Monday, September 19, 2005

When we connected, we made an agreement
No strings attached we were keeping it even
It was like take it or leave it let’s be casual
Until we got lost in time it was magical
But I’m not ready for this settling down talk again
A cat needs his space, you’re tryin to box me in
I need oxygen, let me get back in and do my thing
This was only supposed to be from winter to spring
I think it’s time for us to end this
What you call falling in love, I call it more than friendship
Got mixed feelings, but I’ll be alright
I’m out the door but let me stay just one more night
Once Again- Moka Only

Observe my amazing emotional mood swings!! ok.... so when I wrote the post last night I wasnt feeling that bad... I will admit I was a bit ticked I cryed on my birthday... but meh.... Cake made it better.... I got cake..... hehe... and NO BOYFRIENDS!! thats right... I was able to blow the bloody torch that was my cake out.... all 19 of the damn things.... (candles.... not actual torches... I wish...)... then I got money.... which I have to say I greatly enjoy.... it may sound greedy.... but I suffer an extreme lack of funds right now.... so I'm happy to have a bit of cash.... Talked to D'Hiur... again... and I now have an official stalker.... so thats kinda cool... just... dont ask... something about exchanging phone numbers and me saying I was an offical stalker then realizing I'm not cause I dont know where he lives exactly... he lives in a bloody big city ok?...and him planning to show up on my door step one day cause I told him if he hates home so much I would hide him in my closet... *deep breath*... basically... If he decides to move out west to where I am... I told him he could room with me.... I figure we can learn to hate each other under those conditions.... anyway... enough of stupid boy issues... I have decided to get Danko the evil sacrafice demanding lizard a new home... yes... I know... I just said I greatly lack funds... but heres my thought... It will only take me three or four paychecks to save up enough to buy the whole set up for him... that is if I save $20 from each paycheck... so..... $100 in total.... the aquarium cage thinger is really cool though... it would be like a bloody shag pad for him..... but shhhhhhh.... its a surprise... *shifty eyes*.... better than the thing I have him in now.... the other one has like a fake rock wall and everything..... right now all he has is one piece of fake leaves... poor Danko... but hes still alive!! so that proves I am able to look after an animal... I think I should upgrade to a cat...
Sita
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Sunday, September 18, 2005

It's my birthday
No one here day
Very strange day
I think of you day
Go outside day
Sit in park day
Watch the sky day
What a pathetic day
I don't like this day
It makes me feel too small
I don't like these days
They make me feel so small
Birthday- Blur

yeah.... I officially hate birthdays.... Ok... good points first... cause a few nice things happened.... First off... Afro (Derrick) came back... hes early... he sent me a PM the day before telling me he prolly wouldnt be back till Monday.... so I was plesantly surprised to see him pop on three days early.... other than that... I did manage to get out of the house.... oddly enough I decided to go visit the people at work for something to do and ended going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory again.... it wasnt that bad of a movie... so that was fun.... ummmmm.... I got some beautiful and awesome presents from some people here....

and my favorite

from Con...
I put up the shirt as a msn avi for a bit and got a mad look from D'Hiur and told him to sent me $500 to take it down XD

