Friday, December 23, 2005

Lyrics A

Elves are coming and they're gonna steal your turkey
Wreck your TV
Burn down your Christmas tree
Elves are coming and they're gonna trash your home
'Cause they ain't got nothing else to do
Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass- The Arrogant Worms

Note: Hey Con.... I was kinda hopin the ESP thing would happen cause its always funny when two people who live far apart have identical brain waves

Lyrics B
Once again these bitter herbs,
The perfect complement to all your cryptic words.
I nod but don't know what to say,
But I know you,
And I believe you're who you say you are so I,
I will follow you,
Lay down my life.
I would die for you,
This very night.
Like Moths To Flame- Thrice


Ok.. so... I was hanging out with Tiga and Dory last night... (wwww..... ensday night...? *is losing track of time*)anyway.... I kinda crashed and fell asleep and when I woke up to go home I was completly out of it... anyway... It was like walking in a dream... I just kinda didnt care... (surprise surprise...)... anyway... I kinda woke up enough to talk to Fro and Jaxx for a little bit.... then I kinda had a weird connection jog in my brian again... For a while I kept connecting D'Hiur to Heero... no need to say exactly why... there was just some weird abstract connection between the two of them in my mind... anyway... the connection kinda cropped up again in my head and I realized that the two are nothing alike... I got really mad at Heero for just leaving with out saying anything.... but he came back and when we talked the one night it was just like we clicked again.... It didnt seem to take him any time at all to figure out how I was feeling and such... It was just really good to talk to him again... and the other day when D'Hiur showed up... all I could feel was anger... I know he choose to be away and that ticked me off because he had told me at one point he wasnt going to just leave me.... at one point he said something about my problems not being his problems... which... yeah... that makes sense... I never asked him to to that.... All I asked of him was for him to be there to support me... if I ever needed support... as a friend... and I think thats why I got so mad at him... he made it clear that unless he was able to treat me a certain way... no need to go into details eh.... He wasnt going to even consider me a friend... *smiles slightly* then I have Heero show up and insist against me that hes still my friend... even if he wasnt here all the time... I dont know if Im just trying to twist the situations in my mind to justify one' actions while I condem the others.... but... after everything thats happened in the past four or five months.... Im more willing to accept the Heero as a friend... even if hes been missing for such a long time... Some of the things D'Hiur said... would have made me very, very depressed if I had been in any other mood... and they did hurt me and that has shown over the past day or two... but Heero has never said anything to make me feel worthless... We have had fights... and there have been some times when he has made me really mad.... but he has never said anything that was said right out to hurt my feelings... I remember Con telling me that some people are downers... like drugs... and I know I dont need anything like that in my life... So I got rid of my downer.... Jaxx pointed out it still hurts me to go against how I feel... because I really did care about D'Hiur... so... I guess its kinda like withdrawl.... I've really felt like I've been getting over an addiction lately... just general depression and really rapid mood swings... I've almost expected myself to go into fits of shaking at times... just from general stress with whats been happening lately... Stress from work pilled up on stress from my private life... not feeling like you can do anything right.... or feeling like your incapable of doing whats needed to be done... Im really lucky to have some really good friends who make me feel better when Im not feeling so great... I'm glad I can still include Heero in that group of people.... and Im hoping I can get over this particular depression in the very near future... I think this one is worse because its been caused by feeling betrayed... and part of me wants to say I'm sad about it... but its more Im indifferent... I blame myself for what happened.... and for me to not feel anything but tired is really disturbing..... and its not just my life... Its life in general..... nothing is changing... nothing is getting better... the only time I feel slightly happy right now is when I help others and I see them happy.... because thats what Christmas is about to me... helping others and not worrying about yourself... which.... from the way my post has been written... I do all to much.... anyway.... *deep breath* sorry.... I needed to get it out... thats whats been going on in my head for the past three days... and I'm begining to wonder whats wrong with me.... just in general...
Sita
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