myOtaku.com: Solo Tremaine

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1985-07-23
Gender
• Male
Location
• Chichester, England
Member Since
• 2003-08-04
Occupation
• Ex-OtakuBoards Team Miyazaki Leader, Actor, Writer, Director, Stage Combatant...
Real Name
• N/A

Personal

Achievements
• Becoming a Moderator on OtakuBoards, starting up my own production company with my best friend Dan.
Anime Fan Since
• I liked the Mysterious Cities of Gold before I did Pokemon, but Pokemon was the first Japanese Anime I really liked.
Favorite Anime
• Digimon, Wolf's Rain, Mysterious Cities of Gold, Outlaw Star, RahXephon, Zoids, Princess Mononoke, Trigun, Howl's Moving Castle, Bleach, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, One Piece, Fruits Basket
Goals
• To write my series of stories, and to act in cool stuff.
Hobbies
• Writing, acting, anime, GameCube, Wii, swordfighting
Talents
• Stage combat, writing, acting, being vaguely humourous, and listening.

myOtaku.com: Solo Tremaine

Monday, February 27, 2006

The sorrow of losing the object of one's dependence

Comments!

JJ: I don't think I could rephrase anything in that comment I left, heh.

I never want to be the odd person out, but more often than not I find myself always taking a step back and watching how everyone else reacts and thinking "I don't want to disturb that, because it's working so well".

It's a fine line to walk down. On the one hand, you want acceptance from the people you want to be accepted by, but at the same time you don't want to be the centre of their world.

I always promise people I'll stay in touch, because it's what I want to do. I can tell you almost immediately who I will and won't speak to again if I were to leave somewhere, but that's not to say I wouldn't want to not speak to them again. If you're always looking at the situation in terms of when you're going to leave, there's almost very little point in doing anything, given the ultimate end of things.

I find myself doing it to TV series now. I'll sit there thinking 'It's only 26 episodes, after that it won't be any more- it'll be finished and nothing else', but to be honest thinking like that isn't even practical- it's just plain depressing. A friendship you make and share over two-three years can end up meaning more to you than one developed over a period three times as long. Every person you meet will mean something to you, and whether you feel you fit in or not, it's never worth passing them by just on the off-chance.

*hugs* Having someone else talk to you about your feelings is great therapy. Sometimes you just need a leap of faith, heh.

Azure: Well, the second part was :p It's something I've always felt rather peculiar about, though.

I think you're right, though. The internet does allow for things that you wouldn't normally do. Although the differences in talking to different people is as much a linguistic one as a behavioural one. I wouldn't call it a 'mask' as such, because it's still yourself. As I see it, a true 'mask' would be a complete lie, rather than a switch in behaviour.

But surely even if people do act differently on the net, that's indicative of something about their personality that makes them want to do it? Splitting the internet and 'real life' as such when, considering that everyone who contributes to the internet is a 'real' person, doesn't seem correct. It's not 'real' in the sense that your actions don't tend to have any significant effect outside where the effect takes place, but it doesn't not exist, and you can't say that everything that happens there has no relevence to people's lives.

But I guess there'll always be people on both sides- those who are honest and see other internet users as real people, and there'll be people who just don't.

And I do remember, heh. I still have our most recent conversation saved, too. It really meant a lot to me. Thank you for still being my friend, despite my weirder moments ^_^;

Kei: Ironically, I'm not so much an outcast by everyone else but I sort of do it to myself- I see myself as not fitting in because I'm always conscious about how I should be fitting in. And there are times where I sacrifice building new bridges to maintain older, more meaningful ones. Being honest to myself, I'd rather keep the few, great friends I have than have a hoarde of incidental ones.

It's just that when you don't get to talk to them very much and all you're left with is yourself, you start to lose track of where you fit in, you know?

*hugs*

I know where this stems from. It was one question I was asked by one of the people I don't particularly want to see again (this is from Petworth, by the way). All she asked me was (and rather spitefully):

"Do you know who you are?"

And the fact that she asked it, and that she asked it in that way, made me hate everything about the subject. Whenever I started changing, that question and her grating voice would manifest into my head and start tainting everything I did.

And there's the massive breakdown of my trust in other people, but that's much easier to fix.

All I feel I need is one really decent session where I can just spill my guts to someone impartial and have done with it. But writing here helps a lot, too.

Thank you, all ^_^

Comments (4)

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