Birthday • 1990-08-19 Gender •
Female Location • Member Since • 2007-01-13 Occupation • Real Name •
Personal
Achievements • written two books, one of which is hopefully being published early next year ~ finished studying NVQ Level 3 Beauty Therapy ~ Run 3 Businesses Anime Fan Since • November 05 Favorite Anime • ~ PHD (phantasy Degree) ~ Bleach ~ .hack//SIGN ~ .hack//Legend of the Twilight Bracelet ~ Love Hina ~ Final FantasyVampire Knight Death Note
Goals • businesses =) Hobbies • travelling learning languages writing art and walking Talents • walking.... writting, fashion, art
myOtaku.com: silver star rose
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
mood-full...*evil grin* song-meant to live-switchfoot
so it seems this ILF has actualy got a myO account.
so ILF, you managed to get some time of my post. little and menial ads it is.
what connection does Hoshi and Silver STAr Rose have now??? (everyay oneay eepkay ilentsay oray ieday!!!)
yes, moving extremly swiftly on NOW.
i forgot what i was actual no i didn't'
Ani Mae, you wanted a picture of this person A didn't you? well, justfor you i'm gonna ut it up ^.^
unfortuantly, it is in black and white...he has a nice tan and blondish brown hair...lord knows what colour his eyes are though.
no one kill me for puttnig it up. ie you emmah...
lmao
ok onto some randomosity.
*starts with a question* what's the randomist thing that's happened in your sleep this month?
well, for moi here, it envolves three blankits (as in, my quilt, the under blanket you get, and then a fleecey throw ontop whjich is square...) and somehow, IN my sleep cause i woke up confused, i managed to turn all THREE blankets upside down and then horizontal to me and i wonke up thinking wtf? cause, they were perfectly lined up.
then i proceeded to fall asleep againa nd woke up to a bang where i'd hit my head on the wall and an ornament had come off the shelf on hte otherside and had a bruise.
i'm seriously gonna record me sleeping one night. it could be amusing.
oh well.
emmah damn you!! you have actualy got me intersted in Elfen Lied onw, you now that don't you? and you do realise that if i come in ill on monday it's your fault because i don't like seeing people's heads randomly fly off because of an agry girl called lucy...*shakes fist*
yes, i am now into Elfen Lied becuase i bothered watching the AMV of it i put up the other day....lol
questions:
1)what colour hair do you have? (i'm not good with inspiration atm..)
2) do you write stories? if you do, what do you generally write about?
3) what music are you into?
4) hows your day been so far?
ok, well enough ramblings from me...gotta go meat laura in chapman court now...urgh chapman.
so i'll modit htis post with the ranomations that happen...lol
*hugs emmah*
emmah, i'm gonna hav to watch all the friggin bleach episodes that have hitsugaya in to get a screen shot of him stanindg, so ya nkow, ou don't have to draw him in his nuddy oant's JUST yet...*evil grin*
emmah-you'll like this one, slaty dog/pirates of the caribbean...
lmao:awesome song!!
modit 1??
i just rember htat i put art work up.
yes i forgot i did that.
shush now....
that last one is actualy my art coursework...i jsut decided to put it up for everyone to laugh at it XD
i have a glow stcik bracelet!! woot woot and double cool wiht knobs!! one of my mates (Tom S.) who used to go to my school before he abandoned us and went to college met us in town in a very unplanned manner meaning we were talking in a door way for about five mins before i remebered it's rude to linger in doorways so we ended up staning n the way on the path for about another five mins lmao
emmah- i am going to get that picture now.
once i've watched elfen lied that is.
damn you biatch!!!
hmm...town wasn't that interesting really. well it enver is. except the randomosit provided in the form of laura (Betteh.) lmao so we wondered up and down the highstreet window shopping (god i love loveITALY) and hten went to he library were they've lost a book TT.TT so i can't read knocked out by my nuga nugas until Monday like *tear*
and i found anoher book to buy (Lady Friday-Garth Nix) and i have jsut noticed how book orgasmic i am to day. i mean book obsessed..rofl
mood-hmm....still don't now...WAS angry at one point...ok GREY. *evil grin* song-Rise-Origa (ghost in the shell)
ok the song jsut ended so i' actualy listening to `my love` by jsutin timberlake as i right this. oh well.
ewll, lunchtime was intersting. actualy, it was depressing at first. the rockers, who i usualy don't care about, decided that htey were gonna put some absolutely cheery DEATH METAL on. ok, since we need variety et cetera and componsate the fact hat there's a variety of peoples in the common room, one or two songs would be FINE. oh no. 20 minutes alter, we're STILL on deaht metal raze. well not craze cause me, emmah and laura rather wanted to commit suicide...laura did you want to?? *asks* ok she actualy didn't...she wanted to `ungh` apparently *gives her a both worried and confuzzled look*
after that, they proceeded onto britney spears, after high school musical..and then we had chikko time...so we all went high cause...that music's sh*t to put it basicaly, but it's so sh*t it's awesome and we were jigging around like marionettes (love that word ^.^)
butt hen it went back to crazed up slit my wrists death matel so we all evacuated to hte toilets. yes the toilets. htat is practicaly hte place the three of us spend our time. if not in the common room, check the loos, if nt htere, check the library, if not there, check hte common room, if not there, we're skiving XD
hmm..well, i hanv't technicaly seen person A today.
that is, not in preson.
