Friday, April 14, 2006

About Me

I'm known as Shy on the boards, but everyone in the human world calls me 'Josh.' This isn't to say my online friends don't call me 'Josh,' too, but as a general rule I'd like my online friends to call me by my online name and my real-life friends to call me by my real-life name. At one point I was known as 'ShyGuy' online, and before that I was 'Shyguy511.' Over time my names become simpler and simpler, leading me to believe that in another five years I shall be known solely as 'S.' Sadly, I imagine I'll still be here in five years to prove this theory true.

Much like my user names, I've been through quite a few changes in my life since joining this place (of course, any person who can go five years without any significant changes in their life isn't really living, now are they?)

First and foremost, I'm a nerd the likes of which rarely see the light of day. I know a lot about Comic Books, and I know a tremendous amount about Animation. Beyond that, my obsessions are fairly diverse: including Journalism, Public Radio, Useless Trivia, and Disneyland. I often worry that I devote too much of my time to pursuing these interests, but I'm fairly certain that these will lead me to a life far more exciting than the straight-and-narrow course would provide.

I rarely say much, and this gives the impression that I'm a deep, thoughtful person. Online I think this is especially true, and I think most members here have a much higher opinion of me than they would if I posted more frequently. Despite my inactivity, I have built a great circle of friends around me and I'm only sorry that I don't speak to them more often.

Although I am at the ripe old age of 20 and I still live with my family. Many of my Disney friends still live at home, but everyone I still talk to from high school has moved onto bigger and better things. It is my goal to have a bigger and better thing of my own to move onto, but it's my indeciviceness and lack of initiative that hold me back. Publishing is an industry I have found myself drawn to repeatedly, and my writing is what I hope to make a living off of someday.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was when I came out to one of my best friends in high school, and he wished I would go to hell. This cemented me in a sheltered emtoional state that I have been hiding in for years, afraid to give anyone the opportunity to ever really hurt me. I am trying very hard to correct this, as it is driving a rift between me and my current boyfriend of 8 months.

Even with my own minor personal demons, I have made some incredible, life-changing friendships along the way. Many of them were as a result of my online activity, while most came from my two-year vacation working at the Disneyland Resort in Southern California. I consider my time there to be the best in my life so far, but it was neccessary for me to find a new road to travel and move on.

My two siblings (one younger brother, and one younger sister) are nearing the age where they have begun thinking about their lives in the long-term, and although I'm much older than my sister I know I'm going to be the last child in my family to be deemed a 'success' by my parents. Through hard times and good ones they have both been incredibly supportive of me, but my quiet nature leaves me feeling disconnected from them, and everyone else I care about. I'm very uncertain of what my siblings really think of me, and while this isn't a huge concern for me right now, it's outside opinions like these that have come to indirectly shape my own perception of myself.

I find that most cynics have high hopes for the world around them, but are disappointed by the results. I consider myself to be one of those people, and this disappointment follows me everywhere I go. This goes for just about everything out there, but most especially myself, my achievements, and the lack thereof. Given recent events I have refocused myself on becoming a much more sypathetic, compassionate person. It was only last week when my own indifference ended up in the loss of not one, but two very close friendships. This makes for one more shortcoming to haunt me, but it is also one more to motivate me to do right.

What also motivates me if my dissastisfaction with my current college and workplace. Six days a week I serve at the Macaroni Grill, despising every minute of it. While the pay is good, the atmosphere and clientelle leave a lot to be desired. Since I started there a few months ago my only goal has been to find long-term employment that I financially support myself with. I would like nothing more than to move away from Southern California, preferably to a large East Coast city such as New York or Washington D.C. If there is one word that would describe me after a life of California it would be 'jaded,' and I demand more from life than I can get from where I am now.

Every day I wish things would get better, and every single day they do. For all of my complaining, mine is a stable life with few complications, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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Thursday, March 30, 2006

Happy Triads Day

Five years of OB for Sara, Nerdsy and me.

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Sunday, August 7, 2005

Write Your Own Ending

So Saturday, July 23rd was my last day at the Disneyland Resort. I'm going to miss everyone terribly, but the realization that I had spent two years in basically the same place frightened me. Of course, I've been at Chaffey College for two years, but unfortunately my education is enforced rather than elective (like Disney has been for so long. I can easily be making the same money doing something much closer to home.)

