Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Eeeeee... So.. I've been wary about posting this. I didn't want to yet I wanted to yet I didn't want to because it's all dramatical and utter crap. I'm sorry.. D: Don't kill me. I was thinking about teh movie and such and here ish the result. This is after Edo disappeared. Bare with me, okay? If there any mistakes, sorry, I haven't double-checked it or any thing. Feel free to point them out.

And Jazz is MY character. Kthx. And no, she is never depressed like this, so you shut up. =D !!

And the 'hole' I keep reffering to in the story is not a real one. Like.. it's where her heart used to be and stuff.. xD; I stole the idea from New Moon, because I really know how that feels.. x__x

Chapter One
What have I become?
My sweetest friend..
Every one I know
Goes away in the end..
-Trent Reznor, 'Hurt'

She frantically pulled at the clothes that were draped around her room, hiding the pictures of his smiling face in them. She shoved them into her trunk, along with a few other belongings,
and locked it. She tried to fight back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her as she swept the room, searching for any thing that she could have forgotten. But she failed miserably, she couldn’t keep them pent up.
With a soft sob, she slid to the floor and curled into a heaving pile of bone and clothes. Gut-wrenching sobs of pain, unbearable pain, filled the emptiness of the room. It hurt. It hurt so much to be here with out him, to know that he was gone and she would never know if she would see him again. A familiar ache began to spread through out her chest and soon it became to overwhelming.
She was gasping for air when Alphonse Elric found her. Gasping and sobbing, holding her ears tightly as she pressed her forehead against her knee’s. Alphonse bent low, his somber eyes flicking up and down her body. Searching for any sign that she was hurt. There was nothing physical, but he knew she was hurting deep down inside. It was an internal pain, something no one could fix.. no matter how hard they tried.
“Jazz..” he put a hand onto her arm and she jerked away, crying harder and curling tighter. Al never remembered her like this. In fact, he had no memories of her what so ever but he was assured that they were friends. And he hated seeing his friends so upset. Ever since Edward, his brother, had disappeared.. Jazz’s condition was becoming worse. She would search for a way to bring him back from the other side of the gate day in and day out but would turn up with nothing.
It was hard to watch.. Her happiness slowly ebbed away with each day she returned home with nothing. And then she would only smile, an empty smile, as Al would tell her they would find him. Both of their faith was fading, as much as they hated to admit it.
“Jazz.. you can’t leave.. not yet,” he whispered as he pushed the trunk under her bed. “We have to wait here.. he’ll come back here..” Al was careful not to say his name around her, it was hard to see that soft shell of smile leave her face when he did. She would become so.. empty.. and numb when he mentioned Ed. Even the pictures she had made her upset. But she would never put them away, to afraid she would forget what he looked like.
His voice was all ready fading from her mind, which made the hole in her chest grow bigger. Why was this so hard? Why.. why couldn’t Jazz just go back to the way her life used to be with out him? The answer was simple.. She couldn’t, he rescued her from her life. The day they first met, out on the bench when the nurse had dropped her off, changed her.
Now she was slowly receding back into that shell she used to be. The shell of a poor girl who only existed but did not live. It was hard to be with out him. He was the only person that ever made her truly happy. Being around him, feeling his warmth and compassion radiating off him slowly melted her cool exterior, exposing her real self. Her weak inner self. She liked that person.. the happy, bouncy, bubbly -all of the above- person that could make any one laugh.
But that Jazz had went away along with Ed, like he had stolen apart of her soul. Even Al could sense that, though he didn’t remember any thing about her. He could see that this wasn’t how she was. How she struggled with her emotions day in and day out. It had to be rough.
“Come on,” Al helped the girl up and wiped away her tears with a gloved hand, a melancholy smile painting over his face as she sat their listlessly. The fierce pain that bit around the edges of the hole in her chest slowly died down to a dull ache, something she could deal with. It hurt to look at Al.. he resembled him so much.. But, after a while, she had gotten used to it.
But, he would never replace him. No matter how hard he tried.
“Hugs for Jazz..” he grinned sheepishly and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him, her head hitting his shoulder as his protecting arms snaked their way around her waist.
“I have to go, Al..” she whispered softly, trying to keep her voice even. “I have to. I have to get away.. to some where.. we used to go..” she stared out the window, her cheek still on Al’s shoulder. Al nodded meekly, unsure if he should go with her or not. He couldn’t just leave her alone, he never did. He didn’t know what she could do.. to herself and others. He repressed a shudder at the thought.
“I’ll come with you then,” he stated softly.
“You don’t have to..” Jazz murmured and he pulled her away, his hands gripping her shoulders. He searched her eyes for a minute and the searing pain resurfaced as she gazed back, reminded to much of Edward. She looked away from him and that was the only reaction Al needed.
“I want to,” he stood up, holding out a hand to help her up. She took it, her petite hand looking suddenly child-like against his. He pulled her up and smiled wearily.
“Why don’t you take a nap, okay?” he suggested as he gently pushed her towards her bed. “When you sleep.. I’ll get train tickets for..”
“Any where,” she replied softly as she sat down on her bed, pulling the covers over her knee’s. Al nodded, trying to pull at memories that were never there. He had no idea where they would go, he couldn’t bring her back to Central.. He was to afraid Mustang might try to pull something. He started out of the room, shutting the door silently behind him. Jazz stared at the door, sinking down into her warm nest of covers, her mind buzzing. She sighed and stared at the wall through half-lidded eyes. She hated sleep, they brought dreams.. dreams of him. And that caused the hole in her chest to start aching again.
But, sleep was inevitable.. She squeezed her eyes shut, his face filling the darkness that spread against her lids. She curled herself into a ball and tried to fight against it. It had been so long since she had slept.. and the warmth of the bed was inviting. And after a few seconds, she was out like a light, squeezing her knee's to her chest.

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