Tuesday, August 24, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: Rant of November 15th, 2002:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made the morning/afternoon of the above date . . . I was derailed from my reading by a friend, and I was heavily motivated . . .)


[NOTE: In the margins at the top of the page is the note, "How is that aquatic aerobics instructor always so energetic?!!!]

What defines maturity? No matter how much it ties in, the effects of aging don't seem to factor in all too highly. The general take of what demotes maturity is what means a person takes to interacting with their environment, be it somatic, spoken, or mental (not in that order, though, I don't have time to make it nice). So yeah, let me take a look here . . . . . oh, and my hand hurts like hell; bear with me . . .

I'm gonna get a little Socratic for a sec. Okay, so in general when people are said to be acting immature they are acting in a childlike manner, correct? (That's right, James.) And in acting in saying so, such people should not be taken all too seriously, as they aren't aware of what final result shall arise from their actions. In example, the person who pouts and can't accept things that didn't go his way should not be thought of as with entirely rational thought. (It seems that way, yes.) In many ways this seems to parallel sanity and insanity, in that sane people should be listened to while insane people be taken somewhat in a different context. (I do not see why not.)

Consider, then, the age-old question of "do the insane really know they're insane?" The basis of judgement of all these sorts of things - insanity, immaturity, and whatever - seems to be one of consciousness. People don't know better. The thought then comes of those who pretend to be insane. Clearly they know that they are in fact acting in a way not like their "true, rational" selves. Why would they do it? For various reasons, I suppose. Regard, then, the ones who take a conscious effort to act immature. Now there is no doubt that some people who openly act immature can in themselves be immature (in this case, the immaturity results from a very, very bad reason to act immature).

At this point I want to drop the old, ugly Greek's method and get to why I'm even bothering with this rant . . . . . . . am I immature?

Forward disclaimer: I am judging myself, so this is therefore very biased. Make your own rant if you disagree.

[NOTE: In the margin reads "Damnit Crystal, I was gonna get reading done today!"]
Why and how would I be considered immature? Let's see . . . I've been known to intentionally hurt myself for kids, I watch cartoons, I tend to perform many actions in a somewhat animated manner . . . oh, and I can still get a kick out of "dick and fart" jokes. Oh, and I'm a wrestling fan (though I've missed it in the past while). Oh! And I also take optimistic looks @ global issues.

Ah screw it! I know I'm not immature, damnit!


(This is the final rant in my binder. Essentially, I didn't feel like ranting about something I already had my mind made up about, so there was no sense in wasting more ink . . . . . so yeah, I hope you all enjoyed this brief period of time where we looked at what sort of a weirdo I was before I became the weirdo bastard of myO. Cheers.)
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Monday, August 23, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: Rant of September 3rd, 2002:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made the afternoon of the above date . . . it was very uneventful, and I was very bored . . .)


[NOTE: the entire manuscript is in horrible chicken-scratch]
Ah, glorious return! Nothing like the incredible feeling of coming back to the place you considered your second home after a good third of a year had passed . . . . . . .

. . . and I'm bored out of my mind . . . . . . .

The band Pepper Sand (or Sands?) that was playing outside the SUB was kinda cool, and they ate about 15 minutes of my time or so (note: remember to check out peppersand(s?).com). Other than that, half an hour (& 2 bucks) in the arcade did little - why'd they get rid of my damn boxing game?!

I'm curious about my writing right now - it's much more scribbly than usual. It's probably because I'm writing on my knee & I'm at a weird angle. I guess . . . . .

In this particular Buchanan lounge, there are a LOT of Chinese people! Go fig, huh? (One sounds like mom's cousin!)

I kept running into the twins, which was kinda funny. I also ran into Sillard a few times. Hannah was a nice mix-up too . . . . . only one personal left to brighten my day . . . yeah, like you don't know who . . . . .

Pretty much all day I've been whistling "Suteki Da Ne". I'm really starting to regret not buying those CDs now!

