Saturday, November 5, 2005

   Good day to all and to all some chocolate yummy muchies thingies!
Yeah. . I ate my halloween candy. . too much. . **gag**

I LOOVE CHOCOLATEE!! **eyes get big** But me eating it=really horribly funny behaviors (and some easy laughs for whomever is near)

Agh, I'm so frusterated with myself. I can never say what I mean to, and when I try it comes out sounding liek something esle, like right now! One of these days, I'm just going to sign myself up for one of those scientific research things where people volunteer to have their brains studied, they might have some fun with mine. ^__^

so so! I notice that when I whine about how dead my site is in a post, more people visit, isn't that odd?

here goes:

OH MY GOD MY SITE IS SOOO DEAD AND BORING NOW I FEEL SO UNLOVED AND REJECTED BY ALL OF WHOM I HELD DEAR. .

**dramatic violin in the backround**

haha, was that good, hmm?

Not too much to say today, cept this week was probably one of the worst I've had to deal with all yearm but it's Firday, and I made it through, yet again. **happy grin smiley**

I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN!!

But that's not to say I'm still not upset. Someone told me once that people seemed cheerier the closer to the edge they are, isn't that funny? Well, I think there's a lot of sense in it, you know?

Well, whatever, but I must know, have any of you ever ridden a llama before?! I must knoww. . *mumbles incoherently**

llamas llamas llamas..

My spanish teacher is COMPLETLY obsessed with them, haha.

Okay, I'm being boring, i have things to do in this empty night yet, **looks at mound of homework**

eheh. .
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Sunday, October 30, 2005

TIS POETRY TIME AGAIN!!!
yay, I have another poem to present! **feels releived that she finally wrote it and it's not drifting in her head anymore**

Well, it's pretty easy to figure this one out, so here you go!
____________________________________________________________________

SOMEONE LIKE ME

I’m shrouded in darkness
Fighting to keep my head
Above the deep waters that surround me
I’m drifting in an endless sea

The dark water’s cold
I see no land
No anchor and no path
The tide is pulling me

At times it feels I’ll drown,
All alone
But for a tiny flame that flickers
And burns beneath my breast

The only lantern that lights my way
Is that in hopes someday
I’ll find someone like me
Who’s drifting in an endless sea
Someone just as lost as me
____________________________________________________________________

yay! lemme know what you think, please! ^___^ and enjoy your weekend.
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Saturday, October 29, 2005

   My horribly random and diverse life, updated for no reason.
**looks around site with cobwebs growing on it**

I think my site went out with a limp and died. Ah well. YOu know, these are always the times when you learn who your real friends are, and at the moment, I don't seem to have any. -_-

I'm only half serious here..

Well, who cares, right? I don't mind my own company, I've just been sitting here drawing all night so far. **Smiles** And I feel like I could put some music on and write some sort of poem right now and have it turn out good. I'll let it simmer for a bit, lol, so sense in rushing on a friday night.

Okay, news corner time! gymnastics season. .is . . over. . **faints** I MADE IT THROUGH ALIVE AGAIN!!!!! I didn't think I would this year. **nods**

And also, halloween is on monday. . yaaay. . not like I have any plans, too busy. XD
Well, the leaves are just finishing here, still lots of pretty colors but fading fast, too bad I didn't get to see much of it this year.

OMIGOD THERES A BUG ON THE SCREEN!!! **screams like a banshee and drives sledgehammer into computer**

okay not really, but I did swat it, yes I did!

Yeah, I'm tired, and running off what I call random juice, like, it's basically nothing. wheeeeeeeeee...cookies brownies cake and mustard. .

oh I hate mustard tho.. hmmm hummm. **ponders the life cycle of the average mustard bottle**

Okay, I'll go away now, no point in writing a long post to have it sit there unread. On with the depressing music, drawings, and poetry!

woo!
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Friday, October 21, 2005

Silence has issues 101~A LOOONG whiney post.
yep, that's me. I think I win the award for internal demons, hah. So here I am, you all knew I was going to get sad again. And what better way to feel better than to put a long depressing post on myO?! (I'm sorry people, I don't get any other chances to complain!)

But this time it's totally not my fault! Our last two meets, the ULTRA big ones, Varsity League and Regionals are here. Varsity League is tomorrow, I'm competing.

