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Friday, December 24, 2004


   ...oh meh troubles
. . . . .


.Its X-mas eve. I'm not religious. (even though i was forced to go to a cathoic school for 9+ years of my life)

so sleeping till 2 was my highlight of the day!
i feel very numb and tired from doing so though =_=; hope you never try it


now for a more personal note (just skip down to the end)

My friends and I had a X-mas present trade yesterday. The problem with me and presents is that i can only give not recieve.
I feel so stupid/selfish/hurtful/pitiful if i ask them for something.
(plus everyting i really want is too expensive for them)
But my friends are the opposite. It seems like they don't care about the cost of things when they ask for presents. Its great because i want to make them happy with material objects. On the downside, when we exchange gifts, it seems like they all get very nice gifts, while i get cheap ones. It makes me sad when i see how happy they are. ;_; I question my worth in times like these. Unfortunalty the blame is one me; because i asked for it *sigh* i'm a very selfish person

now to analyze:
wanting nothing -> feeling guilty -> my fault
wanting something -> feeling guilty -> my fault

well to make things worse for my "money saving conscience"
i havn't spent anything for myself (nor got out of the house) in 6 months. I spent $100+ for them in one day. I got $20 worth of thoughtless presents back. i am now once again broke for the year, with an empty dresser filled with 2nd hand clothes v_v;

- - - -


*pause, deep breath*
anyway good thing my submissions were posted! ^___^ yay
only problems were
• i forgot to write my name on my "happy bunnie" wallpaper
so i had to submit it again -__-;

• my "resubmited" "Gotcha" wallpaper never got resubmited. -__-
so i'll wait a day before i submit again.

I feel so guilty giving this site so much hell >D

. . . . .


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