Monday, March 5, 2007

*cries*

mood-ill and bloody ill...i want to commit suicide TT.TT song-apologise-one republic i don't fucking beleive this., yes i'm swearing and i don't care. i feel ill AGAIN. and this si worse, at least last time i felt ill i wasn't wanting to make frog noises into hte toilet. now i want to through the entirity of my insides up. i nearly did this morning. and if my spelling sucks, i'm sorry, my arms are shaking majorly making it really hard to type TT.TT SOO...usualy, going to the ford makes me feel better. well, it does when i can sit on the bridge for a bit, but the waters up more than i thouhgt so i can't go the the saftey rail thing, walk along hat and then climb onto the brridge frame, so i had to turn around and go back. wel, that made me feel okish..thne i met up with emmah when i got back to collge and i felt allriht again. hten i went upstairs and started feeling owrse and when tried signing emmah in, my head was spinning majorly badly and i hda to give her hte pen and sit down before i fell down the stairs. i hten gt my bags from the common room and spent a minute coming down hte stairs and falling into every wall on the way dow...suppose i could have fallen dow hte stairs... hmmm... if i keep talkng, i feel bettetr...hmm..maybe if i don't go into hte common room...?? woot for fanmagna nes coming up!! ^.^ http://fanmanga.theotaku.com/view.php?action=retrieve&id=1120 go give it love XD ewll, atm, htat's all i have to say...scuse me well i go make frog noises into hte toilet TT.TT ja ne!! xx ___ I'm holding on your rope, Got me ten feet off the ground I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound You tell me that you need me Then you go and cut me down, but wait You tell me that you're sorry Didn't think I'd turn around, and say... It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late I'd take another chance, take a fall Take a shot for you And I need you like a heart needs a beat But it's nothin new I loved you with a fire red- Now it's turning blue, and you say... "Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you But I'm afraid... It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late It's too late to apologize, yeah I said it's too late to apologize, yeah- I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground... modit well, now listening to hyouri by ichimaru gin...can't find hte lyrics ANYwhere...hmmm... well, i feel slightly better than hal an hour ago... ewnt to he ford AGAIN cause that's been becoming my sencond home *sighs* i was planing on sitting somewhere nd staying there for a while tbh...but three was a van htere, so i was like `nope, not staying like a crazy lune` so..i fel depressed and have a headache. yes laura, d want to commit suicide right now because i feel sucky. that said, i told fleur about getting G and A to be more obvious about there relationship, soo...she said it ws actualy a mart plan..so i dunno..hopefully it happens..shit..i forgot t tell fleur to not let either G and A know htat's what i want O.O oh gods...htank god neither of htem are in my year let alone lessons!!! really, tht's all i have to say... except that my hed is spinning majorly again adn i still might go home and i'm repeatedly ranting again *raises eyebrow* gods...*passes out* modit 2 mood now- OMG song-beautiful-sarah brightman well...i came home...oh it's now 5:15...four hours later...just for anyonewho might have wanted to know that *raises eyebrow at self* well, i came home...am i on a loop?? and i went to bed four three hours...only got an hours worth of sleep...hmm..but i felt slightly better..apart from the fact that turfmeister owned me for feeling sick and not wnating to stay in his classroom...like i wanted to leave...oh gods...i;ve taken to enjoying college TT.TT and as i type i feel like i'm gonna pass out cause my heads spinning at a rate of knots TT.TT and i nearly did hte forg noises act TT.TT so...this post seems to be illness based, my apologies for that. well, mum came back from work and gave me a hug and we had a talk....forgetting that my brother WAS ni his room..ohwell, he's heard worse and is part of the familly... and something i NEVER actualy wanted to hear said..even if i spend practicaly all the time hoping for it to not happen at the same time wanting it to happen ni a very shameful way cause it'd mean no pain, and also mean no childrne. well...problems with the womb (i'm being blunt here if you're a guy reading this) and having to have a hysterectomy runs ni the family...and cause i've been having a hellish year this year with my time of the month (MTOM)and mum said that i might be having said problems starting..it'll be bliss i the most bittersweet way....ie-no pain, no throwing up or anything every 24 days....on the downside...WELL, won't be able to have children of my own..i odn't have a problem with adopting....but i don't know what guys are like...and i always inteed to have one child myself..becuase, i dunno...just womanly wantings?? or complete and utter madness?? the other though that i have NOT said to my mum, and so far only Gareth...is cancer runs really srtongly on both sides of my familly...and i really don't want it to be cancer...i think that would be my death come tomorw if it turns out to be...but i just have htis paranoia in me about it that's bubbled RIGHT up to the surface since mum emntioned `problems with` and `speak to sarah` (my cousin who ncouldn't have children either) i just want to curl up in a ball and cry rigt now...becuase...i don't know what goin to the doctors about this tomorow is gonna bring TT.TT ooh..have a video out of my ill bordnosity TT.TT

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