Monday, May 2, 2005

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MOTHERFUCKING MEDICAL RECORDS I ordered Emma's medical records almost three weeks ago and they still haven't come in the mail. I've called the doctor's office over and over again and they keep giving me the same god damned run around. "The files were copied and mailed to this address... blah blah blah." Yes, I fucking understand that the files were copied on April 14th and they were subsequently mailed to my address but they never arrived! Why can't anybody there understand that? I called again this afternoon and talked to some dumb mexican broad that could barely speak english. She tried to give me the same schpeel and she practically hung up on me after telling me that someone would call me when the records were finished being copied which won't even get done until Thursday of this week. Motherfuck! Can my luck get any fucking worse? Oh yeah, we get to pick up the truck tonight. Its finally fixed. However, Ed didn't pay for his end of it and so now we're going to have to skip out on a garage bill because there's no way in hell that we're paying for this shit. Holla if ya hear me..

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Sunday, May 1, 2005

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HOTNESS So I'm lying here on my bed watching Blade: Trinity and I've got just one thing to say. Jessica Biel is H-O-T.

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I LOVE MY BROADBAND CONNECTION! I really really really really love it.

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Thursday, April 28, 2005

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THREE RINGS I'm going to the circus on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to it. Its not Barnum & Bailey, just the Shriner's, but it will be entertaining nonetheless. Last years show was pretty good and Emma got to ride an elephant so it was a success for everyone. Lexi and Chris are coming and I hope to God that she doesn't try to talk to me about what happened. I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Not with her. I am looking forward to spending some time with my neice. I don't get to see enough of her. Hopefully I'll get some decent pictures. Last year I didn't get any good ones. They were all blurry.

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

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THE F---ING BFG, MOTHERF---ER! So I've been playing Doom 3 and I thought I was doing pretty good until I actually got to hell and had to fight the giant hell beast with its little fairy buddies. Motherbitch! I couldn't get past it before I had to take the game back to the god damn video store. Isn't that just total crap? All rental stores should have a policy where if you're stuck on a certain level and haven't been able to get past it, they give you a free extension. I think its only fair. What do you think? P.S. If you got past the hell beast with its fairy buddies... how did you f---ing do it? You must tell me!

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

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DANA CAN'T PLAY POKER My husband says I'm evil and that is why he calls me Devil. I'm okay with that for many reasons. (1) I'm really not very nice. (2) I like the nickname. You should know that I'm not mean to everyone. My family is the one group of people who will always get my kindness. So, this past weekend while I was helping my mom clean out her basement, I decided that I would also help my sister-in-law get her house ready to be sold. My mother decided the same thing. On Sunday, after we were done with the basement, we walked the half a block to Chris' house and began helping. I cleaned the bathroom (See, I'm nice!) and I cleaned and conditioned the leather couches and recliner. My mom helped touch up paint and tried to keep the girls entertained so they wouldn't be underfoot. An hour or so after we got there, Chris asked me if I would ride to K-Mart with her so she could pick up some paint remover and some other stuff. I said yes and we went on our way. Little did I know that the real reason she wanted me to go with her was so that she could ask me about what my brother has been up to. Okay, I understand that she's upset that they're in the middle of a divorce but do you honestly think that I'm going to rat out my own brother? Nope. Sorry. Don't think so. She asked me about whether or not he was seeing someone else and god dammit, I can't play poker. I didn't say yes but then again, I didn't say no and I ended up making her cry because she figured out that he indeed was seeing someone else. It made me feel like shit because I made her feel like shit and now I have to apologize to my brother because the first thing she did that night after we all had left was call him up and accuse him of cheating. You f---ing b---h! Well, my mom heard about it from my brother of course and she went back over there and told Chris that she would not put us in the middle of it again, would she? I have to give it up to my mom for being so brass balled. I didn't know she had it in her. Go Mom!

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

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MY WEEKEND PRETTY MUCH SUCKED, HOW WAS YOURS? I'm not kidding. I wasn't able to get any real sleep, I didn't get any housework done and I made my sister-in-law cry. I totally don't feel like getting into it right at the moment, but I'll post later on about what happened earlier today. I just don't have the gift to be able to talk to people about their problems. I never would have made a good psychiatrist and I'm glad that I never tried it as a career. No thank you. On the other hand, I did manage to make it to Wal-Mart where I bought Pete his very first rawhide chew bone. Chainsaw thought it needed to be hers however and promptly took it from him. Luckily Pete has friends at the top and Justin and I took it away from her. Pete gleefully chewed on it until it was utterly moist and completely soggy. Then he found a stuffed otter in Emma's room and promptly made it his bitch.