From Hinaru....
all I can say is HAIL!!
and

From AnimeChick4DDR
bwuhahaha!! no need to thank my for being a friend you silly girl... its what I do....
ok... so to the bad points that really make me angry and almost completly over shadow the good points.... at least they would If i didnt have that horrible slightly optimistic streak thats just to stubborn to die... so the breaking up with my boy thing wasnt so bad... I can deal with it... we knew it would happen... were still friends.... everyone involved in that is more or less happy.... (I say more or less cause Im still a little hurt by the whole thing.... but I'll get over it...)... the thing that really got me... I call up Tiga... we've been planning to go out for my birthday for the past three weeks... I was looking forward to going out.... it was the reason why I was actually happy and willing to go out and socialize with people instead of being a sad depressed little girl.... So I call her up.... say "so whats the plan?", I said that cause while we had planned to go out... we hadnt actually planned where we were going to go or when we were going to leave... so the response.... yeah... I love the response... "Well you can walk here right?"... she was at a party thing about 20 minutes walk away from me for her family.... this was at about 9:30... ok? understand me so far?..... right.... so I said " Yeah.... I guess I could walk over there.... should I come ready to go out or are we going to your house first?".... at this point Im assuming she wants to save on gas which is all good cause I wouldnt have minded walking over there.... since it was dark and all and I like walking in the dark... so here response..." Your going to hate me...".... my assumption "I dont mind walking... its ok...".... her response to that "No.... your really going to hate me.... Kara (her friend who I was suppose to be sharing birthday celebrations with cause he birthday was a few days ago) is pretty much done right now... Nathan and Jay (her brother and cuz who were were also going out with) have dissapeared (my theory.... already at the bar)..." after that Im pretty sure she said something else... but I kinda stopped listening... I know she said something about walking over there and hanging out... but at that point all I could think was " Right... I didnt even get the bloody phone call..." I was the one that called her... so.... whos smart enough to add two and two together? I know I am.... *sigh* this birthday blowed... I didnt even get a cake.... *grumbles* I would like to add another boy to the not stupid list though... I forgot him... my friend Ben from gaia.... always pops up with a funny comic or something... oddly enough mostly when I feel bad... and he gave me a virtual cupcake for my birthday.... so hes on the keeper list.. and the cake from Con... I like that cake... anyway... I think the way Im going to deal with this whole situation.... screen my phone calls for a few days just to let Tiga know that I really am pissed right now... and I'm going to go home today for some belated birthday celebrations there..... I know my mom will have a cake for me.... and my sisters will be happy to see me... and I can see all the pets again and listen to my dad give me another lecture about getting a second job.... Im more scared to talk to Howee.... I told him I would get drunk.... *sigh*... and this is my pathetic life... Im just happy I got to talk to my friends on msn... otherwise I would have felt really lonely.... thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes... you all get cupcakes *hands out cupcakes to everyone* have a good one folks...
Sita
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Saturday, September 17, 2005

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight
Ocean Avenue- Yellowcard
Its my birthday today… so Im gonna say what ever I feel like… just cause Im a jerk like that… first off… at retraction to the “Boys is Stupid” comment… I would like to apologize to the following boys that are not stupid
Kevin (cause hes cool)
Winn (cause hes cool)
Derrick (though hes not going to see this cause he lacks internet access right now cause he listens to me bitch and whine and always manages to make me feel better no matter what)
Howee (most days… cause he’s my little aussie bro and was the first person to wish me a happy birthday)

Any other boys who would like an apology can send me a letter explaining why they are not stupid, $500 to make the reading of the letters worth my while and a self addressed envelope so they may receive my verdict. I reserve the right not to apologize and that’s that.

Other pressing matters… I would like to thank Blue Eyes for her early birthday wishes. AND HOLY F*CK AFRO IS BACK!!! That’s it for today people… maybe this can work out to be a happy birthday after all….
Sita

On to other “gifts”… ummmm… I’m just…. I’m going to post convo… or at least the part of it I have… I think postings going to become a bit erratic for the next few days… just cause I get a bunch of time off and I’m not feeling my best… don’t read the convo if you don’t care…

