mood-down
song-wash it all away
Hmm...*deletes old post of three lines* I¡¯ve commented people...maybe not enough...the usual i guess...i don¡¯t know. I seem to live in confusion.
ok Emmah, I don't want to seem like I am copying you with writing a post on depression, I just want to get my heart down again...it seems to clear my mind for a short time...just a short time...
So...endometriosis and the verdict¡¦I spoke to a consultant at the Gynea...and he thinks I most likely do have it, but he is not sure yet. So, the next date is 14th November where I¡¯m gonna have keyhole surgery.
That time of moth is really starting o get me down. None of my medication works so it's just. Stupid. I hate me right now. i really do want to make friends with a knife but I won't because I enjoy life too much when it's ok.
The thing is, I am starting to forget what total okness is¡¦not just periods of laughter and happiness that last a couple of days...but months on end of feeling fine...I don't know what it¡¯s like anymore...
Alex...well, nothing has changed...so I won't right more again here. I just love him too much and i wish I didn't. And I wish I cud see him again. Which is a bad thing...
Birthday. Well that was a waste. it rained all day and my period was fucking up the swanny. I felt ill, I was in pain and my head never once stopped spinning i tried grinning and bearing it but it only lasted an hour or so...then I felt like a waste of space, like I shouldn't be there because I was down...but i shouldn't have been.
And this time last year, there was nothing wrong with me. no endometriosis lurking around the corner, no love, no pain...nothing, just arrogant ignorance I guess
I just wish my luck would change now. i feel like I¡¯m in the way, like I shouldn't feeling like this.
I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, i have no reason t be depressed, and yet, i just want to die right now.
I don't get it. life¡¯s a mystery and now I¡¯m gonna leave.
Xx
emmah: sorry i bug you so much, i really am sorry XXX
"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the answer is always there."
(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we idolize
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth
my final time
"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
"You're not alone, are you?"
"Never... Never."
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
"But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
well, ja matte ne everyone *hugs*
questions:
1) how do you know if you re in love?
2) how can you pull yourself out of love? |