well, i did see him, and as usualy, i didn't want to see him. he was driving.. yes, IN HIS CAR AGAIN! towards town. well, for once i took a wander home for fresh air rather than to the ford cause i needed to change my shoes. and bloody Sod has it in for me cause i saw hm driving towards me. and i was wearing a yellow scarf (1. he wsa wearing a yellow jumper 2. i was wearing a black scarf but absent mindly without thinking, changed it for yellow when i was at home because i felt like something bright and cheery)
so, he couldn't miss me as there was nothing else on the road at that point. why me? WHY?? and then, i was just not thinking about him in the common room and thinkng about how amusingly cr*p GS had been (general studies) and he walced in his his usual goddamn sexy way. i leanr tsome new swear words at that point (i don't usualy swear as a rule) and emmah decided to have a laughnig fit.
really, that's all htere is of the excitement today.
ooh and that 'm now on page 58 of my story ^.^
yeah so i'll no doubt modify this post later sa is customary for me..ie somethng of importance t the world wil actualy happen...
so for now, ja ne!! xx *hugs* ^.^
i did forget to mention hta ti didn't feel ill this morning.
so i'll mention it now.
i didn't feel ill this morning.
i did want a punchbag though.
___
I'm a soldier, znachit ya
I otvyetchik i sudya
Ya stoyu na dvukh kontsakh ognya
Ogibaya virazhi, obgonyaya smyert' i zhizn'
Ya byegu srazit'sya s tyen'yu lzhi
Skol'ko b nityey nye plyol obman
pokazhyet lik svyeta istina
Save your tears
for the day
when our pain is far behind
on your feet
come with me
we are soldiers stand or dieSave your fears
take your place
save them for the judgement day
fast and free
follow me
time to make the sacrifice
we rise or fall
I'm a soldier, born to stand
in this waking hell I am
witnessing more than I can compute
pray myself we don't forget
lies, betrayed and the oppressed
please give me the strength to be the truth
people facing the fire together
if we don't, we'll lose all we have found
Save your tears
for the day
when our pain is far behind
on your feet
come with me
we are soldiers stand or dieSave your fears
take your place
save them for the judgement day
fast and free
follow me
time to make the sacrifice
we rise or fall
Za myechtoyu na kray propasti
Lish' tol'ko tak mozhno mir spastit
Ty nye plach',
Slyozy spryach',
Ved' nastanyet novyy den'
Tvoy ogon'
Sogryevat'
Budyet tysyachi syerdets
A syeychas podnimis'
Spryach' podal'shye bol' i strakh
Pobyedit tot, kto prav
Znay, chto vsyo v tvoikh rukakh
Save your tears
for the day
when our pain is far behind
on your feet
come with me
we are soldiers stand or dieSave your fears
take your place
save them for the judgement day
fast and free
follow me
time to make the sacrifice
we rise or fall
those lyrics confuse me...but there you go.
modit one...takes place three mns after inishing post...
sorry, i jsut forgot to mention how beatuful it is around where i live atm-the suns out, the skies blue adn the waters receeded quite a fair way so i might be able to get around with my usaual far and wide ramblings again soon ^.^
also, the flowes have come out and the smell so purtfiul...like when htere's NO LORRIES speedin past on the main road, it's so nice becuase there's a getnle breez and a fragrant perfume to the air *inhales air* lol
modit 2...I FORGOT THE QUESTIONS!!
1)*hurridly* what's hte weather like where you live?
2)*can't think, bell jsut rang* if there wsa one person you could be with right now, but owing to a certain amount of difficulties, it's impoosable and you had to get over this person, what would you do? how would you go about it? or wouldn't you?
3)*man my inspirations gone* what's your favourite scent/perfume/smell of food/et cetera i really don't care..smell of any kind. ILF< this is not one for you, bugger off iy you came iths far. cause i don't want anything farty n my comment thankyou.
4)*i'm sking you AGAIN on question for laura..nice deodrant-what is it?* if you could be anywhere in the world, where would you be RIGHT now this VERY minute? (thanks again laura *glomps*)
5)what flavour trident gum is the best?
ok ja ne!! xx
modit something or other...
the videos!!
and i have been crainvg this all day: prodigy xd:
i will refrain from putting more prodigy up for now...*evil grin*
mood now-depreesed and depressed... song now-i must be dreaming-evanescence
well, in breif, today was BY far the worst day i've had so far..
morale was really low between me, emmah and luara to the point i forced myself to going to the ford AGAIN and it was friggin bad enough that i'd already had to be walking on my own infront of A's car ealier (i don't mind normaly, but the weightloss issue makes it a bugger to walk smoothly so it's a really jerky walk atm and then i get really tense and paranoid et ceter and it sucks)
well, i'd just got hte the entrance to hte car park and there's tghis iddy bitty path that's easy to fall off and he came into he car park at not very slow speeds and again, becuase i was nearly on a road and it was a car, i looked t it agin, the same i do with any other car, but it seems like it lasts so much longer when i look at his car..and it's not.
i just woke up depressed this mornig and didn't want to see him AT ALL which is a first for me since yusualy i do wanna see him in a guilty way. not today.
i saw him three times today..and now i have a single fucking line from Demon Diary stuck in my head `you know they say that if you come across a person three times in a day then your fates are tied together?`
well that's noonscence ltatantly..but hey, it now has my subconcious daydreaming away and just annoying the concious me.
i dunno why i can't get over him tbh..i've managed to get over any other friggin guy. i've tried focussing on bad points, hte fact he has a GF, the fact he's obviously devoted to here et ceter on hat line of thought, then the fact that if i don't see him the whole `out of sight out of mind` theory works..oh no, or if it does, i see him again. either in dreams or school or in his friggin car. grr. i give up. someone just...blind me wiil ya>> i can't take any more of this.
so i think that's all..i was gonna put a poem up..but i couldn't be bothered with writting it so i'll jjust give you a second does of depressing lyrics again
___
How can I pretend that I don't see
What you hide so carelessly?
