Wednesday, November 23, 2005

You've become a big part of me baby
I found my empathy in your abuse
I'm just a special event to you lately
Am I nothing that's real or true to you

DONT..GO.. I thought I'd never tell
But it's something you should know..

I got no secrets
I give myself away
I got no secrets
And I give my whole existence to you
I get so damaged
Watch me slip away
I get so damaged
Because my whole existence was you
Was you
No Secrets- The Exies

Ok.... so... you sit there... and you think things cant get any worse that they really are.... your sure you've hit the bottom of the barrel.... really..... ok.. lets start from the begining.... back to drunken movie night..... got tanked.... started thinking about stuff.... wanted to PM D'Hiur in the worst way.. didnt.... last night... I tried to discuss the whole issue thing with him.... he managed to squirm out of that out of dumb luck... so I wrote him a fairly long and heart felt PM.... something along the same lines of what I wanted to write when I was drunk but slightly more coherent..... at least I hope it was coherent.... it just kinda made me all weird emotionally.... screwed with my mind a bit.... (from the way this story is going your prolly all thinking hes the problem... am I right?) so... I wander into work today.... Tiffy was off right when I started... so we said hello and good bye really quickly cause she was going out with another friend.... and Im getting all settled in, throwing my stuff in the back and getting my uniform on... I wander out of the back room and Terry, de boss, is leaning on the counter and he says "So do you want the good news or the bad news first?"... I kinda thought it would have something with our district manager, Ed the talking Horse, comming down or something.... so I said lets hear the bad news first... "bad news is Tiff is quiting." thats the first blow.... Tiff is the one who hired me... shes the one thats been with the store the longest at this point.... with out her... were kinda handicapped... so I asked him what the good news was. "Good news is I quit" at this point I look at him and just shake my head. I think I asked him four times if he was kidding. he says "nope... your boss now"...


...


So.... at this point... Im kinda between laughing and crying.... I seriously thought it was a joke.... Terry is done at the end of this week... and Tiff is done at the end of next week... I know that they are going to get us a new manager... but the way the company is run... thats going to take a good three months if were lucky..... Just in time for christmas... we have more hours to fill.... lost two full timers.... I'm kinda forced into the acting manager position because I would rather be the incompetant jerk running the store as opposed to being stuck under an incompetant jerk.... I seriously felt like crying.... Tiff is a good friend and Terry is an awesome boss... Its understandable why they quit because the company really is bullshit.... If theres one thing Ive learnt its that you dont actually have to believe in the company to work for it... it just helps you if you believe.... I think I have a moral issue.... but meh.... I know Stacie is practically already looking for a new job.... Captain Commando doesnt even know yet.... but he'll know soon enough.... anyway... I think the order of people to find out was me... tiga... Kevin... Myre.... D'Hiur... the last three by MSN cause I was about ready to freak... Kevin made me laugh... Myre laughed at me..... i told him I was going to force him to move here so he could work for me.... D'Hiur made me feel better.... even though I had to tell him I had to cancel my trip to see him.... I just cant up and leave for a week end when we're going to be struggling with filling hours to begin with... but he said hes going to try to come up here after christmas... which would make me so happy... but Im not going to dwell on that to much cause it will result in me getting really depressed if it doesnt happen.... and with how things are going right now... if it does happen... it will seem like hes here tomorrow.... anyway...... from how he was acting he either read the PM I sent him and decided to give it a try one more time and risk me never talking to him again.... or he didnt read it at all and is a bigger idiot than I thought he could be.... because Im acting oddly optimistic despite the recent events... Im going to say he read it.... so... while Im not sure how I feel about that.... Its nice to know hes on my side right now and there to talk to.... I almost think I could convince him to hop a bus and come work for me XD... I know he would be here in a heart beat if he could... anyway.... I know I have more than just him for a friend.... Any one else interested in job that involves working with abnormally stupid people and low pay?
Sita
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Somehow it's different everyday
In some ways it never fades away
Seems like it's never gonna change
I must be dreaming
Some Say- Sum 41

I dont even see the point in posting.... I need to go write in my more private... made for myself journal... to tired to though... had a discussion with D'Hiur and stopped him before he pushed it.... somehow I think hes avoiding me... probably because Im not just willing to let him play with me and I want answers at this point. I just want a night at home by myself right now... be able to sit down at the computer... talk to a few people I havent talked to in a while... not have other people being all.... couple-y around me... mostly I want to sleep.... which is what Im going to try to go do now... I've been having weird dreams lately though... so I dont think it will be a good sleep... on the positive side... I talked to Afro on the phone today for no other reason than to talk... which was really nice... the highlight of my day I think... Its getting to remember what happened with all of the days running together and stuff... I just remember being happy for a while then feeling like I was alone again... It doesnt matter how many friends you have.... or how good natured their intent... sometimes you just need to have some alone time... or at least some time where you can talk to people with out being interupted...
Sita
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Monday, November 21, 2005

