Tuesday, April 12, 2005

   I hate fighting!
Well, I never thought that it would happen between us, but Jason Arnold (yes, zeraf) and I kinda got into a little bit of a fight.

We were talking on messenger earlier today at about 2:00 p.m. and everything was going great for a while. I was talking to him about the post I put up last night about how I felt and I told him to read it. So he did. And he actually took it quite well at first. He didn't seem to be bothered or anything by it, which is what I had actually expected. I figured that he'd be bothered by it or not even really care about how I felt really. But he surprised me. I won't get into the details all that much because I don't want him any more mad at me than he already probably is... But anyway, then he had commented on the fact that I used his username in the posts. He didn't like that. He says it kinda embarrassed him. So we got into a fight because the way I take it is that now I think he's just embarrassed because everyone who reads my posts on my site will know practically everything that has been said and done between us. But, it's funny because he didn't seemed to be too bothered by the fact that I like him like that and all. But the second I put it in my journal (here) he's embarrassed. So I kinda got mad at him about that. I kinda feel bad about it all now. But, something tells me he won't speak to me if I try to make things right. I don't know what to think... What to say... What to do... about this whole thing. I hate fighting with him now. I mean we never ever fought, until now... AND IT'S KILLING ME! AAAHHH!

Well that's all for now I guess... I'm going to try to get him to talk to me...
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   I think I just made a fool of myself!
Well, it's official.. I think I just made a HUGE fool of myself. Jason Arnold (zeraf) finally read the post about him and knows how I feel finally. But now I'm not sure about things now that he knows. He reacted better than I expected, but not fully the way I had planned. But that's ok. I guess I'm just happy that it didn't scare him away and that he didn't abandon me or our friendship that we've had for these few years. I still don't really know where I stand in this situation or whether it's really a good thing or really a bad thing that I told him finally. I don't know.

Well him and I are talking on messenger now. So I will cut this one kinda short for now. More later though. Keep the comments coming.. I'm loving the attention now that I'm finally getting it...
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   Dazed and Confused!!
I'm seriously going out of my mind by now. Why didn't I just tell Jason Arnold (zeraf) what was on my mind or what I was thinking? I was too scared to at the time I guess, but now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't be so scared I guess. It's just that I'm afraid to find out what he'd think or say about it all. I mean, we've been really good friends for a LONG time now and if I tell him what is on my mind, I'm afraid he might look at our friendship differently and I don't want things to change... NOT FOR THE WORSE ANYWAY... But, him and I did have a little talk at Taco Bell yesterday when we went out for lunch, and I kinda hinted towards it, but I don't know if he really knows what I'm actually saying. I want to tell him how I feel, because I feel like I'm lying to him if I keep it from him and not tell him at all. But I don't want to tell him, because... well, you know... The only other problem in this situation is that I have a bf already and we've been together for 8 months now. This can't get any more confusing than it already is for me.

Well, that's it for now I guess. I've got some thinking to do. More later.
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Monday, April 11, 2005

   Something I just realized
I just realized that my friend wrote a post in here saying that she didn't know how to add a comment in any of my posts. So if any of you read the post with the subject line:"It's me" it's because my friend did that because she didn't know how to add a comment. I didn't do that.
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   My life can't get any more depressing now!
It's official. I'm about to go insane. Life as I know it is officially over. I don't know how much more I can take. It's making me crazy.

James and I are back at it again. We got into a fight yesterday when I was over at his house. And we haven't really spoke since. He called me today but I couldn't talk so I told him I'd call him later. Though I never did.

Jason Arnold came over today and we spent a lot of time with eachother. After a while, we went over to Ian Montgomery's house and hung out with him as well.

Speaking of Jason, I'm seriously going crazy about something that has to do with him as well. I wish that I could just tell him what's on my mind or what I'm thinking but I just don't have the guts to do that. It's impossible. I mean, we've been friends for way too long and if I told him what I was thinking/feeling (oh boy, that could TOTALLY give it away right there) I'm afraid that things may change between us as far as our friendship is concerned. I'm sorta afraid to find out what he'd say or think about it. I kinda hinted at it today while we were playing cards together and while we were eating lunch at Taco Bell together, but it never really fully came out. And then, he said that he thought that he knew what it was, but he never said what he was thinking that it was about. So I dunno if he really got it yet. I want to tell him, just because I don't want to lie to him about it (by him not knowing). But I just can't bring myself to do it. It seems wrong I know. But that's just the way I am.

