Tuesday, January 16, 2007

a little annoyed
hey.okay so lately i've been somewhat annoyed with myself. there are a lot of reasons why. but mainly because i ask too many questions. for example on friday or thursday. i dont really remember the date. anyways i was in one of my somewhat breakdown moods. its basically when i just am so confused and lazy..and ugh its very complicated and barely anyone haha that is if anyone...gets it. anyways so when im in one of those moods i tend to question everything and everybody. it gets annoying and its a really bad habit and its just messing me up even more if thats even possible. so anyways im still somewhat in this sort of 'mood' or 'phase' or whatever you want to call it. its been slightly annoying because well i question too much and trust me...when i start its like never ending cylce that someone must break. mainly the person that i ask a question or just i dont know anyone that can help me. but im trying to get rid of this habit because like i said before i don't want to rely on people too much. but..ugh whatever point is this is annoying me and just completely messing me up and ugh..i don't know...im a very simple yet complicated person and you'll never figure me out. simply because i don't have myself figured out and even if i did i doubt anyone could figure me out anyways. ok so enough of my randomness and nonsense i still have homework to do and i just had to post this because it was bugging me and i didn't have enough time for a poem. so who ever even bothers to read and comment this or whatever then sorry for wasting your time. anyways have a great day. 'till next time.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, January 15, 2007

with confusion comes a lot of questions.
well as of late i've been very confused and just messed up. i ask myself a lot of questions because i try to find the answer out by myself. i try not to depend of people just because i know others have their own problems so why tell them mine? recently i've seem to become very stupid in school simply because i've lost my concentration and everything. i don't seem to care yet i do. its as if im on a horrible vacation in my own mind, yet the outter part of me just seems like well duh the regular old me. it seems as if im trying to reach something...but i don't know what that something is. i don't even really know why im posting this either. but whatever i gotta go back and finish my homework and do whatever else i have to do. so have a good day. 'till next time.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, January 14, 2007

just some poem i wrote one day...

Where Im Headed.

falling fast
going nowhere
what has become of me?
i dont care anymore
im all fucked up
my minds all messed
i dont even know anything anymore
i feel really stupid
and i dont know whats happening
my fear doesnt show
and neither do any of my emotions
all you'll see is happiness
but i've become such a good actress
that you won't tell when im really happy.
pretty soon you wont even know me
and neither will i.

just some poem i wrote one day. honestly tell me what you think of it. i dont care what you say about it. well anyways have a good day =) 'till next time


erasing and deleting are two different things
when you erase there's still traces of what was once there
when you delete its gone forever -- silentears
Comments (1) | Permalink

Saturday, January 13, 2007

my minds become so messed up....
wow...so i woke up @ 730am today and stayed up...its pretty amazing for someone who usually sleeps 'till like 12 or 1.but yeah. so i just remembered what happened last night and figured out that my mind has become so messed up and i honestly need to go back to being a little kid and start all over. mainly because over break or this week i have become the most stupidest teenager ever. last night my mind and everything was so fucked up i don't even know...maybe it was lack of sleep? w/e all i know is that i passed out on the couch and didnt want to get up so i stayed there all night. can you grow brain cells? cuz i really need some. yeah so im just listening to music and whatnot. if anyone even reads this then yaaay k well have a good day. 'till next time.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, January 12, 2007

despite everything thats going through my head i find the time to be happy.
hey =) well im in a really good mood right now. which is kind of amazing seeing as i have a ton of thoughts in my head as always. well i have a 3day weekend so yeah more staying up time =] uhmm lets see i dont really have plans for tonight or at all...i never do...dont ask im weird. uhmm i'll probably end up embarassing myself in this post somewhere or just making myself look more stupid or weird. but whatever. yup yup soo hmm wow this post is really pointless. usually the things i type are just to make people think so i should try to do that in this post. but then it'd be too long and its not like anyone really gives or anything so yeahh...well lets see...hmmm...today in school i've manged to make myself seem weirder..i think. and hmmm yeah so i'll go and stop wasting your time reading this pointless post. so 'till next time.
Currently Listening to: This Conversation Is Over - Alesana.
Current Mood: happy.
Currently Thinking: i hope no one ruins my mood..oh well..w/e
Current Poem: XP you'll never know cuz i usually don't tell anyone the dates i write my poems hahahah...yeahh...right..
so anyways that was more pointless. and does anyone have any plans? oh and does anyone have any good songs or bands/artists that they think i should listen to? yeahh riight i said i'd stop wasting your time earlier so thats what im gunna do now. so i have a great day everyone =)
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, January 11, 2007

untitles poems i made in study hall....

