Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Parade

Comments Sami: *is ruffled* Oi! JJ: With age comes experience, I guess... although technically, I've still had very little experience -___-; *hugs* Thank you ^_^ Miss Clair: Eee! *hugs* Thank you for commenting ^_^ I suppose everyone goes through stages like that. I still always worry about how what I say is going to be taken by everyone else; that's one thing typed responses have going for them- you can phrase them exactly as you want to. But yeah, I'll get over it ^_^ I don't want to be this self-conscious forever. Baron: Hehe, his e-mail address is a college one, which is probably why he's not responded yet :p And thanks for not hating me... or at least for not hating me enough to still comment on my site, heh. Well, there were some hairy moments. I thought for a while that this ADSL box was going to do the same thing my old one did and deny me any access to any sites hosted by Velegant, but after a lot of re-configuring and deleting of cookies and temporary internet files everything seems to work okay except for Greetings.theOtaku.com. I've been sent a card and can't read it yet -_-; MyOtaku PMs don't work either, apparently. Not that I expect I've received any :p I've been okay these last few days. Busy (but not half as busy as Dan, mind you), but generally pretty happy. I was hit in the face with a sword on Saturday last at training, though. I was expecting to have blood gushing out, 'specially as in winter my nosebleed encounter rate increases dramatically, but it barely even twitched. Upon examining it later I worried that the cartiledge inside may have broken, but noses are fairly squishy for the most part anyway, aren't they? I never really took note of the pokes and prods I gave it before it was hit. It's not crooked or anything, so I doubt anything's wrong. It just hurt a bit. And clicks o_o; I have a new cape ^______^ It's a policeman's one, with silver lion badges and a chain to fasten it across the chest. It's very pretty, and we pilfered some soldier's shoulder badges to sew onto it for more decoration, hehe. Trouble is, now I need a policeman's jacket to go underneath it :p My Marines one's the wrong colour, and with the extra trim I want for the cape it'd look out of place anyway. Green Light District We finally started filming on Sunday! It had been delayed because our lead boy had an eye infection (allergic reaction to cats, icky), but thankfully his eyes had stopped glowing red by the time the re-schedule had spun round. We're filming more this coming Friday, which means the sitting room needs to be tidied up. Hideous job, that will be. I wonder if we'll need to move the fish tank... Anyways, I must be off. Well, I doubt I'll actually move anywhere, but I has people to phone and stuffs to write, heh. *hugs* See you all soon ^_____^

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Thursday, March 9, 2006

Ruffle My Feathers, I Dare You [EDITED]
Pissed off. Will edit later with better content >.>;

Comments Sami: We do get around, Dan and me. Still, I don't mind that much. It makes us sound like we've had more experience, heh. Although considering the ages of extras we were asking for, we also sound pretty dodgy... JJ: Must be the beard. Sah: Karaoke's something I'd have more confidence breaking into with more singing lessons. I'd just feel better about myself and would put more effort into it. I'm not a bad singer as such, but if I'm unsure to any degree then it becomes a weak performance. I don't know why I was as offended as I was when I got a reply e-mail from a friend of mine this morning when it's pretty much exactly the kind of thing I'd expect him to say. It just put me in a bad mood all day, probably just through the way it was phrased. I knew the original message I sent was crap- one of those idiotic chain e-mails that I normally never forward onto anyone else because I know how irritating they are, but for whatever reason (ultimately because I was feeling lonely, I think) I decided to send it to people I selected through my address list. He wasn't someone I'd intended on sending it to because I know it's not his kind of thing; I think I added it by mistake and just forgot to delete it. But I've not spoken to him in a long while anyway and haven't been able to catch up on his site either. So for that to be the first thing to hear from him... it hurt. But at the same time it's my fault for sending it in the first place; I'm irritated that I didn't pick up on that too. Didn't help at all that I hadn't had breakfast when I read it. [EDIT: Having caught up with things, I guess that explains why. Never mind, then.] I'm becoming more aware of when people irritate me now, just because of that stupid altercation I had from the people I was going to work with. It really frustrates me because I don't want to be annoyed by it, but I am all the same. I just spent a couple of hours re-doing some of the fight choreography for Marcus' play at college, with a class who are frustratingly unfocussed. Some of the are really good, and just tend to get caught up in and provoked by other people's silliness; others just don't have any kind of attention span. It wasn't too bad an experience as such, but could have been much better. Not least because Marcus was ill and nobody had let me know. I wondered why he hadn't responded to my e-mails. I really want to go out tonight. Maybe I can persuade Jeremy to be free so I can de-stress.

