Monday, April 17, 2006

I believe I can see the future
Because I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
Then again, that might have been a dream
Every Day is Exactly the Same- Nine Inch Nails

...

Zanorich is horrible.
Not only will he not let me starve myself... He also wants me to actaully sleep and take care of myself to boot.

Ok. Hes not bad at all.

But your still allowed to kidnap me if you must, Con. Just tell me the day and Ill make it easy for you. Ill wander around outside and look lost and hop in the truck when you offer me a lift and some candy. ^.~ You dont even really need the candy. Lets be honest.

The lady at Denny's called me "kid"
HAHAHAHAHA!!

I really want to redo my theme as it seems like everyone else is doing it. Few problems with that plan. A)Every one else is doing it. Im trying to break free of the crowd... not join it. So I should wait till an "original" time to do it. IE. At some point when every one else is comfortable. B) I still have that profile I have to do for my friend on gaia. I started one day and just havent had time to go back and look at it. I need to change stuff up for that and such. But I will most likely link to the profile when its done to show off the work. =^-^= C) Not enough time in the day to do anything.... At least thats what it seems like... Im either sleeping, working, or out of the house lately.... I get next Friday, Saturday and Sunday night off. But Zanorich is visiting. So that week end is a write off. Im hoping I get the Friday after that off.... Swollen Members is going to be in town and I really really REALLY want to see the show as the last time they rolled through the city I was 5 days to young to see them. If I dont get the Friday off... Im going to talk to my manager to see if he can change it so I get it off XD. I'll go alone if I must. *mumbles* would almost prefer that... anyway... No time to make a new theme is the point.

That and I lack inspiration to do anything... I dont have any ideas for themes or anything.... which makes me kinda sad.... Thats one thing I really miss. I really liked working with Heero on themes... He always had ideas if I didnt...

You know what I love? Finding money.... Granted its even better when its not your money.... but I opened my wallet today and found $20 that I forgot I even had. That almost makes my day right there... I think I might get ice cream later...
Sita
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Sunday, April 16, 2006

I'm not doing that well today
And self-control was never my forte
So I call a friend
Jesus with a pager and Mercedes Benz
Delivering Idiots- Stabilo

So I think I half figured out why Im so very ticked at Tiga for the whole Tiga/ Dory fiasco. The basic fact that Im suppose to drop what ever Im doing... I.E Sleep, eat, spending time with Zanorich, spending time with other people who are important to me such as Con, Afro... so far she hasnt intterupted me while talking to Zappa...

Case 1.
I get a text message last night right before calling Zanorich on my break from Tiga, wanting to talk to me. I gave her 10 minutes as I honestly prefer to talk to Zanorich right now as oppose to Tiga. 5 minutes of complaining about Dory going to game night later... It felt like 10 to me... I told her I had to go and called Zanorich. She knows I talk to him on my break when I can. It annoyed me a bit that I gave her time... I gave her advice... and she doesnt seem to appreciate it all that much. She must on some level because she keeps comming back to me.... but its getting to the point where my suggestion is if hes such a bad boyfriend... dump him.

Case 2
Im actually online at the same time as the majority of my friends... Talked to Con for about 20 minutes.... then had to leave in a fairly quickly and I though slightly rude way to go... I hate the "g2g ttyl... bye" good-byes. ((Wasnt quite that bad... but it was right in the middle of the conversation....)) Because Dory was wating at the door. She may be at his beck and call... ((not at his demand... but her own...)) but Im not... He can wait or he can leave... I can walk home ((hour walk XP)) but I shouldnt have to drop everything for him either.

Case 3.
I got stupid and over emotional over something silly Zanorich did. ((You forgot me... you JERK... But I still like you :P)) It was a bad day.... I was just in a bad mood all around... And I lacked anyone to talk to as it was 5 in the morning by the time I was free... I needed sleep... by the time I wake up shes either at work or with Dory.... and when I do get a chance to talk to her... god help me if the first topic of discussion isnt something Dory "messed" up...... HE ISNT THAT BAD!! I just havent even bothered trying to talk to anyone about it besides Zanorich.... is getting pointless...

