Sunday, February 6, 2005

Alicia Masters
Solo got the last reference correctly. “Mombi” is indeed a character from the 1980’s fantasy epic “Return to Oz.” Although it is a good deal darker than the source material, it is one of the most faithful adaptations of a book I have ever seen. It combined Ozma of Oz and The Land of Oz in a really clever way without making the two stories feel unnatural. Go check out those books if you ever get a chance, they’re a fantastic read.

On an unrelated note, I’m looking to purchase the latest CD from a band known as Degrees.K. The problem is that this band is located in New Zealand and as far as I know I can’t purchase their album in the states (or from any online stores I’ve come across.) The CD is titled “Children of the Night Sky.” If any of you in that corner of the globe could assist me in getting me a hold of that in some form I’d be really grateful.

Current High Scores
JC Baggee: 9 Points
Arcadia: 5 Points
Shinmaru: 4 Points
Mimmi: 3 Points
Arcadia, Semjaza Azazel, Solo Tremaine, Anatema, Sara, Queen Asuka: 2 Points
Ben, Nerdsy, Lea2385, James: 1 Point

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I remember how often Ryan would talk about his ex-boyfriends in front of me, remembering places they had been and things they had done. He would always have a combination of nostalgia and regret in his voice, making me wonder if it wasn’t the relationship himself he was regretting but the fact that it had ended. Maybe I just have that effect on people, I honestly don’t know. It’s natural for people to compare friends (or boyfriends, or whatnot) to one another. As much as I want to know about their past and their experiences in life, I don’t want to feel like I’m competing with someone they don’t even talk to anymore.

Once I had a nice conversation with AzureWolf about Final Fantasy X, and as silly as it may seem I was comparing parts of that game to my own life. Yuna fell in love with a dream in the most literal of senses. Tidus didn’t really exist, and her feelings were terribly misplaced. If you play the second game you see what a drastic effect this has on her personality, and you never get the sense that she’s going to get over the man she fell in love with. Her hopes and her ambitions were shattered. She was born the Summoner, and her destiny was always imposed upon her.

Even to her closest friends and guardians Yuna was more of a mission than an ideal. With her love she began to get an idea of who she truly was inside; her mission to destroy Sin wasn’t nearly as important to Tidus as the woman. Nobody ever had, and ever will care about her in that same way again. So is it out of character for Yuna to become a sphere hunter, and take part in such a radical adventure as FFX-2 was? Of course it is. That game is about reinvention, it’s about picking up the pieces of your heart and trying to start over. Tidus changed all of their lives for the better, but Yuna was the one he was supposed to spend his life with - Yuna was the one he left behind.

We all do this in some way, reinvention. Whether it be moving to a new town or getting a new haircut or anything. It’s a disguise of sorts. People are always growing and changing, but by speeding up the process a bit maybe we can avoid the pain altogether. I went to work in Orange County after high school, hoping to get as far away from those problems and people as I possibly could. It was my hope that I’d grow in this new environment, make new friends and perhaps even learn to love again.

It worked. Still, even years later there are constant reminders of the pain I went through. It doesn’t bother me as much anymore, but it would be a lie to say that it isn’t there. I’m just not very open about it, I guess. My opinion is that the deepest and darkest of feelings should stay hidden, mostly as a courtesy to the people I care about. I know I can rely on them if I need to, but I’m a much stronger person than I was in the past and there are few things these days that I can’t deal with by myself.

I guess the funny thing about this entire situation is how unexpected it was. I mean, the cliché is that you’ll find someone special for you as soon as you stop looking. Somehow this came to pass; after Brandon I was pretty much tired of dealing with boys in general, and for a brief period had even entertained the notion of giving them up altogether. Really, when you get your heart broken so many times it’s hard to jump back into the game with a smile on my face.

So after a few weeks of mourning what happens? I find somebody who I’m quite fond of, and who appears to be quite fond of me. It’s an odd sort of dynamic we have. We’ve only known one another for a few weeks, but somehow it feels like so much more. Our personalities mix in the just the right way, and if things were even slightly different we’d probably end up hating one another because of how similar we are.

He’s reluctant to start putting labels on things, and as of right now I can’t deny that it’s a good thing. The one thing I’ve been able to avoid in all of my trials is a true, significant label in a relationship, and on some level it feels like a kiss of death. Names seem so confining at times. A good part of that is my love/hate of committed relationships. Aside from my Grandparents (on my Dad’s side) there hasn’t really been one truly successful pairing in my family. The family tree is littered with divorces, remarriages, step-children, half-cousins and all forms of domestic chaos.

If I were to ever find that right person, I’d be hesitant to call them a ‘boyfriend’ or a ‘partner.’ Somewhere deep inside I truly believe that I’m doomed to a string of failed relationships - by moving onto a certain level of comfort with a person, the entire pairing is put in jeopardy. I don’t want that right now, and so the lack of a label will hopefully remain for a good, long time.
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