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Friday, March 3, 2006

Comments! Azure: My argument hasn't changed. I spent two years of A-Level Psychology constantly referring back to the Milgram experiment. The object of the experiment was to determine obedience to authority, and bear in mind that this took place in the early 1960s. Subsequent studies done more recently with variables changed (such as the location- no longer in a lab; the appearance of the experimentor- not in a lab coat that denotes authority but in regular clothes instead) have produced varied results. It's actual relevence now isn't as high as everyone makes it out to be and it's not the be all and end all of anything, despite the evidence it puts across. The choices you make and your own personality aren't mutually exclusive. People broke down during that experiment because they were being forced to do what they didn't want to. While not being able to make a choice and being convinced that they were causing serious harm to someone else they became severely discomforted, which is evidence that they retained their personality even whan making a choice that was not theirs. You have to remember with this experiment there are so many factors influencing the outcome of the results that it's almost impossible to outline one element without having to draw on everything else. You're still trying to oversimplify things. The awareness of a choice doesn't make people more or less themselves- if anything it would promote them to act more as themselves because they won't go against instinct without a prompt. "You can't have it both ways. ^^; Either you can choose to behave otherwise (as you have in acting), or you can choose to behave as yourself." That's true. But my point is, that even when I'm acting, I'm still aware of myself and I know that it is only acting, as opposed to me actually being someone else. I am constantly making conscious descisions to act as someone else, meaning that even when exhibiting uninstinctive behaviour, me and my thoughts and personality are governing how I act. As for your question, online, I'm AzureWolf. AzureWolf is an entertainer, or actor in the same way you play as a woman. And that people read what I write for entertainment and not to see the real me. But that's exactly my point ^_^; You can't say "I'm AzureWolf" and then deny any kind of personality connection to that persona. Regardless of how true a reflection it is on your own self, you are still governing what AzureWolf thinks, says and does, all of which will be affected to any degree by your own thoughts, decisions and personality. But anyway, I don't have the energy to continue with this, heh. Perhaps in a thread somewhere, but not in this blog. Thanks for another interesting (and challenging) debate ^______^ BlackJack: I really want to take more singing lessons so I can sing even more confidently. I've fantasised about singing in public a heck of a lot, but I've never actually motivated myself to do it. But, um... I did try singing X-Japan's 'Tears' for my Holland audition two years ago. Most of it's in English, but I felt so embarrassed about even attempting it afterwards, heh. I wouldn't do it again unless I was fluent and confident in Japanese and if I knew the tune. Sara: It's okay, heh ^_^ But no more debating here. Mmm, lots of things happening at once. We had another article printed about us on Wednesday. Apparently Dan and I met 27 years ago >.>; And they used the same photo which looks like I want Dan's blood, but never mind. It's all publicity ^_^; Now I need to get dressed and have breakfast, heh. Sees yous soons!

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Wednesday, March 1, 2006

And the sun shines...