Hmm . . . eyes have been all blurry lately too - must be tired . . . . .

Oh yeah! Up until I gave them the cheque 2 seconds later, I kept thinking today was the 4th - that could've sucked.

My pocket-watch died the other day. I was kinda sad about that. I need to figure out how to replace the battery in there.

These Chinese people sound like soap-opera actresses! Oy!

Eyes . . . . . . . so . . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . . .
Don't feel too good either . . . . . something visceral . . . . .

[NOTE: At this point on this page, there is a drawn out rectangle which was my sketching space for a CD my friend had compiled involving a Japanese-style room with an open sliding door on the right. Inside is a drawer with a gunblade resting on top of it and a scribbled-out outline of a person's lower body. Pointing to the entire picture is an arrow with "Don't know what this was for . . ." at the other end.]

Cosplay is freaky . . .
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Sunday, August 22, 2004

   Quick break
Well, as it turns out, I don't feel as dirty as I thought I'd feel for going to an anime con. Truth be told, Anime Evolution was a pretty fun outfit to hang out at. Anyway, I spent lots of money, got the business card of a pretty local store that sells LOTS of anime (YES!!!), and . . . I saw many, many hilarious AMV's.

So far I've only found one, but it's good . . . fans of Escaflowne will especially love it. So yes, until I can get a hold of the other ones, here's this one:

http://www.animemusicvideos.org/members/members_videoinfo.php?v=32525
(scroll to the bottom)

Meantimes, if anyone can find the others anywhere, they are "Leaves of Happaness" by BaHaRa and "Fight!" by Tom the Fish. 'Til later, I'll rant on ya another day. Peace!
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Saturday, August 21, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: August 7th, Wisdom Teeth Report / August 9th:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made the afternoon of the above date . . . it was very messy, and I was very frozen . . .)

• 11:00, face feels like hell; swallowing lots of spit/blood.
  About to lie down & watch FotR
  Kind of expect to fall aslepp during it . . .
  
• 12:35, there have been 2 phone calls - otherwise, I've mostly been asleep, listening to LotR.
  Face hurts a litle less.
  
• 1:30, attempted to change gauze (just in case)
  Frodo's looking in the mirror
  Frozen jaw complicates things
  fresh gauze reminds me of bacon now and then . . .
  
• 2:05, still too scared to take gauze out of my mouth.
  Mouth still frozen as hell . . . . .
  Fellowship's over, though - gonna watch some special stuff until I thaw out
  
• 2:50, gonna spit out the gauze - mouth's gonna feel gross.
  Still frozen . . .
  need to take pills . . . maybe eat?
  

---

Aug. 9th:

• 12:00am, gonna watch Gundam.
  
  • Gums still tight, lips still stretched.
    
    • Sore throat from, Hell receding (thank God!)
  
  

Oh, Blitzball kicks ass too.
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Friday, August 20, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: 19 Years Old Today . . . not relevant:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made the night of August 5th, 2002 . . . it was very late, and I was very bored . . .)


Trying to sleep, I was thinking about school Survivor. I was thinking about if I had made it to the end and was asked, "Why did you do this?", what would I say. Other than the obvious "I love Survivor, 'nuff said", it got me thinking about my self-appointed nickname - my callsign, if you will. Yes, I was thinking about myself: "Some Guy".

My ICQ nickname changed a few times and I never truly found something that was me. There was "Phil", then "Antilles", and finally "Some Guy". Sure, the brother first used it on another person first (couldn't recognise a family friend through the peep hole), but I still felt it worked for me.

For one thing, it was fiendishly clever for things like games. Think about it: you're running around Anzio, when suddenly the message, "SomeGuy has killed Private with Garand" pops up. I mean, that's so true. He doesn't know me, he only knows me by a name on a server - I'm just a person; I mean, what's he gonna say? "Man, I got shot by some guy!" Very fun.

