Wednesday, May 4, 2005

  
You are 'The Glow'


Which Clow Card are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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   Could it possibly be the end?
It's official. I'm seriously thinking about totally giving up. I can't stand going through all of the drama constantly. It's just too much on us... It's too much on our relationship... Today is our 9 month anniversary and so far it's been the most depressing. I doubt I'm even going to call him to talk to him. That's mean, I know. But I know that it'll just lead to more fighting and more fighting usually means more drama! I hate drama! I'd hate to end it like this, knowing that it's our 9 month anniversary and all. But, I'm beginning to get the impression that it's just not going to work out between us anymore. I hate fighting, I hate drama... Oh, yeah that's right. I already said that. LOL! He called me last night, But I hardly even spoke to him. I just let him keep going on. And in all honesty, most of the time, I wasn't even listening... Most of the time, I had the phone pulled away from my ear where I couldn't hear what he was saying because I was getting so frusterated. You know, this (again) is going to sound really mean and all. But if it weren't for me not wanting to lose the family that I have in his mother and father, I'd end it between us. But I can't bear to think about losing the 2 of them. And if I ended it with James, that's exactly what would happen. And I could not hadle having to deal with that. So I guess I have to keep it together.

Well this is getting rather depressing! So I guess I'll close for now. More later, maybe!
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Friday, April 29, 2005

survey!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Joslyn Perez
Birthday:	February 4, 1986
Birthplace:	Detroit, MI
Current Location:	Shelby Township, MI
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Blond
Height:	4ft. 8 1/4 in.
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right handed
Your Heritage:	indian, mexican, german
The Shoes You Wore Today:	white tennis shoes
Your Weakness:
Your Fears:	the fear of being alone
Your Perfect Pizza:	all veggies
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	get a job
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Thoughts First Waking Up:	James, my boyfriend
Your Best Physical Feature:	eyes
Your Bedtime:	whenever I feel like it
Your Most Missed Memory:	dunno
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	burger king
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	yea
Do you Sing:	sometimes
Do you Shower Daily:	you bet i do
Have you Been in Love:	yes
Do you want to go to College:	dont know
Do you want to get Married:	yes
Do you belive in yourself:	sometimes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	no
Do you think you are Attractive:	no
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	sometimes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yea
Do you play an Instrument:	no
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	no
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	no
Ever been called a Tease:	yes
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	happy
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	don't know
What country would you most like to Visit:	Germany
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	blue
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	doesnt matter
Weight:	doesnt matter
Best Clothing Style:	dont know
Number of Drugs I have taken:	0
Number of CDs I own:	dont know
Number of Piercings:	1 or 2
Number of Tattoos:	1 or 2
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	doesnt matter
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

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   Confusing!
Well, it's official. The weekend is quickly creaping up on me and I'm totally not looking forward to it. That's bad to say because I'm just going to be in the same place as always. But this weekend is going to be different. MUCH DIFFERENT! I have to get up at like 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning to get ready and be ready and out the door by 7:30. James and daddy have to go give blood tomorrow... They were going to pick me up afterward but since we're going back out that way to go out to eat, they're picking me up in the early morning (at 7:30 to be precise). So that's gonna suck! Well enough of my complaining. I'm gonna close for now. More later I suppose! (PERHAPS)
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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

   Guys are jerks!
Well, it's official. Guys are jerks... I know, most of you have probably already figured this out but I had to at least give 1 certain guy the benefit of the doubt... But so much for that idea!

I was at James' house today with mommy, watching movies with her. It was fun up until we got a telephone call in the middle of one of the movies we were watching... It was James! He called mommy to tell her that he had broken his glasses. So of course she tells him that (although we had planned for me to stay until 4:00 to spend time with James) she'd be bringing me home as soon as he got there and that they would be going to get the glasses fixed or replaced. So there went our plans of spending time together and all. As soon as he walked in the door I gave him a dirty look and everything and he could tell that I wasn't happy. He tried asking me what was wrong and be civilized about it. But you know how I can get... I'm not a civilized type of person when it comes to pissing me off like that... So we never said one word to eachother the entire way back to my house and when I got out of the car to come into the house, I actually slammed the car door into his face when he tried coming out to walk me to the door. Unfortunately it didn't work because he still walked with me to the door. And even then, all he could say when we got to the door was, "well I'll call you tomorrow." And then he tried to kiss me goodbye but I turned my head and walked away. No goodbye, no nothing... That's how mad I am right now...

