Thursday, March 29, 2007

Play my cards...
Comments!

1st March

Mimmi: I think you're right. It's not good to be in a relationship if you don't know what you want. Although to an extent, what you want will be changed by the relationship itself, it can make things difficult trying to entrust your feelings in someone else and having them entrust their feelings to you if you don't know the sum of your own feelings to begin with. Relationships formed in stressful times aren't often the most stable. But then, I could be wrong :p

Miss Monkey: I know exactly where you're coming from, heh ^_^;

Kei: I just happened across an opportunity, and I suddenly became incredibly nervous. I think... to an extent I don't want a relationship because I'm terrified of what could happen if it went wrong. It's the kind of mentality where there's the potential to be so hurt that I don't even want to risk it in the first place. But it is leaving me isolated from being potentially very very happy, too.

26th March

Wensdayskitten: Oddly enough, I don't think it's the first time it's happened. Actually, it isn't ^_^; I just remembered when it happened before. but I'm okay with that now, because I'm not friends with either of the people in the first situation, hehe.

Kei: *hugs* I have a letter and present for you too, actually. I started writing it and then got distracted >.>; Next thing I knew it was March, heh.

molletta: Thank you. It means a lot to me for you to say that, and I'm glad to know I'm not unjustly doing myself wrong. It's incredibly tempting to let my feelings out too, but I know it'll only serve to add more difficulties to an already pretty delicate situation.

But at the same time, I can't help being envious of other people. I want the opportunities, acceptance and happiness that other people have, and this bears a lot of relation to what I wasn't talking about earlier. As much as I can I help people around me, and I genuinely enjoy helping them and making them happy. But at the same time I seem to get left out of an awful lot- more than often seems fair. I don't know if I'm just being selfish but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of a lot of the time, and while I don't want to think like that, I just wonder what I would have to do to feel I'm getting back more of what I give. As a result I've no idea how much I mean to people. It makes me very paranoid and I'm sure it's affected things between me and some of my friends. I worry that it'll become really bad and screw things up between people I'm even closer to. Even typing this I'm worried bits of it will get taken the wrong way and held against me. I can't help it.

The odd thing is, I don't care what people I don't know think about me. It's people I care about that I want to think well of me, because I want them to accept me for who I am, rather than the silly mistakes I make. I'll defend myself more vehemently against accusations made by people I know and care about than people I don't know or don't care about. I guess that's all part of love, isn't it?

I always wonder whether the people I've lost touch with have lost touch with me because of their own natural drifting or whether I've said or done something ridiculous that I haven't known about. I shouldn't worry about it- I know I can get carried away sometimes when I feel emotional and panic a bit, but... I don't know. Maybe I don't trust people enough.

Either way, there's work I need to do. And as long as I don't say anything about it, nobody seems to know. And I kinda prefer it like that. Because then it's still my problem, and I can deal with it myself.

Mimmi: No, it's not you ^_^ It's something I was sworn not to tell anyone about, and I'm keeping to that promise, at least until such time that it becomes appropriate. And it's not really a problem in that it's having a direct effect on me- it's just putting some of my own feelings into plain view, where I'd rather not have them. Basically, it confounds my feelings of loneliness, envy and frustration, if that's anything to go by.

I can't remember if it was anything- oh, yes there was something else that was bothering me. But that's not about you either, so don't worry ^_^ I appreciate you being here, though.

---

So, Anyway...

I got a Nintendo Wii last week. It finally arrived! It's really cool, and although I've not played on it much I'm really happy to have it. Wii Sports is great fun, and Red Steel is pretty cool too once you've got the hang of the control system. It does take quite a lot of patience. I also bought Twilight Princess, but I haven't played it yet as I've had quite a lot of other things to do. Certainly, my novel's taking top priority at the moment. It's coming together quite nicely now, and I've had dozens of ideas for future books too ^_^ It's going to be a hell of a series, hehe.

But when Smash Bros Brawl and Mario and Sonic at the Olympics come out, I may have some rather hideous distractions to come to terms with ^_^;

Filled with FUN!
I'm so addicted to the Viva Piñata TV series it's ridiculous. I have no space on my Sky Digibox left because it's all taken up with episodes and I don't want to delete any. Which is a problem, as there are new ones every day >.>; I really hope they release a DVD soon, so then I can watch it properly, hehe. Paulie Pretztail and Franklin Fizzlybear are the best ^______^


If only there were a Wii version... or I had an X-Box 360. Then I could get Halo 3 as well, heh. Although I don't particularly want a skyscraper in my living room.
Comments (4)