This departure could be misinterpretred as FUCKING UP MY OWN LIFE, and although it keeps me up late at night I truly believe it's the right decision. One day I'll sit by the fireplace in my modest townhome; a drink in one hand and a handsome male companion in the other, and discuss the end of my Disney days with a smile on my face. It is the first step towards something new: new places, new work, new focus and most likely, new friends.

I really have no problems working in an entry-level position for the rest of my life, but the economy is structured in such a way that it's impossible to do so and live a comfortable life. I'm 20 years old and what do I have to show for it? A tiny number of completed units from my community college, an even more pathetic number in my savings account, and a laptop computer filled with incomplete writings.

"No, but I'm a writer," I say it as if my hobby were an excuse for the lack of direction my life has taken.

They (Spanish Inquisitors in the guise of family and friends) smile politely, and quickly change the subject. For this I'm grateful, because the follow-up questions are even more painful to deal with. For then I would have to try and explain my projects, opening them up to ridicule and criticism.

The problem now is that we're in an information age where everyone writes and everyone is a critic. Why couldn't my interest be in something more cultish, or at least somewhere I had more confidence in my own abilities.

Thanks to Andrea, it appears this Fall I'll be working for Dark Horse Comics in some capacity. It's certainly a step in the right direction towards what I think I want to do with my life, but the length of the commute to and from Los Angeles is going to kill me. This pretty much takes two days out of my weekly schedule, and with two more of those days devoted to classes it's going to be insanely difficult to find a 'real job.'

More and more of my closest friends have what I can only describe as a 'real job,' the company they're working for now could very likely the one they'll work for when they die. Most importantly, they're making enough money to move out on their own. I'm not really jealous of being pegged into a line of work so early in my life, but that level of security and independence is what I despise them for.

And as for me? It appears that for another year, if not longer, I'm stuck at home.
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Unstable Molecules... In My Pants: Part One

Widely regarded as the first family of comic book superheroes, the Fantastic Four carry a legacy which is just as, if not more, important than any stories they have ever been featured in. Created by the legendary team of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, the Fantastic Four are different than their superhero peers in a variety of ways. In fact, merely classifying the Fantastic Four as ‘superheroes’ is somewhat of a misnomer. Although they fit the basic classifications of being superheroes (they have superpowers and are heroes) the title itself is not nearly descriptive enough.

Whereas the X-Men can be viewed as a social movement, or the Avengers as a global peacekeeping force, the Fantastic Four have always managed to walk a fine line between being the prototypical nuclear family, superstar celebrities and the planet Earth’s leading explorers into scientific regions of the unknown. Family, celebrities, and explorers: they have transcended the roles of superheroes, becoming something much more significant in the process.

The Justice League of America would never been seen sitting around the table to enjoy a meal together, but with the Fantastic Four it’s commonplace, it happens every night. When one is given amazing cosmic powers, things such as crime and super villains become old hat very quickly. The really fantastic thing about the Fantastic Four is how the jet setting and considerably sexy life of a superhero seems almost mundane in comparison to many of the other adventures they’ve gone through -- first and foremost the trials and tribulations of raising a family.

One could cite their travels to alternate universes, but if one were to ask Reed and Sue about their greatest accomplishments (if they were real, duh) they’d likely respond with the names Franklin and Valeria: their two children. Between several changes in the team’s roster, and the deaths (and subsequent resurrections) of its members, the Fantastic Four have found a niche for themselves. Reed and Sue have the closest thing to domestic bliss one could ever hope to find in the pages of a comic book. If nothing else, the Four are fighting for a highly idealized version of the American dream, which seems perfectly fitting for a group whose origins can be directly linked to the great space race with Russia. It’s that strong family bond that America loves, so it comes as no surprise that in their respective universe the Fantastic Four are some of Earth’s most famous celebrities.

What makes many of Marvel’s heroes appealing to us, the reader, is that in many ways they are anti-heroes. However, this same reason is what makes the world around them so hostile to those characters. With the mutant movement slowly overcoming Homo Sapiens as the dominant species on Earth, the X-Men are and always will be far too controversial for the public to ever truly accept. A world without an Incredible Hulk is undoubtedly a safer one, and with J. Jonah Jameson’s crusade against Spider-Man, it’s easy to see why your average citizen of New York would fear the idea of a man with amazing spider-like powers roaming the streets.

