Monday, September 20, 2004

There's no place like home...

...except a total-immersion video game which features a place exactly like your home in every way, but that doesn't count because there is no spoon o_o; Heh, anyway, I'm back home now after having met up with Ean and played Yu-Gi-Oh for a while. It was great to get up and around, and walking around in New Rocks gives you so much exercise. I feel nicely refreshed (and nastily sweaty- I had to change T-Shirts >.>). As you might have guessed from this morning and yesterday's posts, I've been pretty stressed lately. There's so much going on at the moment here that Mum's finding it rather difficult to cope, and is getting unbelieveably stressed. She's not normally this bad though, so I think it might have coincided with a certain time of the month, which certainly doesn't help things much. A huge thanks to everyone who commented *hugs* I really appreciate it. And to those who read it now and think 'Ooh, that's rather nasty', I appreciate you, too ^_^. And those who read over, sympathised and didn't reply. Mouth of the Dragon I've been tidying the house from top to bottom (well, the rooms that are used, anyway ^_^;) and back again which has actually taken much less time that I expected, but I'm down to doing the tiny little bits now. they seem ot take the longest because each one seems to need a different place. And I still need to vaccuum. And I'm not home till 10 or so tomorrow evening >.> So things are pushed. Added to that, Mum's had to get this presentation ready for a Spinner's Guild meeting on Saturday (which is always a stressful thing to have to do), and ferry myself and my sister to wherever we need to go. This is why I need to learn to drive as soon as possible. I can't live with this sort of stress in the house any more. I'm trying my hardest to get a very important piece of writing donw, but the balance of my inspiration will only go so far. If I can't relax, it won't flow and all I do is sit there and procrastinate. Ebb and Flow Things reached somewhat of a peak (at least I really hope it's a peak rather than a plateau) last night when Mum came in whilst I was playing Literati and told me that she'd just completely laid into my sister about not tidying the house. but what annoyed me so much was that she seemed to be using it as a threat against me, almost as if she was proud of if. Now, I respect that my mother has never been someone you want to cross, and that my sister is admittedly not very good at doing things that need to be done, but to say it in such a cold, vindictive way was not what I appreciated. Fair enough, if you have to take away some priviliges in order for things ot get done then do it. But don't parade it in my face as if it's some kind of sick power trophy or as if it's my fault. It may well be that my lack of school for four days a week unintentionally invites my sister to jump in on the activities that I do, but she still does her homework. And to be honest, the Student Support thing we signed up for ages ago isn't really necessary any more. What are they going to do if the assessments are late? It's not as if we're obliged to send them off. Yes, they help, but for god's sake be reasonable about it. And what makes things more tense is that when Mum most needs someone else to take on a job, she won't f***** let them. I can load the washing machine, take the dogs for a walk and hang up the bloody clothes if she only tells me what the hell I need to do. It's not hard, but she seems to develop some inexplicable conplex that she has to take on more jobs herself when she's stressed, as if she suddenly thinks we're not good enough to do it. And then she gets these ideas out of nowhere that we don't appreciate her. Every sodding meal we tell her how good her food is, and every time she gives us a lift anywhare we thank her profusely for it. When she says things like that it really really hurts, especially as the foul mood she's usually in when she says them makes the delivery of the lines cut in even more. I'd assumed that this morning, with everyone having had some sleep, that things would be getting near to all right again. But they weren't, hence the 'For god's sake...' (and I realise it should have been with a capital 'G' in the context I was using it- my bad) earlier. SO I was getting 'Emo' (i.e. emotional, I presume. Unless it's some sort of super transforming mode I'm not aware of). *Slow, deep breath...* But it will pass. if it hasn't by later this afternoon I'll do all of the housework I can to lighten the load for her. I must make her sound terrible like this. She isn't a slave driver- she's just very objective, and firm when she needs to be. Things were getting lax both on my and my sister's side, but there's only so much that someone can take, and the way things were going weren't a practical way of foing about them. But then, when were emotions ever practical? I spent a while very late last night tidying up little bits and pieces wherever I could. You might think that it's a suck-up to try and ease an angry mood, but I can assure you that it isn't. When something like this happens, I do it almost to spite her, simply because I get so pissed off when she has a go at us that I don't want to hear it again. It's incredibly rare- normally we get on like a house on fire (although how that's supposed to be a complimentary analogy I don't know). It's just the odd occasion where Things Go Wrong, and you have to ride the storm until you come out the other end, then enjoy the plain sailing hat should hopefully await you on the other side. I suppose there is a silver lining to all this: the sitting-room should hopefully never get as messy as it did before. Seriously, though, every experience is useful for developing character and ability. I appreiate more the quietude that comes with being tidy and helpful rather than the potential storm that could come with me sittig on my arse and doing nothing. So despite how unhappy I might be about it, I know she's essentially right. Just fewer cannons next time, please.

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