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myOtaku.com: silver star rose
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Monday, November 17, 2008
 the red sun sinks at last unto the hills of god....
song-ghetto gospel-2pac ft elton john
mood-annoyed
angel zakuro: thanks so much for that comment! it made me feel a lot better, ^^
well, another weeks arrived...it's also now three years since i started seeing a doctor about my problems...and by the way things are going?? i've got another three years going through the same procedure: `try this medication....or this one....there's nothing wrong with you....`
i really don't know if there is anything wrong with me anymore or not...i'm starting to give up on it-
i have an appointment with my GP again tomorow, i'll see how that goes, but i may just stop seeing the doctors if it goes bottoms up.
it was wierd coming into college today though, i had thought that everyone in my group apart from two girls hated me. or certainly disliked me, but i put some statuses up on my facebook when i was feeling really bad, and apparently everyone including my lecturer saw them and they were all really worried!
i was just expecting bitchiness when i got in this morning in all honesty...
mmm....that's really about it, monday's are never really interesting days, it's all theory based for one...and it's monday.
all though, i have made a silent vow that i WON'T spam emmah's myO post anymore than i alraedy have...i think she might get a little bit annoyed with me if i do... >> *innocent face*
1 ~ who agrees mondays are best for staying in bed?
2 ~ would you rather know an answer or not?
3~ what's the weather like where you are?
4 ~ what's the last thing to make you laugh out loud?
5 ~ do you like spam?
i can't think of anything else, sooo, i'll cut it here.
ja ne/xx
mod/1
ook, now i'm REALLY happy!!
i just though `ooh, i wonder if links for wallpapers off theO work on here (they didn't work with myO links with me for some reason...) and it has!!
and it's renji!! haha, i'm being a bit of a renji person atm for some reason...lmao.
also, does anyone UNDERSTAND theO?? i have a worl i don't know how to use or change, no idea how to put stuff up there or anything!!
it's too complicated TT.TT |
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Saturday, November 15, 2008
 crave my heart and it's bleeding on a plate
song- good enough-evanescence
mood- depressed
~*side note* i just sneezed really painfully. oowie.
well, the bad news seems to keep on coming at the moment.
i siad about my gran's state yesturday...well dad camr back from takeing her home and said that someone we know down in cornwall (who happens to be the nearest i ever had to a grandfather) was in a bad state and wasn't long for this world.
that's two people, and they say death comes in threes...so...i'm left thinking who's the third on his list?
has anyone else ever been sat at home feeling so isolated??
these days i don't seem to be able to speak to anyone about who i feel...well, the only person i can speak to is sooo far away from me it's like having my heart pulled out by time *sigh*
it sucks, there's a block on everyone i speak to.
mum and dad? they have there own problems
brother? he's a bloke and still immmature
liz (freind at college)? again with her own problems
lecturer? she's too busy looking out for liz
doctors? well they got me into this state in the first place
counciler? they don't work for me
shadi? he has a girlfreind now
bobby? same.
it's a night mare.
i will attempt to get some more cheeryness going on here....honest!!
though, i'm having my tattoo finished on the 29th november... woop woop 2 weeks to go!
ja mate ne.x
links of the day:
http://media-wallpapers.theotaku.com/1024-by-768-573975-20081116130817.jpg
http://www.garforthkenpo.co.uk/download/wallpaper/1024_wallpaper_1.png
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Friday, November 14, 2008
 thinks the end has begun
mood-anxious
song-aerith's theme (piano version)~ Uematsu Nobuo
well, i'm missing yet another day of college *sigh* it is the medication that's messing me up. i did a simple test-didn't take it yesturday, and i had some resemblance to life going on, though that could have been me recovering from the uber overdose of andrenaline i had, but no, i took two tablets today and bl**dy nora did i feel sh*t again. so it wasn't the tattoo.
it is a bit tender yes, but it's bearable. actualy, the tattoo hurt me a lot less than me period *sigh*
i'm having it completely inked in in two weeks and a day, so, i'll put a pic of it up then when it's complete. apparently it'll take 25 mins max?? that's fine with me ^^my first one was about 15 mins, and in all honesty, i did have a good buzz off that one, so the rest of my tat' should be cool.
i'm gonna end up like renji from bleach soon with my tattoos!! haha (not).
there's two or three more tattoos i will have:
¢¾ five stars connecting the two tattoos on my back (i have a thing about FIVE stars going on, but that'll only be outline anyway)
¢¾ a jasmine flower with some arabic writing (showing my attatchment to Tunisia...)
