Wednesday, February 4, 2004

Quizzled Pink.

Thought I’d take some quizzes today to while away the time. There are some fairly decent ones here. The Lord of the Rings one always makes me laugh ^_^ Waaah! You're so LOVABLE! Everybody likes you, because you're a great person to have around and it's always happy about everything ^^. congrats! and...can I hug you?? plz! ^///^ Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) brought to you by Quizilla <<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics ) brought to you by Quizilla Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but its there, and your friends can see it. You constantly feel alone, and need to do things to fill your time. Your afraid to tell people this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad way, and you think you screwed up everything. And when you are in love is when you are sad the most. (Please Vote) What Emotion Dominates you? brought to you by Quizilla I’ve had three different results for that quiz. You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and creativity, and usually are highly intelligent. Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs. What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla Congratulations! You're Pippin! Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you? brought to you by Quizilla Lttle else has been happening, otherwise. Dan, Ami, David and Kim came round last night- it was fantastic seeing them all again. I hadn't realised how much I missed seeing them alltogether. The Martian Successor Nadesico movie doesn't appear to be as bad as a lot of people make it out to be, but I've only seen the first third of it so far. I hope it'll turn out to be alright. Mmm... I can't really think of much else to say. Enter the Net, Dark Conflict, WHATE and Future Prospects are milling around in my mind, waiting to be added to. I'm almost ready to write more in all of them, I just need time to prepare. Till then, then... The World- .hack//SIGN You are here alone again In your sweet insanity All too calm, you hide yourself from reality Do you call it solitude? Do you call it liberty? When all the world turns away to leave you lonely The fields are filled with desires All voices crying for freedom But all in vain they will fade away There's only you to answer you, forever In blinded mind you are singing A glorious hallelujah The distant flutter of angels They're all too far, too far to reach for you I am here alone again In my sweet serenity Hoping you will ever find me in any place I will call it solitude when all my songs fade in vain In my voice, far away to eternity

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Sunday, February 1, 2004

Benchmark

I'm sure everyone had at least some kind of a moment when they reached a significant point, in whatever it is they're doing. I guess the main example for this would be posts on OB and MyOtaku visits. Which is what I was going to yabber on about anyway. I'm coming up to having 2000 posts on OB. I can't even remember what my 1000th post was about now, but I was pleased when it happened. Not ecstatic, but pleased. It wasn't as if I ever expected not to get to 1000, it's just... having confirmation that you've reached something you always admired is a rather floaty feeling. I'd always look at everyone else's post counts and think 'Wow, to have a number like that must be amazing'. And to a certain extent it does (or did) seem amazing- people with high post counts tended to have been there the longest and have the most respect and greater relationships with the other people online. But it's not everything by a long shot. I don't think I need to name names. When I overtook Devidramon's post count- that was a shocker. I'd looked up at him as an Oracle of Digimon information and never thought I'd ever catch up with him. but I did. Next was KnightOfTheRose- I had overtaken him, but he's re-overtaken me now. I guess... it's a very small thing in terms of its contextual meaning- some people just have a lot more to say or have more of a chance to say things than others in terms of posts. But it's deeper on a bigger scale. Growing up is a scary concept when you look ahead at everything you have to do. I was always afraid of driving lessons because I figured I'd have to give up something I liked in order to do it. In some ways it's kind of true- I have slightly less time than I did before. But I still like and do everything I used to. I still go into toy shops to look for anything interesting to get, I still visit OB almost every day and I still like anime. I'd just never looked at it that objectively before- I'd always had a rather Peter Pan view of things, in that growing up was bad bad, especially as a lot of the things I have now mean a lot to me. I don't think it's possible to completely leave anything behind, as much as you may or may not want to. Even regrets aren't always necessarily bad (although they are rather annoying when they plague you late at night)- if nothing else, you can learn from them. I guess the best thing to do is not to really dwell on everything that has happened for risk of becoming nostalgic or severely depressed, but still keep it close if you need it. I have a habit of dwelling on some of the really silly mistakes. ones that might not even matter too much but I shouldn't have done anyway. Usually they're ones I know I could have done something about,even like the phrasing of an email or saying something when I should have kept my mouth shut. Really, really small, stupid things annoy me the most. I've no idea why- they're so small and stupid they probably don't even have an impact on anyone concerned. It doesn't last long, though. But some people can get really hung up over the past- it's not such a good idea to do that, unless you're being objective. My, that was thoughtful.

