Friday, March 25, 2005

   Easter Weekend!
Four days off . . . 'tis a good thing . . . so let's see what's been up with me . . .

On Tuesday, I got to school a little later than usual . . . on the other hand, "The Girl" was on the bus and we found each other after the bus got to campus. I don't know how many of you know or remember "The Girl", but if you do, well . . . good on ya. Anyway, she had decided to just take a day off from co-op work and came to visit the school (she's been working all schoolyear). So I walked with her, filled her in a bit on what's changed around campus in terms of construction and whatnot . . . . . then when we got outside the CompSci building one of her friends came out to meet her. Then I left.
Then I got to class about 20-25 minutes late. Hehe . . . . . ah well, it can't be helped . . .

Um . . . other than that, I slept in big time Thursday morning to make up for Tuesday night. Thus, I kinda got a head start on my long weekend. Ah well, it can't be helped . . . I helped out at home, in any case.


I also found out how insanely fun it is to watch things concurrently with other people online. I know we've done it once with the Oscars last year, but this time it was with anime: I watched an episode of "Beck" (the anime, of course) with Duo - well, technically we both just watched the same episode from our respective computers at the same time, but chatted while it ran. It's fun! Seriously!


That said, um . . . everyone still needs to download "Beck" (the anime) if you haven't started already. Seriously. It's good for you.
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

   Worst. Essay. Ever!
The time: 4:48am.
The place: in front of my computer.
The reason: only now did my piss-ass essay about Classical Myth and Religion finally get to start printing.

That said, I didn't proofread and the ink in the printer is making all the writing grey. Also take into account that the actual topic I did is probably gonna get me in trouble since it's essentially an original topic that never went through the professorial screening process.

Hmm . . . what's this thing worth, anyway . . . . . hm, it's worth 25% of the term mark, meaning it's worth 12.5% of the overall mark . . . . . . . . meh. Guess I'm not missing out, then.


Yeah, I think I'm not gonna go to bed tonight. I'll just hafta be sure to nap on the train, bus, and couches at every break I have. That said . . . I think my alarm clock goes off in a little over half an hour . . . interesting . . . . .


So to recap:

• Don't leave essays until the last minute, even if they are short 1500-2000 worders.
  
• Don't intend to write an essay about an original topic and wait until the week before it's due to talk to the prof about it - they may not like your approach to the assignment.
  
• Old, musky library books stink.
  
• Ink cartridges are noble things and must be maintained at all times.
  
• Aeneas is a sucker.
  
• There are perks to being an English major . . . for one, you have the ability to pull crap outta your butt and submit it as a term paper - not a good one, but you can do it period.
  

Alright, tired and this basement is way too cold. Catch you guys later today, yo. Tchau!
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

   Shows, shows, and more shows . . .
The guy who was posting "Shinsengumi!" episodes at d-addicts posted the 49th and final episode of the series. Not only was it about 50% longer than a usual episode, but man it was emotional! Obviously they have to sorta play with time frames and stuff, but yeah, not a bad dramatisation of real life events. Okita coughs himself to death in a pool of his own blood, Hijikata charges into a line of gunfire, and Kondou gets his head taken off . . . . . but wow, what a great series! I'd wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone - not only is Japanese drama really different in all sorts of stylistic ways to western ones (not better or worse, just different), the fact that it's about the Shinsengumi is just darn cool . . . heh, when I put my themes back to normal, I might have to Shinsengumi up my page for a while and have the theme music playing . . . . . hmm . . .

In other news, "Beck" (the anime) continues to kick all sorts of ass. Their band is like, the total underdog, and its existence is seriously on the line with every song they play . . . and did I mention that the music kicks all sorts of ass? 'cause it does, y'know . . . now if only it'd be next week right now so I can finally see them play "Slip Out", which is by far the coolest song they have! Hehe . . . who knew an anime about an amateur rock band could be so insanely good, eh?

So yes, watch both of those. It's important.


Ahh . . . really need to write another essay . . . but all I can think of is how next weekend'll be the long Easter weekend and I'll go buy myself some more anime (Evangelion Platinum number 6!). Other than that, yeah. Nothin' special. Just hangin', chillin', sendin' all my hopes to a very special someone . . . y'know, the usual stuff for me.

I'm too lazy to look up a foreign language I haven't used yet, so I'm just gonna cheat and say "oyasuminasai" now.
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Sunday, March 20, 2005

   Russell Peters link number 2!
So remember when I told you guys about a hilarious Indian-Canadian comedian? And then the link died two days later?