¢¾ a house martin with a swallow tail (that's to do with my gran)
anyhoo, that last tattoo?? i thought of today, originaly it would just have been the first two.
basically, a house martin is the nearest bird to martindale i THINK. i keep thinking martindale is a bird, but it's not, apparently. and house martin's the only martin around. again, i think. the sight i was on was rubbish. i'm rambling. *shut up brain*
aanyhoooo, i'll have that bird done with possably martindale writtne/tattoo around it in rememberance to my gran.
she's not dead yet, and i am in no way tempting fate, but my mum said to me a couple of months about how she thought the begining of the end was here with my gran, and having lived with her for a week now (parents are on holiday) i really think she's right about it, we're all worried about her.
in a sence, i'm not, because me and gran ar eof the opinion there is nothing to fear in death. that and recently, she has said a lot about `i just don't want to live any longer` ...so, when she goes, i hope i get to say goodbye and it's not painful.
all though, i think she's gonna go in her sleep.
sorry, it is a bit of a depressing post today.
thanks for the comments yesturday though ^^
i also have to say, i'm drinking a completely wierd tea, it's nice tohugh..it consists of
~ liquorice
~ chamomile
~ rose
~ vanilla
~ shatavari (`she who has 100 husbands tonic` according to the box)
like i said, queer tea!
it's by Pukka, and is called `harmonise tea for women` maybe it's working on chilling me slightly. not sure, but it's nice anyway ^^
ja ne!/x
modit:/
ok, apparently a swallow is a member of the martin familly. may just have the swallow then.
modit://
haha, has anyone else heard the spam song by monty python?? i find it amusing because emmah and i have a thing about spaming each other.
i officialy spammed her by spamming her with the spam song. *is entirely random* |
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Thursday, November 13, 2008
you're still a part of everything i do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo
mood- ill
song- tattoo~Jordin Sparks
my back slightly hurts, i had a tattoo done yesturday, though it's not complete yet, need to get it finished in two weeks times. it looks cool though ^^
it's amusing because the design, i got it off the net and changed it so it was a jasmine flower instead of a lotus flower, and then the guy who did it for me, changed it again and put a lotus flower in, and i was like `you know, i changed the flower from that...` but he changed the design slightly, so i'm happy with it ^^
i was orignially going to have it all done, but my health went tits up so to speak towards the end and i had to ask him to stop, thankfully he's cool about finishing it off some other time.
but currently, i'm annoyed with my GP because she didn't listen to me when i said a certain medication wouldn't work, and she put me on it, and low and behold, it's messed me up bigtime. so i've missed college again *sigh*
i'm so scared i'll fail this course because of my health.
haha, i was so gutted just now! i've taken to watching Bleach on DVD as supposed to the net, but i watched the last disk of what i have, and it's smack bang in the middle of rescuing Rukia *sigh* ah well, just buy the next DVD at some point...lol
i really think i'm going to fail my course *sigh*
ja/x |
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Monday, November 10, 2008
i need some distraction, oooh, beautiful release....
-song-in the arms of the angel ~ Sarah McLaughlin
i don't really have a mood...
i have a headache though... oowiie
Angel Zakuro ~
it's beauty therapy i'm studying!
epilation is using an electrical current passed through a needle to the hair follicle to cauterise the nerve endings and eventualy stop hair growth.
yeah it's bleach...no worries!!
hmm...
i'm doing a referal atm, it is soooo boring, type it all up and add bits *sigh* then only one more referal to do and another assignment... >>
the assignments HUGE! 25 questions that aren't easy. eep.
i am also incredably bored with things at the moment. there's just...nothing. no life...think it's the rain..and the fact i should be at college.
