Birthday • 1990-08-19 Gender •
Female Location • Member Since • 2007-01-13 Occupation • Real Name •
Personal
Achievements • written two books, one of which is hopefully being published early next year ~ finished studying NVQ Level 3 Beauty Therapy ~ Run 3 Businesses Anime Fan Since • November 05 Favorite Anime • ~ PHD (phantasy Degree) ~ Bleach ~ .hack//SIGN ~ .hack//Legend of the Twilight Bracelet ~ Love Hina ~ Final FantasyVampire Knight Death Note
Goals • businesses =) Hobbies • travelling learning languages writing art and walking Talents • walking.... writting, fashion, art
myOtaku.com: silver star rose
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
...and only you can give me the kiss of life, but you don't see me you don't...
mood-tierd song-autumn's monologue
*steels kaisap¡¯s idea*
avatar:
quote
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't...
Autumn¡¯s Monologue-From Autumn to Ashes
comments
Angel Zakuro: aye, Alex of the ILF variety is Bi¡¦and it is a BF he has. I¡¯ve heard that saying before, it really is a sad truth!
Talim-omg, your avatar and my head spin is making me feel like a stoned person¡¦ow owie my head hurts *looks away from screen* I¡¯m sure you don¡¯t need to loose weight! You got a BMI calculator thingy? That¡¯ll tell you if you need to. I hate underweightness-so don¡¯t you go doing that on meh!
Kasiap: I want to put weight on desperately!! I HATE lOOSING WEIGHT AND THAT IS TRUE!!! I can¡¯t get rid of my razor either...having you know¡¦I¡¯d never cut myself with a razor though, so don¡¯t worry about that one!
Magnus: I¡¯d miss you! C¡¯mon, when you left myO for a time I missed you!! You shouldn¡¯t cut. I shouldn¡¯t either¡¦but stop!! Stop with me!! I¡¯m 8stn now and that is kinda nearly majorly anorexic for me. 6stn and I will be scared! I didn¡¯t mean to fall for Alex...it just kinda happened¡¦but I am back on Alex of the Clifton variety now -.-¡®
ILF: to be honest-I have NO idea why Emmah was on about dumplings either¡¦ I didn¡¯t particularly want to fall for you either. It¡¯s a strange story that one. But oh well. I¡¯m ok now. Even though you won¡¯t read this. Good to know I¡¯m still your bit on the side though ^^
Emmah: we discussed your comment on msn lmao. But still. WHY THE DUMPLINGS?
post
Urm...I can't remember where I was going with this post now.
Thank you Emmah, for that raping my msn and facebook...um...*thinks*
Ok, apologies. Sorry I messed up with the whole commenting thing. I know I commented some people, but I can't remember much form yesterday. Everything was just such a mess in my mind. So I will try and get to you all tonight. If the timelines ever sort out before I got to work...
Urm¡¦ I forgot what comes next again haha
So¡¦yes¡¦now I remember and I am talking rubbish again. In my defence, I have a hughish head spin!! Lol
I know yesterday¡¦wasn¡¯t a good day. I feel a bit better.
Haha, my nearly over alexness didn¡¯t last. I still love him. Lots. And I mean the one of the Clifton variety. Not the ILF variety.
But yes. I am ok on that front.
Ok bout the cutting...urm¡¦*shifty looks to the side* my arm hurts T.T
And it¡¯s not good with the uniform for college. Oh dear. *cries* I kin did flip out and loose it.
*sighs* it was gonna happen sooner or later I guess¡¦but I spoke to my gay mate...and he agrees with me. I need to speak to a councillor.
Fuck. I have never spoken to someone like this before. And I¡¯m scared¡¦
But that is the plan now¡¦
I duno why I still like Alex though...I mean, he is still with Gina and I¡¯m never gonna see him again¡¦maybe at folk night if he does go¡¦
Dude, I never knew so many people would actually miss me! But thanks anyway ^^ I¡¯ll try to keep myself non depressed thinking if I can.
Hell, I forgot to the do the questions yesterday! That¡¯s how bad a mind state I must have been! Sorry¡¦
questions
Roseeyes: I don¡¯t know who either of those two are sorry *sad eyes*
Queen of Sheba: yellow or purple I guess¡¦
Angel Zakuro: there are too many!! Um¡¦*thinks* Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. - Unknown Author I just went on a mooch for it lol! It changes all the time though haha.