Perhaps only for lack of better alternatives, the Fantastic Four are the darlings of the general public. First and foremost they are human beings, and gained their gifts by accident, while attempting to be of service to their country. Secondly, and most importantly, they have no secret identities -- the Fantastic Four have nothing to hide. So it’s no surprise that while even attempting to leave their Baxter Building headquarters for a trip to the grocery store, the team is swarmed by enough paparazzi and gossip columnists to annoy Brittany Spears or Queen Elizabeth.

This is only a small price to pay, as celebrity status gives Johnny Storm the fame and adoration he has always dreamed of, and offers Ben Grimm a level of public acceptance he could never find elsewhere given his physical appearance. Certainly it’s a distraction to have photographers at your doorstep every day, but the Four bask in the glow of camera flashes more often than they attempt to hide from them. More importantly, by selling action figures and other Fantastic Four merchandise to the world, they are providing a steady line of income for Reed’s experiments.

As stated earlier, the "secret identity" question is never raised with the Fantastic Four, even though in many other comic book titles it is a huge problem with severe consequences.

They are above the basic problems of a superhero, because like any situation the group faces, Reed has carefully thought through the alternatives and found a clear and logical solution. Superman takes action, and as such those actions are often not as well thought out as they should be. By definition, the Fantastic Four's actions are often the result of countless hours of planning or brainstorming by Mr. Richards. Why is this? Because in every battle he chooses to fight Reed is not just putting his life and the life of his super-team on the line, but those of his wife, his brother and his best friend. The stakes are higher, so there is no room for failure.

One should note that while Mr. Fantastic and company have been known to save the world from the occasional super villain, the team never goes out on ‘patrol,’ actively searching for evil to stop. Because the Four are strong proponents not being killed, they more often than not let the evil come to them. In their free time, the group tests Reed’s various experiments. Traveling to other dimensions and universes often causes a great deal of trouble for the group, but it’s all for the greater good and in the great spirit of exploration.

Rather, Reed Richards spends much of his free time perfecting experiments, inventing new technological wonders, or spending some quality time with his wife. These universe-shattering problems and situations are never the central focus of their lives. They are a beacon of hope, not because they are somehow distance themselves from more controversial struggles, but because they simply overcome them without hesitation. The group never falters, since they are not tied together by their superpowers or sense of duty, but unconditional love and respect for one another.

That’s really the key difference here. Without their powers or a sense of justice, the Four would still be living together. While Batman’s and Superman’s legacies seem to be bogged down in an endless string of ethical dilemmas, often the biggest problems facing the Four are those daily challenges suburban life confronts us with. It’s their greatest struggles that are our greatest struggles. We’re able to lose ourselves in Ben, Johnny Sue and Reed: we can relate them, even if we can’t turn invisible or spontaneously burst into flame.
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Ease on Down the Road...
This weekend marked the world premiere of ABC’s new original movie, “The Muppet Wizard of Oz.” To those who are not aware, this film is the first major Muppet project produced since they were purchased by the Walt Disney Company over a year ago. Since that time the Muppets have seen a revival of sorts, making various appearances on commercials, daytime television, and prime time variety specials. This is a major push to put Miss Piggy, Kermit and Crew back on the map, and remove the taint of being faded pop culture icons.

Is it working? I think so; since a fair number of my friends and family were, at the very least, aware of “The Muppet Wizard of Oz.” Three years ago NBC produced a Christmas-themed Muppet film, and it seemed as if I was the only one who knew it even existed. Of course awareness is only one step to reviving a franchise like the Muppets, since the quality of Muppet projects since Jim Henson’s death have been mediocre at best. If Disney is forcing new Muppet movies and television series onto the general public, they better damn well be of quality.