I saw her bleed
You heard me breathe
And I froze inside myself
And turned away
I must be dreaming
We all live
We all die
That does not begin to justify you
It's not what it seems
Not what you think
No I must be dreaming
It's only in my mind
Not in real life
No I must be dreaming
Help you know I've got to tell someone
Tell them what I know you've done
I fear you but spoken fears can come true
We all live
We all die
That does not begin to justify you
It's not what it seems
Not what you think
No I must be dreaming
It's only in my mind
Not in real life
No I must be dreaming
Not what it seems
Not what you think
I must be dreaming
Just in my mind
Not in real life
I must be dreaming
well, i'll try and be more cheery tomorow TTFN xx
modit, yes, there's a modification to my depression TT.TT
wow...mum must think i'm stupid. mum: `do you want to ring you at nine to remind you..?`
moi: `I CAN REMEBER STUFF YA KNOW MUM`
alright so moving on from the war that just broke out...
i was reading emmah's post.
i heartily agree that a gay freind (guy) is a perfect ferind.
except wehn they have had five boyfreinds in one year and THEN come and ASK US FOR ADVCIE when we havn't even so much as successfully flirted with anoher guy. absolutely spiffing. really makes onse day brighter dosn't it? to have a GUY ask about tHEY'RE boyfreinds...
and we're GIRLS
thids life, Sod espaicl=ial,y TAKES hte FUCKING piss out of us i swear it.
right i'm gonna go cry in a corner now bwecuase that's all i ave left ot do tonight.
video didcated to emma who is now obsessed with elfen lied... >.>
about the subject lin-i couldn't thin kup anything, so that's the title of my story...which no emmah, that explicit scene isn't comlpete....and where were you this morning misses??
continuing..lol, i just distturbed laura by breakihng into a crazy dance XD i just thought `woot bleach comes out tonight!!` an dstarted doing a full out sit down ji *rofl*
well, since it's only first period, nothing has happened yet.
well i've been to the ford allready...first lesson and all...spent twenty mis to myself up there thinking...i only though about oe thing the whole time TT.TT
yes about this person A.
who, i was just thinking to myself cause Sod (as in sod's law/murphy's law type thing) has got it in for me. sio it'd be jsut my look i'd get to the turning to scummers and this person A would just being going to sommerfield.
and guess what...
he did... he friggi did asnd he saw me looking at he car TT.TT ok that's not a stalkerish thing, i was thinking `please say that's not a peaguot, please say it's some normal old perosn..` but oh no...friggin Sod *shakes fist at him*
...
who even IS sod??
well...i'll be putting bleach up here once more..lmao two weeks and my bros already fallen behind once more *evil grin*
well, he forced me into telling him what happens so it's own damned fault if he's given into confusion on the storyline bases..that and i suck at explaining things... >.>
hmm...what else can i say??
i woke up feeling 89% ok today, so hopefuly it goes up to 90 something tomorow *crosses finger* and more shroom soup *prays that no one stole it again* man i hate shroom soup theifs *glowers at mum/brother*
ok, so no borigosity to say for now...
so *thinks up some questions quickly*
1) are you alive or lving in the rold of make beleive were everything's how you want it to? and if you're in your won world, does wear still happen?
2) why does sod/murphy have to be the way he is and make life be so crap at times?
3)is my artwork up?? *goes and check* ok opintless wuestion, *moves onto question 4*
4)if you could be anyone in the world/filom/anime/et cetera, who would you be?
well, my new crappy hitsugaya fana rt is up, so go and givve it love please *puppy eyes*
mood-dark, tierd, HUNGRY as hell and a bit pissed.... song-Perdido Sin Ti
(quickly explains title) it's a song on emmah's iPod...a rahter awesome tune
well..today's been..reasonably ok...
i mean, i woke up feeling half as bad as yesturday and improved through today SO i now feel hugry (always a good sign wih me) though i have one head splitting head ache going on now...probably the amouth of hair clips holding stray bits of hair down...*sighs*
ok yeah, i bohtered wiht my appearance today...i woke up at 6 am...with no chance of getting any more sleep so i got up..did the usualy flouder around and freeze to death before putting something more suitable than my pyJs on..hten i stil had two hoiurs before even considering leaving for school so i read harry potter some more...hten i ate a yoghurt...hten i read more harry potter..then i ran out of time passing ideas and did make up and hair...and then read even more harry potter....*raises eyebrows* that's the most i'v ever read in one morning!!
gods emnma jsut had a rihgt bitch at me and now my head hurts even more....*shkes fist at emmah*
and now another two of my mates are down here having spazes but they're talking REALLY LOUDLY anbd my head is gonna explode...deep voce + headaches = severe head pain....
ok, enough of that i completely lost my train of though to which i had a whole lot of typnig to type for..now it's gone and vanished in apuff of pearly black smoke *cries*
so, i'll no doubt modify this post later wit it a ll exploding and causing my ears to smkoe wiht frustration...
