Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Every single day what you say makes no sense to me
Lettin' you inside isn't right, you'll mess with me
I'll never really know what's really going on inside you
I can't get my head around you
Cant Get My Head Around You- Offspring

It’s kinda funny... The large majority of the time I don’t want to a) worry about anyone else and b) have anyone worry about me.

It’s a way to deal with being an individual. If you don’t worry about anyone else you don’t have to worry about how your actions will affect them... and if they don’t worry about you, you don’t need to worry about criticism or letting people down when they expect more from you than you can accomplish or deal with. Your free to be yourself if you don’t have anyone to worry about.

Of course things tend to go wrong and you always end up worrying about other people and how other people see you.

What’s the point in trying to figure out who you are when other people seem to have you figured out.
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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

All I need in my life is a girl similar to a wife
and I provide for her, even ride for her.
Live and die for her, son I even cry for her.
Don't put your hands on her I'm doin' 25 for her.
How could I ignore her, first time that eye saw her.
Love, baby shit.
Girl your lookin' good now'a days
and I heard you like a man,
maybe I can be the one to dance into your plans.
You don't need a man that treats you wrong..
Tru Rider- Mowett Ft. Loon

*smiles*

yeah.... been thinking about it...

I wish guys came with either manuals or status indicators..... that would be nice...
Sita
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Monday, January 23, 2006

Life goes on
Come of age
Can‘t hold on
Turn the page

Time rolls on
Wipe these eyes
Yesterday laughs
tomorrow cries
Cant Repeat- Offspring

ummm... we do all know that the stuff I post up there *points at the top* ARE song lyrics and I dont write them, right?.... Right.... anyway.... The day started a bit.... oddly... with.... things..... *cough* anyway... long story short.... due to the way the day started I was in a crappy mood all day till I got home and had a nice little convo with Con and Zappa and later Zanorich... I felt alot better after talking with them even if Im still a bit angered by the other thing.... anyway.... other than that... not much else happened to make my day.... I managed to get myself into an akward conversation to end the day... WHOOT!! ciao all
Sita
Small Additon: I'm wearing those socks... the ones my granma made... I think I love these socks... I would die for these socks.... they could be the father type figure for my children if I ever decided to reproduce.... alll because My Grammie made them and they are comphy and warm and I loves them.... I thank you
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Sunday, January 22, 2006

There once were eyes that only saw you
But you never knew
A portrait of a flower in full bloom
But you never knew, never knew no
And the words that you fear will always be
The words you hear
How Do You Love?- Collective Soul

You know its going to be a bad day when the first words out of your mouth are "Oh you so did not just wake me up"

I miss Heero
Sita
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Saturday, January 21, 2006

Pray the lord my soul to keep. I try to hang on to the best of me
But changes keep on changing me. I just want to love who I turn
Out to be. All the rain…don’t quite understand it, can’t quite
Handle it
Things That Made Me Change- Macy Gray

*sighs and curls up in the corner* The past four days have been like a walking dream. Im starting to see things out of the corner of my eye both physically and mentally. Small things bug me... Im really short with some people. I've developed a really bad case of paranoia.

theres no one behind you, theres no one beside you,
theres no one beside you, you know as well as I do
theres no voice inside you. that shadow isn't moving
you must be losing to confusion,having illusions
still you wanna prove it,paranoia, that someone might be coming for ya
Paranoia- Swollen Members

I dunno. At the same time Im probably the most calm I've been for a while. I got stuck at work for an extra 15 minutes because the damn numbers were off by alot. I know all my stuff was good... Cause Im usually pretty good with the numbers. But other stuff was throwing stuff off... 15 minutes.... numberous recounting of the money... at one point I turned around and the lights were off in the back room. Theres no light switch in the room... Im not sure if the lights all blew at the same time or what ever.... but since they started doing constuction in the mall we've been getting funny smells in the store that are like the smell you get from electrical fires and stuff.... Im kinda worried that some bad fumes might be rolling into the store though the ducts. All I know is when I noticed the lights were off I got a really creepy feeling.... I dont like being in the mall when its dark and Im by myself. On top of that I've been sleeping alot but not well.. I woke up the other day out of a dream that my room was haunted by a violent ghost. And it seems like Im waking up every few hours for no real reason. *shrugs slightly* Im just not feeling very mentally stable right now.... Im not sure if its due to me being overly refelctive right now or what..... but Im really twitchy and its kinda nerve-racking
Sita
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Friday, January 20, 2006