Sadly this is the area where “The Muppet Wizard of Oz” falls short. As a Muppet film, it is one of the weakest entries in the series and lacks the humor, heart, creativity and production values of anything that has preceded it. This is probably just the shattering of a childhood dream to me, but this was the first time I’ve ever looked at the characters like they were puppets. No, scratch that, the current puppeteers operating the Muppets simply aren’t very good at what they do anymore. Their movements are broad, vaudevillian, gestures and lack any of the humanity or subtlety of Jim Henson, Frank Oz or the originals. But perhaps the humor itself is too broad, and lends itself to such poor performances. Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith had some of the most talented actors of our time in one film, and their performances as a collective sucked various forms of ass due to issues with the script. The same might be the problem here, since this story itself seems to suffer from too many different ideas being forced together.

For months I had heard rumblings that this was going to be the most loyal translation of L. Frank Baum’s original story ever produced, and with the Jim Henson Company’s proud line of fantasy films, it seemed like a perfect match. Nobody but Jim Henson, or perhaps, Peter Jackson could pull off the dark undertones of Oz in a loyal and visually appealing way.

Sadly those reports were a complete lie, and this film walks a fine line between throwing out the original story all together, and trying not to get sued for ripping off certain elements of the classic MGM picture. Things like the Field Mice and the Kalidahs are just so cool, it’s a shame that this is the only way they will probably ever be presented to the general public. Being a fan of the original books, I still found myself struggling to make sense of what was going on. I can’t imagine anyone who hasn’t read the original book will find entertainment value in this movie.

As for the human aspect of the picture, I quite liked Ashanti as Dorothy Gale, since she added a different kind of dynamic that hasn’t been seen before in a lot of Muppet projects. No, it’s not just that she’s black, but she’s a strong female lead and really both of those things are severely lacking. She has a real star quality about her, but never comes across as being too big for the room. One should never try to upstage the Muppets (and that’s a strong word of warning to Mr. Quentin Tarantino, who cameos in this.)

The music is sufficiently peppy and upbeat, but there aren’t any breakaway hits like “The Rainbow Connection” to note. Why people insist the Muppets themselves always sing and dance is beyond me; with the type of star talent they manage to attract I think that screen time could be better devoted to the guests than stuff like Miss Piggy’s “The Witch is Back.”

My strongest complaints about the film come from its direction and visual style. The Jim Henson Workshop contains some of the most talented artists on the face of the Earth, and yet this thing just looked terrible. I remember a decade ago watching Mr. Henson explain the magic of blue screen technology on his “Storyteller“ series. Had he known it would someday be used to place his babies on a poorly rendered backdrop of Oz, I’m pretty sure he would have just destroyed the devices right then and there.

I think part of the appeal of the Muppets is that no matter how ridiculous the characters themselves are, they are just as human as you or I. They have dreams, aspirations, flaws… they even fall in love. When placed on the streets of Manhattan, or working in a crappy fast food restaurant they don’t seem all that out of place, because real life is just as absurd as what happens down in “Fraggle Rock.” That humanity and that warmth is lost in “The Muppet Wizard of Oz,” as it’s such a poorly constructed and jumbled story to begin with. By attempting to poke fun at itself, the suspension of disbelief in the film is completely lost and so is much of the emotional depth that may have been there. “The Muppet Show” got away with winking and nudging at the audience every so often because the series itself took place on a stage. It was a show within a show, and much of the humor was drawn with a seemingly dull theater getting turned upside down by cannons, chickens, or any number of catastrophes that happened during the program. Breaking down the fourth wall is always risky, and you can’t get away with that kind of self-aware humor in a hideous blue screen fantasy world.

This entire project feels counterproductive, as so little is fresh or innovative. Where the Muppets were always experimenting and pushing the limits of humor and technology, this feels like a terrible cop-out. the Muppets interacting so heavily with CGI is the only thing worth noting, but that in and of itself is nothing new to audiences. Thousands have been watching the same thing for years at Disney World and Disney’s California Adventure on "Muppetvision 3D." Even Waldo, the most heartless and annoying of all Jim Henson creations, seems pleasant in comparison to the stuff seen in this latest ABC movie.

In closing, I hate this film with all my heart. If you have any positive feelings towards the Muppets, do them a favor and pass up on “The Muppet Wizard of Oz.”

Nerd? You better damn well believe it...
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Friday, April 29, 2005

I hate Wonder Woman

Why? She has inherent flaws in her origins and her mission in comparison to those of Batman and Superman.

