mood-ill...STILL
song-my immortal-(evanescence)
I NEED APPLE JUICE!!!
well todays been SOO enjoyable. not. god i want to die things have gotten that bad.
i went to the doctors...for some reason i ended up with a male doctor so all i can say on the is that at least me an my dad have these convos at home so it wasn't too embarrasing...
we never actualy talked about cancer or this histerctomy thing...that's good i suppose as it means it's not likely any of that causing me problems.
so, i am possably going to pescribed the contracetive pill instead of the metawhateverit'scalled acid inflametry tablets that didn't work...but i might not be able to take it because breast cancer HAS been in the familly, so has every other kind of cancer but that's not the point at hand *rolls eyes*
even if i can go on his damned pill, it dosn't take effect till the time after next i have a meeting with the monthly demon *sighs* meaning i still feel shitty now and i still get to look forward to feeling shitty for three weeks in three weeks time.
i thought about this a lot last night, compared to all this, histerctamy actualy sounds quite pleasant. one..or two..not sure..operations and admitedly, i'll never be able to have kids...BUT i can adopt and then i get fifty years without a single week of discomfort and illness caused my femininty.
so onto today.
i feel ill still.
actualy, my stomaches not so bad, but my back's killing me and i wish i had a personal messouse so i could have a massage right now...
but i stil can't swallow food without it getting stuck in my throat
and if i do manage to get food down into my system, it wants to do a U-turn and make me feel really bad for eating.
and that was the tiniest amount of a cerial bar.
so now ignoring the ill part of me which leaves about one percent and that one percent only has space for one thing.
*sighs*
i just can't get over A and the more i get annoyed with myself about this, the more i see him.
why does life work like this?
why do you want to see someone and they're not there?
and when you don't want to see them...you can't miss them. ..
this is really doing my head in now.
emamh and laura, i'm really sorry you have to keep hearing or reading about this, but i gotta put it some where before it blows my head up..which could actualy be a good idea right now...*sighs*
well, another of my not so really cheery posts.
i'll try and put something cheery up later if i can let mum let me back on at home.
___
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, haunt me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away oh all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all, all of me
ja ne!! xx
hmm...i quit cadets...as in, air cadets before somoene politely asks if it was hte army and i have to shout at them...
in a wierd way, i miss it, but it's gone down soo much since the CO that was incharge when i joined left because of familly reasons and his job..and hte fact he lived 20 miles away from the Sqn.
i could host a rant here, but ya know, i'll let you have some peace ^.^
oi you two noobs that have left me a loner, emmah, you're not being told off here....i need a HUG RIGHT NOW!
and laura, WHAT is yourr eason for not wanting to go to buisness?? yoiur section of roads not floded! lmao *have a hug*
oh the joys of art while your sat having a right ol' laugh and i'm stcuk in a classroom with the peace of teaching turf.
modit one
okies, today hasn't been all THAT bad...*is trying to be the optomist here* it could have been worse, i could actualy have done the frog noises act..which i nearly idid but that's not the point...
um..there really isn't any point me modyfiying this...i actualy have nothing to say ).)
OOOH!!!! ive eaten food again!! three cerial bars two pringles and
a partridge in a pair tree i meant two party rings >.>
and i'm going wiht dad to scummers (somerfield, a shop) to look for food..knowing me, i buy muffins of the savouryvariety..hopefully i eat them..i'm hungry...
ok...*searches youtube for a video*
have a video:
i'm so tierd..i can see me going to bed at 9pm agina tonight...*sighs*
ok, ja ne!! xx (for real this time XD)
modit 2
so much for last time then..
well, this WAS supposed to go in the last one...i just forgot about it...
ok, *quotes harry potter*
...`i heard it from the Bloody Baron, who saw him arive.` said Nick. `he appeared, according to the Bloody Baron, to be in good spirits, though a little tierd of course.`
`were is he?` said Harry, his heart leaping.
`oh, groaning and clanking up on the astronomy tower, it's a favourite pastime of his'`
`not the Bloody Baron, Dumbledore!`
ok, no more quoting..have a laugh though...Dumbledore means humming bee...i seem to have leanrt pages of wikipedia to heart O.O
modit 3
my god i'm on my theard modit!!!
well, emmah's fault erntirely..
her comeplte and utter madnosity deserves a mention as she mentionedit to me on msn...
well, we were walking to the ford..more, i was walking she was following...and she said...
`did i tell you? no i don't think i did..i did actualy...did i tell you? i did didn't i?` for about thirty seconds making us crack yet more ribs because i dind't say anytihng in that time XD
then hte ford wasn't as flooded as yesturday, and it was making beautiufl soft..water noise...like it does..but it was purtiful..apart from th fact we both need to pee after that *rolls eyes at us both*
oh well...now i'm here..have another video:
this is how flooded the town i live in is right now
no idesa what that is...won't know til tomorw ehter 8shakes fist* well, gotta dash!
warning-this post decribes female issues