She'd just turned 21
She didn't care to hang around
So when the shit came down why she was nowhere to be found
This life can turn a good girl bad
She was the sweetest thing that you had ever seen
Cherry Lips- Garbage

ok... so to recap the last few days in a few words..... I cant remember what happened.... been all over the place and stuff has been happening like mad.... and its just simple basic stuff..... it doesnt help that I cant remember when one day started and the other began cause my sleep pattern is all over the place. anyway... wensday was fun cause a friend of Stacie's was turning 18... drinking limit here is 18.... so we had to take him out.... Tiffany was suppose to go.... but ditched out to study for exams... and Im not even sure what we were thinking going out on a wensday night as nothing was really open... we went to this little martini bar... which was interesting... as Im not really a Jazz and drink kind of person..... course... the band that was playing wasnt really playing Jazz.... it was more like folk-y slow stuff... neary put me to sleep.... anyway... we left there after about 20 minutes or two drinks for birthday boy... went to the pool hall and played pool for an hour or two and did a few shots.... so that was fun... then since pool wasnt really doing it for us we decided to go cruise the normal bars.... all looked pretty dead... till we passed this one called The Catwalk. Not a bad bar... not the best.... they've had a few inncidents there that have involved knifes and stuff..... but that happens in all the bars here... anyway.... it looked open... which confused us a bit... so we went in to check it out.... first off it was alot slower that usual.... it was prolly only about half full as oppose to the usual 3/4's it is at the same time on a week end night. second off.... they werent playing the usual rap and hip hop stuff they usually play. Third off... everyone was in black.... and gothy..... and... punky.... and.... just really cool clothing! *points at quote from yesterday* I was in a good mood so I started a random conversation with this one guy that I normally wouldnt say anything to for fear of being hurt... I try to avoid judging by apperance.... but.. he just looked really.... "not going to take bs"... *whispers* worst part is..... Im kinda attracted to people who dress and look that way, depending on the day, so.... I was probably nervous from that too..... anyway... just started a conversation with him... only about 5 or 10 minutes.... but it was cool. I found out a few locations to find studs and spikes for if I ever need to punk up my clothing. also found out they dont let you on the city bus if your dressed that way because your a hazard... which....ok... that makes sense..... I guess...they let him in a bar with inch spikes... but not on the bus.... *shrugs* anyway..... After that I went home to sleep... and I slept..... woke up.... went to work..... this is the interesting aspect.... ok.... so.... I think I posted about the whole JoAnn yelling at me when I asked her to make a list..... and I really wanted to walk out... if I didnt post about it..... well... thats the jist of the story.... anyway.... I got into work today and was talking to Colleen... shipment came in today.... and only half of it showed up.... So I guess JoAnn started getting angry at Colleen for it.. so by the time I got there Colleen was ready to quit.... heres the funny part.... I was more ready to leave on the spot because of what JoAnn did to Colleen.... than the day JoAnn snapped at me... I've been told that if I did happen to decide to walk out one day chances are I wouldnt have to worry about not having a job. Supposidly Im in a position where I could just walk out and then come back the next day and I would still have my job. I kinda want to test that theory. But at the same time I dont. Its either I do that or talk to JoAnn about what shes doing. Though she strikes me as the kind of person who thinks she can deal with people... when she really cant. I know Im the only original cast memeber left at the store from when we had Terry... Stacie left mainly because of JoAnn.... Tiga is planning on quiting because she isnt being paid enough or getting enough hours to pay her bills.... and Colleen is planning on leaving due to boredom and harrasment. *closes her eyes* All I can do is keep thinking "if you all quit..... and Im the only one left..... I can ask for a 50 dollar an hour raise..... and get it...." Cause JoAnn is so picky about who she'll hire... all the people that did want to work at the store before..... sure wont want to work there anymore.... serious shortage of employees.... Makes me a little sad to think of how stressed that would make me.... but its also funny.... cause the more stressed I get.... the more likely I am to just not show up XD.... yeah.... work is getting interesting... Im going into I-dare-you-to-tick-me-off-cause-you-really-dont-pay-me-enough-to-put-up-with-it mode.... I kinda wish we had a union... then I would feel better about dealing with JoAnn... but.... ehh... *shrugs* they dont pay me enough to care that much XD
Sita
Note: I kinda just started ranting didnt I? geeze..... cut off.....
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Thursday, January 19, 2006

In the sky, there is the moon
A large yellow circle
finds her in the mood
but in her eyes I can see it all
Impossible Outcomes- Get Up Kids

"Punk isnt a way of looking. Its an additude. And your pretty hot yourself"- Random guy at the bar on metal night

*grins* thats what I get for starting random conversations... His jacket was freaking awesome.

Anyway.... my other interesting thing to happen today... I wasnt drunk during this one.. nor in the same room as Tiff.... so.... I asked her about my love life.... Dunno why.... but this is what she came up with.... un edited (much)...