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Friday, January 30, 2004

Right as Rain

The Marat/Sade rehearsal went a lot more smoothly and interestingly than the previous ones. Although we're still nowhere near finished, I was pleased to be able to finally find a character for myself (an inmate at the Charenton mental asylum)- jittery, shaky and stammering. It's not a cheerful play, but is aparrently very dramatic. It's probably the Evangelion equivalent to theatres. The driving lesson came and went. I still hate mini-roundabouts and unfortunately the affect hey take on me has passed on to the rest of my driving skills, which have since gone downhill slightly. But, it's all a working progress. I'm feeling confident about them. Your Squidge It's really strange how time flies. Some while ago, at the beginning of the real Otaku Marriages fad that swept over the Boards some time ago, Rain and I got married- she was my first OB wife, and very nice she is too ^_^. Even though we don't get to talk as often as we did I've kept the wedding affirmation (as it were) in my OB sig. I like it, heh. But anyway, today is (rather unexpectedly) our one-year anniversary ^__^ I knew it was coming up but it still came as a surprise that it really had been a whole year. It's a long time in some respects, but it's flown by like nobody's business. In honour of the occasion, I parody and dedicate a song to Rain (or Ashlee, as she is known on MyOtaku accounts, heh). The 'Squidge' refers to a running joke we used to have- I'd randomly *squidge* people in chats, and hence gained the title of 'Squidge King'. Upon marriage Ashy adopted my marital assets and Teh Squidge Queen she became ^_^; YOUR SQUIDGE It's a little bit funny this feeling inside I shouldn’t have eaten that rotten fish hide. I don't have much money, but boy if I did, I'd buy a bouncy castle where we could both live. If I was a sculptor, but then again, no- I’m crap with clay as everyone knows. I know it's not much but it's the best I can do My gift is my squidge and this one's for you. And you can tell everybody that this is your squidge It may be quite simple but it’s building a bridge. Hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind that I butchered these words How squidgiful life is now you’re in the world. I sat on the roof and I got rather scared. It’s a three-storey house and it’s, it’s high in the air. But then you were kind, and you fetched me down. It’s the people like you that keep my heart warm. So excuse me forgetting... but I don’t know the words. You see, I've forgotten if they're good or they’re worse. Anyway the thing is, what I really mean- Yours are the squidgiest eyes I've ever seen. And you can tell everybody this is your squidge It may be quite simple but it’s building a bridge. I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind that I butchered these words How squidgiful life is now you're in the world Happy Anniversary Ashy!

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Thursday, January 29, 2004

Guestbook Shout-Outs

Um, sorry about the previous post. I just discovered something when I was in a rather fragile mood. Everyone has off-days, I suppose. Minor frustrations still abound, I'm feeling alright. Genemon16- I'm good, thanks. And I do like swordfighting, heh. Baron Samedi- Wow, I'm flattered to be on your list ^_^ I do indeed feel privileged, even though I'm not sure how to spell it. Rata- GCN kicks proverbial ass, were it to have proverbial legs with which to kick. hiei jaganshi- Happy New Year to you too! And cheers. I do my best, heh. BabyGirl- Wow! *squees* It's odd how things can manifest themselves like that. Thanks for stopping by ^_^ MA JR- Heh, at least you don't beat around the bush. Not right now though, but I'll see if I can remember. Thrush Battersea- I might sign your GB, once I've finished with the others. I'm glad you like the site, though. guylover14- Yeah, I write a lot. Angelus Tenkouno- *adds too* OhsLvrLnknPrk08- Don't use 'u' for a start. And get a name that's easier to type ^_~ beautiful star- Heh, thanks. I'm glad you liked it. sweetreyes- *bows* It's pretty easy with Adam's new setup. You just need to make sure the colours match up. See you around ^_^ Elionomai- Wow, so many compliments! Thank you. Ryuki- Alright, but next time I'm not being bought. babybunni- No, I don't mind. Anfd that pic of yours is pretty cool. RyudoStarwind- I have indeed checked out your site. Good on your for the Starfox games ^_^ To Divulge, then. My dad really annoys me. It's not so much what he says, it's the way he goes about doing almost everything. I know he means well, it's just so frustrating that he puts himself across as such an oaf. Ah, I would go into more detail, but you deserve more than just to hear me moan, heh. The next Chapter of Enter the Net is half-written, by the way. Two more pages or so and it'll be done. Keep your eyes open. It helps stop you bumping into things.

