Thursday, February 23, 2006

You're in my head tormenting me
I'm running scared in my time of need
Cuts on my head cuts on my feet
I'm here waiting so baptize me
Baptize Me- The Exies

So... Im thinking of it as the 20-year-old-crisis. At about the age of 20 or so.... some people manage to realize they arent quite sure where they want to go in life. It seems to come in waves. It bothers you for a week then it goes away... then it comes back....... then goes away.... then comes back then... You get the point. I'm fully aware I lack any real direction as of now in my life and I kinda like it that way. There are things I want to do but none of them really have a time limit on them.

Some people, myself included, seem to find it discouraging... expecially when they are surrounded by friends that all know what they want to do, or they have family members urging them to quit waiting around (( I hated the last actual real talk I had with my dad about this.)), or sometimes its personal drive or unhappiness. What ever the hell it is that drives us to this point of stress... it seems to have a vision narrowing side effect. We only are able to see the end and everything we lack. Everything that we do have in our favor seems to be forgotten and we can only focus on the voids. But.... You think about it.... We're all likely to live till at least 60... thats a really really REALLY low estimate with the technology and such we have today. So.... worst comes to worst.... you've lost 1/3 of your life. Your in school, generally till your 18... so really.... you may as well round it up to a full 20 years. Nuttin you can do about it really.... They force you to go to school... right? SO.... 2/3s of your life are left to use... Get a job, make money, buy a car/house/pony for the non-existant but possible 7 year old daughter, get married, have that non-existant but possible 7 year old daughter/son/twins/god only knows.... I dont need to..., ...... THAT is going on the assumption that you only live till 60.... which..... psht....... your more likely looking at 80 or 90 or 100 with all the chemicals in the food these days, perserving us from the inside out as we eat.

On one hand it seems like alot of time.... but.... at the same time a year still is 365 (366 every four years) days.... a day is still 24 hours..... a hour is still 60 minutes and a minute is still 60 seconds. Its just time.... And time seems to run slower when your watching the clock...

The point is.... I dont understand why we get so worked up over wanting to take time to really figure out what we want to do... The key is to be happy.... If your happy.... whos to tell you your doing it wrong?



Anyway.... I got the job at Zellers..... which means posting is going to get weird and Im not going to be on MSN at night as much.... I will be around though... so never be afraid to send a PM telling me Im an idiot for leaving the world of the sun people... I'll probably send one back, telling you your an idiot for never taking the time to look at the stars at 5 in the morning just before the sun comes up. But at least you'll get a reply. speaking of PM's... I need to write an e-mail to Afro as he has dissapeared on me due to school.... so you have a killer night and day and I hope my rambling made some sense...
Sita
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