So¡¦I can¡¯t really think of anything to say¡¦but I shall leave with a nice AMV for you all ^^
mood-gutted song-autumn's monolugue-from autumn to ashes
ok that songs gonna go as my profile song in a minute...
hmm...so as to why i am a gutted person...
the whole me like alex thing...
he has a bf.
FOR F*CK SAKE WHY DO I ALWAYS gO FOR FRIGGIN GUYS WITH BFs/GFs OR ARE TOO F*CKINg GOOD LOOKING FOR ME?
Autumn's Monologue
Oh why cant I be what you need
A new improved version of me
But I'm nothing so good
No I'm nothing
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
Of violence of love and of sorrow
I beg for just one more tomorrow
Where you hold me down fold me in
Deep deep deep in the heart of your sins
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't...
Here I'm in between darkness and light
Bleached and blinded by these nights
Where I'm tossing and tortured 'til dawn
By you, visions of you then youre gone
The shock lifts the red from my face
When i hear someone's taking my place
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel
When all, all that i did was for you
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me you don't..
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me you don't...
I break in two over you
I break in two over you, over you
I break in two
I would break in two for you
Now you see me
Now you don't
Now you need me
Now you don't
so anyway...
yeah i kind already guessed he had a BF...or a GF depending on prefercens..it's kinda obvious...there's always a pattern with guys and me.
ie they're eihter bastards
or taken
or both.
but there you go..now i am vrying like a blibbering idiot for no reason as i never even saw him OR harldy talked to him. grr. why is htere now way of deleting CBOX messages?
*goes and cries in emo corner*
oh well...just as if life couldn't GET any worse.
it did.
i lost more weight and i'm now 8stn. it's really ppeing me off cause i don't WANT to loose wait.
but then i'm not eating soi guess it would happen...
i really think i should see a councellor...
i want to cut myself again and it's not good.
oh well.
doubt many peopel would miss me
huh...i love how i go wihout commenting and everyone commetns..then when i commetn no one comments me..i don't get it TT.TT *easily confused*
i can see me sitting here going `la la la la la la` in time th the song in a minute. aaw, inoue has SUCH a cute voice!! *puts song in*
i know it WAS my profile song for a time..then i got hitsugaya again ^^ i lboe him ^^
haha, *sits drooling at profile background* oh he has such nice eyes...mmm...*is off into the make beleive world agian*
driving
haha, my driving instructor asked me to drive from my house today. don't make me laugh!i jsut stood by hte bonnet looking in at him like a terrified lamb would look at a wolf...that hill i have to go upto for the junction is NASTY.
it was ok i guess. better htan my least lesson...i seem to be getting to grips wih power steering. i hate power steering SO much...
hmm...
so anyway-hte first thing wedid was to do some reverse parking. haha, there's me having a right tizzle over it and it's actualy ok to do...admitedly the car park we used WAS easier...as it was practicaly empty...
then we went for a drive around and i HATE walking through pershore, let alone DRIVING through it. i stalled and lost all my confidence which isn't much anyway when i got to the traffic lights
seriously, it's jsut too muc to take in ya know?? steering, accelerating, clutching, gear changing...i just get all confused and panic cause there was a car behind me who looked quite irate (the driver i mean, not the car) and i was scared i'd see a pug behind me...(will come back to that in a bit)
the pug
aye, i saw the alex again today...unexcpectadly. i'd love to know what HE was doing in pershore..ya knwo his GF is in london..so why was he htere?? and he's oin colleg in cheltnam which for him i compelty the wrong dircetion.
i hope he didn't see me either as inwas zoned out, saw the pug, then the KKV then the R935 then the colour and the fact it was a pug...and was like `oh it's alex... *stare stare stare stop stare*`
and why in the hell does he brake on that one corner?? THERE WERE NO CARS IN FORNT OF HIM AND THERE IS NO NEED TO BREAK THERE!!!
so, it seems i'm not over him like i thought i was.
seriously-every time i get him out of my mind and head, i either SEE him again..OR i dream of him. grr it's annoying me.
the other alex
hasn't been online in AAAAAAAAGES now.
haha, at least i know he won't be reading this as it is kinda blatant...*snif* i wanna talk to him again...i dunno why...i dunno if i jsut wanna talk to him or wether i might be starting to like him...
MEN!! WHAT IS IT WITH THEM??
malicious gravy
yup, that's what i thought.
why is there a song in the bleachy soundtrack called htat..WHY??
does anyone know where i can fnid decent wallpapers of her?
haha, she really is me in bleach, even to the them music *laughs self silly* *and puts that song up*
i spy (here) tocata and fugue in that...
questions
1) why is the person you most want to talk to never online?
