Thursday, January 20, 2005

she isnt real....
This will be my last post...

On the 18th...my passion died, everything i've loved died, nikki died...I died.. Or at least I wish I had. She was my everything...she was my one... and I still cant accept that she's gone... She comes to me at night, in my dreams. We're together then, and nothing can come between us. We are as one, two souls intertwined by our eternal love. I wish things could be like this in the real world, I just can't sleep forever...no matter how much I wish I could.

On that day...the day before our anniversary...she told me she loved me. She "loved" me so much she just had to rip the heart from my chest...to feast upon my misery.

I hate to do this..for the love that we shared...for the memories we keep...for those days we would just lie there and look deep into eachothers eyes... I know that you never call anyone, I know your whole fucking disfunction. But I'm not going to call you either, you who would rather be alone than with me...i know when I'm not wanted, and if for some fucking reason you should want to talk to me, you know how to get in touch.

Goodbye friends, goodbye Nikki, I'll miss you all...


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Saturday, January 15, 2005

Happy Saturday
Okay... nobody cares about my problems, so i'm gonna stop posting about all this depressing crap. But first(stay with me here), Nikki-poo got is grounded, and until further notice, I cant talk to/see her. I really wish she would have thought of the consequences before she went and acted like a dumbfuck...but oh well.


I've got some crap to do, take my mind off some of this shit...i'm trying to make something positive, you know. I just started writing the plot for a story. Might end up the next best seller ;)

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Friday, January 14, 2005

My fucking god...
Nikki...if something were to happen to you..I could never forgive myself. Where are you...? I'm so worried about you nikki...If you were going to skip or something...i wish you would tell me. But what if something worse were to have happened... what if you were bleeding to death on the side of the road somewhere...

Where ever you are..and whatever you're doing,I want you to know I love you nikki. Please...come back to me...
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Thursday, January 13, 2005

I wish things would just end...
Nikki and myself have been on bad terms for over a week now... Mainly my fault. The dark shadow of depression is falling upon me again... I hate it...so damn much. I thought i was finally rid of it the last time...I dont want to go through that shit again...I lost my love then..and i'm afriad i'll lose my nikki now...all because of this evil bitch we call depression. I've been yelling at mother to take me back to my old psychiatrist... hell...maybe put me on my medication or something...or not actually, they took Lexapro(the last anti-depressant i was on) off the market because it was making kids suicidal..heh..go figure.

Well...back to my fairly fucked up life. I've got school tomorrow...one long miserable friday...

I so fucking hate school....Anyways...enough of my bitching, i've got 20 pages of Biology homework to do before tomorrow morning. >_<

I love you nikki...even if i've been an asshole lately...
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