Friday, March 16, 2007

   are you going to scarborough fair?

mood-i'd rather say irate... song-all the things she said the song-way too true TT.TT *shakes fist* the subject line comes from the song `Scarborough Fair`..actualy, it's the first line of the song...hey ho pigs bum. msn's not letting me in. OMG! ok so now it is letting me in. wtf? oh well no one's online. again. so today...mum's ill...so that means that, knowing my look, i'll just get well again, then because my immune system's fooked right now, i'll catch it...and what she has right now makes what i have seem tame...it's the same...only, mine's spread out over three weeks at a time, she has it all in one blast...that said, she'll probably vbe alright sunday and i'll still be not eating much *shakes fist* hmmm... it also terns out i was no wear near over alex. how gay?? grr...i ended up crying about this. CRYING FOR GOODNESS SAKE??!!! i would love to know what my subconcious was thinking. there was me trying to NOT cry about it and then to have fleur and jenny talk about relationships. oh i really wanted to know she's been ased out by four possably five different guys this month didn't i?? absolutely made my day. not. the n rick (the most annoying person on earth) pushed the table. and the tables vbroken so it went down his end and up my end. straight into my stomache. painfully. so i said ow and he laughed at me and kept doing it so i put my shoes on to go home and fluer grabbed me and asked me what was wrong so i said nothing. then she called my a liar so i said `fine, there's somethnig wrong. i just don't wanna talk about it anymore` so she didn't let me go and jsut said that i'd have to have a hug instead and not go home. then she asked again and said `boys?` so i nodded with the tears nearly there and then she said `alex?` and i just gave up with the not crying. it's stupid. there's no point me lusting over him the way i do cause he has a girlfreind. let alone crying over him. it is stupid right? *sighs* well afterwords was crazy. they were all determined to get me laughing so ellie and fleur lay on their backs on the floor, then vicky joined them and i just thought `what the hell` and lay wiht them. then we started doing a workout. on our backs. on the floor. in the common room. with my glories on show to baldi (WHY is he always in the common room?) but it was crazy...we got to presss ups, i did half and just lay on the floor fleur disapeared, vicly never started and ellie did two before flopping...then we all curled up on the floor....then my arm then ellie's back...she has a comfy back. and thankfully, she saved me cause alex came in and she wanted to go for a walk so i went with her. bad habits. ollie was smoking so i ended up smoking. god my resolve must be weak if i'm smoking agian. grr. fuvked up health here i come again. yes it was just tobaco, no weed or cocaine. i checked that one. i suppose now i've had a rant about everything else i can inject my embarasment once more. textiles. pure inocent, embarasment free lessons. usualy. i was in the other classroom as usual, but on my own this time as pip and hannah had an exam and i was there designing a dress, whihc actualy looks ok for once. and i heard a car, and as Sod has it in for me completely i just knew i was alex. i checked via closing the sindow..i guess shoving jsut an arm out the windo and closing it wasn't a case of `there's no one in that classroom` situation. he got out the car and was walkingalong the path (as ya do) and he was holding his guitar (i seem to like guitar players, and as i njow know, he made the guitar he was carrying. grr.) and he started playing (damn him, one major weakness there!) so, technicaly, i shouldn't be able to hear it, but i could, so i was half looking at the windo half at the walll with a thinking squint (as i was thinking `quoi?`) and he walked passed REALLY close to the window..as in, nearly off the path more in the mobile, and he looked, and saw the squint...and the blush..well he might not have seen that as he was wearing sun glasses. grr some more. he looks sexy in those sun glasses..mind you he always does. grr. but WHY did he look in?? no one ever looks in!! TT.TT oh well. i'm gonna kill Sod next time i see him. i really will. what does he look like? oh and he heard me talking about him really loudly. according to laura (Betteh.) i was leaning over her to talk to emmah and i cna't remeber what i said, but laura said `ahem` and i looked at her and she said `when you said that, they both (he was hugging a girl, not his GF) looked around and went *laura's wierd huh/zomg eyes go here*` so i guess that means he heard. emmah what was i telling you?? i know i tried bluffing and saying about his `brother nick` really loudly. but he didn't hear that. and hecaught me looking a zillion times. i hate sod. and i found out. low cut tight lacy tops do not go down well when sat infron of perverted teachers or baldis. i had to put my scarf on to sit most of the day. *sighs* really, i'd say that's all the randomosity of today. i think. oh wiat, i;ve been told i'm cooking dinner. no i'm not. i refuse to. last time i undercooked it cause i felt ill and couldn't actualy tell a differnce. what would be differnet now. oh wiat, i'd pass out this time around. thanks vati. really apreciated. i got given great (not) news today-tyhree years and i;m still not over ***. great. three years and I might not be over alex. oh how i'm filled with joy. not. and matt's not spekaing to me. why?? i don't know. OMFG!!! I FOUND ELFEN LIED LAST NIGHT AND THEY HAVE TAKEN IT DOWN AGAIN SO I STILL CANNOT WATCH IT. this light i see, is never an abolsution. i must be dreaming, theses thoughts i have- cannot exist here and now. let go of me and let me go, to my own world- where at last i could live and be free. never to dream of us again- or ever your smile at some other girl. oh how you haunt me- every night i dream of you; everday i see you; when all i want is freedom... clarity in this endless tunnel. rain falls on an uptunred palm shaking and creaking; the floor moves beneath me- could i ever find what i want... if ever you wern't there? woah..that was random. oh well, it's rather a while since i expressed myself in poetry..but..i dunno...is it ok? just to read that is. TATU lyrics i think i've ranted about enough now. i'll leave you with videos... ja ne!! xx meh. there's a thousand things i could say but i won't. however, the questions: 1) where do you get inspiration for decent questions from?? 2)how do you know wether it's love you feel for someone or not? 3)what's the stupidiest/sillyest thing you've ever done? well, that really is all and intend to not modify tonight. grr bleach isn't out. why? and how depressin *shakes fist* so no bleach OR elfen lied. youtube is failing me.

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