Let's try this again:


http://www.farbish.com/downloads/russellpeters.wmv


And remember: Be a man! Do the right thing!
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Friday, March 18, 2005

Miracles do happen . . . . .
I'm gonna hafta get around to changing my intro, pretty soon . . . she's alive . . . . .

I'm sure most of you already knew by now, but yeah, Shanny is still with us. And, from how things sound, she's on the way to being better than she's ever been before. I gotta tell ya, I never knew what tears of joy actually felt like until that night she PM'ed me . . . it was just . . . . . undescribable.


Everyone, thank you so much for all your support. Though I may have embarassed the poor girl to crucial levels with my post, she really does feel loved that so many people were affected by her life. Aside from that, she might still take some time off from internet-type stuff, so please don't bombard her with messages or anything, okay? She's doing okay now . . . she really is . . .


As for myself . . . I gotta say, I'm a little ashamed. For a good bit of that week, I honestly did lose faith for a while . . . I'll be sure to make that up in the time to come.

So until then . . . . . she's alive, and it's the happiest thing I've felt in my entire life.
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Monday, March 14, 2005

I have something really important to tell you guys . . .
How many of us can honestly say we know what love really is? To be honest, what I thought I had figured out by a year ago wasn't quite on the mark. Over the past year, though, I can honestly say that I truly know what it is to love and be loved by someone . . .


Everyone, this is going to be a very long post. This will be the only time I will ever do this at this site . . . but please. I ask you to read this. All of it. This involves a close friend of ours . . .


Now, we kept things a little tame on myO for obvious reasons, although a few of you still figured it out for the most part. The question is: what sort of a relationship would you say Shanny and I have? Heh . . . that's probably gonna open up a pretty bad can of worms, so I'll just answer now. Without a doubt, Shanny and I were best friends, closer to each other than most people we lived near, with a sort of spiritual bond that definitely formed between us as the two years we knew each other ran through.

Of course, last April she got married to a pretty cool guy who was definitely much more capable of taking care of her than I ever could have. I'm not trying to get weird here, I just want to explain that as close as Shanny and I were, we obviously never went too far with anything. For this reason I can say that she taught me exactly what it means to love without being in love . . . and believe me, even when you're not in love with someone, the bond you can still create is stronger than many . . .

Despite being three time zones away from each other, I wanted to be there for her every step of the way. I was there at the beginning when we were e-rolling in the e-mud with everyone else. I got to watch a little later with the formation of myO's first real "cult", and when we all chatted together as we watched "Return of the King" sweep the Oscars. I was wishing her well when she came down with pneumonia, and congratulating her when she became a "Mrs.". I kept her company when she was diagnosed with Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension; when the dizzyness, headaches, and nausea kept her from sleeping and eating, when she despaired and feared that she would go blind, and when the pain overtook her to the point that she couldn't even move. I was with her every time she was basically paralysed and had to wait the hour at home for her friends to come and take her to the hospital. I was there when she broke off her friendship with the man who was doing no good in her life, and even went on to assault her physically. I was there every night she could barely keep awake from the long periods of work shifts at the lab. By chance I was also there to stop her the night the illness and stress had her ready to take her own life . . .

. . . . . I wanted to be there even if it was just so we could talk . . . even if my recurring MSN messages were only to say "go to sleep!" . . .


So why am I bringing this up? Fact of the matter is, that sort of differentiation is not exactly the most clear-cut out of all of 'em. I bet a good chunk of people wouldn't be able to really understand the difference . . . . . Shanny's husband being one of them, at least in our case . . .

Fact is, maybe I did go too far, or got too close. Though I don't regret any of it, I did send her a package of movies, books, and Pocky in the summer, and again for Christmas. And yes, I did stay up to very late hours chatting with her (she often remarked about hearing the birds outside). Out of all of them, though, I think my phone call was probably the worst of it . . . as enjoyable as that hour we actually got to speak was, I feel as though if I knew how much trouble that call would have gotten her, I probably never would have done it . . .

I can't blame Shanny's husband for his feelings, despite everything. I doubt I will ever be able to apologise to him for what had happened, or tell him that I never meant to hurt their marriage in any way . . . . . but, what had happened happened . . . and out of a discussed compromise, Shanny and I were to no longer speak with each other . . . . . if you recall the month when Shanny was moving and wasn't posting, this was around that time when this happened . . .


It's probably only me who takes that whole bit of history into consideration when I tell the rest of this - I really can't say how much of this actually applies to the rest of the story at hand. Still, as hard as that incident was for the both of us, I still felt confident that we would one day get to speak with each other again - I had hope for the future. And, well, for a time it looked like maybe we would be okay for the time being . . .