Comments! Azure: The Milgram experiment isn’t to do with behaving outside of yourself- it’s about coercion and obedience to authority. They didn’t want to inflict the shocks, but they felt they had to because they were being told to, and it wasn’t everyone who conformed to the experimenter’s wishes anyway. It’s not relevant to decisions made by and from yourself. The point I’m making about gaming is that you’re still limited by what the game tells you to do. Like Counterstrike- it’s a shoot’em up, and nothing else. You can strategise a bit, but everything you do is about killing other people, which makes arguing about ethics in it entirely pointless. The very fact that people are playing that specific game says something about them, even if it’s just the fact that they enjoy that kind of fast-paced action game. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they secretly want to kill their friends for a cheap laugh or to piss them off and doodle on their corpse. You’re ignoring the fact that personality is a hugely dynamic, complex set of ideals. You can’t compare one person to another and expect them to have the same quality when crossing so many variables at one time. And like you say: Why can't we write as a woman not because that's what we want to do inherently, but because we enjoy seeing people's reactions to strange happenings? Of course you can. But whether you do it inherently or whether you do it for enjoyment still shows that you feel compelled to do it; i.e. you make the conscious decision to partake in pretending to be a 50-year old woman because you either enjoy it or are unaware of it because it’s what you do anyway, ergo it’s still part of your behaviour. Not all behaviour is unconscious reflex, which is what it seems to me you’re trying to put across. And asking why you behave in certain ways would require a massive psychological breakdown of every person you try to assess; it’s not as simple an argument as you make it out to be. You’re looking at things on too small a scale, and repeating a cyclical argument. When (heh, I should say ‘if’) I act as a woman, I am not a woman, I am acting as one, and I know this. You have misunderstood my point. The fact that I enjoy acting is the part of my personality, and the woman is the role I’ve been given or choose to play. The behaviour I exhibit as a woman might give the impression to the audience that I am a woman, but the behaviour inherent in me says otherwise. That’s exactly the same with playing games (i.e. you playing games is the behaviour, and the game you play is the object you display it with) and with internet discussion (where and what you type, how you type it and everything else is your behaviour and the internet is the object used to display it). I don’t change myself depending on where I am. I’m always me. With the internet, for example, the information I give out may be different depending on the situation (i.e. which forum I go to), but that stands to reason- you don’t go to a Chemistry lecture and expect to be taught Classical French. When it comes to being in person I still have the same thoughts and feelings I do when I’m on the net, even if I don’t express them as readily because either: the people around me wouldn’t appreciate what I have to say; the thought would be inappropriate or whatever else. I’m not rude to strangers just because I don’t know them, because it’s not who I am. The name Solo Tremaine means nothing in this context. It’s a pseudonym that I choose to display instead of my real name because I don’t feel comfortable giving out my real name on such a potentially massive scale. I could just as easily give my real name and it wouldn’t make the blindest bit of difference. By your standards, even by being myself I’m not myself, and that the choices I make have nothing to do with me despite the fact that I have made the conscious decision to do whatever it is in question. Which is a fairly incongruous point. If I may ask a question: When you type here, if you aren't yourself, then who are you? If your current mask is AzureWolf, then what controls that mask? John: Par-tay indeed ^_^ It was great, hehe. More details below... Last night was great. I had a fantastic time, and this is even with some people I'd barely met before. Josh and Gemma I knew, and I'd briefly met a couple of the others, but the rest I hadn't but managed to get along with them swimmingly anyway. Lovely bunch of chaps ^_^ We ate first, even though I really didn't feel like eating as I'd pigged myself on *cough*McDonald's*cough* earlier in the day. The Scampi were pretty nice, though, even if they do look like Popplers. Lots of laughs to be had over dinner. I hadn't realised how early it was when we moved into the next bar (I weren't drinking though- I had to drive home). I expected it to be between nine and ten- it was only half past eight. More funs were had there. Funnily enough, time shot by once we'd entered the Chicago Rock Cafe. It wasn't nearly as fun inside because the music was so loud you couldn't have a decent conversation. There was karaoke, though... Unknown Waters I have never been a karaoke person. I have never particularly wanted to be a karaoke person. So why, then, did I volunteer to sing with Gemma when she asked me if I wanted to sing Madonna's 'Material Girl' on stage? It was her birthday, after all ^_^; It wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be, though, and it's kinda set me up for doing more in future... but I need to expand on my library of songs at the moment. I'd be hard pressed to find (let alone sing along to) a L'Arc-en-Ciel or X-Japan song. Urgh, karaoke does bring up some rather weird elements, though. Couples trying to be lovey; fat, loud men; and a really geeky-looking guy who couldn't sing but insisted on doing Backstreet Boys songs. Ironically, he got the biggest cheer out of everyone... I left fairly soon after that, cause I have a meeting to get to this morning. I kind of wsh we'd all been able to talk more, but it was good fun all the same. I didn't realise how much I missed just going out and being with people. So cool ^_^

