Monday, April 20, 2009

Mood: Crushed
Date: Monday, April 20th, 2009; 8:56PM

Note this is a total ranting post just for me to calm down. You don't need to read this -_-; Ps. warning a bit of language towards the bottom

My mother is totally PMSing right now and she's making everyone's life... well by everyone i am meaning me and a McDonalds cashier... MISERABLE.

This past weekend was ok to some extent. I'm lying. Except for going to the beach with autumn and eating sushi it totally sucked.
It was Joline's baby shower and what not, she had her baby today. It's name is Lucas. End of good news.

When autumn and I went to the beach, it was at night, pitch black since it was a new moon and we didn't really have flashlights the first night (we did the second night) her and I had SO MUCH FUN. we freaked each other out... i was more scared xD
So i tell my mother about this and you know she just WONDERS WHY I NEVER TALK OR TELL HER SHIT. because every time i open my mouth i get in trouble. she went on a long rant about how i could have been raped and killed out there. give me a break! that could happen anywhere. Any time at all that i'm going somewhere and gives me this damn story about how i'm going to be raped and killed. so be it. i honestly can say i do not care. I'd rather have fun (with in reason, I'm not crazy) and be killed then die a boring death that's totally pointless. and if i were to die right now i would only regret one thing and this current moment. and that's a very simple I'd regret telling the person i like how i feel. I'm too afraid to do that.
I can't go to the movies without her giving me a death scenario. Technically i could die driving to school. what's she going to do about that? I don't want to live my life always fearing what COULD happen.

2nd I never get invited to anything at all so Sunday evening i get on the highway to drive back and I get a phone call. It's Tess and she asks me to come with her and some friends to have dinner. That's wonderful. I love doing stuff like that but never get invited. I have no idea why actually-
So I did all the math in my head and i would get back to Lexington JUST on time to make it if I did 80mph on the highway. I normally go over that so I'd be early even. I tell her yeah I'll come and keep driving. After 40 miles till the exit i hit a lot of traffic where people are being such dumbasses and just slamming on their breaks like crazy. Turns out some stupid little incident like someone ran off the road and everyone wanted to stop and look happened. =_= COME ON PEOPLE
but then traffic didn't let up much. 30 miles away after i got to the exit you take to go to Charlotte it was backed up from that and idk what was going on there. so i get there finally, i was 30 min late but they were ok with that.

I get home and my mom wont shut up about how she was so proud of herself for yelling at some guy at mcdonalds. Apparently the story was she went to mcdonalds just wanting fries and she's at the window and because it wasn't RIGHT THERE READY FOR HIM TO HAND IT TO HER OUT THE WINDOW she started screaming and asked for her money back. what a frickin' bitch, it's people like that i can't stand. i'm nothing like her or my father. where the heck do i get my patience from!?

3rd last thursday and friday i've had no motivation so i just didn't do any work in english and my teacher got so pissed off with me. it's not like i couldn't do it any other time. i would have done it later on but because i didn't do it in class she felt the need to single me out and i was the butt of every one of her jokes for two days and she just kept harassing me, pulled me out in the hallway just because i said i hated poetry and made me cry in class twice. I tried to drop the class and take it online but my guidance counselor wouldn't let me. so i get to class today and i'm ahead, i've gone ahead of everyone and worked on the portfolio that's due whenever.
my teacher comes around to look at work and sees i'm ahead. she starts yelling at me saying how i never listen and i dont need to be going ahead. god it's like this lady is just never satisfied. i can't stand keeping up with the class because either she goes too fast when i need help or she goes way too slow to where it pisses me off and i start drawing then she gets pissed off with me.

4th Either cole just doesn't want to talk to anyone or he doesn't like me anymore. i'm really not sure. he just seems very distant and doesn't hug me anymore which makes me very sad. I do like him but i'm just horrible at showing that. whenever he asks if i did anything specific for him i feel to embarrassed to say yes and just say something like i didn't go out of my way to do it or some excuse... probably a bad idea -_-

5th graduation is coming up- wonderful. IT'S ON A FRICKIN MONDAY! AND IT'S AT 6 FRICKIN' PM AT NIGHT! WHO THE HELL'S BRIGHT IDEA WAS THIS IS HATE THE GOD DAMN SCHOOL SYSTEM THEY SUCK ASS!
not just that but my mother wants to have a stupid reception party a week later... her choice where at- THE GOD DAMN AMERICAN LEGION WHICH IS A STUPID BAR! so basically here's the plan. oh we'll have a stupid reception with what they call food but after about maybe 30 minutes all of them and by them i mean my parents friends because that's all they're inviting, are going to go over to the bar, sit there and get drunk and i will be sitting there like a total idiot. it's in Charleston meaning none of my friends can come too. so i tell her i dont want it there, hell no. "well what about the vfw?" (yet another bar) CAN SHE FUCKING THINK ABOUT A DAMN THING BUT HERSELF?! WHY THE HELL DOES IT HAVE TO BE AT A BAR JUST TO PLEASE HER?!
I DONT LIKE DRINKING! she just came in here now and i told her i didn't want a reception period because i wouldn't have any fun and she's like "i dont care. your family needs to see you" THEN COME TO THE STUPID GRADUATION!

I just feel like i'm suffocating and have gotten some really bad thoughts lately but i know i dont have much time left and just have to stick it out a little bit longer.... -_-

-Jae♥

Comments
Comments (0)