mood-wooooooooooo
song-winter flowers-Martha Tilston-or I will be when I download some more blummin' crap to play it...
So hellooooooooo again I am in a happy mood.
Even though I had a sad dream.
haha, yup, my evil evil EVIL subconscious is at it again with the whole `you will NOT get over Alex, in fact I will make you HURT in your dreams to remember him` grr. tis annoying. Anyone know a place I can have my subconscious removed???
So...first off...the dream (it's long, but shorter than last nights marathon)
Ok simply for description purposes for Emmah who I am going to get her imagination into gear¡¦haha
Alex was wearing a bright blue zip p hooded jacket (it¡¯s not chavvy btw), brown cords and studded belt with a black t-shirt on underneath with his long hair. (it¡¯s grown since the bizarre dream of snow INSIDE a building where it was shorty short lmao.)
the dream
I was with Rob (al's mate) and Alex...and me and Alex had started going out...and then, we were randomly hiding form each other...in a crappy way...so I went and hid, and then, Rob disappeared with some mates (leaving al who couldn't find me).
So then he got pissy cause he couldn't find me and rob was gonna go smoke skunk (stronger than normal weed).
I just looked at him with a blank expression and said `I¡¯m sorry, I didn't know that was gonna happen, I was just hiding`. (and I was sat with a mate as well who I haven't seen in a long time) and he got all arsy so I said `look, Rob hasn't even reached the gate yet-just run and you'll catch him as obviously smoking spliffs is more important than us`.
So I walked off and he went and caught up with rob.
The second part is my dear lovely (NOT) ex wandered into my dreams and he was tryna get me to go back out with him. (Even though I said no to him and I told him I was going out with Alex and omitted to telling him I had practically just broke it off with Alex.)
so he stalked me into the field and I ran away with him and ended up catching up with rob and Alex and they said `look, just sit with us` so I smoked for a bit, and I saw tom coming and Alex was tryna apologise so I said `I need to go now` and walked off.
then, tom was coming after me AGAIN so i went under the bridge and just stood stock still there and Alex came over too and said `where's Jane` and tom said `try under the bridge, I¡¯m not getting my feet wet for some waif.`
so Alex looked for me ad I jumped back up and ended up silent wrestling with Tom and then Alex popped up and came between me and tom so tom buggered off.
The third and sad part of the dream is after the fight I tried running off again and Alex grabbed hold of me and kinda forced me to sit down on the bridge and held onto me and said: (I am going to turn this into a script for a bit)
Alex: look, I¡¯m sorry I said what I did to you, I shouldn¡¯t have, and I am sorry`
Jane (me): you've already said you can't handle big emotion to your mate (his ex) so you haven't got a snowballs chance in hell with me`
Alex: no that¡¯s not true, I know I said I, but as soon as i walked away from you I regretted all I said, I love you and I don¡¯t want to hurt you`
Jane: but that is what every guy has said to me...and every relationship has fucked up
Alex: tell me babe, tell me everything, I wanna help you
Jane: yes but look at tom, look where telling him who I was got me. We split-he couldn't handle the fear and pain in me. And neither can you so I will stay single.
Alex: you mean you're ending with us?
Jane: yes
Alex: baby please don't, let us try, what if it works out? You¡¯ll have me and I want to make you better babe
Jane: Alex I love you, if you love me then lets just leave it as a dream for me.
Alex: why though?
Jane: because a dream is perfect-no matter how many ups and downs there are, it is always good in the end...if I stay going out with you-do you know how much it's gonna hurt me in, say a months time, if the same as every other relationship happens with me? I¡¯ll have nothing. I don't want that to happen
Alex: babe it won't. I won't let it I promise you *is actually crying slightly* I won¡¯t let it happen-please give me a chance.
Jane: no, I¡¯m sorry but no, we're not going out and nothing is gonna change that. So let me go now...
And yeah, that would be the end of the dream. Lovely eh?? I finally get a chance with him in my subconscious and what happens? I bleeding mess it all up, as I do in real life.
Grr.
Admittedly when I started waking up I managed to spend an hour getting us back together¡¦*sighs* I really cannae win against my subconscious!! It may make me sound schitz¡¦but I really can do two thing sin my head!
my subject line
With the beautician¡¯s course I¡¯m doing, they have actually said `you need to wear makeup as part of your uniform (oh the joy-I have to get up EVEN earlier than early to do all this) (though knowing me, it¡¯ll be a quick job on the bus¡¦)
So, mum yesterday in town said `is there anything you need for your course?` and I said `no`
Night time came and I was literally about to turn off and sleep¡¦and I went `MUM I NEED BLOODY MAKE UP IT¡¯S PART OF MY UNIFORM!!!`
I do have makeup, but it¡¯s all really dark stuff and I need neutral tones¡¦so I had to get makeup today. Joy.
Hmm¡¦
driving lesson with dad
I CAN DRIVE!!
Yes, I went out with my dad tonight and, it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve EVER been totally in control of the car. Ya know, dad doesn¡¯t have spare peddles to help me with the breaking or clutch etc. I did the gear changes to myself (though he told me when to change) and I sorted the steering out by myself!!!
Admittedly, I did think `oh no, never mind dad having that strong coffee when we get home, I will be¡¦` cause I was all over the place and I had visions of a car shooting towards me¡¦and dad left me to it (the roads were quite, that¡¯s why he brought me out late) and eventually I got the positioning sorted except for the occasional flounderance. I¡¯ve only been in a car 4 hours¡¦.so that¡¯s good!
On the way home, I was able to tell when I needed to change gear though I still let dad tell me just in case, pull over properly, and¡¦pretty much everything on my own and I had taken corners without emergency pulling the wheel hard left or right!!!
Ok so a pheasant did have a suicide wish.
To be fair, it was amusing!! This pheasant (that lies dead in the road) was with another one, and that one FLEW off, the other looked at me (well, the car) and just strutted right under my wheel!! I did brake slightly cause I didn¡¯t want to hit it...but I couldn¡¯t stop or swerve (even though there were no cars behind me) cause...if it¡¯s gonna be road kill, that¡¯s the way it is¡¦
Ok dad¡¯s calling me.
Ja ne!
roseeyes: i love nightwish too ^^ |