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Watching Butterflies

Comments! Annsie: *hugs* Thank you ^_^ Josh: *nods* I know, I should be on more often. It's not like I haven't tried ^_^; Kei: I keep meaning to try sending you a text message and seeing if you'll be able to receive it. I must do that sometime, heh. And I do remember ^_^ Azure: Well, we all have the potential to be cannibals, but it's not as if it's a regular occurrence. In some societies that's an acceptable behaviour, too. I don't really see what you're trying to get at. But why, then, given that you can phrase things in any number of different ways, can personality not whine through in text? Granted, you can never be sure what's being typed is necessarily accurate bearing in mind the anonymity barrier that the internet provides, but if people are typing as themselves how is it irrelevent to who they are? Take this example: Person 1 IMs Person 2. Person 2 doesn't want to speak to Person 1, and has the choice of numerous different decisions. A: Continue the conversation, then quit halfway through claiming it was 'connection problems', B: Say 'F*** off, I hate you' C: Ignore them D: Say 'I'm sorry I can't talk now, I'm busy' And they aren't even limited to that. It's not physical, spoken conversation, but everything you choose to do has a basis in your behavioural type. If you want to be aggressive or rude, or simply don't care, you could go for option B. Or if you're a sucker for being poilte to people you don't even like, you might drag yourself with option A just because that's who you are. And if I tried typing in French I'd come across as retarded too; you can only accurately reflect yourself in text you can understand. If a person whose first language is Chinese types in perfect English and can phrase everything in the way he wants to, does that mean he isn't showing what he represents because he's not typing in his native language? Even English-speaking people who can't type English can portray a degree of personality, but where you're using abbreviations you aren't making use of many, if any, of the subtleties language provides to be able to communicate exactly what you mean, and hence, what you feel. Like now, you're expressing your opinion, and I'm expressing mine. That opinion makes up part of who we are, correct? If someone made a passing comment about either of our arguments in person we may not reply to it in as much detail as we can here; because we are here it provides an impotus to break down each other's comments in detail. If we were sat down together in person and this discussion came about, I'm sure we'd have pretty much exactly the same conversation. Gaming and the internet are different activities- in an incredibly broad generalisation, you aren't limited with what you can do on the net, but in games you're limited in doing what the designers want you to do based on the content in the game. And not everyone plays every sort of game. I don't like Grand Theft Auto, The Sims or The Playboy Mansion because I don't like the content, regardless of whether it's real or not. And yes, I do think that people who buy these games do feel a sense of glorification about it to a degree- either shooting policemen or running a pornographic magazine. It may be they simply enjoy the character situations and/or enjoy putting together magazines but haven't come across another game that provides a decent enough simulation. So yes, it does represent something to do with theur personality, but not necessarily that they enjoy the situation the game's putting them in. My sister bought the GameCube version of Reign of Fire because she liked the dragons, not because she has an innate desire to drive a minigun-toting jeep around a post-apocalyptic England. I'm not saying all people on the internet are genuine. But every action you make will be made as a result of your personal preferences, stigmas and ideas, and hence reflects on your personality as a whole. That's my point. Sara: I see what you mean ^_^ I know there's always something about myself I'm striving to change; it's just a case of getting up and doing it, hehe. And I'm happy with who I am and the friends I have. Sometimes you just lose sight of where you need to be. I'm almost running behind ^_^; It's a friend's birthday party tonight and I'm leaving in about half an hour. For some weird reason I'm really nervous about it >.>; I'll grab an apple, drink a smoothie and then disappear, methinks. See you later. Don't wait up ^_~ EDIT: It's snowing outside...

