Saturday, January 22, 2005

   somtimes self-sacrifice isn't worth the reward
. . . . .

warning» self loathing» read and your eyes with bleed

i'm feeling stressed lately.

since i was ten i believe, my father and mother have been divorced. i now live under my stuck-up mom's roof, in which 'everything under her roof is hers'. and also drifted even more apart from my father who seemly tried to control my life by strings. as a result, i always put on my fake smile and formal manners when i'm around him. (its now quite depessing now that i think about it)

to begin with: my mom hates my dad (simply put).
over the years, she has been telling me how horrible he is. she mentions it as if its just gossip from stuck up teen (her). WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO BELIEVE?! my mother is telling me to hate my father!

my dad's the opposite, EVERY time he sees me (usually once or twice a week) he always tells me how poor he is, and that life isn't treating him well. He purposly tries to show me how awful his living style is; in such a way that you might say that he's purposely trying to make me feel sorry for him so i may relay this to my mother.

unfotunatly when i use this as a defense against my mother's attacks on him, she simply states that he's "lying, rich (cause he runs a video store) and stingy money hog."

either way, it seems as though i'm being decieved.

other then having my family fall apart, i fear that my friend pities my situation. i hate the way she looks down upon me like i'm some abandoned puppy in a shoebox. she made a big deal over the fact that my father didn't buy me birthday/x-mas present till today at least: he gave me $100 and took me to a computer store. unfortunatly i had to pay for the rest of it with my life savings.

i wish i wasn't caught in the middle of this. but i know same kids have it worse so i shouldn't complain over this petty matter. i just feel very confused, and left with an empty feeling inside.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
saa... the wallpaper section is still closed X_X I particaly lived there at my visits to MyOtaku!

hopefully after i install my new drawing tablet i can finnish up on some fanart *evil laughter*
(its soo hard too draw from my scanner!)

anywhoo... i'm sooo sad that i didn't win the contest Adam held for the cosplay t-shirt.
my only hopes now is that the winners actrully do infact cosplay. If they don't i'm planning to kill em! >_<*

a shame how unfair life is.

. . . . .


¿ A r e Y o u E x i s t i n g ?
Comments (0)