Wednesday, February 13, 2008

this week is a black hole
that's eating me up! eek. really.
anyways. i feel bad, because i unknowingly made a Mormon joke in front of one.
rantity-rant: i'm going to fail my math quiz tomorrow. my teeth hurt like HECK so i can't eat my burrito from chipotle [haha that alone makes me want to cry. those burritos are beautiful things...] my dad had to go to the hospital today - nothing life threatening, so yay - and [not to be insensitive] but that threw a wrench in things. there's other junk, but i'm not typing that up. XD
anyways. happy [early] single's awareness day!
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

If your life was a movie...
...what would the soundtrack be?

Ahh, the question pondered in the minds of many! Never fear, here is my soundtrack. And I'm SO bored, I'll do it twice...
1. opening credits: Losing My Religion - Scary Kids Scaring Kids OR Saying Sorry - Hawthorne Heights

2. waking up: Quit Your Life - MxPx OR Happy Birthday - Flipsyde

3. first day at school: Gone - Toby Mac OR Numb - Sia

4. falling in love: Hunter - 30 Seconds To Mars OR Desert Rose - Sting

5. fight song: Crystal - New Order OR My Disaster - Silverstein

6. breaking up: Wonderwall - Cartel OR Hangin' With You - Devin Lima & the ?

7. prom: Street Spirit (Fade Out) - Radiohead OR Boiled Frogs - Alexisonfire

8. life: These Things - She Wants Revenge OR Save Me - Shinedown

9. friends: The Price I Pay - Gu Medicine OR Goodnight And Go - Imogen Heap

10. driving: Dead By Dawn - Showbread OR Waste of My Time - Bedlight For Blue Eyes

11. flashback: Another Night - Heavens OR What Makes A Man A Man - Emery

12. getting back together: Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy OR Leatherface Fan - Mike Hale

13. wedding: Ready To Fall - Rise Against OR I Think I Smell A Rat - The White Stripes

14. birth of a child (whoa!): The Patty Hearst Syndrome - Smoke or Fire OR You Answer Me - Jennifer Knapp

15. workout song: The Great Gig In The Sky - Pink Floyd OR Cliffdiving - +44

16. funeral song: One of These Things First - ? OR No Other Way - Jack Johnson

17. end credits: Name of the Game - ? OR When In Rome - Nickel Creek
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Think twice...
It's February 11, everyone.

V-DAY IS COMING. O_O

Yeah, cool beans. My sister made me a mix v-day cd, it's pretty sweet. It goes from some chill love ballad to "Twist and Shout" so I'm having a lot of fun with that. And there's this crazy (original?!) version of "Gold Digger"...it's ridiculous, there's a mini-band-thingy behind this singer dude...amazing. AND there's a sax solo! Just when you thought it couldn't get any better!
We had 3 worksheets on factoring trinomials and junk. I did one of them...yeah, I had better things to do.
Anyhoo, Pi used the word "drought" and I think that's fitting to me at the moment. I'm in a word drought, and I haven't been writing much of anything good lately. The world's gone Dr. Suess.

"There once was a cat
He was very..fat
He loved to wear his hat...
AWWW! F'IT! I CAN'T DO THIS! *breakdown*"

Mhmm, there's a teaspoon. So the next post is a spoonful of honey...just to help the medicine go down. :)
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Saturday, February 2, 2008

liar, liar...
Are there ever times when all you want to do is break something?

Yeah. I thought so. Instead my parents are *expletive* forcing me to play this *expletive* little game with them. *expletive* it.


I'm pissed off.
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Monday, January 28, 2008

whoa-o
whoa-o, i've been banging my head against the wall/whoa-o...for so long it seems i knocked it down, yeah it got knocked down/whoa-o...and the heating bill went through the roof/whoa-o...and the wall i knocked down was the proof/that my landlord needed to kick me out

ahh, forward motion. can't seem to grasp that concept. i've been moving backwards lately...it sucks. but i'm too lazy to do anything about it. really lazy. and i hate it. XD
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Sunday, January 27, 2008

   why can't daydreams come true once in a while...?
Yeah, yeah. More poetry crap? MHMM. I love every bit of it...not to mention all the nonexistent feedback. Eh, I'll take that as you're too stunned for words. XD Come on, just..run with me here!
Essentially, this is the result of some perfected daydreams and "Scream" by Kill Hannah. I've recently rediscovered my love for that band...emo as they are. *halo*
Enjoy.
_________________________________________________
nostalgia
the captured essence
of looking backward
to the great days and the ones where we woke up to the wrong side of the bed.