D’Hiur: im back for a bit
Sita: ok
Sita: sorry i had to leave so suddenly.. i had more customers
D’Hiur: thats fien
Sita: so?
D’Hiur: were were we
Sita: defining the relationship?
D’Hiur: right, ok... so... were were at the part were there is no real term to call us... am i correct
Sita: yeah... pretty much
Sita: would it be right for me to say the only thing really holding us back from being bf/gf was distance?
Sita: or is that wrong?
D’Hiur: yeah, i would say thats right
Sita: personally it felt like gf/bf for a while... but what do I know
D’Hiur: yes... i did too... but its hard to get too attachted to words on a screen... like... if i was there, with you before... things would be so different
Sita: im not just words on a screen
D’Hiur: i know your not... but thats the thing about a having someone to hold... like you mean so much to me, and i have never even met you... its jsut... i dont know... but i think you were correct in saying it was distance...
Sita: you know I would be there if i could
D’Hiur: i know... im sorry for what i did... i know you dont want me to say it... but i was kidna harsh droping that on you...
Sita: just a little bit
D’Hiur: but i fetl i needed to tell you... like... i wasnt clear on what we are... im still not... but i jsut felt you should know, and i think that you would agree that its better you knew now then later...
Sita: you did the right thing in telling me... I just dont know what to do either.... I felt like we needed to talk again... about what we we're... not like this though
D’Hiur: i know... i dont know what to do... like... i like you and i really liek kaitlyn... but she is here and your not... its just... AH
Sita: i feel like im being punished for where i live
D’Hiur: i feel like im being punished for my life... life sucks...
Sita: i hadnt been this happy in a long time
D’Hiur: i know... i was happy too... but...
Sita: *closes her eyes*
D’Hiur: *leans back against the wall and slides down to the floor* i dont know... what to do anymore...
Sita: *looks at him and lets out a small sigh* I really really dont want to lose you... but... its not right to ask you to stay with me.... I just dont... Im tired of losing people
D’Hiur: i know how it feels to lose people... like i dont want to loose you either... but what i hink we still need to answer is what we would be losing... a freind, or more
Sita: your more than a friend to me
D’Hiur: so are you... but what is it then... like do you agree we arnt bf gf
Sita: you feel like a bf to me
D’Hiur: *loks at ceiling and closes eyes* ... you were far more than a friend to me... but... i dont know if i would... i dont know if i would call you my gf... im sorry...
Sita: if i wanted you to lie i would have told you to
D’Hiur: what does that mean
Sita: i dont want you to lie to me
D’Hiur: im not... what makes you think im lieing...
Sita: nothing
Sita: im saying im happy your at least being straight with me
Sita: if im even able to be happy at this point
D’Hiur: i wouldnt lie about somthing like this... never...
Sita: i didnt say you would
D’Hiur: ok... well... do you kinda feel better we discused this a little
Sita: no.... not really...
Sita: I still dont know what you plan to do... I dont know where I am... I dont know what to think...
Sita: as usual... i dont know anything
D’Hiur:i dont know what i can do... or what i wantt o do... i think im going to go and think for a while.. i need to think...
Sita: last time you said that you didnt come back
D’Hiur: i didnt come back cause i was out walking and thinking all night long... i didnt sleep all night... i never slep anymore... but i was walking al night...
Sita: please stay and talk with me
D’Hiur: *sigh* for a little while longer... *smiles slgihtly*
Sita: thank you... *sits down against the wall and looks down*
D’Hiur: your welcome... *loks up at her and smiles slgihtly* what... what do you want me to do ...
Sita: *smiles sadly at him and shakes her head* I want you to stay with me... but i have this philosophy... if you love someone... you just want them to be happy
Sita: i want you to be happy
D’Hiur: i understand that completely... thats exactly were out proble lies... i want to be happy, and that means a girl i can hold... but for you thats me... arg...
Sita: im sorry
D’Hiur: you have nothing to be sorry for... its me... im the cause of this...
Sita: we knew it would happen
D’Hiur: it was kinda unavoidable...
Sita: i just feel useless
D’Hiur: i know what the feels like... and i fel Torn... ironically enough...
Sita: you dont understand... before you.. there was aguy... who just... he destroyed me
D’Hiur: how so
Sita: he played with my mind and twisted his words and I was always the one saying sorry even when it was all his fault... and he lead me on making me think he loved me... then.. he.... he killed me
D’Hiur: im so sorry... i... i... i hate people who do that... but... i hvae become one of them...
Sita: i was finally getting over him
D’Hiur: *looks down* im so sorry... thats exactly what i did to you...
Sita: i guess thats why im being so stubborn about letting you go... im tired of letting go
D’Hiur: i know... ack... im sorry... i ahev to really go now...
Sita: its ok
D’Hiur: all talk to you soon
Sita: ok

and hence the reason why Boys is stupid and life sucks and happy f*cking birthday (thats that bitterness starting to sneak back in)
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Friday, September 16, 2005

I'm not sober all the time
You bring me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you

I must be running out of luck
Cause you're just not drunk enough to talk
And now I've had it up to here
I don't, i don't want you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you

Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I'm not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I won't hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

I'm not angry all the time
You push me down, at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you

Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I'm not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I won't hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you

Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I'm not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I won't hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake Up- Three Days Grace

Well.... as always.... shit happened.... all I can think is a) "Happy damn Birthday" (course its not damn... its something else... and its pronouced with a sarcastic bitter tone that Im getting quite good at by this time)
and b) at least my alphagettie doesnt screw me over... no... wait... thats a number.. not a letter... F*CKING DAMN IT!!
Con..... when you get those "Boys is stupid" t-shirts made... I want one... Now I need to go eat ice cream...
Sita
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Thursday, September 15, 2005

Staring at a maple leaf
Leaning on the mother tree
I said to myself we all lost touch
Your favorite fruit is chocolate covered cherries
And seedless watermelon oh…
Nothing from the ground is good enough
Chariot- Gavin DeGraw