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Monday, February 27, 2006

The sorrow of losing the object of one's dependence

Comments! JJ: I don't think I could rephrase anything in that comment I left, heh. I never want to be the odd person out, but more often than not I find myself always taking a step back and watching how everyone else reacts and thinking "I don't want to disturb that, because it's working so well". It's a fine line to walk down. On the one hand, you want acceptance from the people you want to be accepted by, but at the same time you don't want to be the centre of their world. I always promise people I'll stay in touch, because it's what I want to do. I can tell you almost immediately who I will and won't speak to again if I were to leave somewhere, but that's not to say I wouldn't want to not speak to them again. If you're always looking at the situation in terms of when you're going to leave, there's almost very little point in doing anything, given the ultimate end of things. I find myself doing it to TV series now. I'll sit there thinking 'It's only 26 episodes, after that it won't be any more- it'll be finished and nothing else', but to be honest thinking like that isn't even practical- it's just plain depressing. A friendship you make and share over two-three years can end up meaning more to you than one developed over a period three times as long. Every person you meet will mean something to you, and whether you feel you fit in or not, it's never worth passing them by just on the off-chance. *hugs* Having someone else talk to you about your feelings is great therapy. Sometimes you just need a leap of faith, heh. Azure: Well, the second part was :p It's something I've always felt rather peculiar about, though. I think you're right, though. The internet does allow for things that you wouldn't normally do. Although the differences in talking to different people is as much a linguistic one as a behavioural one. I wouldn't call it a 'mask' as such, because it's still yourself. As I see it, a true 'mask' would be a complete lie, rather than a switch in behaviour. But surely even if people do act differently on the net, that's indicative of something about their personality that makes them want to do it? Splitting the internet and 'real life' as such when, considering that everyone who contributes to the internet is a 'real' person, doesn't seem correct. It's not 'real' in the sense that your actions don't tend to have any significant effect outside where the effect takes place, but it doesn't not exist, and you can't say that everything that happens there has no relevence to people's lives. But I guess there'll always be people on both sides- those who are honest and see other internet users as real people, and there'll be people who just don't. And I do remember, heh. I still have our most recent conversation saved, too. It really meant a lot to me. Thank you for still being my friend, despite my weirder moments ^_^; Kei: Ironically, I'm not so much an outcast by everyone else but I sort of do it to myself- I see myself as not fitting in because I'm always conscious about how I should be fitting in. And there are times where I sacrifice building new bridges to maintain older, more meaningful ones. Being honest to myself, I'd rather keep the few, great friends I have than have a hoarde of incidental ones. It's just that when you don't get to talk to them very much and all you're left with is yourself, you start to lose track of where you fit in, you know? *hugs* I know where this stems from. It was one question I was asked by one of the people I don't particularly want to see again (this is from Petworth, by the way). All she asked me was (and rather spitefully): "Do you know who you are?" And the fact that she asked it, and that she asked it in that way, made me hate everything about the subject. Whenever I started changing, that question and her grating voice would manifest into my head and start tainting everything I did. And there's the massive breakdown of my trust in other people, but that's much easier to fix. All I feel I need is one really decent session where I can just spill my guts to someone impartial and have done with it. But writing here helps a lot, too. Thank you, all ^_^

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Sunday, February 26, 2006

I don't think I'll ever fit in...