it hits me like tidal waves
strong, leaving bare sand in its wake
exposing the half-buried jellies and shells.

starlit nights, alone or with you
etched into a melody
and a few simple words in a chorus.

all these songs and melodies
are bittersweet relief
taunting me with broken ideals.

maybe the days haven't come
but i'm dreaming of someone
that i know.

if only i was in another place
at this time
maybe it'd be right.

maybe i'd finally find them
the one in my dreams
and all my untold stories.

i want to scream out to him
thoughout all the world
if only i had the words..knew the name.

but time decides to cover my ears
and so i must wait for the day
and hope he will wait for me.
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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

   ICAN'TWAITFORYOUTOSHUTMEUP
thoughts on my mind, late at night
these things i thought i'd never write.

the beast inside. a secret garden with red flowers. turning auto-pilot off, taking the wheel. crash courses on being in love and coming out alive. my bruises, black and blue, red and yellow mingling. the tonightless and the life dripping from their veins. hot tar. summer on winters icy heels chasing cold from our memories. excess mortar from brick walls. lies and comic errors.

all these things paint the colors of my sky.
[ BLACK / RED / BLUE ]
opaque, muddy and smeared are the primary colors on my artists palette. weilding the brush as a sword, one against the masses protecting the view from her rose-colored glasses.
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

   Harry Potter...?
Mhmmm. I decided to post a mini-song-HP-fanfic up here, since I don't really have anywhere else to put it. I might submit it to a couple sites, but I'm not sure. Based off post-OotP and "View From Heaven" by Yellowcard.

V I E W | F R O M | H E A V E N
*I'm just so tired
Won't you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life*

Harry woke from his dream with arms outstretched, a trace of a heart-wrenching scream on his lips. Gasping, he reached for his glasses, to see Ron peering worriedly at him. "Blimey, Harry! You almost woke the whole house! Is...is it your scar again? I won't tell Hermoine, I promise-"
The boy sat up and buried his face in his hands. "I - I don't want to talk about it, Ron. Thanks, but goodnight." He tried to keep his voice civil. His well-meaning friend got the message, said goodnight, and was soon emitting a whiffling snore.

*Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin' life just ain't fair
Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone*

Images sprang into Harry's mind, unbidden. Flashes of green, red, yellow, blue...colors of spells and encantations flooding the room. Death Eaters...Malfoy, Lestrange, Dolohov, Macnair, Rookwood...he could see the cruelty and utter despise in each pair of eyes as clearly as if they were inches away.
Harry shuddered.

*And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here*

And then...hope! A faint glimmer, but hope nonetheless - The Order! Lupin, Moody, Tonks, Kingsley...Sirius. A smile flitted across Harry's face. When this was all over, somehow Sirius would be cleared, and they could go live together, out in the country somewhere...just like they had planned, oh, so long ago..

*Feel your fire,
When its cold in my heart
And things sorta start
Remindin' me of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too*

The fight repeated itself like a scratchy old record. It was impossible to make it by oneself - the Death Eaters were living up to their viscious title and were not at all afraid. Ah, Dumbledore had finally arrived! "Now it's really over..." Harry murmured, causing Ron to pause mid-whiffle.

*And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
You won't be comin' back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye*

Bellatrix was after Sirius now, but why? They were on the dais now, Sirius shouting mocking encouragement, ducking the last spell speeding towards him. He reared up, nearly dancing in front of the archway. Bellatrix's face contorted with untold rage, and madly swung her wand. A jet of light burst forth, blasting into her opponent, a look of shock written all across his face - how had he forgotten to duck? Padfoot sprawled backwards...slowly disappearing beyond the veil as the battle raged on.

