Friday, April 14, 2006

About Me

I'm known as Shy on the boards, but everyone in the human world calls me 'Josh.' This isn't to say my online friends don't call me 'Josh,' too, but as a general rule I'd like my online friends to call me by my online name and my real-life friends to call me by my real-life name. At one point I was known as 'ShyGuy' online, and before that I was 'Shyguy511.' Over time my names become simpler and simpler, leading me to believe that in another five years I shall be known solely as 'S.' Sadly, I imagine I'll still be here in five years to prove this theory true.

Much like my user names, I've been through quite a few changes in my life since joining this place (of course, any person who can go five years without any significant changes in their life isn't really living, now are they?)

First and foremost, I'm a nerd the likes of which rarely see the light of day. I know a lot about Comic Books, and I know a tremendous amount about Animation. Beyond that, my obsessions are fairly diverse: including Journalism, Public Radio, Useless Trivia, and Disneyland. I often worry that I devote too much of my time to pursuing these interests, but I'm fairly certain that these will lead me to a life far more exciting than the straight-and-narrow course would provide.

I rarely say much, and this gives the impression that I'm a deep, thoughtful person. Online I think this is especially true, and I think most members here have a much higher opinion of me than they would if I posted more frequently. Despite my inactivity, I have built a great circle of friends around me and I'm only sorry that I don't speak to them more often.

Although I am at the ripe old age of 20 and I still live with my family. Many of my Disney friends still live at home, but everyone I still talk to from high school has moved onto bigger and better things. It is my goal to have a bigger and better thing of my own to move onto, but it's my indeciviceness and lack of initiative that hold me back. Publishing is an industry I have found myself drawn to repeatedly, and my writing is what I hope to make a living off of someday.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was when I came out to one of my best friends in high school, and he wished I would go to hell. This cemented me in a sheltered emtoional state that I have been hiding in for years, afraid to give anyone the opportunity to ever really hurt me. I am trying very hard to correct this, as it is driving a rift between me and my current boyfriend of 8 months.

Even with my own minor personal demons, I have made some incredible, life-changing friendships along the way. Many of them were as a result of my online activity, while most came from my two-year vacation working at the Disneyland Resort in Southern California. I consider my time there to be the best in my life so far, but it was neccessary for me to find a new road to travel and move on.

My two siblings (one younger brother, and one younger sister) are nearing the age where they have begun thinking about their lives in the long-term, and although I'm much older than my sister I know I'm going to be the last child in my family to be deemed a 'success' by my parents. Through hard times and good ones they have both been incredibly supportive of me, but my quiet nature leaves me feeling disconnected from them, and everyone else I care about. I'm very uncertain of what my siblings really think of me, and while this isn't a huge concern for me right now, it's outside opinions like these that have come to indirectly shape my own perception of myself.

I find that most cynics have high hopes for the world around them, but are disappointed by the results. I consider myself to be one of those people, and this disappointment follows me everywhere I go. This goes for just about everything out there, but most especially myself, my achievements, and the lack thereof. Given recent events I have refocused myself on becoming a much more sypathetic, compassionate person. It was only last week when my own indifference ended up in the loss of not one, but two very close friendships. This makes for one more shortcoming to haunt me, but it is also one more to motivate me to do right.

What also motivates me if my dissastisfaction with my current college and workplace. Six days a week I serve at the Macaroni Grill, despising every minute of it. While the pay is good, the atmosphere and clientelle leave a lot to be desired. Since I started there a few months ago my only goal has been to find long-term employment that I financially support myself with. I would like nothing more than to move away from Southern California, preferably to a large East Coast city such as New York or Washington D.C. If there is one word that would describe me after a life of California it would be 'jaded,' and I demand more from life than I can get from where I am now.

Every day I wish things would get better, and every single day they do. For all of my complaining, mine is a stable life with few complications, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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