. . . Shanny was a notoriously tricky girl when it came to showing her "real" feelings to the public, though . . . . .

All through February, Shanny was constantly sad, as was I. Unfortunately, unlike me, this sadness was the only thing truly affecting my life: she still had her stressful work life, her unpeaceful family life, and throughout all of that, there was also her illness. In early March, she also suffered an extremely frightening event at work when she zoned out and completely lost account of her past ten minutes or so. She told me about it in a PM, and about how scared it made her feel considering what Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension can do to people . . .


. . . . . a few days later, she had a conversation with someone. Who it was, I'm not sure, but the end result of it . . . well, this is how she put it:

What a difference one conversation can make. I think I've finally come to a conclusion. The work, stress, relationships, health, it's all not worth it anymore. For the first time in two years, I am finally going to put my Bio knowledge to use. Maybe not for what others see as productive, but meh. Its not like it matters, right?


Two days later . . . . . last Wednesday morning . . . I woke up and found one last private message in my myO Backroom. She told me her coherency was waning, and that she wanted to say some final things before losing consciousness. She mentioned that while she thought she'd be highly emotional, she was actually quite calm and peaceful. She even wondered if she would get to see the sunrise one last time . . . her last request to me was to not call her should she fail, as it would make things harder for her than it should have to . . . . .

. . . and with that, she told me to keep growing into my own, said "I love you" one last time, and said goodbye.



I've spent the past week with this on my mind. There is definitely a chance that maybe her husband did wake up and find her before it was too late or something. Either way, I doubt going onto the internet to tell us that she was stopped would exactly be the first thing someone in her position would do. And yeah, I do want to keep faith . . . . . but I have this feeling in my heart. I just really can't say I'm comfortably knowing that she's still alive and just cut off from us for a while. But yeah, who knows, maybe some time down the road we'll all get a surprise post from "Dark Phoenix" saying hello and asking how we've been . . . until then, though, I think I need to tell you what the other possibility might be. I spent a week deciding whether I needed to say this or not, and after a while, well . . . yeah . . . . .

* * * * * *

Shanny never did get around to sending me a "good" picture of her. But despite that, I know she was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever known. Despite the sorrow she kept within her, she shone like no star ever could. Though her illness kept her from graduating with her Biology degree, she was easily smarter than more people I ever knew. She loved listening to Johnny Cash, Amy Lee and Yoko Kanno, and was not above loving "bad" movies (something I endeared greatly in her). She enjoyed fantasy to the point that she once dressed up as a Drow Elf for Halloween, which was her favourite holiday. Her favourite video games were Neverwinter Nights and Final Fantasy VII - I have a feeling that it was through her influence that I came to like Aeris a lot more than I used to. In terms of anime, anyone named "Haku" was someone to love for her, along with her definite love of yaoi (I had actually told her that I'd watch "Gravitation" if she'd watch it with me). I'm glad I got to introduce her to Bittorrent, GTO, and Ranma, as she found enjoyment out of all of those to no end. I don't know how this happened, but by some chance I shared the same birthday of a very close friend whom she lost some years prior - as our birthday neared, she got sadder . . . and I tried to make up for it as best I could, which I hope helped at least a little. Heh . . . she was also a bit of an open pervert in her own way. Seriously, she had this way of just getting "dirty enough" to get a rise out of anyone paying enough attention . . . . . I really do think I could probably go on all night about all the things that made her wonderful . . . but I'll just say one more . . . . .

Even at the expense of her own well-being, she was willing to give everything she had to help and protect her friends, especially around here with particular myO members who simply could not just leave people alone . . . . . well, I seriously hope those fuckers are doing well now, because not only is Shanny gone, but so are many of the people she tried so hard to help around here. And yet the fuckers still remain. She was quite willing to go any length, even if it meant her own deletion and banning - something I feared more than anything. Well, she never got banned . . . but neither did the fuckers who could not just keep to themselves . . .


In the end, I guess I'm just most sad because I lost the last few months, and didn't get to chat with her during that time. Because of that, well . . . . . . I wasn't able to save her this time. I know I can't blame myself for that, but still . . . I missed her so much during that time . . . . . it's funny, though. I promised her many things over the years: that I'd never leave her, that one day I'd make sure she could come see Vancouver . . . and that one day I would make life enjoyable for her once again. I guess I probably don't have to keep a tab on those so much now, but I can still promise that I will never forget her.