Batman represents passion, and vengance. He is true determination, willingness to overcome the odds through acquired skill and ability. Superman is the opposite end of the spectrum. He is power, he is truth. He represents the power man has been given over his world, and his self-imposed duty to protect it.

Both of their missions are self-imposed. Arguably they fight the same fight, but in the grand scheme of things one is a vigilante and the other is fighting for an ideal more than a specific law. There is a divergence there between man's desire to pursue his own interests and man's responsibility to pursue the greater good. And where is Wonder Woman in this? She is the third member of DC Comics's "holy trinity."

Diana, Wonder Woman, was formed of clay by her mother and blessed with life by the gods. Her skills were gained through training and conditioning, imposed by the harsh rule of her Amazon society. All in the goal of serving the gods.

Her supernatural abilities and magical tools, the lasso and the gauntlets, were gifts from the gods themselves to better help her complete her mission. And what is Wonder Woman's mission? She acts as ambassador between the god's will, and "Man's World." Diana is a divine agent, whereas both Superman and Batman are serving purely human desires. And this, in and of itself, seperates her from nearly every other comic book superhero.

Wonder Woman sexist? No way!

More importantly, her reliance on the gods for her abilities and her mission plays into the belief that women are inferior to man. Batman and Superman's abilities are inherent, or earned. Wonder Woman, the female, is given her powers. As such, Wonder Woman as a character is flawed on the most basic levels.

Her roots tie into the pagan gods, and an even more archaic view of women.
This is old world-style thinking and directly contrasting with your other male heroes. Spider-Man is driven by conciense and guilt, Superman driven by responsibility, and Batman by vengance.

Wonder Woman's most direct analogue is Captain America, whose sense of duty to an outdated belief system is similar to her own. But Captain America's origin is tied very specifically to World War 2. He stands as a tribute to that era, containing all of the positive qualities we associate with it and none of the obvious problems society faced during that time. Wonder Woman is in no way a tribute to the belief system she attempts to spread. Although she may be idealized, the blatant sexism and warlike nature of the Greek era shine through in her.

For these reasons and more, she fails as a positive role model. The strongest and most iconic of female heroines is arguably the worst of them all.

I hate Wonder Woman.
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Happy John Wilkes Booth Day!

John Wilkes Booth died today. Well... not today but on this date in 1865.

I remember when I visited Ford's Theater in Washington D.C., I was surprised by how small the darn thing is. It's not a very large building in the slightest, and seems completely out of place with the shoe stores and fast food restuarants that have popped up around it in the past few decades. I imagine this is what visiting Greece or Rome must be like. Dozens of buildings filled with history and importance scattered about randomly in a sea of low-rent housing and business districts. My fondest memories of the place, however, involve the carton of gummy bears I purchased for the trip. They tasted so good, and I think I ate like seven packs in Ford's Theater alone. Mm.

Yeah, I appreciate history, but at the same time I appreciate gummy bears a lot more.

I force myself out of bed this morning, hoping to get to class on time. My public speaking course is the only one which seems to care about my attendance (or lack thereof,) and if I’m absent one more time the instructor threatens to drop me. I’d rather not have to take this awful class a second time, and as such I’ve been unusually motivated to show up on time.

Anyway, I throw on some clothes quickly (without showering, which is quite a big deal for me) and rush out to my car. Class starts in 20 minutes, and upon entering the freeway I realize that I’m missing my wallet and my driver’s license. “Oh well,” I think to myself, “As long as nothing happens I’ll be fine.”

Damn right nothing happened, class didn’t even happen. Apparently it’s some sort of artificial school holiday, which means I could have slept in for once. Too bad. Worse yet, I had no less than four offers to socialize last night with friends. I ended up turning down each and every one of them to go home and finish working on a paper which I thought was due today.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I turned them down in hopes that a new gentlemen friend and I would get to hang out, but then he never returned my phone call. People are so stupid like that sometimes.
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Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Just Let Go

I missed my History class again today. Somehow my grade is higher in there than in the classes I actually feel obligated to appear in… go figure. I’m wondering if History is what I should be doing with my education; perhaps I could get a major in History and a minor in Creative Writing, or Film, or something equally passionate and hopeless and beautiful.

