Tuesday, August 1, 2006

I want to have the same last dream again tonight, the one where I wake up and I'm alive
Everything looks so pretty now, so sharp, so clear, so beautiful. I feel like a rambling idiot, anyway, but hey! there's nothing to do about it, no?

I'm learning to play guitar, if anyone needs to know. In fact, I suck right now. Can anyone offer pointers? xD

And if anyone can think of anything more idiotic that hot-glueing rocks under the sun, please tell me.

Why is it..that we delude ourselves as we do? Is it human nature, or simply a flaw of our systems, that doesn't let us see the truth of what is, or the truth of reality. Perhaps we really are brains in vats, or some other lucrative theory of sorts. What keeps us from being comletely and totally aware?
Maybe humans as a whole...aren't really as important as we think. Most people say they want to be remembered, they want to make a difference. But there's no impact any person can make, really, if we're so insignificant in this vast finite universe. We may become something in someone's eyes, only to have them die as well. We may leave books, stories, thoughts, memories; only for it all to fade away in the passing years. Inventions, gadgets of this era will one day be obsolete. Is there any true reason, really, for our supposed existance?
But if I think about it...how can know I'm alive, and interacting with what I think is the world?

[Originally 7.31.2006]

Soo. Dude.

Uhm. I got a poster of PotC2. It's on my closet door now, but I'm afraid it stands out a lot since my walls are this aged white color. I need to clean out my things..Nostalgia is probably the worst thing to ever have. At least for me. Just another sign that we're all closer to death closer to the end closer to the unending ending.

Whatever are we to do? Sometimes..I think emotions are so silly.

Then I remember the movie Equilibrium, and it reminds me. It's proof I'm alive. Proof that we may be breezes, but we're alive. That even little dandelions in the breeze can pull such sweet thinkings out of our little craniums and we can go mad in peace.

I feel like writing myself silly today.

Well, tonight.

Well, I should be asleep.

And I should really update more often. But I can never choose, this or livejournal or myotaku or myspace or my own personal document?

Zeb's decided to not type as often. Says it's frustrating, since he's more clear that he used to be. There's no need to write down what he may be, what he says, because I can hear and see him. Haha, now silly.

What fixations can we people have on the earth, in the universe?

Sorry, I feel lighty today.

Like woozy.

I was going to complain about my day...I hot-glued rocks to the ground today, for four hours. In the hot sun, but we need to, they're always falling into the big hole beside the pool and we're losing so many rocks. I think the heat may have gotten to my head. Maybe it was the ants in my pants [literally] or the fact that my hair was down and felt like a comforter on a humid fall day. We went to the library, and I got some musics. Love Angels and Airwaves, now. I love making faces with my brother and pretending we're superheroes, or reading him to bed at night, book after book after book. Or the way fudge bars taste so good after a day's work outside, or how almost sticky rice tastes better after being refrigerated a few nights. I read Fahrenheit 451, too. That might be another contributer to my mood. Perhaps..reading books as I have lately makes me feel like I'm walking on petals? Perhaps they make me see through a mix of the realest truest rosiest saddest point of view? Sorry, I'm going off. It's one of those posts again, ne? Takes me waaay back to my omega long livejournal post days.

I like writing like this. Perhaps, I'll change the way to this way.

And I'm making a giant bunny army with my sculpey.

I can't wait.

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