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Missing You

WARNING: Not particularly optimistic post. I won't be offended if you skip this one. I keep missing things that I shouldn't miss. At least, I keep missing times when I should be somewhere or have said something. I don't want to have found that I could have prevented something by being somewhere I wasn't. Not that it can always be helped, but I can't help feeling I should have been there if and when I'm needed. Sorry. I hate being wrong, too. "There are very few of you I can actually help." Why? Why should that be true? Regardless of how many times I see people upset I try my best to do whatever I can for them, even if it might be a single IM message before I log off. It's not much, but at least its something. If nothing else they know that there's someone out there who cares and understands. It might not be enough to cure a pain. We can give hope till we're blue in the face but it still might not be enough. But we do what we can and have faith that they can help themselves the rest of the way. I never lose faith. No-one has to be alone.

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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Idiosyncrasies

We all have them. Odd litle personality quirks that can be sweet, annoying or just rather odd. They can manifest themselves in any kind of behaviour, as I tend to notice with people in the drama group. Jeremy, for instance, has a tendency to blurt out random Metallica lyrics right at your face (so you can't escape, I presume). They aren't full songs thankfully, but are still rather off-putting. Steve can make anything sound rude, even if he's just asking for the time of day. Me, I have a biggie which bugs me almost every day. Well, I don't know if it's an idiosyncrasy as such or just a mild obsession. Either way, I just can't understand why it managed to get so big ^_^; (In a very innocent way [Copywrite Mimmi 2004]) It's not a bad thing as such- it doesn't actually hurt anyone, nor does it annoy them. It's mostly internal. But anyway, it's not even my fault. It's this man-thing that works at the college. For the purposes of this exercise, I'll call him Guy-That-Smokes. Now, as you might have guessed, the main thing about Guy-That-Smokes is that he smokes. And at the beginning of the course I often ended up walking behind him from the train station across to the college, which is the best part of a mile. I don't mind smokers as such, just so long as I don't get smoked at. And there are very few cigarrette smokes that I can handle anyway; his is not one of those. So for a while I had the inconvenience of having to walk whilst breathing in second-hand smoke from this guy's Superking brand lung-killers. So some while later I devised a strategy. I would sit further up the train so I'd be able to get off the train before he does and hence speed away smoke-free. Problem is, this train's pretty crowded and people like sitting where Guy-That-Smokes does, because it's nearest the station exit. Bastards. But anyway, I end up trying to overtake him on that station or in the big open room which has the ticket offices in it- he always lights up outside. I'm pleased if I can because it means I don't have to spend what should be a relaxing walk trying not to breathe. I get very uptight if I miss overtaking him in time. There is another route to the college but it's been blocked off until recently due to building work. This in itself might not sound too bad, but in my head I'm thinking "Get away from me, you bastard! Light that up and I'll kill you." Thankfully I never do, but it tends to happen with other people too, usually schoolboys younger than I am who insist on ejecting phlegm left, right and center. I imagine this scenario will break out one day when I decide to walk the other way: Me: *overtakes Guy-That-Smokes and zips down other path* Hah! You weren't expecting that, were you! Haha! You and your cigarretes, they make me sick! But you won't get me today baldie! Mwahaha! *runs off cackling* Guy-That-Smokes: o_o; *smoke smoke* He's ugly too.

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Sunday, January 25, 2004

"I measure out progress in bodies!"

