Thursday, April 21, 2005

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Reflection, mostly.. It feels a little unusual, because I'm starting to remember all these strange (and sometimes depressing) things from my early childhood that bother me on a subconcious level and really seem to explain a lot about my personality.

For example.. I have this thing where, if I'm walking with a group of people through a crowd, and some random people get between me and the rest of my group, I'll quickly get annoyed. It gets to where I'll cut people off and push them out of my way just to get back with my group. Pretty unreasonable, right? For a while I couldn't figure out why I did that, since just I did it on instinct, without even thinking about it.

But then I remembered something that happened when I was about 6 or so. My mother, one of her friends, and I were at a theme park. It was about time to leave, and there was a huge crowd going through the exit. Some little kid behind us started crying loudly, and my mother and her friend decided to walk faster so that they wouldn't have to hear it. But I couldn't walk as fast as they could, so they walked way ahead of me and I couldn't keep up. I cried out to her many times, but she didn't hear me. She eventually vanished into the masses of people and I was left behind, alone in the crowd and pretty helpless. I was way too young to do anything except cry for my mother...

Eventually one of the park staff found me and I was reunited with my mother and all that, so it turned out okay, but there's still a little part of me that's afraid of getting seperated and left behind. Maybe it wont bother me as much now that I know about it, but still.. I have to wonder what else is locked away in my mind that I can't remember..

Now that I think about it, there was one other thing. When the park staff found me, they took me to this office where they asked me a bunch of questions, like what my mother's name was and other contact information. And they asked me the same questions over and over again, as if they were checking to see if I was lying. I mean, here I am lost, alone and confused, and these idiots are checking to see if I'm LYING. I mean, I can't hate them too much, because they stopped me from getting kidnapped or something while my mother took the time to realize "Hey, where'd my kid go?", but still.. Anyways, that's probably why I can't stand to be asked the same question over and over again..

Though really, it's pretty unnecesary to reask the same question again and again. I mean, I gave you my answer the first time, and that answer has NOT changed in the five seconds since the last time that you asked me. Quit wasting my time already!

Granted, I probably just made a hypocrite out of myself with those last few statements, but still...
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