Later I took it to a higher lever, seeing it as a means to interpret my take on my position in the world. Again, take school. I was always eating lunch in that hallway, same position, same place, like clockwork. I was a familiar face (if not a frighteningly popular one). At the same time I'm sure I wasn't invisible because I SOMEHOW was voted 'most likely to become a talkshow host' (EXPLAIN that!!!). The way I see it, I was known around that school enough. Most people at least knew of me for one reason or another. Therefore, the situation of "yeah, he was in one of my classes" can be taken to effect. I was just always kind of . . . there.


(Alright, this one's short, as is the next page in my binder. Now, the next one's more of some short timeline histories based on August 7th and 9th, one of which tells what I was doing after I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. Not especially thought-provoking, in any case.
I can either do that tomorrow, or I can skip directly to Sept. 3/02, which might be the first day of school, I'm not sure exactly . . . thoughts?)
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Thursday, August 19, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: Rant #2 for August 3rd, 2002:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made later that same night of the above date . . . it was extra late, and I was extra bored . . .)


When I was a kid, I was emotionally weak. I can admit that. Around grade 7 and stuff, I tended to cry from teasing a fair bit (that, of course, would lead to more teasing from my "friends"). Hell, nowadays I might even risk it watching movies and stuff (man, that ending to "AI" was tough . . .). I won't get into it now, but I'm sure I grew up with enough reason for myself to turn out like that.

You know what, though? I really like to think that that childhood has caused me to grow up for the better. For one thing I'm physically stronger, so if someone spoke crap about me I wouldn't have to take it. On the other hand, I've grown so well that people speaking crap about me doesn't faze me - frankly, there are better things to worrry about [NOTE: hehe . . . I spelt "worry" with 3 r's in the manuscript].

I don't know, the only reason I bring up such things at all is because I was thinking about another aspect of myself. I've never exploded at someone because I was having a bad day. If I have ever spoken ill of someone behind their back, it has always been with a smile. At the same time I've never been a poor sport about games and have never allowed "bad vibes" to affect people around me. At the same time I can tell when someone's down by watching them and am always willing to help out as best I can. To sum up, I've grown to become a very emotionally strong guy. That makes me wonder about others . . .

It's the same night, so I can refer back to the old argument again. Frankly, that guy took a lot of what I said REALLY personally! To the point that he felt he had to say "tale that back or I won't be your friend anymore." Yeah, some old song and dance, I know . . . still, it makes me think about how it all started.
I don't take heed from people who feel ideals are being "shoved down their throats." The way I see it, you have a totally different problem if such things are actually causing emotional distress. I mean, everyone's entitled to dislike things, but to the point what they can't handle it? Come on man! You're not getting brainwashed by it, are you? You say it's the principle of it? Well it's not working, is it? What about other people? What, are you better than others who will be brainwashed by it? I KNOW you couldn't possibly be thinking THAT!

Ah yes, the point . . . . . when you're young, you can cry about it. When you grow up, you get angry - very angry - about it. It's all the same - it's the same emotionally-weak ideal that I've long since learned to get over. What it makes me wonder is that do people who dish it out but never receive end up not being good at receiving? I certainly think so. They're so used to never being touched that when it happens it's game over. Still, I'm sure there's room to build on that.


-->Tangent!

---->I remember reading this martial arts humour page. It had a section of "secret meanings", like when someone says, "Japanese MA are the best," it means "I study a Japanese MA." Or when someone says "Bruce Lee didn't know what he was talking about" it means "I don't understand Bruce Lee . . ."

------>I'll finish this another night.

Whoa! I'm almost 19! Booyaka!

(The next night . . .) [NOTE: Written on the 4th]
Anyways, back to that secret meanings thing. When someone says "this thing is the greatest thing ever" they really mean "I know about this thing and I like it". So yeah, check it out and make your own opinion.

That said, maybe I should see "Harry Potter" . . . . still, I think I'd rather watch "LOTR" first . . . or third . . . hmm . . . . .