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Far Away- Nickleback

Can anyone here say filler? Ok.... so the trip was fun... went to the worlds largest mall and I think we walked from one end of the damn thing to the other at least five times.... and this is a freaking big mall.... They have a wave pool, water park, amusment part with a rollar coaster and stuff, ummm... they have seals and a skating rink and a sunken ship... ummmmm.....tons of stores.... anyway.... lots of walking.... lots of fun... I saw a donkey... it reminded me of Roise... and we went to a Oriental grocery store.... so i bought pocky.... and a number of other things... XD.... bought a few CDs... nearly gave Afro a call for the hell of it.... didnt because I was scared I would get his brother.... ummmmm.... anyway... that was fun.. spent more money that I should have in the long run but meh... anyway.... then we got back home... and I went to Tiffy's for a drunken movie night... let them dye my hair.... I wasnt drunk at this point thank god... but now its a purple/blackish color.... I misses my red.... *sniffles* anyway.... I proceded to get good and tanked..... decided that Tiffy should give me a Tarot reading.... ummmmm.... prolly asked about the most stupid topic.... *grumbles* stupid D'Hiur...... anyway.... what she had to say made me sad..... its not even that big of a deal... but.... stupidly I've been letting him get closer than I should the last few days.... so the whole card reading and thinking about him and being drunk made me very depressed.... nearly broke into tears at one point.... and then decided that mixing three different types of alcohol prolly wasnt the smartest thing to do as I spent a good hour and a half feeling like I should either puke or die.... at that point death was welcome... didnt do either in the end... instead I went and passed out in the spare room. ANYWAY.... The one thing that I figured would make me feel..... complete at that one point during the night..... when I was all depressed and stuff..... I wanted to write a PM to D'Hiur... really it probably was good I wasnt allowed to touch the computer... the whole having to concentrate on pushing the keys was most likely over my head at that point let alone trying to write a meaningfull, coherent sentence. *sigh* what am I going to do with myself... I think I should just cut myself off..... stupid emotions..... *stabs emotions with a spork* that'll do it.... anyway... i think im rambling..... and i need sleep badly.... and I still need to watch four hours worth of full metal alchemist.... so byes all... will see sites later
Sita
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Saturday, November 19, 2005

This is the first song for your mix tape.
It's short just like your temper,
But somewhat golden like the afternoons
We used to spend before you got too cool.
Mix Tape- Brand New

Ok... so today was a bit impulsive.... cut my hair... I now have bangs.... thats what I get for telling the girl she had creative freedom.... anyway... its not to bad otherwise... though I keep getting the "OH MY GOD! You look like a girl!!" comment *grumbles* Not that I dont want to look like a girl... but when people are stroking your head and fiddling with your hair..... I tend to get grumpy.... ANYWAY!! saw the new Harry Potter movie.... very good... I think its the best one so far..... I havent been a big fan of the movies.... so thats a big thing for me to say... they did change alot of major plot points.... and skipped some stuff... but it has to be expected when they're converting a 700 some page book into a 2 and a half hour movie..... then I conviced Thanh to take me to the big city for an impulsive trip... everything we do is impulsive though.. so its all good.... on that note.... sorry if I dont get to any sites..... I saw you updated Con and Im happy to see you back among the living... anyway.. time for sleep... I got to be up early to wake Thanh up.... ciao!!
Sita
note: I love mood swings... I swear I had twice the recommended sugar intake today
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Friday, November 18, 2005

You say I have turned
Like the enemies you've earned
But I can remember
All the good things you are
And so I ask you please
Can I help you find the peace and the star
Oh, my friend
What time is this
To trade the handshake for the fist
Fiddle and The Drum- A Perfect Circle