CON IS MY HERO!!! literally.... I dont think any one else would ever be cool enough to make a ghostbusters reference.... yeah.... you heard me... anyway.... tireing day... as usual... kinda hit a hyper high for a bit.... cause I think I got like.... 4 hours of horrible sleep last night... so that was all good till I crashed... then I got home and got a call from those family realtions.... and my mom took me out for supper... so that ment seeing my sisters... and that involved myself and my one sister(11) to harasse the other sister (8) because she was being her usual hyper spaztastic little scary self and the only defence we have against her is to bug her till she shuts up. So that was all good and.... entertaining for a few hours... then I came home and crashed to the bottom cause of personal issues with D'Hiur.... *sigh*..... yeah.... that can do it to ya... Nothing bad between the two of us in paticular... he just wasnt feeling the best and that kinda dragged me down.... and to top it off I got the weirdest request from a person ever... if I wanted to share D'Hiur... *shudder*... so all I could think all day was "NO!!! NEVER!! hes mine... *sniff.. lip tremble*.... I cant lose him..." and Im not sure if it was just a joke or what... but it greatly annoyed me that some one would even suggest that... I just..... its beyond my ability to understand what was going through her head.... anyway... enough problems... Tomorrow is my day off and Im gonna be happy!! going to the college for a bit to meet up with Tiga... and Im going to re-dye my hair.... and clean my room... and stuff.... so it should be busy if nothing else.... anyway... have a good one folks
Sita
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

She likes me for me
Not because I'm tough like Dirty Hairy
Make her laugh just like Jim Carrey
Unlike the Cable Guy
But what she sees
Is that I can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Hey Leonardo - (ummm.. i found this on a sample disc I got... and kinda am to lazy to find out who its by.... Im sure Con knows ^.^))

Uh oh... UH OH!! bwuhahahahahahaha..... Ok.. funny story from doing inventory.... anyone that caught the post knows that me and my boss were pretty paranoid about being jumped by anything... ghosts.. rappists.... anything.... cause... welll... the mall is freaking scary at night... it doesnt help that the mall is done up in a weird.. death of the cowboys motife... so its got these weird horse things along the roof that look like their falling apart or decomposing or something... personally I think they look cool... but.... yeah.. anyway... the Boss when out to the back room to count inventory out there while I counted in the store.... She took her cell so I could call her if I needed anything.... and... heh... im a evil evil little girl.... *grin and devil horns* so shes out there counting inventory.. and I was getting lonely... and twitchy..... and.... hehe.... I decided to call her.... knowing very well it would scare the crap out of her... so I call... and she sounds all calm and happy and says shes almost done... then still with her calm voice she says "By the way... when the phone rang it scared the f*cking crap out of me!" course I just start giggling in this evil little giggle I tend to develope when I get tired... its really horible cause I usually start then cant stop and it really does sound evil... so she started yelling at me.... which I just laughed at cause it was funny.... then after I hung up her drunk friend called the store and she told me after she freaked out at him when he called her on the cell... it was great fun... Im never doing inventory again.... anywho..... one more day of work then I finally get a day off..... WHOOT!!! yeah... you heard me... ^.^
Sita
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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Anytime I need to see your face
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola
Want You- Savage Garden

Uh-Oh.... I need to clean out my favorites.... anywho.... ummmm... I was going to write about something today.... I really was... ummm... for some odd reason my comment button/linky thing is like.... WAAAAAAAAY.... down..... *shrugs* I have no clue why... it just is... im not sure if I should be bothered or not though.... heh... I got the weirdest request today... a girl I know wants me to write a poem/song for a story shes writing... Im stoked to do it... but Im scared Im gonna not do that well... so I was lookin at my books checkin out some of my old stuff.. I swear Im not actually connected to reality when I write half that stuff... I cant remember writing 80% of it... that and like.... half of it I refer to people... and cant remember who they are... and some bastard is watching TV to loud and I keep thinking its screams from that bloody movie!! anyway... sorry.. back to topic... so my little trip down venting memory lane is kinda throwin me off with how depressed I use to be... sad thing is I still get it sometimes... which I hate... but I guess theres two ways to deal with it... you can wallow in misery... or you can smile and try to get back to the good things in life... I wonder which I do..... oooo.. ice cream!!
Sita
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Monday, September 12, 2005

difficult not to feel a little bit
disappointed and passed over
when I look right through
I see you naked but oblivious
3 Libras- A Perfect Circle