but i half skived half need to leave.
thinking about it, i should check the river levels again. meh.
well, i haven't got over alex *has just given up hope of it ever happening*
buuuuuuuuuut
i have given up smoking.
four days now!! last cigarette i tried to smoke made me ill, so i don't think i can have one even if i wanted to now!!
also getting my tattoo done inunder two days now woooooooooooooooooo!!
anyhoo, must go back to my work...
i shall comment peoples when there is a post!
i also found a new song (which has been out for a long time now i think...) that i love ^^
Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
ja mate ne!/x |
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Saturday, November 8, 2008
this light i see
mood-tierd
song-suigintou no yoru - ishida
i..can't quote my song today!!
*is straining brain power to work on out*
>>
woop!! i passed two assesments in college!!
one with a treatments i'd practiced for only five minutes, and one i had NEVER done before!!
i also managed to epliate 17 hairs in 5-10 mins in my epilation lesson!!! so, i'm a happy person ^^
that said, i have a bitch of an assignment to do *is now grateful for not having work* and 2 referals to do...
and a room to tidy. which has NOTHING to do with college >>
*is sure she's already used her subject line before*
does anyone know when the diamond dust rebellion is released??
i don't know what the heck did it, but i rediscovered my obssession for bleach.
i also found a dud manga which confused the hell out of me. it was "volume 5" on the outside, and when you opened i, it was volume 12!!!!
well there goes QA and QC on the production line then!!! |
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Monday, November 3, 2008
i sold my soul just to see what i really am
mood-tier and queer
song-farther away ~ Evanescence
reading-PhD
i am shaking. i don't know why, but i am. and it's annoying.
also not sure the subject line's the right lyrics. well. it's not, i know that. shsh.
well...portsmouth was good, my freind took me out to a queer club. who would have thought that rock, heavy metal and drum&bass would go together? well they do, and my neck and back is still f*cked from raving away.
i have to laugh. i was raving the way us Pershorians do...sorta, wave your hands around and bounce up and down like mad. Pompey peoples do it differntly, so me being the only pershorian around, looked more than a little bit odd...
i also managed to snog a gay guy (i did know he was gay, but he was also HOT. and dressed like legolas (it was fancy dress) so you know...
i then tried pulling a straight guy. who was also hot, but had the problem of being taken (that i didn't know until i asked)
so...i am still single and bored. maybe i should go out clubbing more often. but there's only chavs out these days i swear, and i REALLY will not condem myself to dance with a sh*tfa*ce!
haha, a librarian just asked me if i was here for study time. nope. just dossing as i have five hours to kill until my next lesson. flipping target settings. grr.
and i have a load of chavs here now.
i'm hopefully having a tattoo done on friday, if i can wangle it with my lecturer. (we're doing back massage and guess where i want it??)
but if i do have it done i will most likley put it on here. a picture of it that is, not the actual tattoo.
dos anyone else read the PhD mangas??
i managed to find the next two i wanted on friday, so i read them. they seema rareity around here these days. it's annoying.
also found the next one of Model which made me happies...though i read them all in a day so i'm back to looking for them again. *sigh*
um...i think i'll leave this as is as i have a nothing to do >>
oh yeah...i no longer have a job. i didn't get fierd! i resigned. i did enjoy it, even if it did consist entirely of facing the shop up (bringing stock forward), but i can't be doing college and work this year as i have at LEAST fifty assignments to do. it's also more strenuous lessons this year with body electrics, body massage etc, and they certainly take the standing breath away from you!!
so, i don't know how i'm going to make it through this year financialy...but i'll work something out. somehow or another.
*tries to find mangas online...and not really succeeding. blast.*
questions!!:
1 ~ what are you looking forward to this year?
2 ~ what's your favourite manga?
3 ~ does anyone have any decent questions to ask?
ooooook, sorry aboutt hat. the age old sudden urge one out. and i had cr*ppy questions to ask. lol.
one random one though...
1 ~ what colour socks are you wearing?