Ok... so... I was having a convo with a friend the other day... *cough* you know who you are... so.. it came around to talking dirty and he points out that he isnt usually as dirty as he is with me.... now.... maybe its the weather..... or something.... but... ill all honesty... Sex has been a hot topic with me lately... just the general topic of sex has come up alot more lately.... so anyway... I suggest that maybe I have an aura or something that causes people to talk about it..... ANYWAY... we decided I should be a Supervillian who seduces Superheros... so anyway..... I was going over the conversation with Tiga and Dory and Dory kept asking if he could be a superhero as I was telling the story. so I finish the story with... "So I've decided that I should be a supervillian who sexes up superheros"... right when I finish Dory pipes up "Can I be a superhero?"... I automatically said no.... and Tiga stopped for a moment and proceded to say something along the lines of "No.... if shes a supervillian who... Nevermind... Think about what she said.... Think about what you said.... Now deserve this" And she smacks him.... Funniest think I've seen in a long time. Then it took him another 3 minutes to realize what was going on.... *shakes her head* Dear Dory.... what shall I do with you.... Anyway... other news... I went to work an hour early because we were expecting a huge order to come in.... only to find out that the order didnt come in cause a little snow fell in Manitoba..... note: ummmm... it was like.... what? 15 cm or something.... alot.... I dont watch the news... I just heard from word of mouth... so I told a friend out there to get out and start shoveling the Trans-Canada.... We need that order..... ooooo.. and as luck would have it.... I wandered out of work.... after closing up.... and as luck would have it I found 20 bucks.... maybe its just cause I grew up in a small town... or maybe its because I have more of a conscience than thought.... but I had to call Tiga to finalize my pocketing of the 20..... I was going to... but I kept having this sinking feeling that if I did pocket it some security guard would jump out and yell at me... but they didnt... so now I feel rich..... at least financially... If any one would like to lend me some sanity and sense in regard to boys... it would be greatly appreciated...... Light on.... light off.... light on.... light off..... light on?
Sita
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Thursday, November 17, 2005

With nothing on my back,
It's still enough to bring me down.
My mind's about to crack,
Cause what I thought could not be found.
Matter of in fact,
It's harder still when you're around.
With nothing on my back,
I can't help but drown.
Nothing On My Back- Sum 41

first off... a shout out to Howee....a)Im all ways emo... if thats what you want to call me... and b) you have an incredible knack of showing up when I feel depressed... I thought we discussed this.....

in other news.... there is no news.... I want to see Rent... musicals always make me feel better... ummmmmm.... yeah... nothing else.... Its raining.... rain is not good... I want snow... yes it means cold, windchill, wet shoes and me freezing my ass off... but its just not right for it to be raining right now... snow also means skiing... and skating once the ponds freeze....

anyway... I have my own country... *grins*

The Dominion of SitaRose

Motto: "*insert name* Is the father of my children "


UN Category: Corrupt Dictatorship
Civil Rights:Some
Economy:Fragile
Political Freedoms:Few

Location: The North Pacific
The Dominion of SitaRose is a small, safe nation, notable for its burgeoning fox population. Its hard-nosed, cynical population of 9 million are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, socially-minded government is mainly concerned with Law & Order, although Healthcare and Education are on the agenda. The average income tax rate is 26%, but much higher for the wealthy. A tiny private sector is dominated by the Automobile Manufacturing industry.

Punitive tariffs protect local industry, political parties are banned from advertising and receiving private donations, marijuana is legal in the privacy of your own home, and the tenet of free speech is held dear. Crime is well under control, thanks to a well-funded police force. SitaRose's national animal is the fox and its currency is the trilly.

SitaRose is ranked 4143rd in the region and 76,251st in the world for Smartest Citizens.

I would like to point out that from now on till my counrty implodes.... Ill be posting its progress.... and it was a phycotic dictatorship earlier today.... the whole concept reminds me of social class... your given an issue to address and you address it... Ive had everything from whether I should force people to vote (I decided its easier if I just make the decisions... hence the dictatorship...) to whether or not I should let Nazies hold a rally (but of course.... they do have the freedom to rally.... it doesnt mean they can do much else XD)Its very interesting if you just watch how the country develops.... Im pretty sure Im going to re-create Nazi Germany with out realizing it.... But its my country... and Ill do what I want.... bwahahahahaha!!! poor poor people....
Sita
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

You can sleep forever, but still you will be tired
You can stay as cold as stone, but still you won't find peace
With you I feel I'm the meek leading the blind
With you I feel I'm just spending wasted time
One Step To Far- Dido