2) how do you do HTML in the modify post section? that bit confuses me...
3) what is senna's surname in memories of nobody?? does hse actualy have one? andw hats her zanpakuto all about...wiki's being useless for once TT.TT
4) ask me a question...
the love of a fairytale is not for me, but the love of a tradegy it will be.
song-terra firma-lara croft mood-woooooo
yup, i just made my first button curtesy of emmah ^^
any one want the code, just PM me for it and i'll send it on.
i agree that my post last night did have too many alexes.
that is how i feel!!! only i know which alex i am on about...
i managed to get momories of nobody workin last night!!! well no, my brother did. i gave it to him at 11:30 in the PM cause he was jsut coming home from work as i was going ot bed and i said `ALEX!! IT'S HTE BLEACH FILM!! IT WORKS!!! but only on windows media player...
and he said he'd fiddle around with the XBOX and see if it worked on it. which it does. sooooooo, i am planning on watching bleach again most likely friday, on the BIGish screen in his room lmso.
damn the person who's name i won't mention (even though he enver bothers redaing my posts)!! HE'S ENVER ONLINE AND I WANT TO TALK OT HIM SO BAD AGAIN!!
and to think both me and Em used to hate his guts when he first started up..lmso
well if that wasn't a give away...i'll be more blatant next time *is in a strange mood*
i've noticed ihaven't really talked about my health recently...
it's gone down again. TT.TT
i'm back on 8 1/2 stone again T.T i hate this, its so annoying `cause yesturday all i ate was TWO CRISPS. and i was full and feeling sick. what's going on?? i cna't take any more of this T.T
modit:
i am now so so very happy!! BLEACH ARE DOING ANOTHER FILM AND HITSUGAYA IS THE MAIN(ish) CHARACTER!! OMG OMG OMG AND IT COMES OUT THIS YEAR!! WAHOO!! *is so downlading/buying it*
modit2:
omg...ok me and my older mates (half of which i don't actualy get on with now..) are sad...i'll get that out the way....
and we looked for characters in bleach that we're like...I FOUND MINE!! lol
senna from memories of nobody lol. even to the purple hair (before i chopped mine off) so wooooo...but i can't find any decent pictures of her *cries*
and i really love HIM...damn it i can't say. grr
modit:3
aye hte modits are back!! *laughs*
i just had a cool banner made for me!!
Banner was made by my good friend: Ben. Visit his site by clicking his name =P.
i love it ^^
if i ever get hte chance.. i shall try and make a hitsu one...(ie when i get my head aroudn hte coding...kinda wish i'd enver asked how you make banners lol)
modit4:
talking to ben (who made that awesome banner)
and he said that matt had told him he only went out with me cause he pitied me. FUCKING BASTARD! ('scuse he langugae)
`{{ixtli.yachiru.net}}*{{RahXephon}}*{{Waha!}} says:
Did Matt tell you he went out with you because he pitied you?`
i can't belive that at all. i trust ben..and like..matt hasn't been talking to me recently.
the fucking bastard is all i can say! *cries*
oh there's a bit more:
`{{ixtli.yachiru.net}}*{{RahXephon}}*{{Waha!}} says:
So why are you with Ellie?
Shimizu Shun - You called down the thunder........... now reap the whirlwind says:
Hehe, as good as it is to know you are well my friend, I grow weary of this conversation so I shall leave that up to your imagination
Good day to you *vanishes in shadow*`
gay.
modit5:
ok this really will be the last modit i promice!!
ok..this nght is gonna be long..me and matt are tlaking to now cause...of aload of sutff. im tierd i'll put it up otmowr. but i need a cuddle.
mood-wooooooooooo song-blossom-jake elderidge watching-memories of nobody-bleach
ok..i'm not listening to music AND watching bleach..i'm halfway through bleach and it needs laoding up so i'm writing this and listening to music...i'm not...strange like THAT.
so, woohoo!! finaly up to date with the whole bleeach epidsode and in my catching up of it all, i stumbled across memories of nobody and it gave me a link to downlaod it so i did. and it works!! WOOOOOOOOOOO
however, trying to burn it to disk...well now, that's another bloody thing!! haha, ok, talking of disks-it did jsut eject...*goes to try it on DVD player*
i bet it dons't work...