*back twinges* grr my back is killing me on top of my head now..oww the pain is absolute TT.TT
ooh, thankyou to Hoaryu for suggesting soup to me last night!! it stayed down in my system quite peacfully last night and i feel better this morning!!!
so yeah, thankyou for that!! *hugs Hoaryu*
another good thing, i havn't seen person A all day...but i feel depressed about that now. gees does this world have any logic???
i would htink up uestions to put here..but i really can't...so i won't.
hmm...really, i think that's all i have to say atm...
plus i need to ind food SOMEWHERE in this absolute sh*t hoel..yeah, i'll modify this space later when my head's not gonna rocket away.
modit 1
well...something to cheer me up-i was walking out of school with emmah...we were both feeling shit...it had been a long day and we ended up deprived of choclate TT.TT
well, i was walking and just as we went passed these chavs (more on them later, and if you're a chav, i don't intend this insult at you...it's only englsih chavs i have a problem with...) and they were giving me evils as they usualy do, and i ignored them as i usaly doo and i was just looking a long the road and i could see at first (sun was in my eye) an old classic car coming down the road towards us, hen it pulled over to park and i wa slike `emmah, i stha tmy dad coming to pick me up in the rolls royce?` (Rolls Royce Silver Shaodw Mk1 if anyone's interested) and she was `yeah i think it is *squint squint*`
so i asked dad if he could give emmah a lift back to her nan's and he said yes and i couldn't help but smile again...i love that car, she's so beautiful and happyfying!! xD
and another thnig to cheerify me was going into the coop with my mum a bit later. said chavs were sat here...an i had to control my self not to laugh...does anyone else hate models theses days ith pouts, skin coloured lips and no smile?? well, this one chav who spent a lot of time tryna bush me only for me to spin round uber wuick one time, grab her wrist and shove her in instead (muahahahaha, they never tried after that) was doing the whole model look..a part from the fact she's fat and ugley..and...yewah, i wlaked into coop and grabbed a magazine to distract myself and save me from a duffing up from mum lmao.
oh yeah, and driving home, there's this even fatter chav (this is why they arn't popular..well, one of the rasons anyway) and i said to my mum `that's AN there` and she replied `you mean the big fat one??` lol that just made my day cause she never insults someone!!
and i got my ring back *does a jig* lol...it was stressing me slightlty cause i wear the wring all the time and i havn't worn it for a week now cause hte pearl ahd come off so it's been at the jewlers for awhile, but it's back on my finger now so all's good!!
___
Quedate cada noche
Y suename en la luna
Amame por las calles
Perdidas de mi vida
Besame poco a poco
No sea que me muera
Vive con esto loco
Perdido que te quire
Si me hace falta tu presencia
Yo me pierdo buscandote
Cierro mi vida, cierro para mi
El libro blanco de mi vida
El libro blanco de mi vida
Perdido sin ti
No me dejes solo Sin ti
Quedate en mi casa I love you
Sin ti me falta todo I need you
Sin ti no queda nada
Estoi perdido No me dejes solo
Sin ti Quedate en mi casa
No te vayas Sin ti me falta todo
Esperate Sin ti no queda nada
Amor Quedate Amor
Quedate Toda la vida
Quedate Perdido sin ti
Guardate en mi memoria
Y escondete en mis brazos
Metete por los poros
Abiertos de mi herida
Mirame desde cerca
Y matame si quieres
Pero no me abandones
Al viento de mi vida
Si me falta tu presencia
Yo me pierdo buscandote
Cierro mi vida, cierro para mi
El libro blanco de mi vida
El libro blanco de mi vida
___
and the videos:
well i'll love you and leave you for now XD ja ne!! xx
well todays been SOO enjoyable. not. god i want to die things have gotten that bad.
i went to the doctors...for some reason i ended up with a male doctor so all i can say on the is that at least me an my dad have these convos at home so it wasn't too embarrasing...
we never actualy talked about cancer or this histerctomy thing...that's good i suppose as it means it's not likely any of that causing me problems.
so, i am possably going to pescribed the contracetive pill instead of the metawhateverit'scalled acid inflametry tablets that didn't work...but i might not be able to take it because breast cancer HAS been in the familly, so has every other kind of cancer but that's not the point at hand *rolls eyes*
even if i can go on his damned pill, it dosn't take effect till the time after next i have a meeting with the monthly demon *sighs* meaning i still feel shitty now and i still get to look forward to feeling shitty for three weeks in three weeks time.
i thought about this a lot last night, compared to all this, histerctamy actualy sounds quite pleasant. one..or two..not sure..operations and admitedly, i'll never be able to have kids...BUT i can adopt and then i get fifty years without a single week of discomfort and illness caused my femininty.
so onto today.
i feel ill still.
actualy, my stomaches not so bad, but my back's killing me and i wish i had a personal messouse so i could have a massage right now...
but i stil can't swallow food without it getting stuck in my throat
and if i do manage to get food down into my system, it wants to do a U-turn and make me feel really bad for eating.
and that was the tiniest amount of a cerial bar.
so now ignoring the ill part of me which leaves about one percent and that one percent only has space for one thing.
*sighs*
i just can't get over A and the more i get annoyed with myself about this, the more i see him.
why does life work like this?
why do you want to see someone and they're not there?
and when you don't want to see them...you can't miss them. ..
this is really doing my head in now.
emamh and laura, i'm really sorry you have to keep hearing or reading about this, but i gotta put it some where before it blows my head up..which could actualy be a good idea right now...*sighs*
well, another of my not so really cheery posts.
i'll try and put something cheery up later if i can let mum let me back on at home.
___
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, haunt me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away oh all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all, all of me
ja ne!! xx
hmm...i quit cadets...as in, air cadets before somoene politely asks if it was hte army and i have to shout at them...
in a wierd way, i miss it, but it's gone down soo much since the CO that was incharge when i joined left because of familly reasons and his job..and hte fact he lived 20 miles away from the Sqn.
i could host a rant here, but ya know, i'll let you have some peace ^.^
oi you two noobs that have left me a loner, emmah, you're not being told off here....i need a HUG RIGHT NOW!
and laura, WHAT is yourr eason for not wanting to go to buisness?? yoiur section of roads not floded! lmao *have a hug*
oh the joys of art while your sat having a right ol' laugh and i'm stcuk in a classroom with the peace of teaching turf.
modit one
okies, today hasn't been all THAT bad...*is trying to be the optomist here* it could have been worse, i could actualy have done the frog noises act..which i nearly idid but that's not the point...
um..there really isn't any point me modyfiying this...i actualy have nothing to say ).)