Comments! JJ: Sorry. I can't help it, heh. Sami: I'm glad you and he are still together ^_^ It makes me smile. I only stress about GO! because I made the commitment to it; it's not necessarily for the game's sake, but my own because I gave myself a responsibility to it by signing up in the first place. John: Thanks ^_^ Shin: Yeah, the registration page still isn't up yet. And thanks for the advice ^_^ I shouldn't worry myself too much with the little details, heh. It'd be nice to spend a day roaming around LA for a bit, actually, if I can swing it. It'd mean going from the airport to Anaheim one day, then back again the next, unless I just lugged my stuff around on the last day... ah, something'll work out ^_^ Kei: Yes, I do ^_^ Sorry for worrying you. I'm really looking forward to coming stateside, too... *wonders idly the reaction British voices get* liam: Australia'll be my next target, methinks ^_^ Try as I might, I'm feeling incredibly unstable of late. Aside from arguing with myself over boughts of paranoia and being incredibly conscious of my own words, I don't feel as if I fit in anywhere any more. Not even at OB, I'm sorry to say. It's not as if I want to leave or anything, but I just feel that something's been lost. And I keep looking at other people's sites and thinking 'Wow, that really works', or 'Yeah, I can see how they fit together'. Most of the time I feel like I'm clutching at straws just to keep up with everyone else; I guess I'm afraid of just being forgotten ^_^; But I should be making more of an effort to find ways of grounding myself, rather than sitting and watching everything else float away. OtakuBoards was the first place I felt entirely satisfied with who I was and everyone around me. Primary School, High School, Sixth Form, College, even in the fencing and reenactment groups something always stops me just short of that feeling of being in place. Perhaps I've just been working too hard. I get a little annoyed when people start talking about who they are on and offline. It's all you, whether you like it or not. The different 'people' you are online are only different through the way you phrase what you say. If you insult people online but don't in person, it really means very little about whether you're a nice person or not. The fact that you'd still readily insult someone you barely know over text where you wouldn't in person is irrelevent- it's still you doing it. A fair few people say with regard to something about themselves 'I wouldn't do that offline', but I bet they actually would, given the right motivation... or equipment. Aside from people who intentionally create their own personas, I just think it's a rather pointless statement. You can control exactly what information you give out to people, but it doesn't change who you are. Anyway, got to go. I need to buy some milk. Take care, heh. EDIT: I walked into the toilet and turned around to shut the door to see an obscure silver orb stuck to the wood. My initial thought was: "A webcam?!" But then I saw it was indeed a small clock, and not an instrument of spy. I was relieved to say the least, but still a little bemused.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Mortician Audition

Comments! Kei: I suppose it depends in what context they say it. I don't suppose you cough up many hairballs :p Josh: Who knows? I think social labels are pretty pointless anyway; furry, emo or otherwise. BlackRaiyuu: It's so good! It's minced... um... meat with noodles, spring onions, cucumber and various sauces, all stir-fried ^_________^ I love it. And I do eat Subways ^_~ That bacon, turkey and ham melt in Honey Oat is pretty damn nice. sah: My stalker appears to have left me alone for the moment, which is great news ^_^ Still, considering the type of praise she was adorning me with, I guess I am doing something right appearance-wise, to a degree >.>; Panthers are cool ^_^ Monkey: Eee! I love Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I can't say I've seen the others, though. Um, furries... I wouldn't look into it too much, heh. It doesn't mean anything particular, except I have a fondness for anthropomorphic characters. liam: I've never seen an emu egg; I had no idea they were that colour o_o; I have a desire to see one now, hehe. I've been doing a lot ^_^; It seems I've been doing more of everything, but since it's all been at home it doesn't feel like it equates to that much. But I know I've fallen behind with things online, like Game On! and MyOtaku, for instance. It's quite disheartening, and I need to be able to de-stress here more than perhaps I realised. Dan often says I look uptight, or that something about my behaviour's off somehow but I don't feel anything weird at all. We had the auditions for our film on Sunday, and it was pretty exhausting. Dan and I spent two hours tearing our hair out over one character in particular; two actresses were fantastically good and either would have been able to play her prefectly. Both of us wanted to use both or either equally, but didn't know which decision to make. Thankfully, that only really happened once, and the rest fell into place fairly readily. The last few days have comprised of me sitting on the phone calling people to let them know how much they'll be involved. Everyone (pretty much) who contacted us will be involved; the auditions were to discover to what degree they will be. We have a lot of extras to put in somewhere, heh. So far away, and yet so near I have finally booked my holiday to California. I will be arriving on June 29th, at about half-past six in the evening, and I'll be staying until the afternoon of July 5th. I'm really looking forward to it, although I wish Dan could come with me. I've never been so far on my own before and it'd be nice to share it with someone. I need reminding of how to get to and from Anaheim from LA's airport, too ^_^; I gather there's a bus or something... I should look into it, heh. I'll probably end up going to Disneyland at some point, although I don't know when that'll be, and I still need to book tickets for the Anime Expo. There's so much to do, and it seems so far away but I know the next few months are just going to rocket past. Agh, I feel lonely. Anyway, I must post something in Game On!, before I forfeit. Take care ^_^

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Thursday, February 9, 2006

It's that time again...