Tiga is pretty much my best friend here... I've more or less lost the ability to talk to my best friend from High School. I talk to her now and then but its always about jobs and stuff... that usually happens once every few months or so...
These really arent things I want to talk to Afro about because 1) hes a guy.... 2)we have our own little akward past issue thing that makes it hard for me to talk to him about relationships.... 3) I would much rather talk to him about other things than me being a stupid little girl at times.... expecially as we dont get to talk that often now that I work at nights and hes on at random times.
I've attempted to talk to Stacie about some of the issues and the usual response I get is "Your such an idiot sometimes... your one of the reasons I'm not interested in relationships right now" ((On the bright side of that comment... Whoot!! Im encouraging someone to not reproduce))

Its just getting to the point where I can accuratly anticipate how people are going to respond to my seeking help... and I avoid wasting their and my time by even bringing it up to begin with.... The few other people I wouldnt mind talking to.... I usually have to work when they are free for the talking... and its begining to frustrate me to the fullest.... They are personal problems... so Im not going to post about them in detail on the MyO... PMs and emails are useless as its something you need to talk about now as oppose to later... I think I just need new friends... thats the only option I see as working... that or talk to a tree or something.... cause it has to listen... not like its going anywhere or anything...

On the plus side.... I got 14 hours of sleep yesterday... ((Stacie gave me shit for that too as it ment I slept as oppose to having a social life.... I was plenty happy alone and in my bed))... I talked to Zanorich which made me feel better and I think Im about to do another 12 hour sleeping marathon.... in four days Zanorich visits again..... yay!!
Sita
Note: Happy Candy day or what ever you want to call it. Im just not going to get onto that topic again....
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Saturday, April 15, 2006

Cause I’m broken when I'm open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
Broken- Seether Ft Amy Lee

So.... I lied...

It may take a bit longer for the cut to heal than a few days... But I think it will be ok.... Its just in an odd spot, so its bothersome to close my hand all the way.

Did the shopping thing.... didnt get everything I wanted but thats ok. I can shop another day, too.

I would complain about the usual things... but its tiresome for me to think about it all the time and Im sure people are tired of reading about it... in reference to the Tiga and Dory relationship on which Im like an appendage... I just know way to much about it and Im tired of hearing about every time Dorian does something that would show he has a life beyond Tiga.....
Fuck......
Scratch the complaining.....

My thoughts keep comming back to an old friend... I got in an argument with him once over the age differnce of a whole five months... He said it made him smarter than me.... Might be true.... One of those stupid discussions you have for the sake of talking....

(( Cant get you out... ))

He turns 20 today..... Lucky for him he gets to compete with Candy Weekend ((Aka Easter)) for attention.

Im usually so bad with remembering dates....

I'm really hoping the mood swings are due to lack of sleep...
Sita
Note: I went through my friends list and deleted everyone I dont visit... its such a small little list now..... so cute ^.^
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Friday, April 14, 2006

You don't know how much I count on you to help me
When I've given everything I got and I just feel like giving in
And you look at me
And give me that come-here-baby smile
It's all gonna be alright
You're My Better Half- Keith Urban

Ummm... Im a bit grumpy at the moment as I havent had very many good waking hours so far today... Dropped a microwave ((Dont worry... ITS ok..)), nearly fell of a ladder as a result of dropping the microwave... its not the falling Im worried about.... its the landing against the other shelves and the ouch and the possible twisted ankle that could arise from the said falling off ladder that Im worried about.... Cut my hand on a shelf.... that was due to my own stupidity though.... I kinda was trying to force it... and it didnt want to go and I forced it anyway and it jambed and my hand didnt and thats how that happened..... It will all be healed up in a few days.... and Im tired due to my sleeping being all wonky... which makes me grumpy... soooo... that just adds to the un-good feeling Im getting.... On the bright side.... I spent a bit of money at the music store.... Bought the first season of Dead Like Me, Howel's Moving Castle, and the new Stabilo CD... Today I do the clothing shopping.... then no more spending of money except for good reasons.... like more music.... or to eat perhaps..... or bribe some one to do something stupid for entertainment sake....

Speaking of entertainment.... I had an odd dream.... In which I was dating Pugsly of the Addam's family....
...
If that doesnt make you laugh I dont know what will..... Bed time.....
Sita
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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Now, I know I'm not the one you thought you knew back in high School
Never goin' never showin' up when we had to
Attention that we crave don't tell us to behave
I'm sick of always hearin' act your age
Fat Lip- Sum 41

So.... Im on the verge of sneaking my MP3 player into work as no one will let me go on a massacer due to the work music issue.

Im tired.... and for some odd reason the My Pet Monster song got stuck in my head today.... Well... its not an odd reason..... I saw one of the characters on a Birthday card.... but thats not the point..... Anyone remember that show besides me? Or Denver the Dinosaur? Con, do you remember Racoons? ((Canadian.... I dont think it was played in the States)) I think Im babbling to myself at this point..... If I think for a few minutes I can come up with more odd shows I watched at a kid.... but I dont feel like it... Its bed time now..... Later kids
Sita
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
- And I wanted it
Now, I'm having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need
To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just stop
Before I have the chance to contemplate the
Consequences of action

Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would ask
That you never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might
Dirty up your conscience

Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -

And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe?
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face?
And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe?
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face?