As I get to this point, it's 1:40am, and I have class in the morning. Heh . . . well, I lost sleep to talk with her before, I guess it's fitting that I can do it one last time for her sake . . .

Everyone, Dark Phoenix . . . Shanny . . . Kim' . . . . . is someone you must never forget. She deserves that much after all she went through.


And to Kim' . . . . . I guess all I can say is . . . . . despite everything, thank you. I know that I've grown into a better man for having met you. G'night, rest well, and take care of yourself, love . . . . .
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Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Lots on my mind . . . . .
It's past 2am and I can't sleep right now. I figure because of this I'm gonna have another cruddy Wednesday morning . . . heh, like I care right now . . . . .

I don't wanna sound overly cryptic or anything right now, but I don't think I'm gonna be especially active at myO for the next few days - I know, I mean I'll be even less active than I already am. Not that I'm trying to avoid the site or anything - I just don't have anything that I feel should be said right this minute.

I promise that in a few days if the feeling in my heart seems like a certain thing, I'll explain everything . . . and I mean everything. And yeah, if this does happen the way I think it will (though I would rather wish it would not), it'll be big . . .

You online peoples, I'll still try to get on MSN whenever I can, though. So I won't be hiding away or anything, okay? Meantimes, I'm gonna see if I can't get a bit of sleep . . . talk to you all soon enough.
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Tuesday, March 8, 2005

   Quaffing carouses . . . 'tis a good thing!
Hehe, a trainwreck the play definitely was. Plenty of us forgot lines, missed lines, skipped lines . . . for the most part it wasn't horrible, though. People loved our mannequin "Bianca" and her tape-recorder dialogue; people loved the dirty-ish banter between Katarina and Petruchio; people loved the swords; people loved me crashing myself into the wall and down to the floor (that was fun!). So yeah, hopefully we get a half-decent mark.

Afterwards we went to celebrate at the closest pub. What can I say, we basically don't have to do anything more for that class for then rest of the semester except watch the other people's plays! Ahh . . . life is good . . . . . ish . . . . I'll get back to you on that one, actually. It may not be as good as I'm currently saying - but I'll bring that up another time . . .

Anyway, I'm still too bouncy to go search for a foreign way to say "see ya", so I'll just say peace out.
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Monday, March 7, 2005

   Aye sir, they be ready . . . the oats have eaten the horses . . . .
Sunday night at school is just wrong . . . on the other hand, it's kinda neat because there's basically no one on the entire gigantic campus that is UBC. So yeah, "The Taming of the Shrew" group had its final rehearsal last night, and are feeling quite a lot more confident in it than prior. Then at this one point that dink-friend of mine "Faramir" decides to call me while we're in the middle of a scene - yes, he still goes to school 3 timezones away, but he said he was getting free long distance and felt bored . . . . . weirdo . . . but yeah, I'm still convinced the play'll probably be quite the trainwreck, but hey, what can ya do right?

Should be fun, though . . . we worked it in that when Katarina hits me one near the end, I get to go flying, smash myself into the back wall, and drop like a sack of potatoes hard and painfully (that's right, I'm very willing to risk my life for the chance of a cheap gag). Nyah hah hah . . . . . add to that a mannequin head atop a music stand with a tape recorder as a character, and you've got yourself one ridiculous little Shakespearean adaptation . . .

So yes, to reiterate, in Buchanan B212 of the University of British Columbia at 3:00pm, there will be a one hour production of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew". Should any of you be free and in the area, do not hesitate to stop by - it is free, after all.
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Friday, March 4, 2005

   Russell Peters!!!
So "Faramir" and I chat it up a bit about this or that. A bit about Civ3 some more, a bit about Bleach . . . and then he asks me if I've written any new anime articles yet. Obviously I haven't yet . . . then he asked a bit about whether I blogged or not.

So yes, "Faramir" has finally learned that he is called "Faramir" on this page. His response:

"wtf"
"why do i get to be that lame ass loser?"

Nya ha ha . . . . . .


Anyway, he found a link to one of the greatest comedy thingies ever. Russell Peters is an Indian-Canadian comic who specialises in "cultural humour". 'Tis quite funny . . . 'tis rated 18a on the tv rating, but it's not so bad . . . . . but yes, language and subject matter and all that:

http://vpsconsulting.com/russellpeters.wmv

Click, watch, and be merry . . . . . until I get blasted for posting bad language content . . . . . hehe . . . alright, I'm outta here. And in honour of the great comedian Mr. Peters, I shall say Alweda!
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