Sunday, December 18, 2005

can't sleep. people die. people die while i'm awake too. what is alive? if our hearts beat we're alive. so do we die when we undergo open heart surgery..?
i'm tired. i should sleep. i don't want to. don't sleep. sleep is time i could be doing something. i need to do something i don't know what. i forgot. i forget too much. i need to sleep. i can't though. not before i do something. but what? i need to do something before i go crazy. but what??

argh. i forgot again. i had it for one brief shining moment. now it's gone. probably forever.

goodnight everybody.
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Er. 1 am again.
my life is a strange string of events. they didn't necessarily happen in chronological order though.

I have the weirdest deja vu. I had this weird memory of riding down the same stretch of highway, and listening to the same news item. Only the memories were years apart.

weird, no? anyway, today i went out to the mall, and commented on people. when we were leaving i saw demon days out of the corner of my eye and got it. i love tax free new hampshire, makes more sense than having this much on the tag, then having to pay more. anywho. yeah.

I watched Saturday Night Live. Very funny. Funny indeed.

and for dinner i ate at the olive garden. it was quite a wait. i mean, why does most of the nearby populace have to converge on a single spot to eat italian food? and i wanted dessert, but the breadsticks betrayed me in their addictive goodness.

Also, I can't wait until this Friday, there's this really nice old movie theater, and next it's playing the funniest movie I've seen this year.

i have a plan. rhode island should conquer connecticut and then the dakotas should merge, and then we could admit puerto rico and guam as states. it's a really good idea. rhode island is better than connecticut anyway. and the dakotas don't have enough people to support two states. and then puerto rico and guam can go from being er... somethings to being states, and nobody has to change the flag or anything. i should go harangue my congressman about it. (i'm a conservative living in massachusetts. and haranguing is fun. but probably not spelled right)

The End.
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Saturday, December 17, 2005

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
please note. the rant below contains the word "damn" repeated many times.

That was the expression of how damn happy I am that it's midnight and friday.

This entire week was stupid. Not only was life stupid (as usual) I was dizzy all week, haven't gotten completely used to eating everything again. I mean, I only threw up on saturday last week and I still feel a bit off. Oh well. Life is driving me crazy. I know this one person that I wish would relocate their life to the Marriana Trench or somewhere in the barren stretches of Antarctica. I swear, I'd pay for a video of their last moments in either of those locations. I dunno. I kind of snapped at lunch, at which I didn't eat again, mostly because I was tired and said I'd slay firstborn children before eating lunch before breakfast, and then I was sort of sleeping and she hit me on the head with a water bottle. It should be some legal thing that when people are a complete drain on all aspects of society they can be shot.

er... sorry. i just really wish she'd die or something like that. or move to bhagdad (did i spell that correctly?) and then i can't sleep because of the moon, and i have to sleep because of school. damn. damn grades. damn teacher saleries and convienience stopping a nightschool. i want to have class at night! i hate waking up at 7. i want to wake up at noon after staring at the moon or playing in the snow at 10 pm.

also, all of my dreams have been stupid. stupid and fragmented. mostly because i wake up every hour or so.

Anyway, this weekend I'm supposed to go to New Hampshire and help my aunt put solar and wind power on the roof of her church and parsonage.

and that sounds fun, except that it's probably a thought of "well, she's light, why not hoist her up on the roof?"

and also i have a history presentation on the cold war that i was supposed to do today but there wasn't enough time. maybe i can practice it once over the weekend

.........................

in editorial of the news, skiaska wishes to point out that she is a very timid person, and that the needless blanket statements condemning "teens" to be nothing but hooligans are quite unfair to the rest of us. i am scared of people. i don't fight. i don't steal, and yet it seems that the blanket word "teen" has several negetive connotations attached.

Yeah, right. "Teens" "stole" the little tricycle thingys that the preschool had. Not only is it unconfirmed that they were stolen, not misplaced, but now it is the fault of these "teens" and now a child is afraid of all teenagers.

not only that, but those damn mall rules. the ones where teens can't be unescorted. it's all bull. seriously. do they want us holding our parent's hand until we're 20?

damn them all.
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Monday, December 5, 2005

So tired...
I'm sad and tired, my day was normal, like always, I'm still the same anti-social, bitter and angry approach to everything person I am.

And of course, I'd be fine with that mostly, if I weren't so nervous around people. They make people work together, even if they would rather work separately. It never matters if they have no friends, and are afraid of asking someone to work with them.

Sorry, my day has been rather bad since i had History class. We had to work together on a project, and there are a few people that always work together, and they're the only people I really know, everyone else goes out of their way to not work with me. But they don't understand: if they didn't want me to sit near them, or work with them, they could tell me and I would leave. I really wish people would stop being so damn polite about things.

And lunch is just the worst 20 minutes of my day. On the days that I'm hungry, I get something and eat it in the few first minutes, then I have little to nothing to do. And most days I have no one to sit with or talk to. And then all the teachers and people ask if I feel alright, and that makes me even sadder. I don't know why. Just when people ask me if I feel alright it makes me feel worse.

