especially lately. There's a lot going on right now that I really don't want to explain because it could get me into a lot of trouble with a certain someone... You know who you are... Been doing a lot of fighting/arguing with many people lately. And I hate it. Just puts more stress into my life. But what else is new, my life's full of stress too. Go figure. James' mom still hates me for what happened and we're still not really speaking. But that's okay I guess I'm not missing out on too much then. At least I still have James and his father anyway. She'll get over it. She'll have to. Especially with some of the things that James and I have been talking about lately since tomorrow is his VERY LAST DAY of school. Then he's out for good. YAY for him! I'm so proud of him. I'm sorta bummed though. My family is going camping this weekend and I'm staying here (by my choice) because I was supposed to celebrate with James and his parents for James' graduation and all. But that isn't going to happen for me because I don't think his mother could stand me being around. So I'm just staying away from her for the weekend. I feel bad though because I'm really missing out on a momentous occasion. But, there's just too much tension. I'm really bummed though because they're going to see the Star Wars: Episode 3 movie and they know that I REALLY Want to see that, and him and his dad want me to go. But I know for a fact that his mother doesn't. So I'm not. I don't need to be causing any more problems...

Well anyway, I guess I better get going. More later, Perhaps... MAYBE! Ciao for now!
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Sunday, May 22, 2005

   Correction
Although I put up a post saying that James and I had broken up, we have decided to work things out after all. So I'm happy about that, I suppose. But not everyone is. When he went home on Thursday (which is when this all took place originally) he told his dad that we had broken up and decided to just be good friends. But I had asked him not to say anything to either one of them just yet until I figured out a way to tell them without them being upset and never allowing James to talk to me or see me again. Well, he called me on Friday after he got home from shopping and we talked about things and have decided to work things out. Luckily we got his father's blessings for us to work things out... with a few ground rules, of course... But unfortunately his mother is not so happy about it. And this is the woman that I kept saying that treated me like I was her daughter and everything and spoiled me to death. But now he totally HATES me. James had asked me to come over there this weekend and so I went. His dad was happy to see me there and to see that we're working things out. But his mother is a whole different story. Everytime either one of us would walk past her, she'd glare at us with the most evil look. Usually she comes into the bedroom almost like every 10 minutes when James and I are in there and stuff. But this weekend she never came in there once. At least, not while I was in there. She just stayed in her bedroom the entire time watching television and all that. But that was about it. If I walked past her room to go to the restroom or whatever, she'd take one look at me, glare, and then just turn away. So needless to say, I'm really not to sure about all of this right now. And when we were leaving I went into their room to go say bye to James' dad and she was in there. I said bye to him but totally ignored her like she's been doing to me. All she could do was give me dirty looks. But then I told his dad that I wasn't going to be coming next weekend because I was going to go camping with my parents (which I'm not I'm just staying here and spending time talking to Jeff... I'll explain that one later...) But as soon as I had said that, she looked up at me and just smiled. I think she's happy that I'm not going to be coming next weekend. But that's fine. Then I don't have to see her.

Well thats all for now. It's getting late.
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Thursday, May 19, 2005

   Bad News!
I know that I haven't been on here lately. But I really haven't had that much to really write about. SORRY!

Well I'm not going to keep this really long because I'm too depressed to really write at this point. But James and I broke up today after exactly 9 months 2 weeks and 1 day. I don't know how much I'm going to be writing from now on considering without him, I really don't have that much of a life. So if you don't see any posts from me for a long time, you know why.

Well that's all for now. I'm about to cry again!
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

   I don't believe it!
James called me today (despite the fact that he knew that I am mad at him) and we actually talked for a little while. That was quite interesting, really. But again, all that we really did was argue pretty much. I told him that I was on the verge of breaking up with him despite the fact that I made the promise it would not be me doing it if it fell apart. So needless to say, he wasn't too thrilled about that. But that's okay. In fact he bawled his eyes out. Then that's when I started to do the same. I didn't think that I was actually going to cry myself but I got to the point where I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I told him I was getting to the point where I wanted to see other people... But little does he know that I already sorta am. That's bad I know. I honestly was really close to ending it, but then I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. Eventually I DO have to tell him the truth and end it (unfortunately) not that I really want to because I don't. But I can't be seeing 2 guys at once. It's not fair to them. And James and I just aren't working out. I'm beginning to feel like the 9 months that we've spent together have all just been a waste sometimes because of how depressing things can get between us and how much we fought and argued. He asked me to call him tomorrow but I said I didn't know if I would or not because it'd all depend on how I feel or whatever. So I don't know if I am going to call him or not. We'll see I suppose. Well I guess that's all for now... More again later.
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Monday, May 9, 2005

