Sunday, November 25, 2007

Mood: pessimistic
Date: 11/25/07
This maybe pretty depressing-
If you're in a good mood i just suggest skipping this. I don't want to get anyone down.

I've been pretty tired lately. You guys- well some- know how I get. I may say this is my last post but then later it won't be. Who knows. I sort of understood why adults never seems to have any fun or anything. They get up- go to work- then come home, clean the house and cook; every day without complaint. How could people live like that? I sort of always wondered. Then this past weekend as I worked nearly everyday over the holidays I started to understand that. You don't do it because you wan't to but it has to be done so find the best of it.

When I took the PLAN standardized career test at my highschool; myself and my friend Miles were the only two in the class whom put over 20 hours worked for pay on their form. When I looked back at the form it looked like both of us were to be high school drop outs. Back then i knew I would never do that... but this past week- all the stress I had completely vanished. Even though I had work still it was much more relaxing and easyer. And I thought-

'Wouldn't it be easyer just to live like this? To have a small side job and to be a painter. I would enjoy that.'

True I would enjoy that very much. But i think later on I would regret it. everyone says you need to go to college- I don't understand really what you can learn in college about painting though. As much as Art1 has tought me I am honestly not intrested in the history of art. Just the thing itself as it is. I am having a extreamly hard debait with myself in some things and I am not sure what to do.
Earlyer this morning I just lied on the floor for five hours straight not exagerating. No one took notice so I just lied there trying to think but nothing really came to me. I don't feel like I have anything left to finish. I was never one for relationships so there is no one important to me in real life. I don't have family, I barely have friends but they sometimes get on my nerves so bad I can't stand it. I am just one of those people whom loves to be alone.

If you were killed tomorrow.. be it being hit by a bus or cought in crossfire- would you be sad? Would you have something to regret? I don't really think I do. I'm not one for suicide so you don't have to worry about that but if I were to die.. i think that'd be okay.
I don't know

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