Bridge [x2]

'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design
Flawed Design- Stabilo

Maybe its my faulty memory.... But arent you suppose to be gone till September, Heero?

...

If your back it would be appreciated if you talked to me instead of taunting.... But Im pretty sure its not you....
Sita
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I am Cow, hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese and butter's
Made from liquid from my udders
I am Cow, I am Cow, Hear me moo
I Am Cow- The Arrogant Worms

So... If anyone pays attention to the chatbox at all.... I was up yesterday morning due to not being able to sleep and I popped a DVD I got with one of my music CDs in the player.... now..... considering it was called something like... I cant even remember besides something about stage dives... anyway..... I expected it to be a bunch of concert footage and interviews and stuff.... but NOOOOO... PETA propaganda.... -_-.... A bunch of different interviews and stuff from different punk and rock bands.... mostly against eating meat... This is from a Hardcore punk album I bought on a whim that has a picture of a half rotted corpse ((I think thats the army spelling but I really dont care anymore..... a dead person laying on a table... okies?)) featured in the CD jacket....

Anyway.... I stopped watching after four interviews.... Each little segment was about a minute long and it seemed like most of the artists they were interviewing were saying the same thing over and over and over and over and over.... "Animals are my friends... I wouldnt eat Timmy here... so why would I eat a cow?"... "Its really important people get involved"... "I've been a vegetarian for 8 years and I love my tofu".... Mostly the "Animals are my friends and Im not going to eat them" statment..... There was a few mentions of the fur industry.... cosmetics testing... but on the whole it was about eating meat..... It seemed like that was the main focus of the adds... to talk about vegetarianism.....

I really dont mind people who choose to not eat meat..... Its their life..... have fun with it..... Its like religion.... I really dont mind it untill some over-zealous jerk comes up and tries to tell me Im wrong for what I believe... But that was the main focus... "Dont eat meat, its healthier if you dont"

Is it so bad I want to know my food was a drain on resources before it was slaughtered, drained, and diced up before being grilled and served on a sesame seed bun? Im not going to force them to watch me eat it.... and Im going to stick to good old Alberta Beef before eating anything else... preferably buying from the neighbour who runs a live stalk operation, and knows what hes doing.

Granted there are places where animals are treated horribly.... and I dont believe in that kind of treatment... but as a omnivore species we are entitled to eat meat every now and then. And I would like to point out... they didnt talk about the stuff that happens to the test bunnies in the cosmetics shops.... or if their make up was animal testing free.... fur isnt even really in style anymore.... at least from my point of view.... and in all honesty.... half the animals wouldnt even be alive right now if it wasnt for their inevitable doom at the end.

I sound like an ass right now…. And most of it is sarcasm. I’m just saying. It’s a bloody good thing I had the freedom to walk away from that DVD…. Cause otherwise this rant might be just a bit more bitchy and I might be just a bit more inclined to buy a fur coat. The majority of the western population of 14-16 year olds cant even take into consideration that they might try to be a bit kinder to the people in their age group. Why would they be kind to animals?
[/rant]

I was talking to Keagon… mutual friend of Ramses and I, and I found out where he disappeared to….. to put it… delicately…. He doesn’t need to worry about where his next meal will be coming from for a while and if he behaves properly he might gain his freedom in under two years for good behavior…. Although from the sounds of it… I don’t think that will happen…. I made the suggestion that when he does get out… he might consider moving west to get away from the BS in his life….. But that’s in the future and he might have forgotten about the past all together at that point…. I hope for the best for him anyway… I never did get angry at him… Shit happens and I just kinda moved on….. I’ve been doing that more often lately…. Just giving up on waiting… not in the sense that I will never talk to him again if the situation were to arise…. But…. I’m not going to wait for him to show up…. Now I just need to learn to apply that concept to a few other people and Ill be set…

Oh… and the screening phone calls thing? It didn’t work…. Ill try to be on MSN tonight as its my last night off for a while…. But no promises…. I can see Dory wanting to rent movies and stuff….
Sita
Note: Im still considering whether I should drive myself mad with attempting to do that profile today or not.... I like sleep.... But I slept all sunday... but Im tired.. but the sooner the profile is done... the sooner I can say "HA!! In your face BBcode"... but.... pillows...... and blankey...... and..... and..... Im so confused...
1 hour later: I f*cking hate BBcode... Im going to sleep.... feel free to beep me on my cell via MSN....
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Monday, April 10, 2006