Tarot God: You don't have a sex God, I do see a young man though
Tarot God:*strokes chin*
Sita: oh yeah? is he close or far?
Sita:*strokes Tiffys chin as well*
Tarot God: *insert name here*, why are you so complicate?
Tarot GOd:d
Sita:I dunno... ask the cards.. why? what did they say?
Tarot God: 8 of penticals says: ou kjnow this person, and you've already laid down a foundation of some kind
Sita:ok?
Tarot God:Indeed, so I'm assuming you're on a personal basis with this person. I see the start of something new - or an attempt at something new
Tarot God: but this will kill the foundation thats already been laid out, so you need to be careful of that
Sita: you kinda scare me sometimes Tiff..
Tarot God: This guy is kind of am um...I dont' want to say adventureous, but like easily entertained, kinda stupid in the sense that if getting to where he wanted to be involved attempting to fly off a tall mountain he'd probably do it out of spite
Tarot God: not a bad thing, but, he can be kind of a nob I see
Sita:lol
Tarot God: It looks like he may have gone through a transition of some kind, having to give something up for someone else or something better...no idea what though.
Tarot God:doorbell
Tarot God:brb
Sita:ok
Tarot God:lmao
Tarot God:holy fuck did
Tarot God:that
Tarot God:was the mormans
Sita:lmao
Sita:you should have offered a torot reading
Tarot God:lmao!
Tarot God:Dude, I shold have
Tarot God: should have brought my vodou book up with me and offered them some stuff to look at
Sita:lol
Sita:would have been awesome
Sita: ok.... so Im having difficulty figuring out who this person could be
Tarot God:I duno, justice is trying tp speak too...he seems like maybe he's secrative, trust worthy mabe
Sita: TIffy... *whimpers* figure out who it is
Tarot God:maybe*
Sita: *wants to think.. HEERO... but doesnt... cause hes missing*
Tarot God: He's going through a bit of a struggle at the moment...I want to say family issues
Sita:*now sex god*
Sita:is he close or far?
Tarot God:I don't know
Tarot God: I'd like to say close but i might be wrong.
Sita: *cant think of anyone close that fills requirments unless close means in the same country*

yep yep.... and other than that.... Im kinda to lazy to lay out what happened today... its late and Im tired.... have a good one all
Sita
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Hot shot, walkin' up and down the block
I like it how her mini-skirt keeps crawlin' up
She turns boys into toys, winnin' all of their affection
She gives me such a shock, baby, I am no exception
Forget My Name- Danko Jones

BWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!! *is high*.... *cough*.... ok... so... the router is fixed.... It involved calling the techies... which was what I was trying to avoid... but gave into in the end... I swear..... I can hear people rolling their eyes when I tell them I run Windows ME... YES!! I KNOW!! I SUCK!!.... Everyone I tell... I CAN HEAR THEM SNICKERING! anyway... not the point.... I got my router back.... which makes me happy.... cause that means I got internet.... I called Afro today cause he was all... non-existant on MSN... Three hours... and a bit.. cause I called him in the afternoon and we talked for a bit then I had to go and I called him back again later... but... three hours... till... certain subjects killed the convo.. that and I think he was sleepy... hey.... is it just me or does the "Add Post" post writing box look bigger? its at this point I can hear Howee... "Your a fool".... anyway.... other than that... stuff happened.... but I can only remember a few things.... Im stil reeling from the phone call..... and... other stuff.... *breaths deep* oooo... and BTW... thanks for thinking me quotable Con... Im honored... ehhhh.. Im to tired to rant again tonight.. need a break... maybe tomorrow... night all... have a good one
Sita
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

There's better ways to let me know
Leave a message, slip a note
In a place I'll never find
Should be careful of what you say
Could all catch up to you someday
Ignore it twice, you know
It won't go away
Business- Treble Charger

right-o.... as per usual.... bed was nice... and sleep generally fixes alot of stuff for me.... I woke up... and like most times I go to sleep depressed... I just wake up confused or on the level with not feeling anything... Anyway... TODAY the 17th of January is important to me... Very important infact... Today I hath known Afro Jones for a full year... Im not one to keep track of anniversaries or remember dates... so Im kinda surprised I remembered this one..... but its been a bloody year... and it feels like alot longer... hes been there through alot of crap... and I LOVES HIM!! I really do... *huggles pillow in replacment of Afro* anyway.... *cough* enough of that... I was going to put up a story TODAY... but things kept getting in the way... so... Ill post it when I post it.... that should just keep people comming to the site I suppose...

