Friday, March 2, 2007

It feels as though something's inside me that's eating away at my so called heart...

I'm begging for it to just finish me off, but it knows gnaws and doesn't hit the vital point

I want to kill anyone who stands in my way of my dream... of my being dead.

I hate everyone right now, as if I'm a completely different person. No one knows this person, not even I.

They've only taken over maybe a few times a year if that... and it kills me slowly. But as soon as I'm about to die...

It goes away leaving me broken and insecure.

I want it to kill me already!

Why must I have to suffer more and more each passing day!?

I have no reason to live...

I don't really love anyone... not even my family all that much.

As for a lover, never. Love hurts... it's like a drug you get hooked on...

You have to have it everyday, keep getting more and more until they go away, and leave you for withdrawal!

Like a food addict or drug addict...

Who knows? Am I mourning a lost love?

I don't think I'd love anyone that willingly...

And as for friends... what friends?

They keep saying their there for me, but I see nothing.

They've got each other, and I'm the lone horse.

I can't even stand on my own anymore...

I want yet don't want a purpose in this so called life.

What can I possibly do to make a difference? Wait.

Don't answer that.

This isn't just my rambling, this isn't even a poem!

This is my twisted mind... and everything in it trying to escape from me.

Those people who claim to be my friends say they know I'm a good person...

How can I be good when I truly know nothing about myself?

The girl who used to laugh and smile and make jokes... it's a cover up.

To make sure no one sees the dark side...

Yes, everyone has a dark side... except one.

Of course that being Jesus...

but how could I possibly live up to someone like him? I want to more than anything, but I'm slowly breaking more and more each passing minute...

Will I be saved?

Will someone save me?

I can't save myself...

I don't know how. I'm used to saving others...

So... did I give all my defense to them?

I have nothing to protect me... no shield, no mental stability...

Getting lectured all the time just gets me mad...

Yet those fools don't shut up!

They can't even act somewhat mature... idiots!

How do they expect a somewhat good life when they make mine a living hell!?

I'm not using hell as a swear though... understand I feel like I'm seriously in it!

How can they call this Earth a part of the three heavens?!

This DUMP is seriously considered a heaven?!

What have we done to each other and it...

You wonder why people crack... it's all that I've said.

To feel you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders can easily kill you instantly...

That's not me. I suppose you could call me strong mentally, but physically, I think not.

Now that mentality is slowly dispersing into nothing...

What I worked so hard to keep, I'm now losing...

So many things... friends... pets... people I cared about... what next?

Could I please go next...

My entire being is now tired...

It has been for a few years now...

I just want to rest eternally... but I don't want to die...