Aaaaanyways, I think the point I'm making is that very few things get to me - more specifically, I allow very few things to get to me. As for things that do get to me, the majority of them are based on when other people allow things to get to them. The other night, the brother couldn't find cough syrup (and truth be told, it seriously was missing!) . . . pen dying . . . [NOTE: That entire sentence worth of ink was slowly fading away.] . . okay, new pen, same cap . . . as I was saying, the brother was dying and the cough syrup was gone. The thing that got to me was that in his search, he was literally swearing about the situation! He was so upset that medicine wasn't readily available! Then when he found Benelyn, he grumbld about taste . . . . . dude, beggars can't be choosers.


The moral of this story? Griping is fine but don't make a hobby of it - the world doesn't change by whining about it. Also, you're not smarter than other people, so don't pretend you are.


Meantimes, I'm 19 and I've gotta see about a girl in the morning!


Booyaka!
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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: Rant for August 3rd, 2002:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made the night of the above date . . . it was very late, and I was very bored . . .)


Once again, I find myself hungry and staring at my ceiling. Leftover casserole aside, I'm stuck thinking about stuff again. The scent of medicated alcohol reminds me that I'm still persistant in making these medicated Clearsil pads work - so far, I haven't been impressed (maybe I'm one of those gene-dominated ones . . .). But yeah, let's get into the meat of my thoughts, huh?

Meat . . . I wonder what I'll do with those freezer-burned chicken breasts tomorrow . . . . . anyways . . . . .

But yeah, alcohol in my pores led to an old story I heard about someone throwing a drink into her ex's face, which somehow led to thinking about grad night which led to my conversation with Swedish-boy. If I knew how I made these connections I'd tell you, I swear. But yeah, during our heart-to-heart (kinda) he stopped to quote a passage from Hamlet. I'm sure it had a huge amount of meaning to him, but the fact was I had never seen or read Hamlet. THAT then got me to thinking . . . what do I actually know about anything?

You know how high school is, right? You start off a small fish in a big sea, then you get big and the sea gets small . . . . then when they're done taking pictures they throw you back. I know I'm not the only one to notice this, but once you get to the big school, you're a shrimp again. But yeah, you see these people and they give these really wild insights into stuff you're reading, and you can't help but be slightly awed by it. Then the crunch comes during lunch when your other classmates start talking about how full of crap that person was. I mean, though I didn't fully see where they were coming from, I figured that they must have at least had some sort of grasp on it. So yeah, I know Jack about that stuff.

Let's also face it, I don't read the paper on a regular basis. I also don't watch the news that regularly either. I don't know too much about how the world's doing . . . . . whoa, brainblast . . .

I just hit a huge epiphany. The people in the courses, the friends who read the papers; they speak so vehemently about it because they know about it! Seriously, when we got to "Paradise Lost" in Arts 1, pretty much everyone had already read a bit of it because of Lit 12! These people have already spent much of their time reading up on these people and their works! They already have a pretty good grasp on it (I, on the other hand, am actually going to school to learn about it - go fig, huh?).

As always, I start gravitating to an old argument with an old friend. I have a good feeling that that argument has hit home more than I realise. I really need to get back to that guy some time about it, this must really be bothering me. But yeah, as this argument went, I had this really bad feeling about it. I'm gonna paraphrase over-the-top, since I'm sure it wasn't how I say it was, but the way he spoke to me it felt like he was saying. "I read the paper, I watch the news, I subscribe to Time, I know more than you, you're not living in the real world . . ." Yeah, I have never taken lightly to patronizing/condescending people. And he was being frighteningly condescending. And of course I couldn't just say that or else he'd take the friendship hostage again. (Though at times, I really wonder . . . . .) But yeah, enough of that.