>>
bislema/x
i have just now decided i will attempt to start doing some art again.
god only knows where the hell i put it now the sights changed... |
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Saturday, October 25, 2008
i've got a jar of dirt, i've got a jar of dirt, and guess wht's inside it....
mood-beyond confused and scared to hell
song-lithium-evanescence
ok, my cat just jumped at me, literaly, ater sneaking up on me like a ninja. which is quite impressive considering his weight.
also, thanks for that song emmah....*has it on loop on the internal jukebox*
as emmah quite rightly pointed out, i am still alive!
and also confused.
one of my exes mates is in college with me (and was last year as well, i'll point out)
however this year, he's freind swith my best freinds neice, so we speak a lot more this year.
and he is DETERMINED to get me back with said ex.
who added me on myspace and is looking hot.
which is bad because that means i'll like him agian, then it'll go nasty and know'll end up not speaking to him again.
i mean wht the hell do you say to an ex you haven't spoken to in 2 years?!
alex was online the other night.
that's remotely lost it's excitement in the current confusion *sigh*
so, i am but slightly bemused and extremely cold. and not looking forward to work owing to the air condition which seems to be manditory all year long, even in the coldest part of winter, air conditioning!
i bet ben makes me work the fridges as well...*wonders if she could pinch the heater off the wall and botch it up to work....*
ok, i was going to show the ninja cat, however, mum's hidden the bluetooth dongle and i cn't send the picture across.
next time though...
bislema/x
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Wednesday, October 22, 2008
there was a time, when nothing would last, there was a time i would hold on to the past...
song-ride it-jay sean
mood-hysterical
it has honestly been a long time since i've checked my comment (obviously...) and found such a random comment there *looks at emmah* lmfao!!!
anyhoo...the main post of today is huuuuuuuuuuuuuge....of...four lines?? :
never mind possable repetition of history.
actual repetition with history.
and yes with alex.
blast.
yeah, four lines.
why did that get said in my head in a jack sparrow voice?? dear lord.
um...yes,...i'll do some commenting now before scouting off to college on my day off. grr. bloody clarins peoples.
bislema/x |
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008
with every new day your promices fade away, it's a fine day to see, though the last day for me, it's a beautiful day....
mood-booooooooooooooooooard to hell
song(on the internal jukebox this time)-beautiful day-sarah brightman
god almighty, college is so f*cking boring right now!!!!! there's nothing to do! we got out of lesosn early, which normaly you know, i'm fine with, but on an icy cold day, when i am of all things hungry...i'd rather be working TT.TT
rant on too much time aside...
how is everyone??
i haven't been on this sight for a lifetime, i swear, again.
that was because i was living at my gran's for a month with no computer...that instills madness when you cna't do anything outside the house...
then i was on holiday for a fortnight in tunisia, which was ace, and would also make a great storyline for a soap opera (just don't ask...)
then i had a sh*t laod of coursework to catch up on from missing two weeks. eeep.
i am today getting ANOTHER assignment that i didn't know existed because no one had told me *cries*
aah well...just another 25 minutes to go...and my freind's playing her own music *wantes headphones*
and omg, she's on a proxy server. trust me to get the college's sh*tt*st computer.
it lets me on here though, so i best not grumble.
i will grumble because said freind is listneing to incredably shit music.
and yes, i can hear it. wah.
*sigh*
it seems i'm not over alex. god HOW many times do i say that?
i am fighting it this time, so it is getting there.
like electrolysis, it's a weekening proces,s everytime it happens, it gets weaker. right.
but anyhoo, no uprise, i had a dream about him. and woke up thinking about him.
and just told my freind to turn her music down, and she turned it up. blast.
i also like charlie. may have mentioned him. i won't gross everyone out with the details...but there is a very VERY small and slight feeble glimmer of hope on the extremely far off horizon. says it all really. blast.
blast and queer! i need to stop saying those words i swear! since sunday, everytihng's been queer, and if something's gone wrong. blast.
damn and blast if it's exceptional queer.
there i go again.
well....i should scoot off (which means i'll do another blog on here in five minutes...) as i think i've rambled on for far tooo long. maybe i can get on to myspace and do some oggline.
haha.
oggline?
blast.
i mean oggling.
crikey.
bislema/x |
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