im at that point again.
the whole trusting issue point.
but this time im not alone.


was it all a lie we were telling ourselves?
maybe it was just all an illusion in our minds
where we ever really best friends?
did any of them really care?
was anyone really trying to save our friendship before it was destroyed?
maybe no one really cared
maybe it was just a friendship that was destroyed in the beginning
we all could've fixed it
thing is no one cared to really truly try.


k so like always tell me what you honestly think of my two lil poems. have a great day ^-^ 'till next time.

&&it was all just an illusion gone wrong -- silentears.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

complications.
hey everyone and anyone who decides to read this. how are you? me?..im fine.well lets see my life is the same as always. and here i go with my questioning again. see i have this friend that kinda talks about people but were supposed to be best friends and whatnot. but i dont know sometimes im so confused because like i dont know...im always thinking what if this is all pretend? and shes saying bad stuff about me? what if its just another lost friendship?...oh well i dont know i just started thinking about that. i just hate complications like this cuz i always confuse myself and stuff. anyways yeah im weird dont mind me. so i'll shut up and go and stop typing since...yeahh. so anyways thanks to anyone who reads and comments. and i hope you have a good day =) 'till next time.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, January 8, 2007

prove to me that you exist.
hey.ya okay so i know i dont get any comments but w/e. i'll just post for the hell of it and it gives me something to do besdies hwk.anyways...i want someone to prove to me that they exist. cuz how do you really know that you exist? is there any proof? is there any real evidence? and how do you know that your real and not just a figment of someones imagination? maybe we all are just living in some made up world where people are making us do what they want us to do and say what they want us to say. how do we know anything in the past really happened? maybe the evidence is fake. maybe this is just some made up world..an illusion that someone made for us to live in and then we go and think its all real. but how do we really know. yeah so uhm me and my friend were talking about this in school on friday in gym. but i deicied to post something else on friday instead. yeah okay anyways gotta go start my hwk and stop typing cuz im probably just wasting my time by typing something no one reads but w/e. so anyways to anyone who actually reads this have a great day ^-^ 'till next time.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, January 5, 2007

stuck between illusion and reality
have you ever notcied that when you want to escape you create an illusion just so you won't have to face reality? like lets say your having a really shitty week with a lot of problems...what do you do?most likey go on the computer or hang out with your friends right? and its all just to avoid these problems that you have. its like an illusion...when you go online you can basically be who you want to be or just be yourself. you don't have to talk to anyone and if your on aim or w/e you can just sign off and avoid everything. if your hanging out with your friends your problems dissapear since your having fun. so its like were always stuck between illusion and reality. you make what you want of whatever situation your in and you stick with it until someone proves you wrong or you start seeing things differently...but what if things just got more confusing?what do you do then?the same thing?or do you just let it haunt you until you break?

we live in an illusion
because reality is painful - silentears
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

two poems bout...well you'll see...
kay so the poems im posting might make you pity me..but don't. i don't like it when people feel sorry for me. but apparently everyone thinks i do..not you guys though...my 'friends' are the ones that think that. yeah just had to say that...cuz i don't like it when people feel sorry for me..anyways on with the poems and they don't have a title..

why is it that i get treated like garbage?
am i really that unwanted?
am i really that unworthy?
am i really that useless?
doesn't anyone see this
does anyone even care
probably not
but whatever
i'll deal
just like i always have
and then maybe one day
i'll actually get treated like a person
and not like the useless,worthless piece of shit that i am



they like me at first
i guess i was fun and exciting
after awhile though..
they get tired of me
and it seems as if they just stop caring about me
thing is..it makes me feel worse than i already do...
thing is..i won't tell them that
i'll keep these feelings to myself
and keep writing my poems and quotes
that are useless and pathetic
but to me...they help me remember
they help keep me sane
they just help keep me alive
and there the one thing...
that i got going for me
cuz everyone knows...
im just worthless and useless
its like im a mistake..


well like i said before tell me what you honestly think of my poems. i hope you all have a great day =) 'till next time.
Comments (0) | Permalink