Well that's all for now, it's getting late. And I need sleep!
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Saturday, April 9, 2005

   It's me
Since I'm being goofy & dunno how to add comments I'm doing it this way. Hopefully, this works! Have fun at James & kick his booty in Rummy! You know where I'll be at all day so gimme a ring on my cell if you need me!
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Friday, April 8, 2005

   Depressing!
Today has turned out to be a pretty depressing day for me after all. I got an e-mail from Noah today, which was actually a bit depressing. He e-mailed me, asking if I was mad at him again because I haven't been e-mailing him back when he e-mails me and (in his own way) is telling me to tell him why I'm mad at him if I was. So that's when I began feeling really guilty and I wrote him back for once. I told him that I wasn't mad at him at all. But I've been busy, or everytime I do get ready to write back, I get kicked off the computer because someone else wants on here. Especially my stepmom yesterday because their computer upstairs was not plugged in since my dad has been getting ready to paint in there and then eventually actually started painting yesterday.

Jason was supposed to call me back last night. But, of course, he never did. I (last) spoke to him on Wednesday night because he called me on my cell phone. But I had to get off about a half an hour later because I was running out of time on my cell phone. So he said he was going to call me today. But, he still hasn't. I have a really sneaky feeling that he either won't call at all and will wait until tomorrow when I'm at James' house or he will call me tonight but he'll wait until it's really late and then call me on my cell phone. That's just my luck I guess.

Well as I already said, I'm going to James' house tomorrow. And I actually REALLY CAN'T WAIT. They're going to be getting another new dog and if the whole thing works as planned, they'll be getting it tomorrow while I'm there. As long as mommy and daddy agree to them bringing it there tomorrow, they'll have the dog then anyway. And I can't wait to see it. I'm so excited...

Well that's all for now. More later... perhaps. Otherwise TTFN until Monday.
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   I'm in trouble!
Well, today after I got done job hunting, I came home and sweeped and washed the kitchen floor (oohh fun... NOT) Then I got on the computer for a little while and talked to Jason (YAY!) on messenger. At about 12:00 noon I went to Wendy's for lunch. I was going to stay and eat my lunch there but decided not to when I looked ahead of me and realized that the girl that was standing in front of me was from my old work... That being Tim Hortons. So as I stood in line I just kept praying and hoping that she wouldnt realize that it was me. Well I think it worked because she never said anything to me. Although she did look back at me a few times here and there. So either she didn't realize it was me or she did but just didn't say anything. I dunno! So instead of staying there, I brought my food home and ate in my room... So needless to say, my room smells like wendy's food. YUMMY!
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Thursday, April 7, 2005

   AAAHHH!
Well today has been a scary day... And slow might I add... I went to Radio Shack to purchase an airtime card for my phone. And the guy that was there, sorta freaked me out. I got there and was standing at the front desk, waiting for it to be my turn and the entire time that I Was there, the guy was staring at me. Then as soon as I got up there, to tell him what I needed, he stopped me and told me that he had noticed my blue eyes and kept complimenting me on them. It's sorta weird... Kinda freaked me out, really... But that's ok.

Well, I just spoke to Billie Jo because she called me as soon as I got home. I told her about what he had said and everything and she agrees with me, she said she'd be a little freaked out as well if some random person had said that to her too. I mean, it was a nice compliment and everything but it sort of scared me a bit, really.

Well I got to go. More later, I suppose.
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Monday, April 4, 2005

   Just an ok day!
Well today has been really slow. I'm so bored, it's not even funny. I was going to go out to look for a job after I got done cleaning my room today, until my father had to call me asking if I'd stay home because we were supposed to have someone coming over to take measurements of the living room floor because we're getting new carpet... FINALLY! So I got out of going anywhere. And I Wasn't going anywhere after he left because then I wouldn't be back in time for my show at 4:00.

I went to James' house on Saturday and Sunday. That was interesting. James and I were fighting practically the entire week so I was NOT looking forward to going over there over the weekend. But I went anyway. I figured if nothing else, I'd spend that time with mom and dad. So it's all good. Well we ended up working things out (I think) So it's ok now. I THINK! This week is going to suck though. It's already going slow for me and it just started. OH BOY! I don't know how I'm going to survive this week.

Well that's all for now. I have other things to do.
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