Ok... so..... screw it all in the end... I was feeling depressed to begin with today... found out a few of my friends were worse off than me... which just made me all the more depressed.... I finally got to talk to D'Hiur a bit... both been busy.... so we havent talked much lately... so talking to him made me feel better... I think were going to try to get on MSN at the same time sometime and hes going to help me with a new theme... hes got all of the really cool gothicy pics that I like... and I want to try a goth theme... I feel really gothic right now... Partly from the mood I've been in... I just really havent been happy.... I was talking to Myre... mutual friend of D'Hiur and Me... I have a theory its due to lack of faith in anything... I just was dicussing religion with him and going to church and stuff.... He goes once a week... I havent been inside a church since I was about 9 or 10... so 9 or 10 years ago.... not inculding one Christmas when I think my dad went insane and dragged me and my sisters to church..... and a funeral.... anyway.... He was suggesting I try it out... I know even when I went to church I felt nothing... it was just chior and sunday school.... It kinda reminds me of the movie Dogma.... all about losing faith and stuff... anyway... In addition to my mood.... Im reading a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman... Personally I find his style of writing kind of gothic themed.... He has to be my favorite author.... and Im going to stop myself before I go into a rant about his stuff... but anyway..... the book is called Smoke and Mirrors... its all about illusion and perception.... some of the stuff he writes leaves me going "Huh?"... mostly the poems.... but anyway... When I really like a book it sets my mood for a while afterwords... so I can kinda blame the book.... Im like... one story short of finishing it.... the second last story is called Murder Mysteries... all about the death of an angel before the universe was created... Im really likeing it... Then there was another story called Babycakes... Im pretty sure its based on The Modest Proposal by Johnnathan Swift (sp?).... all about eating babies and stuff... I read the story to Tiga and she got mad at me for laughing at it... All I could do was grin at her... maybe its just cause Im a bit twisted... but I found the idea funny... she got mad and started asking me if I would like to eat her god child... I had to laugh at that because A) the child has the same name as me... B) She kept giving me this glare.... this very evil.... "Im going to kill you now" glare.... Note: I dont actually believe in eating children.... I just think its funny people get worked up at the suggestion... anyway.... to sum the day up... I feel better after talking to D'Hiur..... not much better cause I still got stuff to think about.... but better all the same... I hope every one else is doing ok.... I havent really been getting to any sites at all lately... the one I visited today I couldnt think of anything to say so just did the cheap ass "..." comment..... I kinda felt bad after leaving that.....
Sita
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.
Peace Love and Understanding- A Perfect Circle

Its been one of those days... I've been troubled. I can be happy at times.... but in the end it all comes down to the fact that I want to cry. The worst part is I want some one there with me... but he cant be there... which just makes me more depressed. Went to Dory's house to play X-box after work... I've decided I like playstation better.... which kinda scares me cause I was trying to avoid getting sucked into the gaming part of culture.

When we got to Twilight I said, If you told someone your wish, did that mean it wouldnt come true?
What wish, said Daddy?
Your birthday wish. When you vlow out the candles.
He said, Wishes dont come true whether you tell then or not. Wishes, he said. He said you cant trust wishes.
~When We Went To See The End Of The World by Dawnie Morningside, age 11 1/4~ By Neil Gaiman

I dont know why.... But that part of the story just... it talks to me... I think Im going to tempt sleep again... see if maybe it will finally catch up with me. Prolly not.... but I can try....
Sita

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Monday, November 14, 2005

Full throttle determined to fail, pedal to the metal asleep at the wheel.
We are the lucky ones welcome home
Poisoned nerves and bloody antidote
Violence is not an aberration, its a rule.
Dying beyond the pale.
Your beatings will continue until my morale improves.
I don't hate you, I'm just removing an enemy.
Remorse is for the dead, my enemy
Remorse is for the dead- Lamb of God

*glares at lyrics* I listened to them for D'Hiur... I have an open mind..... but.... its just not music unless you can at least hum along.... *sighs* But at least I like the lyrics... speaking of music... shout out to Con.... I dont mind if your stuck on the Beatles, Lady. But if you feel you've had to much..... we (meaning me and any one else who has nothing better to do) will happily "encourage" your proffesor to stop with the madness... ummm.. other news... I worked with Captain Commando today... which is interesting enough... I think we just pick on each other for the hell of it... One customer asked us why we hated each other so much.... but.... I loves CC.... ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... I had a post idea then I forgat it... Thats one bad side effect of very little sleep... I forget things easily.... anyway... I plan on actually sleeping tonight... I think.... I'll see.... be cool all.... see yeah later
Sita
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Sunday, November 13, 2005

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
in the world as one.
Imagine- A Perfect Circle

ummmmm.... I really got nothing today.... I was freaking tired a few hours ago.. my hands are still slightly red from the other night.... I discovered torrents today and need to already stop myself... I indulge just a bit to much at times.. anyway... yeah.... I seriously did nothing today... well.. work.. but that doesnt count... I've been thinking alot... which isnt really good... I keep thinking over the past few days... and stuff thats happened... and stuff Ive done.... The only conclusion I've come to is that I should stop thinking so much. I can think things out... but the minute I come to making a decision.. I cant stick with it.... *sigh* Everytime I decide to talk to the boy... I chicken out.... its sad... i need sleep.... so sleepy... sleep makes everything better in the end....
Sita
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