And I will crawl, theres things that aren't worth giving up I know.
But I won't let this get me I will fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside somedays all I do is watch the sky,
Somedays all I do is watch the sky.
Watch the Sky- Something Corporate

So I slept from about 4 at night to midnight... That was my day. yeap... sleep. a good part of it was in the state where your awake but still dreaming... So... I cant actually remember what happened... but I remember I was dreaming... and thinking... alot of it was stuff you just cant put into words no matter how hard you try... been thinking about stuff like that alot lately... getting in fights with people... feeling restless... getting a bit ticked at some people for dumb reasons... I kinda feel like in the group of face to face friends I have I end up being the person they go to bitch too and otherwise Im expentable.... so... I might just screen my calls for a few days and just talk to the important people I know.... Im just getting tired of not having people to talk to face to face who will just listen... that was part of the breakfast thing that ticked me off... I really wanted someone to just listen to me for a bit and I couldnt get one.... To top it off... generally even if Im in the middle of something... I will take the time to do a phone call for some one to just talk... it gets a bit bothersome when they dont listen to your advice though... such as the call I got from Tiga... She complained about Dory for 10 minutes straight... I suggested she doesnt visit him for his lunch... then she says "Oh... hes here now... bye" and hung up...

Its those kind of phone calls Im tired of and I plan to avoid for a bit...

I guess Im just getting restless with the lack of change... If something bothers you... change it.... dont let it stay the same.... Maybe I can save up a small bit of money to go on a trip this summer..... that would at least change the landscape...
Sita
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Sunday, April 9, 2006

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would ask
That you never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might
Dirty up your conscience
Flawed Design- Stabilo

So... Umm... I think I had about a three hour nap... I kinda decided to boycott sleep till further notice then promptly fell asleep as Tiffy and Stacie watched Memoirs of a Geisha again... Im reading the book.... and I figure Ill just be really critical of the film if I watch it to much... The book is already better in my opinion... anyway... I got sort of half tricked into making a profile for a friend on gaia.... I was a bit cranky after I realized how much work I had signed up for... but... I havent worked with coding in a long time and usually after a long night of fighting with codes I feel good for some reason... so I think I might dedicate some waking hours tomorrow to that... other wise... It was a general sleepless day... I got stupid at one point and giggled for a good 20 minutes straight.... paid for it later with a small headache... but it was good times... Also saw a person I use to go to school with at Walmart... I avoided all contact as hes kinda one of those people that your really not sure if you want to say hello to or not... That and he had his hair grown out the same length as mine.... I was afraid I would burst out laughing... I dont have anything against long hair on a guy.... but... his was permed.... and... just... he looked goofy.... I wasnt in the mental condition to say hello... end of story... and that was my day.... Im happy to say Im not even tired right now... just a bit worn... which isnt to bad...
Sita
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Saturday, April 8, 2006

Tailgates, long talks
And your superficial friends
Shiny, silver Fords
That lead us to dead ends
And I said do you lick these salty wounds
That you, yourself condone
I sit, wait, and I'm all alone
But I can't go home
'Cause you're my home
If I Die- Something Corporate

So... I threatened to run away...

The plan is Im going to bus it to Vancouver... Hop on a ship to either A) China or B) Inndonisia... hijack the ship to Australia..... Manage to catch Howee before he goes to Europe... manage to stow away in his luggage with out him knowing it.... Escape from the luggage when in Europe... find my friend, AKA Fes ((cause he was the Foreign Exchage Student when I was in grade 12)) in germany.... hang out with him for a bit.... leave... go to Africa for a bit.... I want to see an African Elephant.... hopefully end up in Zimbabwe... cause that was the only African country I could think of at the time.... find a boat/ ship there.... cause Im not entierly sure where its located, ie close to a coast or not.... I think its in the middle.... or close.... I dont really care.... Im running away here..... Supposedly my boat/ ship is going to end up in Antartica.... where personally I plan to die from the cold... Zanorich says Im going to find a five star prepaid hotel room.... I still say Im going to die from the cold because Im not going to know the room is paid for.... The majority of this is planned because I want to be difficult... but its probably going to take place because Im fucking tired of being ditched out on... long story short I cant find a bloody breakfast buddy to eat with and I find it depressing when I have to eat alone.... so maybe if I die in antartica.... people will realize they shouldnt have been so fucking self centered and should have shared coffee with me.... theres more to the story... but I prefer looking like a selfish brat right now.... maybe Ill go visit Zappa... among other southerners....
Sita
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