One of the more worrying things Aeryn says to me after winning a battle on Wiardry 8. They're all a bit mad, really. I had typed up an entry for yesterday but lost it and didn't have the chance to re-type it until today, by which time everything I'd wanted to write down had fled from my memory. Ah well. It's been a very odd last few days. It's not often I spend three consecutive nights sleeping in three different places. Thursday night was Lawrence's house- he invited me over after going to the pub, which seeing as there was no Marat/Sade rehearsal made it much more convenient with regards to getting to my driving lesson -Friday night I slept here and yesterday afternoon I was aksed by Dan if I wanted to go and see a movie and stay at his house after that. I'm never normally this much in demand, heh. Still, it's nice to have time to do the things I want to do. I finally have AIM time tonight, which I aim (geddit?) to spend well. What did I do? At Lawrence's I did very little. It was about midnight when we got back in and 9-ish when we woke up, and I had to walk to college for 11. It was nice, though. The lesson went alright (still detest those mini-roundabouts), but never ever drive in kung-fu shoes. The pedals have never felt so heavy, and normally I hardly feel them at all. Saturday I was playing Wizardry 8 when I gotted a phoney-call from Dan. We went to see The Last Samurai and were certainly not let down at all. I think it's an amazing film and I'm glad we chose that one in the end. Big Fish is still a must-see for me, though. After that (and getting back again at after midnight), we played co-operatively on the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King PS2 game. And alright, PS2s are not that bad. There, I said it, don't make me say it again. We played on it more this morning, actually managing to fully complete the game's final level ^_^; That was time much spent. We then came back to my house for a fun session of swordfighting ^_____^ Wow, I've missed those so much. I know I fight with the re-enactment group, but Dan isn't with them. It's so comforting to know that even though we hardly see each other much during the day, we're still as good friends as we ever were. And I hope we shall be for as long as is possible. Calor-ific! My eating habits have been less-than-what-they-normally-are-healthwise. Damn Coasters and their cheap, crap, fatty sandwiches and Twix bars. I must try and kerb the amount I eat, at least until I'm regularly going to the gym again. *takes break* My second Outlaw Star CD arrived a while ago. The music's great, but I am annoyed by one thing- the site that advertised it as being an RCA Victor label were either wrong or lying. It's an Ever Anime fake. I really can't be bothered to kick up a fuss about it though- if shops can't pay the expense to get in the original, legal ones than how am I supposed to get hold of them? Every single site was sold out of the RCA or just sold SonMay ones. And I'm never buying a SonMay CD again. It didn't even have two of the tracks that I was hoping it would have on it- Fred Lou's 'character theme' as it were, and a piece of kick-ass battle music that played during the final episode when... well, I won't spoil anything for those that haven't seen it. It's a fantastic piece of music. *sighs* Oh well. But enough of that for now. I have things to do.

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Friday, January 23, 2004

Song for Guy- Elton John

Life Isn't everything Isn't everything Isn't everything Life Isn't everything Isn't everything Isn't everything Life Isn't everything Isn't everything Isn't everything Life... I love this song. I can't really say why, but I do. The Beauty of Sorrow Watching Spirited Away on DVD really makes me appreciate how beautifully bitter-sweet things in life are. I wish I could be more specific, but when I see something like that I'm filled with a fantastic sense of apprehension. The fact that something, almost everything in life can be happy and sad at the same time sums it all up, really. It's like... music, I suppose. Lots of people complain about how humanity's going to destroy the earth and the disillusionment behind it all, but if there's one decent thing it's brought to this world it's music. Regardless of the fact that some bands/artists/groups could pull better somgs out of my ear, it's a fantastic creation that if done well is just amazing. Heh, I guess I'm feeling oddly reflective at the moment. I was going to reply to a thread in the Otaku Lounge, but I couldn't think of anything much to say that wouldn't already be pointlessly repeating what everyone else had said. And generally in those threads people post their own views without reading, replying to and/or debating anyone else's thoughts they come fairly stale; at least from my experience. I stopped reading them because of that, I could be wrong. I'll update here later.

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Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Hmm...

