Saturday, May 13, 2006

Keep your head up is what they telling me
(They tell me life will get better), well it betta be
Sorry but the world keeps stressing me
Rain drops cloudin up the memories
It's gonna be alright is what they telling me
Don't let the stress get the best of me
Trying to focus on the road that's ahead of me
Till my brain gets cloudy bout a memory
Rain- Chamillionaire



Ho'kay... From the top.

I was laying asleep at Acanous' house last Saturday (when I went to go visit Zanorich) and I was awoke by a buzzing. I usually have my cell on vibrate as I can hear that just as well as my ring tone (usually) and I'm just to lazy to switch between the two most of the time.

Little side story... the day I was sick I passed out getting ready for work. I think I bumped my head but meh. Not much up there to hurt half the time and Im ok now. At the time I was scared as hell as that has NEVER happened to me before and I prefer to be in control of my own body thank you very much. At the time the first person I thought to call was Tiga. She was in bed. I didnt get help till Dorian was off work, two and a half hours later. I got a bit irked at that.

ANYWAY. The phone call. I wake up and grab my cell, being as Im that kind of person, and answer. Tiga is on the other end and says "Hey. Hows it goin?"
Me: "Good... just woke up though... *slightly groggy and sleepy*"
Tiga: "Thats nice. Guess what I got!"
Me: "*awake now but still tired* I dunno. What?"
Tiga: " My tattoo!!"
Me:".... oh?" *going through my head* '... wait.... we.... but.... huh?'
Tiga: " Yeah! My cousin was getting his tattoo for his birthday and people gave me money and now I have my tattoo!!" (Note: Shortened the whole how the tattoo was paid for story down as I cant quite remember the exact values the people paid... But you get the gist of it)
Me:" I see.... Did it hurt? *sounding calm and interested and not one bit ticked as I still hadnt quite comprehended what had happened*"
Tiga:" A little bit..."
And blagh, blagh, blagh for about 10 minutes till she had to go sing her cousin Happy Birthday.

I sat down. Slowly came to the conclusion that I shouldnt be mad... Even though... you know... there was the whole "Hey lets get tattoo's together and be bestest friends till the world implodes upon itself leaving us smaller than a hydrogen atom but still happy to be bestest best buds forever".... I mean... yeah... it was her idea that we get them together... We've been planning since Halloween but basically been putting it off till we both had money. There was the whole "doing something as friends that no matter how hard we try.... we're just not going to forget". Cause face it. Tattoos are pretty much stuck there unless you go pay to take it off. She went and got it with her cousin. She's happy. Im once again feeling like I have absolutely no value in the friendship... But hey!! Who gives a damn how Sita feels so long as she doesnt shut the love off... right?

In the end it doesnt bother me that much. The actual getting the tattoo when Im not even there thing. Im free to go get my own tattoos as I see fit and as I feel like it, now. And I have been thinking and planning a couple. Not sure where they all will go... But I have a few I want. All with reasons and personal meanings.

Its just the way the whole thing played out. Shes the first one to know about me being sick. Thinking she was at work at the time it was over text messaging. She didnt even bother to call me. She sat in her bed and couldnt even call.... I ended up talking to Zanorich till he had to get off the phone. Then.... oh joy... Im the first person to hear about her new tattoo... that she was suppose to get with me.... but didnt.... Is it just me or does the whole "friendship" seem to get more and more one sided?

I dont even see the point in trying to tell her Im mad. A few deep breaths and a few days to think about other stuff.... Ill forget it happened..... My mind works that way. Not really. But lets pretend. *sighs* Its just so frustrating. Im not even sure how to deal with the situation anymore. Stacie says Im acting childish for even being mad about it to begin with. She can bite me. She tells me Im childish over everything and while she may not be able to comprehend how I feel and why I feel that way. She can at least have the decency to try and understand where Im coming from. Thats another frustration but alot harder to explain.

Then they all wonder what could ever drive me to deciding that just maybe I might actaully buy a plane ticket and go visit someone I'v never met before. By myself. In another country. Alone. Because as far as Im concerned. All my best friends DONT live in the same area code as me. I DONT have anyone I can truly rely on. And I DON’T feel like I’m part of anything that could constitute a real friendship right now. And that pisses me off. To put it bluntly.

Anyway. End rant. Sorry. Its been bugging me…

I did get together with an old friend from high school. After she heard that little story, including the part about me getting sick, she forced me to put her on speed dial and told me if it happened again she was going to help me whether I liked it or not. I still think I would have taught a better lesson to people if I had broke my neck and had to live as a vegetable for the rest of my life. I think I would make a good potato…. On spur of the moment we went and got our ears pierced… I just got one in my right ear (total of three now) and she got one on each side. Ran into another girl we use to go to school with and verified she IS getting married in August. I had heard rumors but hadn’t heard for sure. Im not sure if Im getting old, or if shes just getting married young. Personally, I cant even really see myself getting married anytime in the near (next 20 years) future. But that’s just me. Anyway. I ranted…. I told you a bit about my day. I now hate soap, toothpaste, and shampoo with a passion for personal reasons. And now Im going to sleep for a bit. Have a good one all and Zappa…. That was a weird dream ^.^;
Sita
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