Thursday, March 1, 2007

Let's hear it for the losers.
I didn't win the writing competition I entered in for. I'm a little disappointed, but it's my own fault for getting my hopes up. At least I had the chance to try, and I'll make sure to make anything else I write better next time, heh.

We've almost finished filming now. Just three more days to go and we're done. We're taking everyone out for dinner on Sunday evening to celebrate, and I'm really looking forward to it. It's been great fun, and I'm feeling a lot happier with how this one's coming together than the pervious one. Although I do have to go and pick up some speakers from someone's house at 9pm, which I'd rather not have to do. But needs must as the devil drives, so I will ^_^

If you're interested in seeing how we've been getting on, the film's website address is www.ourtimetolive.t83.net.

As for myself... it's been an odd day today. I haven't felt that great and to an extent I've lied if someone asked me if I was alright. It started when we were filming yesterday and just went downhill from there. For the most part it's just that feeling of loneliness creeping back again when I least want it to, and... after having a rather frank and open conversation with my younger sister I realised that I feel I've been denying myself things that I've wanted. Sometimes out of politeness, and other times I seem to make up excuses that I'd be better off without them, or that I have other things I need to accomplish first. I always seem to find reasons not to try and pursue people I'm interested in for relationships, the usual answer I give myself being 'They wouldn't be interested in me', or 'I don't think they'd understand me', when really the crux of it is that I am mortally afraid of getting into a relationship, and it's far easier to avoid them and convince myself that avoiding them is the right thing to do. Which it isn't.


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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

"But, I'll keep my mouth. I don't want to start anothing drama-fest. Just had to say something about that."

If you don't want to start another drama-fest, why not just SAY NOTHING AT ALL?

Geez, things like this just annoy the crap out of me >.>; If things are to stop, they have to stop, FULL STOP. No 'but one last thing...'- just stop. You're only being hypocritical and allowing a window for more drama to pop up if you let yourself get carried away by that one last word.

I had something else I wanted to say in one of the main page's items, but after posting it I saw someone else had responded before me asking to stop, so I deleted my post out of respect for their wishes. It's really not that hard to just keep completely quiet and then, surprise surprise, things will start returning to normal. It's people's belligerent need to assert themselves that caused this ridiculous 'not the real theOtaku' nonsense to start in the first place.

---

Things are going well for the film, by the way. We've set a date for the premiere now, amongst other things. I should put up the link to the site in my introduction, really.

Will update properly soon. Ciao.
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Friday, February 16, 2007

Thankies all for the comments ^___^

I didn't quite get to finish my post yesterday as I got cut off by various happenings inside the house; I'd wanted to introduce the dogs properly to everyone who didn't know them.

The big, black Standard Poodle is Romulus. He's the oldest, and boss dog. He turns 11 later this month, which is quite a shock as I'd always thought of him as about 8. He certainly doesn't seem like he's coming on for middle age. He's a very masculine dog, too- bulky, muscular, doesn't particularly like being hugged and will always make sure the other two know their place. But he loves playing, too, especially when the other dogs are outside. Sometimes he'll lure the other two into the garden, wait for us to shut the door and then grab one of his toys so he can play without the others trying to join in ^_^ Silly puppy. His favourite toy is this dual-coloured ball with two holes in it which you fill with kibble and let him roll around the house, eating the bits thet come out one by one. He enjoys eating from that much more than his actual food bowl, which he'll barely touch during the day.