...
nope. what did i say?
haha, how typical?? HTE ONE PERSOn WHO CAN HELP ME IS AT WORK!! darn it..haha, em, could you possably help me when we're both online?? please ^^ i am offering to lend you the fiml if you help...*puppy eyes*
oh nooo!! i mnaaged to get it to play on the comp..so it's ok-i cna watch it...buuuuuuut....i then lost my place in where i was oringaly...which was 36 mins...now i have to watch it all again!!!! damn it all.
hmm...
i seem to be getting over my love for alex
and falling in love with alex.
get your head around that one!
i dunno really. i beith a confusseded person.
not sure if i should like this alex cause...i've never seen him and he's alreday said he'd go after my brother *seehtes* thank god he's straight then. (my brother, who's ALSO alex. god damnit there are three bloody alexs in this equation now!!)
or stay liking the alex i like anyway as i can't see me geting over him...but he has a GF!! and i'm never gonna see him again!!
it's like playing with fire. do i play wiht it safely or dangerously? when both are dangerous...
both of them look the same. alex and alex. from what i can imagine from alex's description..but then..wouldn't i jus tthink of alex when i was wiht aleX?
fuck sake. HE probably has a bloody BF knowing my luck.
damn it all-only i could ever get into such a flamin' predicamnet!!!
anyone still clear on what's going on with the alexs??
haha, well...i can't think of anything else to say soooooooooooooooo i shall be leaving you in oeace now ^^
i will come back to myO properly soon when i can comment!! xx
aye it be the bleach again...
ok, a short explanation....i am desperate atempts of catching up with bleach before parents come home (a week) and i am juggling som uch atm T.T but hopefully when i g a routine sorted with college and work, i'll find a myO times slot again ^^
so please don't worry about comenting my sight for a while cause i really havne't got time for you guys and it's not fair on you to keep comeitng me when i can't commetn back!! TT.TT
strange obbsesion with DJ Tiesto music coming on....
OW THE PAIN!!! why is the computer telling me english (united kingdom)? i know what language i speal.... song-they-jem
i have no idea what i'm going to say in this post...every time i do a post, i seem to forget half the things i was gonna say...and then remember them later on!!
ooh i'm happy ^^ just found more pictures of al...the wonders of facebook haha oh and i just added a teacher on there lmao
aah well-colleg is good-i finally have oe freinds wooo two are mothers, one is russion adn the other two are my age(ish) and we're all the missfits of the course lmao but at least none of them are snotty!!
i can't even reember if i posted last night...did i? *runs and checks* i was meant to...no, no i didn't post.
well then-i shall rant quickly about the snottiness of todays youths in england!!! one of my mates at college, Jemma, has a baby, so ya know, she has a pram and her little boy (who is absolutely gorgeuos!) with her at the bus stop and admittedly, some of hte boys (ie one) said `would you like a hand?` and that was ok, though she politely declined as she had to get on last, but none of the PH lot would move off their arses for her1! i really wanted to hit them cause they could see she was struggling to keep the pram still AND hold herself up. grr.
so yes that is my quick rant...
i also have my first assignemnt...*cheers sarcasticaly* which is in for tuesday...and shock horror...
I AM ACTUALY DOING IT!!!
only cause i get a £10 fine if it's late mind...
but it's all good with college now. i get to where the *sarcasm* UBER SEXY uniform tomorow....well, honestly speaking-the top half is fine with the tunic top...the trousers are bearable but they do hang funny..and the shoes are a more pleasant version of the croc shoe.
OH HOW I HATE CROCS!!! but there you go. the shoes ARE comfy and i DO have to wear them...
um...*running out of things to say which is possably good for you guys* parents are now in Dom Rep for a fortnight so i get unlimited interente *cheers on sidelines* so i inteed to do my asinment and commnt all you...the wonders of multi tasking...and hopfeully start catching up on bleach again ^^
and last but most definatly NOT least..emmah-theses people at college will never ever replace you!! they're too normal for a major start!!! and none of them can embarras me like you...and i;m sure you will again won't you??
well, ja ne!! xx
i noticed i dropped saying pip pip...
modit: the bus
see here i go again, this i only reember in talking to emmah and i sadi about hanging...i had to sit on a tiny rail on the bus home last ngiht clinging onto a tiny pole right next to he door of the bus!! and i get trsvel sick there...
liz (another college mate) agrees with me-PH studendts really are snotty!
*isn't adicted to bleach* 
i will come back to myO properly soon when i can comment!! xx