I know what my big problem is, though: I'm spread too thin! I know a little about just about anything, but should I pick a topic someone knows, I'm done for. I don't really see it as a bad thing; it just makes me wonder how I'll fit into the world of specialist-job-classes - last time I checked, you had to be a knight, thief, black mage, white summoner, or monk - not a combination.

I sucked at Psyc. I only mention that because of what I'm going to say next. I have always felt like I've understood people as a whole. I know their motivations, their reasoning, what sets them off. What makes them happy. I understand interactions and why people do the things they do. Why do I know this? I have seen a lot of it: in the streets, on the TV, on the movie screen, in my own home . . . it's something I've always been proud of. However, I don't intend to become a psychologist or councillor or something: like I said, I sucked at Psyc. Oh yeah, I'm good with kids too!

So I don't know - I've always been good with my choice of words, and on average people don't act hostile towards me . . . . . who knows, maybe I'll figure out some sort of philosophy out of it . . . but then I'd have to face the "smart people" ripping it up . . . . .

. . . Actually, that could be fun. Intellectuals, bring it on!


Booyaka! (I just might start using that . . .)
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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: Rant of July 18th, 2002:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made the on the above date . . . it may or may not have been very late, though I was most likely still very bored . . .)


I stayed up well into the morning, as usual, to watch Gundam. It is now my opinion that maybe being like Quatre isn't terrible. I stayed up even later that night, though. I was waiting for a phone call from the mother. I was waiting for her credit card number.

Being me, I hung around for way too long to get ready for school. Though I was ready to register @ 11:30am (and I won't get into that headache), I still wasn't physically capable of doing it, since I still hadn't paid my registration deposit yet. Well, it took a little longer than I had hoped (was ready to go to sleep) when the mother finally called. Seeing as I was put in charge of managing the home (heh, I'm a kanrinrin!), I was sure there'd be more to talk about than credit cards.



Yeah, this one didn't go anywhere . . .


(Heh . . . I forgot that this one sucked . . . . . but, important things to note: I was a horrible procrastinator then as I am now, and my ill feelings towards Quatre Raberba Winner had lessened.)
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Monday, August 16, 2004

   To answer a question:
My little past thingies are titled "SomeGuy Alpha" because "SomeGuy Zero" was the Japanese name and we couldn't get the rights to it. Hehe . . . . .

Alright, so yes, I'm pretending it's all Street Fighter style in my naming it "Alpha" - That line of Street Fighter games, of course, being a prequel to the earlier Street Fighter 2 games. So, seeing as this is sort of a peek into my mindset of two years ago, I thought it could be fun to check it out. I mean, this was like, the first summer after I became an anime fan! The influences are really neat, I think.

So yeah, next one comes next day. Not today. Sleep now.


And yes, I am aware that I'm a little hypocritical in that I tell everyone here to go to bed more often, yet when I was 18-19 I was staying up 'til 3:45am to watch Gundam Wing . . . I matured or something, deal with it.
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Sunday, August 15, 2004

   SomeGuy Alpha: Rant for July 10th, 2002:
(The following is the transcript of a hand-written thing made the night of the above date . . . it was very late, and I was very bored . . .)


One Saturday night (or Sunday morning, if you're technical) I'm up really late with Korean boy watching animes, downloading wushu movies and taking anime-quizzes . . . yes, there was a theme to it all. If I recall, I can't even think of what compelled us to stay up that late. It may have been our desire to learn more and more about the Wilhelm Scream (remind me to rant about that some time). Maybe it was our professed love for Japanese cartoons and comics. In any case, I found out that of all the "Gundam Wing" characters, I seem to be most like Quatre Raberba Winner. It was funny, because I actually kinda swore when I saw that result. Though Korean-boy kepy assuring me that being like Quatre wasn't terrible. I still wasn't conviced . . . I was so unconvinced that I took another Gundam auiz. 1st response: Lt. Noin; not a guy, next response on the list . . . Quatre.
I swore, Korean-boy laughed.