Comments! Sara: Perhaps they are in the same league as Muffins from Space! Azure: ...I'm obviously missing something here. Liam: Haha, fantastic ^_^ I think emus are cool, although they do look like hand-me-down ostriches. All brown and dusty and with messier feathers, heh. Kei: I liked it, too ^_^ It's nice when people can just ignore all the hype and stereotypes and just joke about it. John: I prefer solos with rhythm, myself. Some of the scatty ones sound a little messy, heh. But this was on a quiet track from the R.O.D TV soundtrack; it just exploded into my headphones and for a split second I thought the door had fallen over ^_^; I don't think I've ever been 'boo-scared' by a piece of music so much before. JJ: I believe you are right, heh ^_^ Sami: Teenage angst sucks, because there's a conflit between it being trivial but still oh-so-involving, which is why you tend to get such a division between drama queens and introverts (self-harmers and the like) at this age. Raiyuu: I love wordplay ^_^ Bleh, some of the entries on wikipedia I've read aren't particularly great either. For most stuff it's okay, but when you get to controversial issues such as minority groups (read: furries) it isn't quite as impartial as it ought to be. First, though: Four movies you would watch over and over: The Cat Returns The Last Samurai I, Robot Galaxy Quest Four places you have lived: Chichester - - - Four TV shows you love to watch: Scrubs Smallville Fullmetal Alchemist Q.I Four places you have been on vacation: Sweden Coll (tiny island North of Scotland) France Holland Four websites you visit daily MyOtaku OtakuBoards Hotmail CCFJ Four of your favourite foods: Pasta with anything, pretty much Salmon with coconut cream and sweet chilli sauce Ants climbing up trees ^________^ Chicken Tikka Masala Four places you would rather be right now: Various places throughout America Portsmouth Holland London Five weird things about you 1. When going up the stairs, I always like to finish exactly on the last step (I tend to go up two-at-a-time, and I hate having one left over) 2. I dribble in my sleep >.>; 3. [Will edit] 4. [Will edit] 5. [Will edit] So, What's the Dealio? Well, things have rocketed forwards today somewhat. We didn't get that article in the paper we (well, I- Dan wasn't surprised that it didn't make it in) were anticipating, which resulted in a flurry of activity contacting local TV stations, ordering cameras and the like. So it's been pretty tiring. And my stalker's back >.>; Joy, oh joy. I had a feeling it was going to happen sooner or later, as she's in the play I'm due to be helping choreograph fights for on Wednesday. I've had about five missed calls since about 5 this afternoon, and it's now 7:20pm. Once I'm finished for choreography things should be okay, though. I was due to talk about furries today, heh. Considering I've been following the sect for so long it's hard to think this is the first time I've spoken about it particularly. Anyway, I recently signed up with UKFur.org's forums, and they're pretty cool- a lovely bunch of people, on the whole. I don't really know how I fit in with it all, though- I have opinions on some of the topics and post, but I never have been that hardcore a furry- I don't have any ears or tails that I wear around the house and I don't make silly jokes about 'scritching', whatever that may be. I just like the idea of anthropomorphic characters and want to write stories about them. I don't mind being called a furry, but it's not without its drawbacks. [One post I read made me cringe a fair bit. Putting animal-isms into every day words (such as 'e-tail' rather than 'e-mail' and 'forwoof' rather than 'forward' is just... rather... crap.] Some people really have a hard time over it- mistrusted/disowned by their parents and all sorts. And to be fair, there are a lot of weird habits associated with being a furry. You know, group sex, massive fursuits and all that. That episode of CSI: Miami doesn't exactly cast them in a favourable light, either. For the most part I gather it's generally pretty harmless- you do get the some real nutcases (and I've come across a few websites created by 'husbands of' certain characters (usually Renamon), which are bloody disturbing if you take them as being written seriously; as well as others detailing how they really are Digimon), but no more so than any other branch of anything. I think because (as far as I gather) the majority are gay males of student-ish age, they tend to over-react more to anything, which is why people enjoy winding them up. *shrugs* Nothing much else to say, I guess. Except that if I were a real furry, I'd like to be like the guy in my avatar. I reckon I'd actually be something a little less impressive, though. Perhaps an armadillo :p I miss When Humans Are The Enemy... that was a fantastic RPG ^_^