OOOH!!!! ive eaten food again!! three cerial bars two pringles and a partridge in a pair tree i meant two party rings >.>
and i'm going wiht dad to scummers (somerfield, a shop) to look for food..knowing me, i buy muffins of the savouryvariety..hopefully i eat them..i'm hungry...
ok...*searches youtube for a video*
have a video:
i'm so tierd..i can see me going to bed at 9pm agina tonight...*sighs*
ok, ja ne!! xx (for real this time XD)
modit 2
so much for last time then..
well, this WAS supposed to go in the last one...i just forgot about it...
ok, *quotes harry potter*
...`i heard it from the Bloody Baron, who saw him arive.` said Nick. `he appeared, according to the Bloody Baron, to be in good spirits, though a little tierd of course.`
`were is he?` said Harry, his heart leaping.
`oh, groaning and clanking up on the astronomy tower, it's a favourite pastime of his'`
`not the Bloody Baron, Dumbledore!`
ok, no more quoting..have a laugh though...Dumbledore means humming bee...i seem to have leanrt pages of wikipedia to heart O.O
modit 3
my god i'm on my theard modit!!!
well, emmah's fault erntirely..
her comeplte and utter madnosity deserves a mention as she mentionedit to me on msn...
well, we were walking to the ford..more, i was walking she was following...and she said...
`did i tell you? no i don't think i did..i did actualy...did i tell you? i did didn't i?` for about thirty seconds making us crack yet more ribs because i dind't say anytihng in that time XD
then hte ford wasn't as flooded as yesturday, and it was making beautiufl soft..water noise...like it does..but it was purtiful..apart from th fact we both need to pee after that *rolls eyes at us both*
oh well...now i'm here..have another video:
this is how flooded the town i live in is right now
no idesa what that is...won't know til tomorw ehter 8shakes fist* well, gotta dash!
mood-ill and bloody ill...i want to commit suicide TT.TT song-apologise-one republic
i don't fucking beleive this.,
yes i'm swearing and i don't care.
i feel ill AGAIN.
and this si worse, at least last time i felt ill i wasn't wanting to make frog noises into hte toilet. now i want to through the entirity of my insides up.
i nearly did this morning.
and if my spelling sucks, i'm sorry, my arms are shaking majorly making it really hard to type TT.TT
SOO...usualy, going to the ford makes me feel better. well, it does when i can sit on the bridge for a bit, but the waters up more than i thouhgt so i can't go the the saftey rail thing, walk along hat and then climb onto the brridge frame, so i had to turn around and go back.
wel, that made me feel okish..thne i met up with emmah when i got back to collge and i felt allriht again.
hten i went upstairs and started feeling owrse and when tried signing emmah in, my head was spinning majorly badly and i hda to give her hte pen and sit down before i fell down the stairs.
i hten gt my bags from the common room and spent a minute coming down hte stairs and falling into every wall on the way dow...suppose i could have fallen dow hte stairs...
hmmm...
if i keep talkng, i feel bettetr...hmm..maybe if i don't go into hte common room...??
woot for fanmagna nes coming up!! ^.^
http://fanmanga.theotaku.com/view.php?action=retrieve&id=1120
go give it love XD
ewll, atm, htat's all i have to say...scuse me well i go make frog noises into hte toilet TT.TT
ja ne!! xx
___
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
modit
well, now listening to hyouri by ichimaru gin...can't find hte lyrics ANYwhere...hmmm...
well, i feel slightly better than hal an hour ago... ewnt to he ford AGAIN cause that's been becoming my sencond home *sighs* i was planing on sitting somewhere nd staying there for a while tbh...but three was a van htere, so i was like `nope, not staying like a crazy lune` so..i fel depressed and have a headache.
yes laura, d want to commit suicide right now because i feel sucky.
that said, i told fleur about getting G and A to be more obvious about there relationship, soo...she said it ws actualy a mart plan..so i dunno..hopefully it happens..shit..i forgot t tell fleur to not let either G and A know htat's what i want O.O oh gods...htank god neither of htem are in my year let alone lessons!!!
really, tht's all i have to say...
except that my hed is spinning majorly again adn i still might go home and i'm repeatedly ranting again *raises eyebrow*
gods...*passes out*
modit 2
mood now-OMG song-beautiful-sarah brightman
well...i came home...oh it's now 5:15...four hours later...just for anyonewho might have wanted to know that *raises eyebrow at self*
well, i came home...am i on a loop?? and i went to bed four three hours...only got an hours worth of sleep...hmm..but i felt slightly better..apart from the fact that turfmeister owned me for feeling sick and not wnating to stay in his classroom...like i wanted to leave...oh gods...i;ve taken to enjoying college TT.TT
and as i type i feel like i'm gonna pass out cause my heads spinning at a rate of knots TT.TT
and i nearly did hte forg noises act TT.TT
so...this post seems to be illness based, my apologies for that.
well, mum came back from work and gave me a hug and we had a talk....forgetting that my brother WAS ni his room..ohwell, he's heard worse and is part of the familly...
and something i NEVER actualy wanted to hear said..even if i spend practicaly all the time hoping for it to not happen at the same time wanting it to happen ni a very shameful way cause it'd mean no pain, and also mean no childrne.
well...problems with the womb (i'm being blunt here if you're a guy reading this) and having to have a hysterectomy runs ni the family...and cause i've been having a hellish year this year with my time of the month (MTOM)and mum said that i might be having said problems starting..it'll be bliss i the most bittersweet way....ie-no pain, no throwing up or anything every 24 days....on the downside...WELL, won't be able to have children of my own..i odn't have a problem with adopting....but i don't know what guys are like...and i always inteed to have one child myself..becuase, i dunno...just womanly wantings?? or complete and utter madness??