Well that's all for now. Maybe I'll post more later. If I feel better!
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Sunday, April 24, 2005

   A good weekend!
On Saturday, I went to James' house at 9:00 in the morning and didn't get home until about 11:00 p.m. Mommy rented movies... She rented Harry Potter 3 and the Garfield movie... We (mommy, James and I) watched Garfield On Saturday... Mommy, daddy, James, and I all played rummy together... Mommy won and I think James came in second and I came in third so that left daddy in last. YAY! It was so much fun. I coulda stayed until 11:30 at night but James was falling asleep on mommy, daddy and I while we were playing cards. So I decided that it was time to call it a night. I told James he was going to go to bed and I Was going to tuck him in and that daddy would bring me home. But he didn't like that idea too much. He wanted to come with us. He definitely was in NO SHAPE TO DRIVE. He was way too tired. He finally got talked into staying home and letting daddy take me home by himself after I tucked James into bed. So that was interesting. Then today (sunday of course) when James got to my house to pick me up to go over there he asked me about what all happened then and everything. So I had to explain to him just how out of it he really was. That was interesting as well. He didn't wanna believe me. But we talked to mommy and daddy and he finally decided to believe it. It was hilarious! Mommy made my favorite breakfast for us this morning... Eggs benedict... YUM! Daddy chickened out, he had waffles... He doesn't eat eggs... Then we watched the Harry Potter 3 movie. It was AWESOME! I got to get that movie for myself when it's all officially out on DVD in stores. I already have the first 2. The 3rd one is the best so far. LOL! Mommy made pizza for dinner for us tonight. It was yummy in my tummy too. Daddy and James chickened out though because they had just cheese on their's while mommy and I had all sorts of veggies on our's. HAHA! It was funny though because I kept making fun of daddy and James about it. LOL! Oh yeah, James kept mouthing off to me at dinnertime tonight so I got mad at him and grounded him to his room... LITERALLY! I made him go to his room (no radio, TV or nothing) and just sit there. It only lasted like 2 minutes though. But he actually listened to me when I said something to him or told him to do something after that. Speaking of listening or not listening, Samson (one of the cats) kept jumping on the kitchen sink after repeatedly being told not to... and Samson turned into a soggy kitty. Daddy took him and put him in the laundry tub and turned it on. So he was all wet. Nothing like a good ol' soggy kitty huh? It was funny too! Poor thing... Now that I think about it, I sorta feel bad for him though. James' Fat Cat (no, literally that's her real name) bit me today and when she bit me she didn't just bite me and leave 1 little mark. She left what looks like a scratch on my hand. It wasn't really that big, But it hurt REALLY badly. OUCH! So much for me claiming her as MY kitty. I don't like her anymore.

Well, I think that is all for now. If I think of anything else I'll post it tomorrow. It's getting kinda late. Thanks all for taking the time to read this (if you do).
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Friday, April 22, 2005

