Sunday, March 1, 2009

long time
it's been forever since i've been on. everything has been crazy. i hope everyone is doing ok ^_^ i miss all of you guys! i'm excited about this coming up weekend (March 6th) a few of my friends are coming over & we are going to hang out & be retards lol. then April 10th is prom. i already have my dress (yes amy i will get pics to you as soon as i find my usb cord) ^_^ i lose things way too easy. welp thats about it for now.
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Thursday, December 25, 2008

.........................................................................
ok heres the deal i am so sick and tired of everything falling apart!no matter how hard i try it just keeps falling and falling further and further down the black hole out of my reach. thats a stupid way to put that but i'm sure you all get my point! i keep gettin told that everything happens for a reason! well not everything does! your family isn't suppose to fight and argue everytime you turn around! they aren't suppose to pick favorites just b/c something bad happened to them it doesn't make them any different from the rest of us b/c something bad happens to us all! i give up altogether b/c EVERYTHING has just totally went wrong! nothing goes right anymore it all goes to shit! and all ppl say is its ok get over it or grow up! i'm sick of everyone being sucha bitch about everything! and i always try to help but when something goes wrong its automatically my damn fault! its all a bunch of bullshit drama that really needs to end b/c i'm tired of getting the blame and the cold shoulder from everyone i know... well i'm done ranting now!!!
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Monday, October 27, 2008

   nothing...... just like me
i fell like i screw everything up and that i'm not worth anything anymore... here lately i've been happy but something deep down inside keeps saying ur nothing and u will never be anything... i listen to it and i know i'm sounding like a crazy person right now but i do feel like i'm nothing and that i will never amount to anything... it's like everyone i love is needing me all at once and when they got what they want they get rid of me and act like i was never anything in the first place... i give everything i've got and then i get thrown away... i'm about ready to give up and stop caring b/c it's getting me no where.... everyone is leaving me and they are all acting weird and acting like they don't want me around anymore... they say it's not true but it feels like it is... i odn't know what to do anymore... i don't know what to believe anymore... and i don't know who to trust anymore... it's all going down hill and i don't know how to make it go back up to the top where it needs to be... and also my family is falling apart even worse... i can't fix it anymore it just gets worse... matter of fact i can't help anoyone anymore and i can't fix anything anymore...i'm useless....
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Thursday, September 25, 2008

   I JUST WANT IT TO END!!!
OK!!! i am about ready to beat the hell out of a lot of ppl! they really need to learn how to keep their fucking mouths shut and keep their damn rumers to themselves!!! i'm so sick of all their bullshit! i know i usually don't talk like this... i'm just really pissed!!!! i hate that just b/c they have a problem with me or if they have a problem with my friend then they need to come talk to us about it not behind our backs!!!!they are going to wish that they were never born b/c they ar eabout to get their payback a million times worse! i'm tired of just standing there and leting this shit happen i'm putting a stop to it and i'm fighting back hard! i'm not going to be the nice person anymore! they better hope and pray that i don't get my hands on them b/c if i do they are dead! it's payback time to all of them and if i hurt any of my friends for anything that i'm about to do or if i have ever done anything to hurt any of you i'm so very sorry! i'm not goning to let this happen anymore! it's time to put a stop to it and it's going to be now!!!!! and today is not starting out to be a good day either so they better keep their mouths shut unless they want my fist in them! i'm not playing around this time! i want it all to end even if it means i have to leave for good! it's going to stop once and for all!
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Monday, September 22, 2008

   today was an ok day not great but i've had this funny feeling all day like something is going to happen i keep gettin these feelings and it is startiing to frea me out i don't kno what they mean or anything! i'm going crazy here! i don't know what to do but i hope that everything goes alright and that nothing goes wrong... anyways i have had a few rough spots today but they got worked back out i helped my friend through a relationship crisis and now my friend is happy again! they told me that i am the best girl anyone will ever find but i told them i didn't believe them bc there are a lot of better girls out there and i'm not one of them... so i kinda got in an arguement with them and now they are mad at me b/c i won't believe them and i can't believe them b/c it isn't true i'm just an ordinary girl there is nothing special about me not at all!!! but they won't listen to me!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!
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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