Anyway... I was talking with my fellow Canuk... discussing how people do the relationship thing... ok... lately theres been some tension between myself and Tiga and Dory due to what happened about two weeks ago... thats part of the reason why I got so upset last night... I finally managed to talk it over with Tiga and felt ok about it then Dorian said something that just messed it all up again.... but..... seeing how I distanced myself from the whole relationship... I've been seeing things in a more neurtally set light.... It seems like all she can do is complain about him... If its not something about him not picking up the phone... its how he wants her to see a movie she doesnt want to see... or his inabilitly to take no for an answer in certain situations... *cough*... now... Im generally not against listening to other peoples problems... and generally I have advice.... ITS JUST ADVICE... so I dont expect people to listen to me... We spent a good two hours talking yesterday and everytime she mentioned some form of frustration she had with him... in particular one night she ended up staying at his house for a few hours when she really wanted to go home and see her mom... my suggestion... she should have got up and left when he sat down to watch a movie.... he was suppose to be doing other things such as laundry... thats what made her so frustrated... so... theres the Relationship where it seems like one person is complete oblivious and inconsiderate to the others views and values... and the other bends to the inconsiderate's stupidity. Its a matter of equalitly.... *sighs and sits down* There have been alot of things I've been thinking about lately... different aspects of relationships I've been reflecting on. One thing I've been trying to spit out when I talk to Afro... I've looked back at some of the conversations we've had... and... *smiles* thats the kind of relationship I want with the guy I end up with... thats assuming that I ever find a guy..... We talk... we joke... we know when we've ticked the other off... which doesnt happen very often.... There is no mention of sex..... no thought of that at all... which... from some of the past relationships I've had... and in all honesty... even one or two of my present ones... that seems to be the main focus... If the discussion isnt about sex... there is no discussion.... which... I have no problem talking about it... but its not right if thats all that you talk about.... *breaths deep* Thats why I absolutly adore Heero... when we get the chance... we just talk... In all honestly... I cant remember what about half the time.... but its just talk... I dont understand realtionships where people are not in a balance... if its all give or all take... I dont think its a good relationship. Some things have to be sacraficed in a relationship... but that doesnt mean that one person has to make all the sacrafices.

(( I realize at this point Im rambling.... but I've had alot of stuff on my mind for a long time.... so Im just going to spit it out.. If you read it all..... thanks... If your offended... bite me... Im exercizing my right to free speach.....if it doesnt make enough sense to offend... then good... my job here is done......))

*deletes portion of post* I hate when people are to stupid to listen to warnings.... You want me to be a fucking friend Jaxx... I'm not going to lie to you.... You want lies.... Then I'm not your friend... good luck with that... and nice knowing you
Sita
So ya'll know.... might be away for a few days... Im trying to set up a wireless router on my comp but its being a bitch... so depending on how things work tomorrow... I may not have net for a few days.... Those of you that have my number.... feel free to call.. *cough* AFRO *cough*
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Monday, January 16, 2006

I know that I have to sleep at night
And we all need someone to blame
Noone ever has to realize
That we all get tired again
I Dont Know- Treble Charger

hmmm........


Ok... I talked to Zappa last night and he kinda nudged me into talking to certain people who had made me angry... I talked to them.... and... after talking to other people... the whole situation just frustrates me.... Its kinda one of those... "common sense aint so common" type of situations... Or common consideration in this case... *sighs* Its situations like this that I discover that I do in fact have morals and guidelines that I think should be followed... and it makes me feel a bit more human even if it does lead to me being frustrated with people... anyway.. other than last night's drama... A personal important day is commin up... which Ill tell you all about the day it comes up... I just know its really imporatant to me.......


ok... I kinda went out... Tiga was suppose to go with Dorian to a movie today.... Stuff happened and that didnt happen and she was trying to get ahold of him for most of the day... She took a break from that to talk to me for a good two hours on the phone...Finally got some stuff off my chest thats been bugging me for a bit... so that was good... at about 11... in the middle of my post she popped up on MSN and said she finally got ahold of Dorian... via Text Message.... then he started ignoring her again... so I suggested we go out for coffee... Just her luck... he called her when we were about half way there and we invited him out to join us cause she missed him... anyway... Ended up in the end we drove around in the snow for a good hour or so... it finally decided to snow here... only bad thing about that is the ice... at one point Dorian said something... that... I dont think Im going to be around him much anymore... They dropped me off at home and I think I was three steps away from the car and I started crying... I got the next two days off work... The majority of it I think will be spent in bed... I cant spend time with Tiga without Dorian being there... and other than that... I just dont want to leave the house anymore..... I thought I was at the point where stuff just didnt matter anymore and I think I was starting to get better... but... I just keep getting kicked back down right now.... The few good things I do have... also have their depressing sides... which.... whatever... Im tired of feeling bad about myself and Im not entierly sure how to fix it when Im not the cause...
Sita
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