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Monday, February 6, 2006

UNDO and Rewrite

Comments! Sami: No, I love it ^_^; I suppose from this point on it's going to be fairly hard to interact with the other characters though, seeing as we're all meant to be against each other. Unless they're just character posts; internal monologues and all that. I haven't listened to the HIM album I bought very much, actually. The lyrics aren't always what I want to listen to, but the overall sound of the song is what I like. Josh: Rule #something on the internet: THERE'S PORN OF IT! I can't remember where I heard that, but it's... disturbingly true. elfpirate: *grins* It's good to see you again, hehe. I keep missing your updates because I'm inept and it doesn't show up in blue when I'm online >.>; My imspiration's been sapped by all the business stuff. I suppose... in a way having Dan here limits the amount of creative stuff I can do, because we spend so much time together and are doing the film and everything else associated with the company to boot. But I wouldn't want it any other way, and once filming gets going it'll be much easier to make time ^_^ The third and fourth Fullmetal Alchemist OP themes are fantastic ^________^ I loves UNDO and Rewrite. Eyecatch I'm considering taking up a waiting job at Goodwood, because money could become a bit of an issue. Well, I want a job anyway but at the moment I haven't the time to take one up. Once we get past all of this it'll be easier to organise myself, though, which'll be cool ^_^ I meant to write this post yesterday, but I didn't end up having time. Sorry about that, Joshmaru. OMFG I R TEH EMO! This stems from a PM Josh (JJ) sent me the other day, in which he described himself as 'emo'. And I didn't think that was fair. I think there's a definite type of emotionalism that the phrase 'emo' covers- something hideously melodramatic that's probably done for attention purposes. In a sense, being able to make yourself hyperexaggerate your emotional state (in writing) kind of lifts your self esteem, because you turn it into something that really matters and is all-enveloping; in general the people who are in most need of attention are those who don't ask for it. The problems are all relative anyway; if someone's faced with a problem that is, as far as they're concerned, the hardest thing they've ever had to face then it's going to upset them more than if it happens to someone who's dealt with worse. But if someone should already know that it's only trivial and is still wallowing in their own depression for the sake of it, then it's emo. One of my younger sister's friends seems to exist only to complain about how horrible life (and everyone around her) is to her despite being given opportunities that she's asked for to the contrary, and everyone got incredibly pissed off with her about it. Basically, she complained that she never got invited out anywhere, so they organised a get-together just for her, and invited as many people they could get hold of. When she was asked if she enjoyed it she said 'Yes, it was great', and later proceeded to explain about how inconsiderate everyone else was for not considering how lonely she felt when they were all hanging around with their respective partners or just ignoring her (which nobody was- she went off on her own accord to distance herself). That's emo. I used to do that a bit, but not if I really cared about the friends I was with. It's incredibly selfish behaviour because it ties everyone else in knots trying to help you, and then you throw it back in their faces just to wallow in your own emotions again. She also thinks she's more mature than everyone else because she fancies a 20-year old at the age of 14. Normal, balanced people shouldn't worry themselves too much about expressing how they feel and being honest if something's bothering them. Anyway, as a phrase I don't really like 'emo'; from my point of view it's very easy to make yourself think that saying anything emotional is too much, that you're trying to over-dramaticise everything and end up saying nothing instead, doing bad things to your psyche. I don't give a crap about the music sub-genre either, to be blunt. I think UrbanDictionary's martyv has the best definition of Emo: Emu spelled incorrectly. "That emo sure is fast!" I can't remember what else I was going to talk about. Probably something to do with how horrible it is trying to set up your own business. Or furries. EDIT: o_O; I was just frightened by a saxophone solo. Came out of nowhere, it did.

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