Wednesday, April 13, 2005

   I wish this never happened!
Okay, so everyone that's been reading my posts lately has probably figured out already that a lot of them have to do with Jason and everything that has been going on with our friendship lately. And I know that if you're actually taking the time to read this, you're all probably going crazy because I haven't shut up about it, but I can't help it. The whole situation just drives me absolutely crazy. Never in a million years would I expect that something like this would happen to our friendship. Never in a million years did I think that we'd be fighting. And ever in a million years did I think that I'd be so hurt about it like I am right now. Well, after the conversation that we had on messenger, he decided he was going to give me the silent treatment and not talk to me. (Which really sucked.) But I figured that he'd come around sooner or later and would let me talk to him to try to fix things. Well I was hoping that would be sooner rather than later. But I guess not.

Last night, I was seriously going out of my mind. I was thinking so much about all that has happened and I did the unthinkable... I actually started crying. I know, that's kinda corny. But it's true. Okay, so maybe I've also become a little bit obsessive. But I can't help it. I must admit though that I am sort of wishing that I would have just kept my mouth shut and not said anything. But I felt like I've just been lying to him for these past few years by not saying anything. So I had to. It was driving me nuts! QUITE LITERALLY!

Well, James and I are still not quite getting along either. We got into a fight on Sunday when I was at his house and we haven't really spoke since. He called me on Monday but that was when I had Jason (yes, zeraf) over. So I didn't stay on the phone. Then he called me yesterday to talk to me. But I was just way too depressed about what happened when Jason and I were talking to eachother online and what was all said. So I hardly talked to him when he called me. So that's when I just told him I had to go and I'd call him today if I got the chance and if I was feeling better about things. I still don't feel any better about what happened (with Jason... it's still killing me... and probably will until I talk to him again...) but I think I might call James anyway. I figure that maybe having him to talk to, since Jason isn't speaking to me apparently, hopefully I'll feel at least a little bit better. I dunno though!
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