the other though that i have NOT said to my mum, and so far only Gareth...is cancer runs really srtongly on both sides of my familly...and i really don't want it to be cancer...i think that would be my death come tomorw if it turns out to be...but i just have htis paranoia in me about it that's bubbled RIGHT up to the surface since mum emntioned `problems with` and `speak to sarah` (my cousin who ncouldn't have children either)
i just want to curl up in a ball and cry rigt now...becuase...i don't know what goin to the doctors about this tomorow is gonna bring TT.TT
mood-OW AND BLOODY BUGGURIN OW!!! song-nothing can be explained-bleach priginal soundtrack
well, the full moon decided yo make an appearance just now...completely unexpected and painfully annoucing at's arrival *clutches stomache* friggin madication never works TT.TT and i alreadyhad a bath TT.TT
and i have somehow got cuts everywhere....i would love to know how i cut my legs, my finger and my lip whilst havin a bath...
yeah this isn't really a chearey post...kinda moany in every sense...
one good thnig, it's raining lots, and i lvoe rain, and i got to walk in it for an hour ^.^ wouldn't normally get away with it, but i had a magazine delivery to finish off....the major downside to all this rain is the river is WAY up and close to flooding houses/alotments/roads which hasn't happened in htis area since easter...*counts* six years ago now?? something like that...
hmm...my feet are freezing TT.TT
another good point, i got a manga fan art oojimaflip up..it's not brilliant..but it's my art courseowkr, so go comment it!! lmao
ooh..and i took some picutres of mke mr moose's freind's style...(that means, holding the camera in your direction but looking as though you're not taking it yourself, which you so blatantly are) and i look both human and pretty in them...what the hell happened there?? neither of thme have ever happened before *dies of shock*
um...forgot what i was about to say...oh yeah, no...oh, i was writting my story, and htere's a bit that several people have requested..ie, the sexy part, and i really can't write it *rofl*
ooh, top gears on...meh..emmah,y ou can tell me what happened, my stomaches not twinging and riping itself to peices yet..i'm enjoying this sensation...
so, page 58 of my story and chapter 6, i'm proud of myself ^.^ and i still want to right it *does a skippy jig*
well, this is a reasonably short post for me for once..i can't think of anythnig else to say so i'll scoot off *hugs eveyone* ^.^
ja ne!! xx
Lost on the way, no one to blame, no one to say,
nothing to do with the way everything's changed
So I feel a little like, a child who's lost, a little like,
(everything's changed) a lot, I didn't like all of the pain,
I'm confused, a lot of it, is hard to take, and cause of it,
everything's changed I thought I'd make it through the pain
everything's changed
Given the chance I would happily dance on the grave of the one
who shows no remorse
So I feel a little like, a child who's lost, a little like,
(everything's changed) a lot, I didn't like all of the pain,
everything's changed
I'm confused, a lot of it, is hard to take, and cause of it,
everything's changed I thought I'd make it through the pain
everything's changed
nothing is plain
nothing can be explained, nothing
Given the chance I would happily laugh,
and be free to express what I feel
Given the the chance I could hold up my head and smile again
some vidoes ^.^
nothing can be explained-shiro sagisu
what goes around, comes around-justin timberlake
well, that's all for now folks!
modit
wow..even though it's sunday evening, i'm modyfiying my post XD
i got bored and did a myspce survy..have a laugh!
1. When is the last time you held hands with someone?
um....friday, fluer. no, i am straight.
2. Let's say you woke up as the opposite gender for a day, what would you do?
i'd have shit loads of fun, and yes i mnea it that way XD i'd lvoe to be a guy for a day..or a week..lmao. no longer han a week though.
3. Have you ever crawled through a window?
um....*thinks* i actualy don't think i have...my god...i havn't!! O.O well that's not like me!
4. Where is your mom?
upstairs watching top gear...wish i was but i cannae be assed
5. Morning or night person?
Night.
6. What was the last movie you watched?
titanic...gods...not this again TT.TT
7. Do you have a crush on anyone right now?
oh god yes and if he dosn't know then he's been walking around with his eyes shut and miraculously not bumped into anything rofl
8. Whats the biggest turn off?
Anything that resembles Dave Chapman, greecey hair *shudders* and stalkerish tendancies..both of whcic can be found in dave chapman
9. Things about the opposite sex you notice first?
eyes/hair
10. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
um...my "unique sense of humour" XD
11. What is your curfew?
11pm is when i go to bed..thou, that's latest, i seem to be going to bed at 10 atm..and i never go out..there's bugger al to do where i live
12. Would you ever dye your hair red?
i already have done...wait for it: once, tiece, thrice...four times.
i love the colour red
13. What's your worst personality flaw?
um......obsesion? man that pisses me off, let alone anyone else!
14. What career would you like to have?
writer/actor
15. Which state would you like to visit?
i never want to set foot in any part of americ if i can help it.
16. Do you want a well paying job or a job you enjoy?
well..i'd want a job that i enjoy, but this world sucks, so i'll go for a job htat pays well so can actualy afford to live!
17. Do you wish to have the same best friends when you're older?
well, the two-emmah/laura, yeah, and matt, but i don't really see me staying in touch with anyone else when i leave
18. When were you last on the phone?
um..good point, when was i last on the phone?
19. What were the shoes you wore today?
my Vans which are currenly soaked htrough from walking through a flooded car park
20. Do you like maths?
nope, i hate it into the deapest layer of hell..thank god i dropped it!!!