**sighs**

Unfortuanatly I had to go and like, break my big toe or something yesterday at practice. Of course being the buttmunch I am, not like I told my coach or anything, I just kept doing everything.. So come practice today, Coach says, time for vault! (inner screams of torment from me)

Well that didn't go too well. I'm lucky I didn't break my ankle. -_- But of course I'm still doing it tomorrow! **cheering for the die hards of the world**

WHHEEE!! GO DIE HARDS!!! GO DIE HARD!!!!!!!!

less than a week left, I think I can handle it. **mean angry faces**

But you know, it's funny how people seem to pull away from me when I need them most, isn't it?
Maybe if I didn't always lie and say I was fine it'd be different, but who needs a crybaby who just whines about their life anyway? (well, that's kinda what I'm doing right now.)

But, there's no room for the weak in this world anymore...It's stand up or you'll get stepped on.

Well not if you really have someone to lean on. (unfortuanatly, I'm usually the pillar)
It's like, I get mad and upset too!! I'm not perfect, and I can't ALWAYS hold people up!!
Who's shoulder am I supposed to cry on anyways? Well, I do have 2 really good friends, so okay, thanks guys. ^__^

Sorry, I'm so whiney today! Honest. Be grateful, I could have told you all about the REST of my week too. ^__^

haha .. hah. .hahaa. .

Okay, on to the only good news I have to report! I can now officially pick my nose with tongue!

Okay just kidding.

Good news = I'm finally posting my drawing.

so I'll smile! **smiles** there, see . .?

Have a good weekend, everybody, and lets hope I don't totally die. XDD
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Monday, October 17, 2005

Hey there do you live in a zoo?
I don't. I'd hope it was the same for you. ^__^

Bah! -_0 Enough silliness!

Okay, soo so, great news, great news!! I finished the drawing I've been working on for the past week and a half, and I must say, the effort really paid off, it must be my best one yet! I really tried to grow up my stype, and I'm happy with the results. ^__^ I havn't put it up yet, but when I do I hope you will all go see!!!

YOU ARE MY SLAVE YOU MUST BEND TO MY EVERY WILL!!! now feed me cheeze its.

please. . ?

just kidding!

I should be doing all my homework, but I'm not!!! **dances** I'm not gonna make it till winter break with this attitude.

but who cares? so long as I got meh sketchpad. **huggles book**

Okay..I've been tons happier lately, no idea why, but I'm not complaining, being sad all the time is HARD! I'm done. Being cheery is so much easier!

**bangs head on wall**

one banana two banana three banana four!

Okay, so I'm more insane when I'm cheery, but whatever. Time for some news!! I found out that my CD order from yesasia.com that I thought I was going to have to wait a month and a half for shipped today! I'll get it by the end of this week, I'm so thrilled!!

Has anyone else heard of Chihiro Onitsuka? (those two of you who know who you are and already know who she is don't count!) **coughmaddieclairecough**

Anyways, she's my favorite Jpop singer. . EVER!!! WHEE!!

you see, I'm in love with passion itself, I don't care how people express it, but I'm so terribly drawn to people who have passion, I can't help it. ^__^ And she's just loaded with emotion in her songs.

But of course, if you had a passion for. . ax murdering of something like that, it wouldn't count. o.0 Yikes.

If that's your case, get help, man.

tee hee, have a good daY!!
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Sunday, October 16, 2005

TIME FOR AN UPDATE!!!! BWA HA!! **lights the house on fire**
omg, you guys better be happy for me. I'm actually not going to write a maniac depressive post today!!!

**somewhere in Africa an elephant farts**

oh my. .

SOO SOOOS SOOOOO!! I'M HAPPEEE!!!!

Know why?!?! you don't, do you? weeeel, I'll tell you! I'm getting married!

yep! ^__^

no.

Just kidding.

I don't know why I'm happy. Well, I did really well at our last meet, but that was a few days ago..

But I REALLY love my drawing!! **huggles drawing**

And and, it's wildlife in the house encounter day for me. First snakes, now Tarantulas, man, I tohught the damn thing was fake until it moved on me. -_- Good thing I'm a natural Steve Irwin and not a girly girl, huh? (shoulda seen my mom tho, that face woulda sold greeting cards)

yeah, so I set it free, I was like, be free! my brother!

just kidding. . again. .

but I did set it free! **nod nod**

It was a very emotional moment.

**the elephant farts again**

@#$%!!!! I CAN HEAR IT ALL THE WAY FROM HERE!! TAKE SOME BEAN-O YOU STUPID BEAST!!!!

ahem. moving on, now. (I'm a little wired)

I have a lot of homework, but what else is new, you guys are all in the same boat!

But really, I am, not so sad today, so smile for me Demon Dragon! yay! oh hey wait, you're in Australia! did you hear the elephant too?!?!