   Can I scream?!?!
On Saturday and Sunday, I went to James' house like I usually do on the weekends. But, I sort of regret going there. My dad was actually in town over the weekend and the only time I really got to see him was on Friday when he came home until friday evening because him and Marg went out and were gone until late. So I was in bed by the time that they got home.

Then I was gone from about 8:45 in the morning on Saturday until midnight. Then, I got up on Sunday morning at about 7:30 to shower and get ready to go back over there. James got to my house to pick me up at about 8:40 Sunday morning and was there until about 9:00 Sunday night but got home at about 9:15. By that time, I only got to see my dad for about 5 minutes then he had to pack to leave this morning, so I left him alone for a while. After he was done packing, he came into my room to say goodbye and to give me a hug since I wouldn't be awake when he left in the morning because he'd be leaving by 5:00 in the morning. And unfortunately he will be gone until memorial day weekend. So I'm stuck in this hellhole without him again. But he'll be back on Friday May 27, 2005 and then him and Marg have some camping trip planned and I'm still not 100% sure if I am going with them or not. I probably WILL though because I want to spend time with my dad.

Though James doesn't really want me to go I can tell. He would rather me stay here and/or be with him that weekend. But besides that, James has gotten to be too obsessive over how much time him and I spend together (or don't spend together for that matter) and how much we do (or do not) talk to eachother. Then he's all worried about being the FIRST to know if I'm going camping or not. He's already tried telling me to make sure that he knows what's going on first and foremost before anyone else. I don't even think so!

I'm really not sure how much more of that I can really handle. You know, last week (sometime, don't remember the day exactly) he had brought up something that he had been talking about in his psychology class in school. And that was about people who were obsessive compulsive. He said that he had "experienced" some of the symptoms or signs of it. And at first I sort of ignored it and everything. I really thought nothing of the situation. But now that all of ths has been going on and now that I think about it I actually think that it could be true. That's bad to say I know but I'm just telling the truth. Not to mention that he's been getting rather controlling over me about things like what I do or don't do and I don't like it. NOT 1 BIT! I don't want to break up with him (especially because we've had a 9 month relationship ongoing so far) and I don't want to lose the family that I've gained since we've been together. But I don't want to be stuck in a relationship with a man who has the potential of becoming controlling. But that's pretty much exactly where this relationship is going at this point I think. And the more that I Think about it, I don't know if he's the one I really could see me spending the rest of my life with. I sort of feel like these 9 months have been wasted and that the only thing I've really learned about him is that he's not exactly everything that I had thought he was.I mean, I know that sometimes I say things to him that may make it seem like I'm that way to him but I do it and say it is just me joking around. ANd I ALWAYS tell him that I'm joking with him about it. So he has no reason to do this to me. I want to tell him what I Think or how I feel. But I don't know how to... HELP!
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Friday, May 6, 2005

   Don't want saturday or sunday to come!
Well it's gonna sound really bad, I know. But I really dont want Saturday or Sunday to come. I guess I am going to James' house saturday and sunday but I really don't want to. I have to definitely go on sunday since it's mother's day or whatever. And I promised mommy I'd be there. But other than that I really don't want to go over there. Just because I'm sick and tired of the drama. I CAN'T take it any longer. It's making me crazy. He's making me crazy. Uh-oh I just realized that I really hope that he doesn't end up coming on here and reading this post. OOPS! Oh well!
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Wednesday, May 4, 2005

   I just realized something!
I just realized that noone has sent me any hugs in a really long time. They haven't changed in like forever. That's not fair. I feel so unloved. *sobs uncontrollably* That's okay though. I guess I'll live. *goes to corner... sits... and cries* *depressed*
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