Merlin is our middle one- the brown Standard Poodle, and Romulus' cousin. He must be about 8 now, which is even more bizarre than Romulus' actual age. Merlin's a bit of a poof, truth be told. He's not very brave, and much prefers women to men, who he's almost always wary of whenever they come into the house. He's all over the ladies, though. His tail's a bit eccentric. Whilst Romulus was docked, he wasn't, so it doesn't wag as you'd expect a tail to wag- it loops and does figures of eights and all sorts of things. It can wag really fast, as well. If he's sat on the floor and his tail starts wagging, it's usually a hyper-fast vibration, a bit like one of those cappuccino frothers. He loves being hugged, however, and will go out of his way to get close to you if he can. In some respects I believe he's actually half cat, with the way he'll curl himself round your leg, rub up against you and drape himself over your lap when you're sat on a chair. Although he's second-in-command, technically, he has a problem enforcing authority with Taiko, who just wags his tail and ignores him. He tends to get left out of playfights a bit, too, but you can tell he desperately wants to join in. So most of the time he'll sit there and bark. Or stick his tongue in your ear.

Taiko is our youngest- he's the little black Labrador/collie cross. He's about 18 months old, and completely wonderful. He's bouncy and will always always always play with you, even if you don't want him to. Most of his playing consists of him playfully sinking his teeth into your feet or legs while you're walking from one room to another, or wrapping his front paws round your leg like some kind of canine rugby-tackle. He's excited by everything, and will follow anyone that's travelling in any direction to see where they're going, and then get disappointed when he finds out their destination isn't actually that exciting after all.

I love my dogs, completely. They have their awkward moments (usually when Merlin will start barking for apparently no reason and not stop, or when Romulus really doesn't want to come out of his cupboard to go for a walk), but they're such lovely company, and it's always fun sending them up to people's bedrooms to wake them up. Normally they're not allowed upstairs, see, so they're always after excuses to venture up.

I've uploaded another video of them, which I planned to do last night. This has a little bit more of Merlin in it, heh.

The link be here.

[Special Mentions:

Thank you, SomeGuy. I needed to hear that, although I feel stupid for not realising it in the first place. I guess I got too complacent with how much of myself I actually knew. I should try not to jump to conclusions so much. I think the crux of it is that I want to be moving on, but I don't feel I am, so I get frustrated with things and make a snap decision which doesn't always work. It's always easier to be carried along with something you know than try to break out of yourself and go for what you really want to pursue.

And I'd love to see your dogs, Panda ^_^
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Thursday, February 15, 2007

It makes me so angry when someone attacks people I care about. I must have read over the AnimeFF stuff four times now, and each time I become more driven to want to do something. Although if all the investigation work's already been done then there's little I could actually do to help anyway. I guess being part of a larger, supportive mass is a good thing, though.

I have a new desk. It's really lovely, and I can't believe the difference it's made to just sitting at the computer and typing. I feel instantly comfortable at this one; the old bulky one I had before took me ages to settle down at. It's practical (not exactly my favourite finish, mind) and... yeah, comfortable. Plus I can see the screen properly.

I haven't taken a picture of my doggies yet for everyone to see. What I do have, though, is a VIDEO. Whoop! Having to take production photos and the like for the film (the website for which is now up at www.ourtimetolive.t83.net) has made me think about how to use my camera more efficiently; specifically I quite enjoy using the video function. It's very basic, though, and can't zoom or anything. And the light levels are often a bit weird. And the sound's poor. But it is a video. I've already uploaded one I took at last year's Anime Expo of a moving Pac-Man plushie to YouTube. Link here.

Dan's showing me round Metal Gear Solid II right now. The link to the doggies video is here. Enjoy ^_^
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Saturday, February 10, 2007

Best Wishes
I'll be keeping up with all the vs. AnimeFF news. Wish I'd read about it sooner >.>; Now I won't be able to sleep, heh.

Good luck Adam, everyone.

[Post below removed, for the moment.

I was never sure whether I'd made the right decision or not. I guess it felt like it at the time, but I suppose it was just as much a case of being incredibly frustrated and not knowing what to do with myself. In a way I'm more annoyed at myself for letting myself get so annoyed with it all rather than trying to move and adapt with it, and I'm a little frustrated that I can't be as big a part in it all as I used to be. But you can't always live looking back at what you had, so... some of my good friends are here, and it doesn't matter whether I'm always here or not, but to turn my back on everyone else just because I don't necessarily like elements of where I am... it's not their fault, and I have missed it here.