I was going to post something relatively deep and meaningful about giving up, but I realised that there's no one answer that applies to everything. In some cases (usually relating to small, trivial things), it might be best to give up. But if it's something that means a lot to you then giving up is ridiculous. And thinking about giving up only makes the situation you want to get out of harder, and perpetuates yourself to want to give up further. It's not good. There can be exceptions, but it's very rare. I've not given up in a long time. Still, I'm good. Tired, but good. I hope Jeremy doesn't take me on a late-night excursion to Pizza Hut again. We kept them open for 40 minutes past their normal closing time last night, because we came in just befpre they were due to close ^_^; Nice people, they were. We tipped well. I got back in just after midnight and pretty much fell straight asleep; I was so tired this morning... and people in the dressing room seemed equally tired or pissed off for various reasons. Ah well. Last day of Alice tomorrow. Everyone's going to a pub to celebrate, and I don't really want to go. I wouldn't mind if it was in Chi, but why go down to Bognor? it's a long way to go for somewhere that sounds worse than anywhere else in this city. I can get home easliy from Chi, and I need to be able to get in early Friday morning because I have a Marat/Sade rehearsal and a driving lesson. Bleh. I might just not go, or at least just walk them to a decent point and bugger off. Besides, I'd much prefer playing on Wizardry 8 to getting drunk ^_^ "We fight for honour and glory!" Wizardry 8 is amazing beans. You can create 6 custom characters and put them in your party to go and fight gribbly beings that are nasty and evil. And you can customise their voices and personality too, but that's mostly an aesthetic thing. I have: Aeryn- female Rawulf Valkyrie, intelligent Kyru- male Rawulf lord (muchos bonus points and a hug to anyone who knows where those names come from), kindly 1 (honour and glory and all that stuff) Dracone- male Dracon ranger, loner Taku- male Felpurr rogue, kindly 2 (keeps wanting to sing songs) Delanis- female lizardcreature mage, intelligent Alaina- female Faerie alchemist, eccentric (babbles on about prophecies) I likes this game muchly, although my characters keep on dying. I have to re-load a game every time one of them does. And the others are always so nonchalant about everything. Kyru dies, for instance, and one of the others will randomly say: "It was his time." Damn, that's unfriendly. He's got a rapier, dammit! But anyway, that's whiling away a fair amount of time that I'm not performing in. That, and Ob. I've been trying to think of new things for my OS RPG, along with DeathBug's Duel Monsters one and Ben's legendary W.H.A.T.E. Plus I have a PM to write. Best get moving.

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Saturday, January 17, 2004

Alice in College-land

Quite an impressive first week, that was. We had dress rehearsals on stage all day Tuesday, two of which were in full costume. There's a scene in which, after the Nock Turtle's Beautiful Soup song that the Knave comes on with a dish of tarts from which the Gryphon and Mock Turtle are supposed to take one each and eat them. Since Jason (playing the knave) had already eaten one that day, I'd assumed it was alright to take one at that point. But unfortunately I couldn't finish it in time for my next line. So "Cut off his head!", said in a Yorkshire accent became "Cusch opph hisch heagh!" Very funny on-stage, I hope the inspector liked it. I've not eaten a tart since. They're not the good, crumbly kind. They're these Disney Princess Love Heart biscuits that are horribly hard and chewey and probably stacked to the brim with artificial additives and sugar. But meh, I don't have to eat any anymore. I just mime it. My face is really hard. I have to slap dark brown make-up all over the lower half of my face, as well as the upper-left side of my forehead to cover the bit that the mesh balaclava thingy doesn't reach; to take that off you need facial wipe things, soap and hand cream. All of this is very rough on your skin, and (wow, doesn't this sound like a skincream commercial?) it now feels terribly rough. I hope it'll soften back to normal soon. It feels like may face will crumble every time I smile or yawn. Still, it's a fantastic experience. Being in the dressing room with everyone else creates such a great atmoshpere- everyone's helping everybody else with clothing/make-up and people bond so well. I think this was what the class needed to really get its social cogs whirring. It always felt a little sterile before, but now it's pulling together nicely, and that makes it so much nicer to work in. It'll be a shame when it's all over really. Things seem so much more worthwhile when there's something big to do. There has been the odd disaster or two though, as is inevitable with anything much- someone really upset the girl playing Alice the other day, ten minutes before shw ewas due to come onstage, and we managed to lose one of the most prominent props in the play- the White Rabbit's trumpet. We blame Stage Management for it, though. And they blame us. The two teams don't always see eye-to-eye. I wonder what'll happen to all the costumes...

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