21. Have you ever seen five squirrels at one time?
yup, i've seen more than five at one tme..though i havn't seen any at all in 2 years -.^
22. Can you touch your nose with your tounge?
nope. never could...i know someone who can pick his nose with his tonge...nice. not
23. Do you have a brother?
i have a brother. i like my brother in an extremly NOT INCESSED WAY ALL YOU PRATS THAT SAY WE'D MAKE A GOOD COUPLE I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!...um..yeah sorry about that
24. Did your great grandad fight in the civil war?
no...dunno who my great grandad is..my grandad fought in the world war II though
25. Who do you enjoy to talk to most on msn?
*to emmah* it's ok for you, y can send all htat shit you like, it's me that getsowned!!! lmao*
emmah or laura, always sure to guaranteee a random giggle
and fluers always there to pick me up after a shitty day and make me laugh *hugs her*
it's my fifth home on ht enet XD
27. Who did you last hug?
urh...mum
28. Do you want to be a doctor?
gods no
29. Have you ever fallen asleep with gum in your mouth?
yeah, woke up and choked on it as well
30. What do you do right before you get into bed?
strip off with my curtains oipen cuase i forget to close them then put my pjs on
31. what do you do right when you get out of bed?
turn my CD player on
32. Do you want to be famous?
no not really, i quite like keeping my life to myself
33. Do you spend a lot of time contemplating life?
um..yeah, i am right now *head stars shutting down*
34. Do you do your own laundry?
yeah, otherwise it dosn't get done
TEN FAVORITES.
1. Store: well, it USED to be ottakers until waterstons took over..so i gues waterstones now
2. Flowers: lilly, white rose, jasmine
3. Color: purple, yellow, green, silver, black, shades of grey
4. Sport: dance/gymnastics
5. Mall: cribs causeway-bristal, metro center-newcastel...the one up near northumberland.
6. Music: evanescence, bleach soundtrack, titanic soundtrack
7. Food: anything italian or thai
8. Season: winter
9. Animal: wolf
10. State: I HATE AMERICA AS MUCH AS I HATE ENGLAND
TEN FACTS:
1. pershit
2. Hair color: brown
3. Tattoos?: Not yet
4. Hair style?: technicaly a long mullet lmao but i tie it up
7. Mood: tierd, meh
8. Eye color: silvery blue
10. Righty of Lefty?: ambi...*evil grin*
that advert just rocks the socks off eveyone!! lmsaao.
ok, lets start with randomosity..which is pointless since all my posts generally ARE random...*ahem* yes, talknigto msn...no, talking to emmah over msn..unlilke laura (Betteh.) i don't talke to computers... and we weer on about A and then i put a icture of him as the convo BG and then emma said dhe'd seen it and we got into posting at the same time...time and i said `gina's bebo?` just as she said `gina's bebo` lmao..and then we posted the `lmao emoticon` at the same time...creeyp how that happenes with us..
well, yesturday was a monster of a post lmao...i don't think tday will be quite as long...if it is, then i don't know how!
the minute annoyences of A...i woke up hinking of him wich is a fisrt, and also insainly annoying so i'll end up thinking of him all day *shakes fist* and it'll be just my look i bumb into hm in worcester in a bt...please say i don't!!
ok, so now me andemmah have had a contest to see who can right the shortest comment..seems as you have ot have a character to post..i one with no characters *evil grin* and now we're seeing who's doing the longest comment (wtf??)
though i don't mind, becuase emmah's comment on yesturday's post cracked my ribs completely trying to read it and not laugh as a madman on coke..cuyse my parent's would here...and i went lightheaded and nearly passe dout-anks for that emmah....
btw-a modit if my way of saying `me modifying the post agina because i'm a bored cretin and can't be assed with the word edit`....so i made modit up...and as far as i know, it DOSN'T have any sexual referecnes..like nookie forinstance *slits lobes*
*is replying to comments*
emmah, like i SAID, A so blatantly KNOWS i fancy him it's embarasing...and he knows that as well! (this could take a while...*shakes fist at emmah*)
i intend to upload the picture when it's finished...as in coloured...as in i need to find that friggin pencil crayon so i can make him look more human and not have paper white skin...ha..ha...you don't get it do you?
maybe i'll just reply to your comment over msn next time your online..it might be easier than boring everyone ELSE to death...*rolls eyes*
typical, you jsut went *shakes fist*
angel-yeah, that is kinda how i feel, so no worries *hugs* i must make more time for myO!!!
hoaryu-to be honest, the thing with person A is fun...i've jsut given up trying to get over him..maybe he'll suddenly NOT be there and i'll get over him in th most complicated way ever...hmmm...
ani-mae-you're not braggin, don't worry about it *hugs* it's creepy wherever you are and whover you're with.
kiki-tink-yup, are teachers are all mooses..except `munk features..caues he's a chipmunk...or cotton bud...lmao..we may as well be back in pre-school, giving our teachers name
well, snce it's a saturday...i really can't think up anything normal..or random to say..so,
i'll just chow for now ^.^
ja ne!! xx
oo!! 76 guestbook sigings :D
modit
mood now:depressed and shitty...TT.TT song-too little too late-jojo
woot, GB siings gone up one!! lmao
wow, for once in this week of total shame, i havn't seen A today, he actualy wasn't in worcester for me to embarass myself nifront off *does a jig and trips over*
even better still..EMMAH!!!!!!!!!! LAURA!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TRIDENT SOFT GUM FOR MY LOCKER!!!! um..yes.. >.>
mood-confused in love song-Rose, from Titanic....dosn't improve the mood hree *shakes fist*
i might put that song in this spost actualy...or i mihgt just have it in my profile...that's an idea....and i need to stop talking to myself majorly, so do you laura... (Betteh.)