I'm still confused about myself, my position and direction I want to take myself in, but that's my issue. Not fair to make it anyone else's.

So anyway, as and when (no promises as to frequency), I'll be about. heh.]
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Friday, January 5, 2007

Go To 'Rakuen'
*ommitted, because I was being confused and rude and selfish... sort of*
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Sunday, December 10, 2006

So I Entered A Writing Competition...
Comments

Shin: Aaron! Dammit, I feel so guilty >.>; I wanted to get everything written down as soon as I got back... I just never got round to it. But I had a great time. I just remembered us walking aorund looking at the Link and various other people in costume. Sorry if I seemed quiet, though- I guess I was a little flummoxed by your incredible aura :p

I once heard that Florida was 'America's foreskin'... it seems to have quite an attraction to it despite that, heh.

JJ: Whatwhat? Part 2? I'm confused now o_O;

Shy: I have a thing for Yoshi. I always play as him whenever I can. But I opened a can of mild whup-ass as a ShyGuy, so I'm not really complaining ^_^

Sami: I have them somewhere, methinks. I might get another one taken, a more poser-ish one, as I've not had a decent photo in a while.

6th December
JJ: Trying to go round the hurdle just gets it moved back in front of you >.>;

Azure: Thanks, Azure ^_^

Kei: *huggu* I know... it's just silly sometimes. And I have problems motivating myself to get going with little things to do with long-term projects. I'd really like to comission some designs of my characters but I don't know any artists who live nearby. Methinks it'll have to be a DeviantArt hunt, or something.

---

As the title infers, I entered a writing competition yesterday. I don't know if anyone's familiar with Gideon Defoe's 'The Pirates!' books (they are fantastically funny, by the way), but they're running a competition on Amazon UK in which entrants write an 800 word or less addition to a bit of a story, and the best one gets published in the paperback edition of 'The Pirates! In An Adventure With Communists'. As soon as I found out I started writing and I didn't stop until midnight last night, refining it over and over again (and doing a rewrite of the second half at something past eleven), and overall I'm really pleased with it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much as the results aren't decided until March, but I can't help thinking it would be fantastic if I was chosen all the same, hehe ^_^

EDIT: Although apparently my e-mail didn't get received four hours after I sent it... I may contact them and ask on Monday, see if they got it o_o;

I guess... another reason for entering was to show myself that I can do it, given the time and right motivation. And that I can come up with something good and recognise if something isn't working. My story's progressing pretty slowly at the moment, as I've an aversion to putting what I've got on paper onto the computer because I know I'll want to change it all (and there are already things I can think of that need adding). On top of that, I haven't got anything to rest the notebook on while I type, meaning I have to have it on my lap or the floor, giving me a bad back -__-;

I've The Caretaker and our film to go through before then, though. But I know I can't keep taking on other projects to sideline my own, otherwise it'll never happen.

That's about it for now. Pan's Labyrinth is showing at the local cinema this evening and I really want to go but I don't particularly want to go by myself...

...anyone want to come with me?
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Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Pathetic Theatric
I'm finding it hard to believe in myself. I don't know why.

I'd like to find out so I can stop it.
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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

US: Day Four- Part One!
But First, The Comments!

Kei: I'm sorry for worrying you. The play's looking more promising now, especially as I managed to procure a big cooker earlier today, hehe ^_^

Sara: Hello you ^___^

Shinmaru: I still can't get over how much bigger EVERYTHING is in California in comparison to here. The hotel, the food, the shops... it was just so... I felt incredibly small all of a sudden. I kinda wish I'd had more time to run around and look at everywhere else, just to convince myself it was actually real.