   why bother anymore....
ok most of you are probably wondering what i mean by that well here it goes....
i'm so sick and tired of everything failing!!! it isn't just one thing its EVERYTHING and its ALL the time... and time flies by so fast you don't have time to say goodbye b/c when you go to say goodbye to someone you love they are already gone and u never get the chance! it makes me so freakin mad! i hate it and i want to curl up in a ball and just say forget it and not ever try again b/ ci'm sick of trying and failin or having it blow up in my face! so i say y bother anymore y not just let everything fail and fall apart like it does anyways!!!!
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Monday, September 15, 2008

you may not understand. . .
i feel like jumping off of something and never landing again i want to run away and never stop running i want to go far away and never come back i want to keep walking forward and never look back i want to sit in a corner and cry until the pain goes away i want to be in his arms forever and hope and pray he never lets go i want to leave the darkness and come into the light and i want to stop the hurt and the pain from taking away my light i want to find the light and keep in the palm of my hand i want to sit in a field of butterflies and flowers and be happy here with him i want to turn my back on those who hurt me and keep my face up to him who loves me i want to live my life in light and never turn to darkness but everywhere i turn its there please help me and make it go away i'm in a dark whole and no one can help me and no matter where i turn i just keep getting farther and farther away from the light i want to reach for it but i'm scared it will disappear forever just like everything else has... i want to be in light so i can se and feel again instead of being numb and blind i want to hear and not be deafend by the silent darkness i can't take it anymore i have to get out! i have to find my light! i reach for his hand and he lifts me up into the light and keeps me in his arms so i don't slip and fall back into the horrible darkness that once took over my life he saved me and i am now his he loves me just the way i am and would never change me... he is my guardian angel, my knight, my edward, my love, my everything... he saved me from the darkness and is always there for me whether i deserve it or not he never leaves me to fall in the darkness
i know i changed a lot of things while writing this but its what is in my mind and i put it all down it might not make any since but you'll get the point eventually... well i hope you will...
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Sunday, September 14, 2008

   Kissing in the Rain
We step out of the car and into the street
You can hear it hit softly, like the patter of little feet

It’s such a magical time, like sunset on the ocean
We’re caught in its spell, and we move in slow motion

I move in close, with my hands around his neck
I take it slow, no rush, no haste

The rain slowly falls and the full moon shines
He slides his arms around my waist, and says “your mine”

The rain picks up and it soaks our hair
But our eyes are focused, we have no cares

He whisper in my ear, “I love you my dear
“You will always be smiling, you have no use for tears”

“I will love you forever, tis my vow to you”
“You are my heavenly dove, may it always be true”

I smile at him, with joy and bliss
My lips meet his, and in the rain we kiss

The rain itself, dances all around
As I kiss my sweetheart, without a sound

The rain glides through the air and he holds me
tight
It’s like the angels are crying, such a beautiful sight

His tongue touches mine and its ecstasy
A kiss in the rain sets my emotions free

He pulls my lower lip and it takes its toll
My whole body tingles, like I’ve lost control

As the rain falls down I just can’t believe
That I need her to move, to think, to breathe

I take a step back and I look up in his eyes
He tells me he loves me and my heart just flies

If you believe perfection simply isn’t real
Kiss your love in the rain, and I promise you’ll feel

Many things in this world can wash away pain
But none of them compare, to kiss in the rain

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Monday, September 1, 2008

...........
i'm so sick and tired of havin to be something i'm not just to make ppl happy! i can't ever just be me and make someone happy! i'm so sick of pretending and putting on a fake smile just to make someone happy everyone expects something out of me and i can't do it anymore and i let them down or hurt them everytime i turn around and i'm tired of hurrting ppl and being hurt i'm so sick of all of it!
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Saturday, August 9, 2008

   *sigh*
i know 2 in one day.....
have you ever felt like there is something bothering you but you can't place exactly what it is? well i'm like that now... something is getting me down and i have no clue what it is... its bugging the hell outta me b/c i can't figure out what it is... i've been like this all day and i've been trying to figure it out and no matter how hard i try i can't get it figured out...its weird... i'm going crazy here... i wish it would end so i could get over this b/c i don't want to feel like this... it worries me and that makes it worse...
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