myOtaku.com: Solo Tremaine

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1985-07-23
Gender
• Male
Location
• Chichester, England
Member Since
• 2003-08-04
Occupation
• Ex-OtakuBoards Team Miyazaki Leader, Actor, Writer, Director, Stage Combatant...
Real Name
• N/A

Personal

Achievements
• Becoming a Moderator on OtakuBoards, starting up my own production company with my best friend Dan.
Anime Fan Since
• I liked the Mysterious Cities of Gold before I did Pokemon, but Pokemon was the first Japanese Anime I really liked.
Favorite Anime
• Digimon, Wolf's Rain, Mysterious Cities of Gold, Outlaw Star, RahXephon, Zoids, Princess Mononoke, Trigun, Howl's Moving Castle, Bleach, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, One Piece, Fruits Basket
Goals
• To write my series of stories, and to act in cool stuff.
Hobbies
• Writing, acting, anime, GameCube, Wii, swordfighting
Talents
• Stage combat, writing, acting, being vaguely humourous, and listening.

myOtaku.com: Solo Tremaine

Saturday, August 13, 2005

A Dissertation of the Soul

Monkey_Orange: *hugs* I know. It was the drive home that really put me in a bad mood. Some drivers are copmpletey irresponsible.

Mimmi: *hugs* Thank you.

Azure: You're more than welcome to overstep, heh. Not that you were anyway. But you are right, and it's something that is frustrating me more and more.

The stupidity, indecisiveness (however it's spelt) and whatever else referred to me; at the moment I'm having to do my work from home and I know I'm not putting in as much effort as I should be simply because I'm at home. But as well as having an abundance of distractions to waste time with, the time I do have is constantly being eaten away by other things that I have to do- more often than not I'll be called out to help someone do something or I just decide that seeing as I can't concentrate on work anyway, I might as well do something that completely takes my mind away from it. It's a terrible mindset to have, especially as I've deadlines coming towards me very quickly. Once I'm in an office, everything'll be fine.

And then we come down to relationships, which probably dig into my mind more often than work stuffs.

I don't have time for a relationship. I know that, and right now I don't particularly want one. At least, I say that. But every time I see someone with a partner who I find attractive I just find myself loathing them for being so lucky. It seems as if all of the friends I have here (except Lawrence, who's all but vowed himself to celibacy) are constantly finding lovers, and... I'm not.

But I keep telling myself that there's no point me trying to look for someone because I won't have time for them and I'll only be spreading myself even thinner. But every time I go out a fantasy seems to play out in my head whereby I find someone who's absolutely perfect and I spend a lot of time getting depressed just by looking at people in the street rather than doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Whenever I do sight someone who, on first glance, is pretty nice, my mind flashes up with these big neon lights that say 'DO SOMETHING'. But I don't act on it because I don't want to. In terms of situation, I don't need it. Physically and mentally, well... I couldn't say what effect it'd have.

I've had relationships in the past- three of them, sort of. But for whatever reasons they didn't work out; I can remember everything I did wrong in each of them and it's made me hypersensitive to faults in other people that would affect me. The only person I've found nearby who I know is interested in me turns out to be a stalker-crazy-psycho-person-with-a-big-mouth-and-piercing-laugh. Having her constantly try to phone and text me has really put me off answering the phone, among other things.

It's only human to feel wanting of physical proximity, isn't it? I shouldn't be so hard on myself for just wanting something that feels natural. But for some reason, I am.

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