Of all of them! Why Quatre? I remember specifically that I didn't like people doing work for me - is that in fact the trait of a guy who has a standing army as a bodyguard? What was it I kept exclaiming the whole time . . . "he's like, the worst fighter out of all of them!" So I dunno, maybe I'll need to look into it a little more. I suppose I do have a bit of that whole unification-dream-thingy going on in my head. Also, I have a vest hanging off a chair in my room. But yeah, I'll have to look into that one a bit more.

Oh, by the way, I'm also very much like Ashitaka from "Princess Mononoke", the main guy from "Cowboy Bebop", and the turtle from "Love Hina" (I blame my clicking on 'yes' for all questions that said "Myu!").

Of course, an internet test-taker is nothing without visiting thespark.com; the place to take quizzes. Of all of them, I am most proud of my performance on the "Untelligence Test" that graded survival and streetsmarts. I'm not talking passing grades, either - I'm talking high 90's! I couldn't believe how well I did on that! But, yes, but a single high-point . . . I did do decent on the REAL IQ test though (the FAKE one, on the other hand . . . . .)

I'm actually really impressed that Duo wasn't one of my high picks. As one friend has already claimed, I am apparently a Duo-wannabe due to "the jokes! The jokes!"

Speaking of Mr. Maxwell, Korean-boy is actually most like him, apparently. Personally I don't see it (as everyone can attest to, he is so much more of a Wufei than anyone else ["Strength & Honour!"]). He, however, saw it as fitting since Deathscythe is his favourite Gundam. Yeah, go fig . . . . .

I'll tell you the creepiest test-incident ever, though. A couple months back, I took a "Smallville" quiz. It had a bunch of questions usually based on "what would you do?" scenarios. Well, my hands-on rescuing-ethos in conjunction with my watching the "o. o. m. a" from afar, accumulated into my rating as "Clark Kent". I gues worse things could've happened . . . I mean, what could I have done with a "most like Martha Kent" verdict? But yeah, the scary part comes in about 4-6 weeks later. While on another spree of internet quizzes, I found a "Cartoon Superheroes" quiz. Well, not so much as I found it as I clicked on what seemed to be more interesting than some. But yeay, I clicked on all the little circles, clicked on 'view my results' . . . . .
"You are most like: 'Superman'."

So yeah, I'm sensing a trend . . . . . you? I mentioned this to a few people already. Korean-boy gave me an apathetic, "Ah, I never really liked Superman . . . too nice and lawful . . . give me Drizzt!" X gave me a "nice!" (I'm paraphrasing, I'm sure . . .). And of course, my jazz-girl cousin had to say "Holy! This is a sign!" I'd like to think that my own thoughts lie somewhere between her's and X's. Though I'm not sure if it's necessarily a "sign", I do have a funny feeling that I coudl end up doing something cool with my life for the well-being of those around me and stuff.

[NOTE: it's about this point in the manuscript where my handwriting starts to get REALLY bad . . .]

And yet it's the brother who became the cop . . . hmm . . . . .

But seriously, Quatre? What does he have going for him? And being rich doesn't count, because it's more fun to be not rich. If not for anything else, then for this:
Heero has his pacifist to protect and look over; Duo has his girl back home to go back to; Trowa has his circus-girl to punch him when he's thinking stupidly; Wufei has . . . himself. But who does Quatre have? Rat-face girl to get stabbed by! That's the only one I can think of at this moment! That and a harem of military men! What kind of crap is that?!

But yes . . . who knows? Maybe I'll grow up to be some sort of advocate of peace throughout the world. Maybe I'll even find time to save it. And for the record, I'm not Schizophrenic - though delusions of grandeur are kinda fun to play with now and then . . .

Ogh, and this rant was not meant to belittle the character of Quatre Winner. I'm sure he has plenty going for him . . . . . just that my memory's hazy and we're only at ep. 15 in the 3:00am showings . . . . man, I need sleep . . . . . .
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