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Saturday, April 23, 2005

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I ended up staying awake way too long last night. I didn't get to bed until after one and for me that is just way too late. (dammit, am I getting old already? Christ, I'm only 24!) My mom called this morning at 8:30 to see if I wanted to go to breakfast early. Mmm, breakfast? This was my chance for cold orange juice and a big, hot, heaping plate of biscuits and gravy from the Four Seasons Diner. I was not about to say no to biscuits and gravy. Are you crazy?" I would have liked it even better sometime after atleast 9:30. However, even though I'm a lazy ass , I still know that biscuits and gravy is the true ambrosia. I finally crawled from bed as my mom was pulling into the driveway. (she had to pick me up because the truck is in the shop, again.) Breakfast was great and after stopping at the QT for a chai latte, we made it back to the house. Did I mention yet that I spent the entire sun-filled day in the dingy basement of my parents house? Not that I minded doing it because I certainly didn't. It was actually kind of fun. I get a huge kick out of redecorating a room and my mom lets me do whatever I want (within reason, of course). We moved shit back and forth and back and forth all day before we got everything finished. Then we went to my brother's house. Well, I guess it's Chris' house now because he moved out. (That's why we had to clean the basement. He needs a temporary room.) Chris (my sister-in-law) is having a rough time with the whole thing but what do you expect when your husband leaves? I just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her that she would always be a part of the family but I didn't. I don't know why I didn't, I just didn't. I'm not what you would call a touchy-feely person. I don't like to be touched by anyone other than my sweet hubby. (I'm just an antisocial bitch). Now that I'm home and clean and relaxing with a joint and my laptop, an interesting biography on the t.v. (F.D.R. if anyone's interested. On the history channel.) and Pete's curled up next to me, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm going back to my mom's tomorrow to finish up the basement and then I'm going to Chris' to help with the packing and stuff so she can sell the house. God damn, I'm going to get absolutely no rest this weekend. Guess I'd better smoke 'em while I got 'em.

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When I was little (I can't remember exactly how old) I went on vacation with my paternal grandparents (The maternal set died before I was born) in Northern Minnesota. I packed my little suitcase and strapped myself into my grandmothers brown '81 Concorde, ready and waiting for the trip. I vaguely remember stopping along the way at a small grocery store where we stocked up on flavored sodas and potato chips. A while on down the highway, we reached Lake Jesse where they had a small "cabin" on the shore. (Technically, it wasn't a cabin, it was a one bedroom trailer but who's counting?) It was small and cramped and musty from being closed up during the winters but it was a blast. On the first day there, after a long morning and afternoon of fishing on the sandy shore, we went back to the "cabin" to find a pair of kittens playing in the small tree by the front door. They weren't any older than a few months and I knew instantly that I had to have them. I can't really remember if there were any tears involved but I'm almost certain that there was pouting. (Pouting always works.) I named them Kid (the all black one) and Comet (the gray tiger striped one) and on the first night they chased each other all night long. Back and forth and back and forth they raced. From my bed in the front room to underneath my grandparents bed at the other end of the trailer. I vividly remember my grandfather shouting "GOD DAMN CATS!" more than once. Of course, he was the greatest grandpa ever and he would never have said no to me keeping the kitties. Several years later Comet got hit by a car and was brain damaged. Honest to God, he would only walk in left hand circles. No matter where he went, he could only go counter-clockwise. Give it up for the amazing Pete. The newest member of my crazy ass family.

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Friday, April 22, 2005

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I'm about to admit something that not too many people know about. I used to have serious crushes on animated men. I'm not kidding. Remember Egon from the Ghostbusters cartoon? Yeah. I thought he was hot. Vegeta? Dead sexy. Scar? Hot damn. Even Edward Elric is totally cute in his slightly effiminate way. Now, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of completely gorgeous men in the real world but none of them can blast the bad guys with energy beams.

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