Mo: Congratulations ^_^ I'm happy for you, hehe. I'm still on the way to achieving mine, but I'm determined never to be someone who lets their procrastination get the better of them. It's hard, but I'm slowly becoming more efficient. But some days are literally a case of having to sit and wait for someone to phone, or something similar, and creativity just doesn't always flow. I'll talk a bit more about this in a sec, actually. But well done you ^_^

Akamaru: [You grow a lot in Part II, you know ^_~] Eheh, anyway, it's great to see you again. or your text, anyway :p

---

Another few days gone; it's hard to tell exactly how productive they've been. I think sometimes Dan and I both wish we were as productive as we think the other is ^_^; But we both agree that I'm not doing enough writing. Which is a bit difficult, because the stuff we're planning for next year I don't want to write without him, and I can't really concentrate on my story unless I know I've a free schedule ahead. I'm still petrified of learning my lines, too. Piss it, I'll just have to read through it A LOT. I have until the beginning of January.

I am trying hard not to procrastinate. I'm finding writing in my blog again very theraputic, actually. At least if I can get started in writing and conveying my emotions as best I can here, it'll help move things along for when I get started proper. I'm learning new words too, which is always a bonus if you're working on a novel :p

Going back to what I was saying to Miss Mo, someone once told me that I needed to make a choice as to what I was going to do: become an actor and write, or continue to support Dan in running the company. Neither are making any money at the moment, so my other choice was to find something I can do to gain money in the mean time.

What worries me is that if I were to get a job, that I'd get stuck in it and lose my ambition. As I am I'm not exactly steaming towards my goals and I'm not gaining any money. But this is what I want to do. And I've told myself that there is no reason why I can't be any or all of the things I want to be. I've vowed to myself that I will do it and I will not lose that resolve. It's just not a resolve that's producing much work at the moment.

What I need to do is start motivating myself to do more of the things I need to be doing for myself when I'm doing normal things in general. Just carrying my script with me and reading it whenever I have the chance, for example. Taking my notebook with me and adjusting bits and pieces. Adding to scripts as and when I think of something, rather than just when Dan's here, necessarily. Of course, I want him to be a part of where I'm going, but he may well go his own way in the future as a matter of course, and I won't mind if he does. But for the moment my ambitions are unchanged. I doubt they will change until they're accomplished, but the method that they are will probably alter considerably depending on what's thrown my way.

I liken it to this rather dramatic situation: if someone asked to choose between saving the life of your best friend and your significant other, which would you save?

I'd save both.

---

I forgot one of my most important acquisitions on the Saturday: My tail and ears -^_^- I thought about this for a long long time, and although I'm not a hardcore furry by any means, I just wanted them. They were sold as cat ears and tail, but I reckoned I could easily pass as a wolf by wearing them.

A quick nip into the toilets later, and a la Superman (although far less statuesque and carrying a wealth of shopping bags) I emerged as something that more closely resembles the actual Solo!

I have to admit though, my adopted animal personality changed depending whether someone shouted 'Cat-Boy!' or 'Wolf-Boy!' at me. I didn't mind either, but it made for an awkward conversation when someone asked me what ears I was wearing and I replied with a desperate "Um......"

So, anyway, I prepared myself with my lackluster hairgel and ever-so-slightly-too-big modified Luftwaffe jacket and went to find everyone else.

We were due to meet at 11 by the stairs in the convention centre. Although there are actually three MASSIVE sets of stairs, I kept looking out for a Panda (my only clue), as I knew there'd be one somewhere on my target (three guesses who :p). Although admittedly I was looking for a much larger stuffed Panda that the one I eventually came across, heh.

I found someone I recognised having their picture taken- dressed as Mei Chan, and holding a tiny little Panda!

Immediately (but subtley), I stopped and waited for the cosplay-picture-taking-person to finish their picture, and once they'd dispersed (although trying to disperse when you're by yourself is quite difficult, but by gar they managed it) I moved in.

I wasn't entirely sure how to introduce myself. I've never been called 'Solo' in person before, and I'm always nervous at having to initiate conversation.