Structure. My sentences used to have structure, they used to have flair. Somehow I feel like my writing has become stale in the past few years, or maybe I’ve just lost interest in writing altogether. I have plenty of ideas for things, but it is so rare that I write them out. No matter what it is, I feel like my writing is a square peg trying to be forced into a round hole. There has to be an avenue I’ve yet to explore, something that can hold my interest longer than a few pages -- something that is truly and distinctly me. Journalism is a part of me, comics are a part of me, short stories are too… but what is lacking?

I hand you a story or a comic or a drawing, you smile politely and skim through the first few pages. I’m looking for genuine feedback. So I make creative friends. Some are writers, some are artists, some are dreamers. It doesn’t matter, the need to create is a genuinely unique thing, and it seems there are only a handful of people that understand it. It’s not a good day unless I can create something -- a drawing, an idea, a story, and the pressure to create something worthwhile seems to bog down my thought processes. Others don’t have this problem. They create and create and are so prolific and amazing that when I see their work I want to cry. They are inspired, they are inspirations. Where is my Muse?

I’m becoming the person they want me to be. The person they need. The protector and the lover and brother all rolled into one. Is it relief I’m feeling that my struggle is moving to the next step, or sadness? Can I hide in the security I’ve created for myself? Is it best to start all over? Will I ever know what I want if I keep standing still. I want to go, and I want you go to with me. Take me there! I can never hope to get there by myself.

My peers will move mountains and make their mark on the world, why won’t I? I have the ideas, but where are my dreams and where is my passion? A man without aspirations is a lost soul. I’m looking to find someone, I’m looking for someone to find me.

Where is my heart? I’m still looking, I suppose. I fall in love and it makes me sick. The only feelings I have, the only real feelings I’ve had in ages are about this one person. One failed relationship to the next, how can this be any different? It's different because it's you. It's not love, it's not strong enough to be love. I don't get to feel anything that strong. I may never feel anything that strong again. I try to cry, but can’t. There’s no release for me, only a soft and slow fade back to nothingness. I’m sad when it’s over, not because they’re gone but because the feelings are. Were those my chances at happiness? Will I ever feel that much again?

Why can’t I feel the same way about myself as I do about you? I sit in awe of your achievements and of your talent. I could ramble on for days about your beauty or your loyalty or your heart. I smile, and say how amazing you are. You look back, nod, and keep walking. Maybe one day you’ll feel what everyone else is feeling.
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Whatsername
So I work 35 hours a week every week for two years and what have I got to show for it? 20 dollars in my savings account. Honestly, I don't like how my finances are turning out at all. Why the Hell can't I keep anything in order?
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Wallaby of the West

So I'm not dead. Far from it, actually. I'm keeping active at work and at school and spending many, many hours trying to work through the various social problems I seem to be having lately. Really, it's an interesting time to be alive, although I feel like I'm neglecting you guys by not being online much. Ironically, most of you guys aren't online much, either, so it isn't too big a deal.

I bought a new sketchbook, go me. I plan on doing a "sketch a day" blog of some sort, in addition to another project. I'm sure I'll be posting on the OB quite a bit in the coming days, with us launching a new Otaku Event and stuff. Beyond that, who knows?

'hero' is dead. Thanks a lot, Zidargh. Do me a favor in my bitterness campaign and kick him the next time you see the guy. My sincerest apologies to those of you who don't suck, and have stuck with the project. I'll see if we can't do something special with what we did finish.

'Vignette' is alive in some capacity, although we're waiting on Lore to post. Hopefully she does it soon, since I know for a fact she has completed the post.

'Kill Adam' is winding down, I'm told, which seems a bit premature to me. I don't know how involved my character will be in the final few posts, so it's entirely possible I'm done with the RPG as a whole. What an exciting ride, huh?

I owe 'Rebel Scum' and 'Beatlemania' posts, and in my massive effort to make them not suck it's taking me a while to get them out. At least one will rock, though. We'll see which one that is, though.

Expect an announcement from Adam regarding me in the coming days. I'm taking a more active role on the main site, or at least, trying to. Between RPGs and school and this thing coming up the rest of my writing is suffering tremendously. It's all a cycle, though, so given enough time I'll be able to write something awesome again.

You guys rock. Talk to me on AIM when you see me.

-Shy
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