ok, that was a crappy subject line....my msn name...great thinking there jane, really GREAT thinking...*smacks head on desk and hits keyboard*
ok...i was going to put me cosplaying up last nhgt, but the pictures are TOO big *shakes fist* which is iritating because i uberly suck at the shrinkage of pictures and the keeping of proportions... TT.TT maybe photobucket could work...hmm....
and i managed to do another Hitsugaya....omg, i need to draw someone OTHER than him really....but e drawing Byakuya...*laughs* man that was like me trying to draw a cat and a dog differantly....lmao *cracks ribs*
really, nothing bad HAS happened to day, i mean, i've seen person A way too many times, that's about it...and it sucks, cause, either i'm looking at him (usualy the case) and he catches me, or he's looking at me (i think that's happened five times this year...) and me catching him...
grr!! and i wish he'd be so blatant with his GF it was blinding cause he never even STANDS with her TT.TT
but it must seem like i was stalking him today, i seriously wasn't, i don't stalk, i've been stalked and it's horrible...and, i ...*bloonde moment of the year coming up* had got to school with jess today, and i realised i'd forgotten my folder. yes, he sacred folder that i'm NEVER without, so, i got to the common room, dumped my bag and power walked home and grabbed my folder (that should take me 20 mins there and back, but i anaged it in 6...*thinks* i really defy the rule of time..at times...*confuses self* so yes, back to what i was aying, i got up to the common room just as A was walking through the door i had to go through, and he looked at me but didn't hold the door for me (no gloating either of you emmah, laura, you got that??) yeah, he holds it for them but not me *shakes fist* and i was thinking, this sucks, i'm gonna pick my things up and he's gonna be wakling the same way as me isn't he?? suprise suprise, he was right infront of me all he way down the stairs and i couldn't jumop down hem like i normaly do cause he decided hje was gonna do that *shakes fist* so i had to run down them adn jump the botoms..and twisted my ankle *ow* and this was because i was late, i wasn't even enjotying the fact that he was jumping down the stairs infront of me.
and he caught me looking so many times today it's unbeleivable, and i caught him looking at me once *does a jig* even thouhg he has a GF *stops jigging* and he saw my crappy artwork wich i shall be putting up later...oh gos, we go to the toilet (me, emmah and laura and chrissie that is, not me and A) and come back and he's sat with his trousers revealing his undercrackers *suffers laughing fit and gets laughed at by laura* back to track, he didn't move so i went and sat down whilst glaring at my drawing of hitsugaya for embarrasing me in such a way, then emmah hit me with her bag as she clambered past me to sit down...so agian, more embarsment...i mnight just become a loner and sit in the nerds corner...i might have some dignity left when i leave that way..that said, it would be an uncalcuable amount of bordnosity for a year and half..nah, i'll have the embarasment and fun i think....
that's actualy all i have to sasy for today i think..
it's been univentful, and i manged to not have a rant..well i did, but not the one that would be so censored it would be unreadable...um...ueah, boring post of randomosity but free of two mooses who stole my bad and made me have a right schitzoid moment and hurt my wrists whilst slamming doors opena dn punching walls....
so...
*puts on jamaican accent*
mastication for the nation!
i'll see ya all later! *walks off stage and out the backdoor*
oi laurah!! go commment yesturday's post biatch!!!!
modit:
ooh, the hair...it took five mins to get all that junk out of it...i put shampopo on it, scrubbed like mad, shoved my head under water *has a very deep bath* and scrubbed under water, then repeated it agian....and it's all silky today ^.^
and no, i don't mess with tarot cards..it's kinda like messing with ouija boards..oh..i've done that as well...man, never agian *shudders* maybe that's how we got a poltergeist around the house then *scratches chin in a thoughtful fashion*
magnus-tarot cards work by...
you get the deck of 72 cards and yuo sit shuffling them...best to have classical or no music...and yuo think purely on what you want to know about...say boys, the person you fancy, life in general...that type of thing, and you also kinda have to shuffle thme on the floor oherwise it dosn't work propley...it's best to do it for a minute minmum, longer if you can, adn hten you split the deck into four piles (you don't look at anycards yes) and you pull the top one off the first pile and put it at the top of a matt..or something, or just as `what's at hand` and then you go to the second pile and take the top card off and that's `past influences`...you do the same for the next to which are `ponder thid` then `what to do` and if any cards ARE reversed, you leave them revered....then you just get a tarot reading book and that tells you what he cards mean...
they're are other lays and stuff, but that's the basic one that works for pretty much anything. any help or jsut boring crap? O.o
anyway, yes, i'll leave modit one at that i think XD
ja ne!
modit take 2
yup, here i am busy modyfiying again...and a video to spite laura as it's singular not plural *evil grin*
um yes..well, we had a right spaz off going the with the, moi, digi cam..again, man that things ace...run out of batteries AGAIN though *shakes fist*
yeah, somehow, i look like some wierd lemon tangoed demon in one of htem, laura (Betteh.) has sprouted a new ear (moi fingers) which somewhow, she DIDN'T notice, and other such randomosity
more boringosity about person A...i just give up getting over hm, it's just notgonna happen is it?? grr and he cuaght me enjoying the view more than once in one lesson *shakes fist*
right, i'm officialy finished no i'm not.
kiki tink!!!! ok, you've alredy been....me, emmah and laura are gonna do the race for life for you!!! *hugs* it's the most we can do really, so kinda sorry, and good luck and *hugs* ^.^
right, NOW i'm finished with the modificationosity and i shall spamify everyone elses sights *evil laugh*
warning-this post decribes female issues