I needn't have been, though, as within milliseconds it became apparent how nice and welcoming both Panda and Mamma Vash (whom I'd only seen briefly at OtakuBoards before) were, and I felt at ease very very quickly. Although being called 'Solo' was incredibly surreal ^_^;

Unfortunately I don't remember when we met Shin- I hope he can fill me in a bit ^_^; my memory for the sequence of events has gone rather hazy. I have a feeling we went into the Merchant's Hall and met up with Shin, Josh and his boyfriend (who's name I can't remember and I feel so guilty about it because I spent so much time with the two of them) all waiting in line for stuff at the Viz stall.

Then Panda took me round to the Robotech booth to meet Dan Woren! Aaah, he's so cool ^_______^ We talked for ages about voice acting and making films and Buddhism (he even sent me a whole load of books and tapes and autographs, which was really nice of him) and then went on to browse the rest of the various exhibits.

I can't remember the order we did them, so I shall describe the most memorable events in the order the come to me ^_^;

-We walked around the Artists' Hall. Much quieter than the Merchants' Hall, if only because the way it was spaced out was so it could only fit fifty to a hundred people in at one time. There was some incredible stuff being displayed and I was REALLY REALLY tempted to have an anime version of myself drawn but I didn't have time... if I get the chance to go again, then I'll queue and wait, cause it'd be a cool thing to have ^_^

-We went to the Gaming Room and watched this regional champion or something beat seven shades of crap out of anyone else who played Smash Bros. I so wanted to beat him but none of the Unlockable characters were available. If Marth'd been there I would have stood a better chance. but then, I'm only saying that. I was the last person to get killed in the bout against him, but he still had two lives over me. And I was Fox, so I dodged a lot. It's surprising how much adrenaline can flood your system when you're playing against strangers, heh.

-Whilst in the gaming room also, we played a Wi-Fi game of Mario Kart DS, which, despite it being my first ever time playing, I wasn't too bad at ^_^ I enjoyed that muchly, even though I could only be a ShyGuy. We got a number of other people playing, too.

Unfortunately I didn't have a great deal of time to stay as I needed to get ready for the Hyde concert that evening.

But I shall have to save that for later, as I need to go and it's a fairly detailed experience ^_~

Take care.
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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

US Trip: Day Three
I set my alarm to go off REALLY early the next morning, as I didn't want to risk missing out on anything, and I wanted to look good.

I'd recently got this new styling stuff from the hairdressers' I visited before leaving, which was apparently meant to protect my hair when it was being straightened and help style it more. Personally, I couldn't see any difference as it was still too long to do anything much with and after a few moments of walking around I'd be sweating enough for its effects to completely diminish anyway.

But, nevertheless, I styled and washed and brushed my teeth (although not in that order) and went for another breakfast.

Even at about 7:30 in the morning there were a fair number of anime characters floating about. It was quite interesting to see which were the most popular series, and the huge contrast between the qualities of everyone's costumes. Most people looked to have come in groups, so very quickly I felt at a loose end with nobody to properly interact with.

Once food was inside me, though, I found new resolve to get up and hunt down merchandise. I wandered over to the Convention Centre to see a huge queue already mounting for the merchandise hall, which still wasn't due to open for another three to four hours. Gasp number one.

I checked over my schedule and joined the end of the queue; initially I thought it may be for the opening ceremonies, due to start at a much more reasonable waiting time.

The person who joined the queue after me was a girl called Grace, who I had a nice conversation with. After some debate, we decided to go and check the opening ceremonies together. Once we'd worked out how to get there (and I'd taken some pictures of a few cosplayers), we joined that queue, which was probably equally as huge as the Merchandise hall one. Gasp number 2.

Grace had to go downstairs and meet some friends; I would have gone too if I hadn't wanted to miss the opening ceremonies. After all, I didn't know when I was going to be there again and it sounded pretty impressive. The room certainly was. There must have been about three thousand seats all lined up with massive projector screens at regular intervals down the room for people at the middle and back to see the action. I took a little video of it with my camera which I'll put on YouTube sometime, if I get the chance.