Ok..... so Im just a bit tired at this point.... I think I spent 2 hours awake at home today (yesterday.... blagh).... so I got up.... early enough I had time to check one or two sites... Got to Howee's cause since he doesnt update that often I figure I should make sure to bug him when ever he does to show him Im thankful he decided to stay... so he pulled a little stunt... that... really... It was sweet of him... Love him for it.... anyone that saw it knows what Im talking about and anyone that didnt see it can just be confused.... long story short... I was a bit irked at it... but it made me feel good... that all went down the tubes when I got to work...... ok... so... I was at work till 3:30 am doing inventory... it was a frigan.. close to 16 hour work day.... then I had to go back after five hours of sleep... ok.... so you think the opening girl would... you know.... take the liberities to throw out the one pile of boxes we left... It was frigan 3:30 in the morning.. I think we should be allowed to leave a bit of work for her... so anyway... I get to work at noon for my shift.... everything is exactly as how we left it... nothing has been touched and shes at the computer talking on msn... customers are wandering the store.... the store is a bloody MESS... I got there 15 minutes early... spent that 15 minutes cleaning..... that just kinda set my mood for the day at work.... Then to top it off.... the debit machine is out so we cant do debit or credit cards.... at that point... even if I knew how to fix the damn machine... I wouldnt.... I get very bitter.... She laughed when I said we were there till 3:30... instead of getting the hint I wasnt really ready to put up with BS.... she laughed.... so that just made me... not want to do anything.... still ended up running the till most of the day and helping customers.... seriously... I wish I had a bit more power there... even though Im the newest worker... I do more than the other two put together... but thats work for you.... so I say screw it... and I'll attempt to chill a bit... and if things get f*cked up.. so long as its not my fault.... to hell with it.... anyway... then I got a hold of a friend from school and we decided to catch a movie... so we went to see The Exorsism of Emily Rose... bloody good movie.... well... I liked it... it wasnt so much as straight out scary.... as creepy and it makes you think.... I dunno... its hard to explain how it made me feel... I wanted to cry at some points just because of the stuff the poor girl went through... whether she was insane or possesed.... either way it was horrible suffering... I liked the movie....



Just thought I would throw that in.. Only got to talk to D'Hiur for a short bit today... so I'm just a bit... not.... nothappy... kinda like "not.. notdrunk".... but Im not at my happiest... course the whole frustration with work kinda fixed my mood for the day... Im talking to the boss the next time I see her... That should solve that.... anyway.... time for bed... at least with a lack of friends on MSN right now... I can get back to a semi-normal sleep pattern... hope you like the new theme... ciao
Sita

p.s. A little self back patting...

The Original

My Edit
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Sunday, September 11, 2005

I once saw a man on fire
staring at his window
watchin as the flames grow higher and higher
I thought that I saw him cry
or was he laughing

David Usher

Ummmm... sorry if the lyrics are wrong or something.... Im kinda at work... its 11:30... Inventory is..... ummmm.... almost half done.... yeah.... uhhhhhhhhh.... Im so f*cken gettin over time for this.... ^_________^... you might wonder why Im writin my post from work... well... you can only count for so long before you go crazy... and that song... *points up* is whats playing right now.... and... we listened to the Rent musical soundtrack... and I'm kinda in the mall alone right now... and.... uhhh.... I keep hearing creepy noises..... and..... ummmmm... Ill be ok.... so long as the ghost stays away.... (we think the place is haunted.... cause me and the boss keep seeing things.....).... might be the lack of sleep to though.... I dunno..... anywho.... thought I would update while I was still alive..... I mean... uhhhh... not... that Im going to die or anything... anywho... back to work.... wish me luck... ooo.. and I'll have a new theme in the near future... not the halloween one like I promised... but a cool one none the less... now the music changed... I miss my boy.... damn it!!... I've been droppin the F-Bomb alot tonight to... its gettin old... maybe I'll start swearin aussie like... just to mix it up a bit... or make up some new words... sounds like fun.... anyway... shwaa all...
Sita
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Saturday, September 10, 2005

my brain's all broken, but i’m feelin alright,
i feel like im chokin, but im feelin alright,
im goin down fast, but im feelin alright,
im not gonna last, but i’m feelin alright.
Feelin' Alright- Len

Ok.... uhhhh.... I lack talky about stuff...It was a good day.... went to work... got a new job... did I ever mention that? anyway... went to work... got to do returns and stuff... It was fun.... then tomorrow Im helping with inventory.. which.... in all honesty will most likely be hell... but the store is buying supper.... so I get pizza and Tim bits (doughnut holes for all you poor non-canadain buggers....) but its extra time and all so that means more money.... which means I can pay rent and eat... which is a very good thing... I want gummie bears.....


yeah... I know.. third day in a row.. arent they cute in a depressing kind of way? I think they are.... *grumbles*... then again... *mumbles something about sacrafices and a shrine*.. ANYWAY.... time for supper... see ya all later
Sita
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