Sorry, I'm just angry... and the whole bitter and angry thing probably came from when I was younger and all my fish died. Every time, within three days, without fail.

My day wasn't all bad though, I watched the Nightmare Before Christmas, which I've wanted to watch again for a while.
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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

w00teth!
I just ordered 3 black t-shirts. All part of my evil plan to wear a t-shirt all through winter... pajamas, my one longsleeve shirt, 3/4 sleeves, jackets and arm socks don't count against it. Yeah, that's a lot of exceptions, but i'm also planning to wear sandals in december
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This is depressing weather.
Yesterday after I got home from school I sat around staring out the windows. It's all foggy right now, and since the clouds are so low I can hear the highway, which makes me even sadder.

Just something about the fact I can't even see the neighbor's lights just makes me feel I'm on the last island of existance, because on those days nobody ever calls or is online... It just bothers me. Especially when I'm home by myself.

I don't know why, but just the impersonal roaring of cars on the highway bothers me. I'm not sure if it's that the people probably don't know I exist, or that they don't realize just how many people are out there, or that they're all in such a hurry, and the honking of horns makes me even more depressed about them because they're so impatient.

And then I can't even hear the noise as I go inside, like my house just blocks it all out, the noise, the world everything.

I can't wait for it to clear up a bit, or just rain. Rain makes me feel better, just the sound makes me happier. But too much rain has the same effect, it makes me feel trapped, because I've been inside too long and just want to go outside.
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I have cultivated a loathing of people. Well, just most people.
Some people are so inconsiderate, you'd think some people could atleast mutter a mechanical "Thank you" when someone holds open a door, but it would appear that a majority doesn't even do that.

Sorry, it just had to be said.

It was just my luck to sit next to some rather "popular" people, and when I was courteous enough to move so they could sit together one remarked, in a suprised voice, "Oh look, she moved over, so now you can sit next to me." That hurts. It really does. Just like "Oh look, kid can draw."

The moral: Skiaska is not on display for commenting, neither is she deaf. Please keep thinly veiled, if veiled at all, sarcasm to yourself, otherwise Skiaska may actually go insane.

Finally rather vulgarly immature people. Not so much people who swear quite a bit, they're fine with me (mostly because I'm included), but the people who are loud and hold an immature view of the opposite sex (best phrasing I could think of) and intend to tell everyone they can find of their immature sentences. For god's sake (note: read like the rice wine. yes i talk of god's sake, I wonder how it would taste?)! They sound like a broken record player.

Ok, so sorry I just had to state several instances in which I really loathed the masses of people. And people accuse me of being anti-social and a goth just when I say I'm not particularly fond of people.
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Friday, November 18, 2005

w00000000000000000000t! *'tis the über w00t*
Ok, so I thought I had a C in english (my parents are pretty upset about a B- ok? so they'd be really mad about a C) but instead I manages a B+ or something. And that was the main class I was worried about.

And we have an effort grade which doesn't really matter, but I got mostly Outstanding and Very Good, even though I hardly give a damn.

w00t! w00t for apathy! w00t for hollisticness! w00t for pretending to hand in essays! w00t for the week off! w00t for our science project that is driving me more insane!

Sorry, I had a lot to w00t about. w00ting is addictive.

And I was ready to burn my report card if I "flunked" (remember that's a C+ for me or worse) English. But then I was so happy I cleaned out my locker (which involves clearing out the 8 or so empty vanilla coke bottles in there) and won a free powerade. Yawn. But it was nice to have won something.

Tomorrow and sunday I'm taking some classes at MIT and apparently I'm going to be one of the younger people there, 'cause I'm a freshman and mostly it's upperclassmen. I'm afraid. Afraid and tired. So very tired.

*falls asleep on keyboard*
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

   Procrastination is my middle name!
Eheh... I'm supposed to be writing an essay due tomorrow, but i've decided to slack off... for a while and enter some weird rambles in here.

There's this weird guy at school, he's a teacher, and, quite unfortunately, his room is right next to my friend's locker. Every time I go down there he stares at me and it's really freaking me out. Mostly because he has a super red face and beady little eyes. It's a sign of evil!

Anyway, I kind of feel accomplished, I have 7 CD's, and have never downloaded music offline. Which is kind of sad, but it's proof I don't live under a rock and leave the house once in a while (not including school though). Only my brother listens to my CD's all the time, making for one scary um... eight year old, particularly how he's stared to dress monochromatically like me.

Anyway, I really want to be reading Dracula or, more recently added to my list of things to read, Catcher in the Rye. But I can't. Because of a stupid essay comparing a really stupid book to a decent one. I. Loathe. "Young adult" books. *makes little strangely gestures* oh well...

Toodles!
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Friday, November 11, 2005

Story
I was thinking that on the weekends, if i don't have something else going on, i'd write a short story... of course it would be kind of disturbed and just plain weird. About a crazy person... I dunno, i don't really know if i want to actually tell what i write... 'twould probably be really short chapter-ish things.

eh, i'll start writing it and then see what i think...
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