Unfortunately, the word 'Ceremonies' illicited a far more spectacular image in my head than I was actually presented with. It was pretty informative, and nice to see people like Vic Mignona and Crispin Freeman introduce the show. But in all, it wasn't anything I didn't already know (or wasn't particularly interested in finding out about, despite the fact it was a bloody massive conference room), and I'd kinda wished I had followed Grace to see her friends. Still, by the time it had finished the merchandise hall was going to be open, and that was the main reason for being there (aside from meeting up with everyone, which I was due to do tomorrow).

Cue next sixteen gasps, all at once. So many stands... TWO massive halls... if I'd had the money I'd just have bought everything I could see just like that. The big distributors' stands looked the best- ADV's had two levels, from which they'd occasionally make anime voice actors throw free DVDs and T-Shirts and things to a howling crowd. I have a video of those, too. Quite scary, in a tribal, almost ritualistic kind of way.

Funimation's stand I liked the most, because it had a huge cylindrical poster of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle there that I wanted to take home. They didn't have any little ones, though, much to my chargrin.

I think wandering around in awe took up most of my day. That, and buying manga. I think in my first round of shopping I bought six books from one shop, as well as a slew of other things for Jeremy. The stall even gave me one of those impractically large Tokyopop bags to carry everything in, which was nice.

There were a lot of people with signs wandering around. They'd range from jokes, hug requests from anyone or specific genders/characters (I saw one guy carrying around a sign asking for hugs which said emphatically 'NO GUYS', which I thought was a little unfair.), to general notices about anome characters or J-Rock stars. I couldn't quite understand where they all stemmed from or how the tradition came about, but if someone's asking for a hug it'd be rude not to give them one, wouldn't it? They're free, after all.

I was getting frustrated with the bag I had to carry around, though. And my jacket. And the fact that I hadn't made my own costume. The little prima donna was coming out in me- I wanted people to be taking pictures of me. Well, that's not specifically true- I wanted to dress up to give people a reason for them to take pictures of me, but never mind. If I have the time, I'll definitely try to make something impressive.

I've since thrown away my schedule booklet, so I can't tell you whether I went to watch anything that day. I have a feeling I watched the Ah! My Goddess movie, something I've had an interest in for a longlong time but never had the opportunity to see.

I did feel remarkably lonely that evening, though. Coming back upstairs with a mountain of merchandise, although satisfying in itself, doesn't really mean much unless you have someone to share it with. And my room was very very big in relation to myself, making it induce even stronger feelings of isolation. Hearing big groups of people walking around the corridors laughing amongst themselves didn't exactly help much. It suddenly hit me what going to another country by yourself meant.

I managed to get down a good amount of story treatment whilst listening to my iPod, though, and read one or two manga volumes.

Dinner was nice. There wasn't a great deal that I thought looked very appetising as main meals, except for the chicken noodle soup. It was about six dollars cheaper than anything else and didn't have a questionable element to it (in particular there were a lot of things served with guacamole, which I feel uncomfortable with). And indeed, it was very nice.

So, with tomorrow's scheduled meeting with Panda, Mamma Vash, Shinmaru and Shy in mind, I went to bed hoping that I was going to be able to find everyone okay and looking forward to their company.

---

It's been busy again. I'm afraid of having to learn my lines and I'm unsure as to whether I have writer's block or just an overall lack of confidence in general. Nobody's being supportive of our play, and it seems that anyone who is interested doesn't actually want to give us any money. We won't be able to afford it if things continue like this. Still, there are other projects on the way, which may or may not bear greater fruition.

As for myself, I'm doing okay. I wrote down a list of things that were worrying me the other night and they're quite numerous, but I haven't got round to addressing any of them yet. I'd list them here, but I'm not even sure if anyone's still interested in me, so I didn't want to get ahead of myself ^_^;

I have a birthday present for Kei. It's been sat in my room since early September but I haven't had time to think about a decent letter yet.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. Hopefully, I'll be in touch soon ^_^

x
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