*And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
I hope that all is well in heaven
Cuz it's all shot to hell down here
I hope that I find you in heaven
Cuz I'm so...
Lost without you down here*

Harry's scream mingled with sounds of battle and Lestranges' terrible and triumphant cackle. The boy who lived lunged forward, plowing through to reach the archway. Why hadn't Sirius come out the other side? It had to be an act..it was all an act, he was fooling Bellatrix for sure... But where was he? Why did he keep everyone waiting under this illusion?
"SIRIUS! SIRIUS, COME BACK! COME BACK!" Harry's throat was thick with sobs and screams of sorrow. One last scream cut through everything else, causing a momentary pause. His throat felt torn into pieces, and his life ripped to shreds.
Lupin suddenly tackled him and shoved him to the ground; Harry felt a spell graze his shoulder, white hot and glowing. He didn't care anymore.
"HARRY! He's gone, you have to listen to me! HE'S GONE!"
This last, bitter word echoed in Harry's mind. He was simply numb. His world was no longer, everything plummeting into darkness leaving his heart fettered to the top. He was shattering as glass. Nothing mattered..heck, why didn't he give himself up to Voldemort right now...at least the pain would cease in death.

*You won't be coming back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye*

Harry woke from his nightmare to see Ron welcoming another day at the Burrow by throwing open the dusty curtains. The piercing sunlight burned through Harry, transfixed by his memories of his cheery godfather. The boy who lived whispered longingly in a voice hoarse from tears.
"Sirius..."
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Sunday, January 13, 2008

   In Soviet Russia, bucket misses you.
So I recieved a promo for a free preview "Science Illustrated"...the plug letter explains that I am the type of person this magazine is written for - smart, sophisticated, inquisitive, and curious. Apparently, I also like science because it's exciting, invigorating, INCREDIBLY fascinating, entertaining, and fun.
Sorry, Mr. L. Bingham. You're just not my type. XD

SO! I went on the Deeper Life retreat w/ my youth group this weekend. It was AMAZING. I feel stupid for not inviting all my friends...not only because there were three sophmores [me, Willy J, and Tina G] but 'cuz it was awesome!
We played broomball, had Wii tennis & dodgeball tournaments, chugged wayyy too many energy drinks [Rockstar Guavas! YES!], and did some crazy good stuff. I am SO getting you all to come to Villa Maria...
I was declared "curvalicious" [yes, that means what you think it does *cough**cough* and it was proven later on the bus..can you say awkward?!] and "ganstuh", we played a G-rated version of Spin the Bottle [you had to poke fingers or hug..nehehe], threw animal crackers [and Dots] at unsuspecting victims from the loft, went down a crazy ice slide, had an amazing thing we call "Concert of Prayer" [sorry, that's ALL undisclosable info. Really, it is], made broomball nets, so on and so forth. *contented sigh* I love youth group. XD
Anyways, at the moment I'm drifting back towards reality and studying. Our internet has been a bum lately...so I'm still waiting for my dad to up my texting plan. I went over by $28 last month...*halo* whoops! [I sent/received 589 texts, and I only get 400..]
HOLY COW, THIS IS A LONG POST...au revoir, mes amis!
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Wednesday, January 9, 2008

   midweek crisis [hah]
is it getting better?/is it getting worse?/was it ever worth it?/was it just a curse?/and is it getting better now?/and is it getting better now?
[get well soon - reggie and the full effect]

urgh. I thought I was doing okay this week...key word = thought.
Today was the lecture on registration for next year. I won't bore you with my list of classes..I brought them up, however, at dinner and my parents just won't let it rest that I just want to see what things are like [i.e. journalism I] and NOT make a career out of it. I'm also frustrated by doubt from all sides...I can do as damn well as I want too in a class!
Hopefully, I won't become discouraged enough to drop out: "F**k this, I'm gonna be a hobo!" Hah hah, jk.
As usual I don't really have anything to complain about...except lack of feedback. Do I even have friends? [Don't answer that question...] It's just lonely: my parents annoy the hell outta me, my sister is leaving soon - and we don't really talk anymore. Not that we ever really did...I guess I was just to clammy. XD
Whatever. I'll just stick to the usual. Things will go up again...just hopefully not in my face.
So I'm going on a retreat w/ my youth group this weekend...between two sophmores going [me included] and Mom nagging at me about studying, it's almost not worth it.
Almost.
I'm jumping at the chance of getting out of town, even if it is only to go up north...how pathetic is that?
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