(maybe I'm just insane)

Okay, I'll go draw my pretty dream now, I'm sure some of you are already wishing the depressed version of me was back.

but have no fear! (come a week the cycle will start all over again) I am your loyal bipolar entertainer! **waves**


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Friday, October 14, 2005

Just a post, I suppose. (with some deeper ideas)
Okay, once again. . **yawns** I'm not really hyper or anything when I update. . sorry guys. . some of you probably prefer lighthearted things.

I say what's in my head, what else is there to do? ^__^

Soo soooo soo, I'm really tired, but I'm not gonna let that stop me from staying up ultra late tonight!! We don't have school tomorrow, hah!!!! But. . unfortunatly, JV League, the first of the 3 big meets is tomoorw, and it lasts all day. **yawns again** I don't really feel like it. . waaah. . (so much for sleeping in)

But I won't let it stop me from doing what I want tonight!! And what I want to do is draw. I've decided to attempt to mature and round off my style quite a bit, I think it's about time my drawings grew up, you see? So I've been working on this one for a few days so far, and I'm pleased. It still has the atmosphere of one of my drawings, but I made the face look a lot more realismish. I like it that way..

heh.

What else what else. . **thinks**

Okay, here's something. Do you ever think people know and totally (which means like 50 percent in my case) understand you? and then they just. .I dunno, say something that really shows that they don't?

It's bothering me today, I feel like I'm just by myself. Which is really not true, but that doesn't mean I can just shake off this feeling of despair.

Hmmm, but, I enjoy my solitude over company most of the time, so why should it bother me to feel so alone?

**ponders** maaan, I wish I had a beard to scratch when I pondered. . (that was totally random ,and quite false, sorry)

But no really!! Ask Redtigress or Nitikia, I REALLY DO like to spend most of my time alone. . SO WHY AM I SO BOTHERED!?!?!?!

**huffs**

eh, sorry! I'm finished now, I'll go get lost in my sketchpad, happy friday!
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Monday, October 10, 2005

Dang, this isn't going to be a pleasant post...
Okay, haha. So it's sunday night. hopefully won't be too busy tonight on myO..
BE WARNED! this post is bound to be long and depressing.

Man, I have issues! (for those reading, sorry, heh, I've not been in the best of moods.)

So the question remains, would you rather be ingnorant or enlightened?

Sometimes I don't know. When I know things, I get to thinking. . and me contemplating, well, it never ends well. Lol, call me suicidal and get it over with. **gasps**

so?!

I sit here, and I wonder where I'm going, I mean, what is there here for me? Everyone I know has something in this life to hold on to, everyone except me. Whether it be religion, love, some hobby, I don't know. But as always, I'm just here, it's like I'm floating (or falling, if you like) in this vast expanse, I have no anchors. So I asked myself, why am I still here anyways? Well, I don't know. See, I REALLY am not the kind of person to give up just because it's hard, I can't remember many instances in my life where I've quit. But is this really the same? I suppose it must be.

I don't know..
anything, anymore.

I suppose I'll just have to keep going, for whatever reason.

Have a good week everyone, Ignore me, I'm lost as it is. ^__^

**goes off to draw**

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Saturday, October 8, 2005

Just a poem for now.
Heeey, you guys remeber when I used to post poems of mine all the time on here? Well, I'm actually daring to put another one up, its a little short for one of mine. So anyways, I don't feel like telling you about my eventful week quite yet, chew on this for a bit. ^__^

----------------------------------------------------


Who keeps the darkness
Has laid a hand to silence me
If I’m not living,
Then am I dead?

A swan departed
There is no light to see
The ledge I stand on plunging
Towards my dark eternity

One engulfed in such a sea
And yet, my solitude,
My taunting destiny
Is taking hold of me.

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Saturday, October 1, 2005

**siniging** FREEEEEE AT LAAAASSTT!!!!
Well, for 2 days at least.

because it'sssssss. . .

FRIDAY FRIDAY HAPPEE HAPPE HAPPEE FRIDAY AND I CAN FRIDAY ALL DAY EVERYDAY HUMDAY WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

**chokes**

As a matter of fact, I'm really not that hyper, but I'm sure someone got a kick out of that so ah well. ^___^
So it's the weekend! Which means I get to visit and leave silly comments all over the palce for people to look at oddly, yay.

I feel like writing. . a poem. . hmmm. . I think I will, fall tends to spur on those kinds of thought in me. (it's a miracle I'm still here with the depressing stuff I turn out with sometimes)

**laughs** so anyways. . STAY UP REALLY LATE AND DO FUN STUFF, DOCTORS ORDERS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

(looks at self all alone in room on the computer)

awww maaaaann. . I needs a fwiend. .**sniffs**
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