   Too much going on at once!
Today, my friend/ex-boyfriend, Paul, called me and we talked about a fight that we recently got into, and began working things out. Well afterwards, I brought up the subject of what Jason P. asked me when I was talking to him over the phone the other day. And that's when he totally dropped the bombshell on me... Confused? Let me explain: Here's where I've got myself into a MAJOR HUGE rut... I have a boyfriend (the same one that I've had for 9 months now) and we've been doing a lot of talking about the future and what the future holds for us... or may hold for us, for that matter... Needless to say, we've been doing a LOT of talking about marriage and everything like that. Well, the other day, I talked to Jason P. and he brought up the same subject. Although he wasn't talking about asking some other girl. He was talking about asking me... And in fact, he did ask me what I'd do or say if he officially asked me to marry him... Shocked, and confused, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't really say anything... I was speechless... I mean, don't get me wrong I love the guy, because we go way back and we've been through a lot together in the past. We dated for a little while (a long ways back) and then broke up and didn't see eachother or speak to eachother for years (literally) because he moved away after that. Well, we both kind of want to get back together now that we're back in contact, but I can't because I have a boyfriend right now... Anyway, I am getting off topic... Paul told me that he wanted to ask me the same question and has been wanting to for a long time but was scared or embarrassed to. So now I don't know what to do. I mean, Paul and I are REALLY close but I could never see myself spending the rest of my life with him. It just confuses me about where this suddenly came from and stuff like that... And now that I think about it, I'm not sure that I can even see me spending the rest of my life with my current boyfriend, James, either. That's bad to say, I know. But it's true. I'm beginning to think that Jason P. is the one I want to be with. I dunno! I am so confused. I have never ever had 3 different guys ask me that same question all at the same time like that... Until now, anyway... And now that I have, it's killing me... I think that I need to tell James about all of this so I don't feel like I'm hiding anything from him or lying to him. But I just know that he's going to get over-emotional about it all. And I know that he's going to get really mad about it. But the truth of the matter is that I NEVER answered either of them. And I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing that I haven't answered. I mean, yeah, Jason P. and I HAVE BEEN talking about what I like to call, "the what if's." But that's as far as it's went so far. But I don't know. I mean, as bad as this is going to sound, I love James but I Love Jason P. Okay maybe it'll make more sense if I put it this way... I LOVE James, but (I think) I'm IN LOVE with Jason P.! Okay, that sounds really bad too, but it's also true. And what makes it worse is that I have until tomorrow morning at 9:00 to figure things out if I plan on telling him because I'm going over there tomorrow and Sunday. AAAHHH! HELP!!!

Well, I got to run! My stepmom's daughter is driving me crazy by waiting until I get off so she can get on... So maybe this will get her off my back.. More on Monday!
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   Sinus Headaches Suck!
Well, it's official. I am about to go insane. I have had a sinus headache since Sunday night and it isn't going away. I went to CVS to get some sinus medicine and it worked fine the first time that I Took it with no reaction to it. But that all changed this morning when I went to go take it again. I got all dizzy and stuff and almost fell over. So I went to read the box and it says to stop using it if you get dizzy and everything. So it looks like I won't be able to take it anymore. Which sucks, like I Said, because of the fact that it took the headache away. But I don't necessarily want to be dizzy to go along with everything else either. And if it comes back I'm not going to be a happy camper. Because I won't have anything that I CAN take for it. But we'll see! Maybe when I go to James' house this weekend, I can talk to mom and she'll know what to do about it or something else I might be able to take for it. I DUNNO!

Well I got to run for now. I'll post more later if I can. Right now my life is just noneventful and there's really nothing to tell.
Later all!
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

   I don't feel good!
It's official. I am about to go crazy. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I Have a major headache that won't go away. I've taken excedrin and everything for it but it's not going anywhere. I've now had it for like 3 days. It's kinda freaking me out, if you ask me! I never get headaches like this, unless I have a fever and everything else hurts to go along with it. But I'm not running a fever. In fact, despite the headache and occasional dizziness I feel fine. But this isn't normal for me. Something's wrong I just know it. I dunno what it is though and I really wish that I did. Well I'm going to cut this short. More later, I suppose!
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

   Life is way too depressing!
Well, things can't get any more depressing between us. All we ever do everytime we talk on the telephone is argue and fight. We could get over 1 fight and then 5 minutes later, we'll be at it again. It seems like even trying to make it work is completely pointless. If anyone is totally CONFUSED about who I'm talking about, I'm talking about Jason P.

This subject just seems to get that much more complicated because when I talked to Jason the last time, he brought up something that has REALLY made me think... And might I add that it's about things that maybe I shouldn't be thinking about unless it's with James. But, despite all of the arguing and fighting, all of the feelings for Jason P. are coming back to me at full force. And that's when he brought up asking me a question that could/would change the both of our lives forever. But here's the thing: James and I are still together. And he has NO IDEA what was said between Jason P. and I. He has no idea about the plans Jason has. Here's where I'm totally confused, though, because I still LOVE Jason P. to death even though him and I aren't officially back together... and I probably always will... AHH!

More later, I need time to think!
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