Monday, February 2, 2004

   Saga of The Girl: Culmination, Part 2 . . . . .
" . . . . . . . . . I . . . was thinking . . . . . that . . . . . I really like you . . . a lot . . . . ."

". . . I'm sure this isn't an especially big surprise to ya, but essentially for all this time I've . . . never really stopped liking you . . . and I know it's kind of insane, I know . . . hell, everyone else is telling me that too . . . if I told them, they'd be all like, 'what?! Still?!' and stuff . . . . . but yeah, I guess that's pretty much it . . . I wanted to say that I like ya . . . and . . . . . . yeah."

I knew I must have had "The Girl" flustered a bit with that one. After I got all of that out, there was a bit of silence as we continued to walk down the riverside, streetlamps around us and light rain above us. Now, I can't exactly remember her words verbatim, so I'll overview her response here:

No matter how you look at it, she is a very busy gal. She's in an incredibly hard program at school and physically has no time to really worry about anything else in her life - this was more or less what she tried to tell me those years back. She's always had the plan of go to school, graduate from school, get a job, move out; there was never really anywhere in that plan for having a relationship. By that same token, she has never really been an especially strong person emotionally - more prone to running from confrontation than anything else. In the end, there's essentially no way she would be able to handle something at this time . . . . .

She asked me if I could understand that, which I did. So that was one main thing out of the way, sort of . . . I needed to check the other . . . . . I needed to ask one more, utterly frightful question . . . . .

"I guess there's just one more thing I wanna know . . . . ." She turned to me. "Do you still like me?"
"Yes..."
"In that way?"
"Yes..."

So that's pretty much my story. She doesn't really think it's in anyone's best interest to get into anything right now, though she still has romantic feelings for me . . . . . what a mess, eh? Well, we continued walking slowly, talking until we hit the other end of the boardwalk. We then continued, walking along the parking lot. We then hit a street, and walked towards the downtown area. We walked towards the train station. Once at the intersection, she asked me if I had said everything I had needed to say; I said I wasn't sure - we kept walking. We hit a dead end; we turned around. We walked back over an overpass, back towards the Quay . . . once over the overpass, we stopped and just stood against a railing, looking towards the river. Though I held no regret over the things I said and did, I still felt bad about how she was perpetually on the verge of tears the whole time . . . I've never liked doing that to her . . . . . at one point I looked at her face, and there was water on her cheek - though it may just as easily have been rain, I still wiped it away with my thumb, telling her I was sorry for getting her all like this and stuff . . .

During that time, many a thing was said . . . more or less, this was it:


"Fact of the matter is, I don't have any intention to stop trying. I mean, I like you, and you apparently also like me, and that should be enough . . . and I know I'm simplifying things . . ."
"I was about to say that, yeah... but don't you see how hard that makes things? Every time we hang out, I always have to watch what I do because I'm afraid I'll give off a bad signal or something, and I don't want to make things weird or anything... 'cause you know, we DO get awkward around each other a lot..."
"I know . . ."

"When we broke up, that was like, the hardest thing ever for me... I don't want to have to go through that again..."
"Who says we'd have to go through it again?"
"Knowing me, I'd do it again..."

"Ya know, sometimes I wished I spoke Mandarin better . . ."
"Oh, that wouldn't have changed anything..."
"Nono, hear me out . . . . . I always had this thought that if I could speak Mandarin better, I could go up to your dad and say to him, 'I would like to date your daughter' . . . . ."
"[laughter of disbelief...]"
"Seriously! I would tell him how I'd like to date her because she's wonderful, because she challenges me . . . . ."

" . . and ya know, you don't have to go at this stuff alone - we're all willing to help you through this stuff . . . if you're getting tired or something, I wanna be able to give you a shoulder to sleep on, or to carry you to your classes if I need to . . . and I was serious, I would totally carry you to your class if I had to!"
"[funny look . . .]"

"Ya know I'm not doing all this just to mess with your head, right?"
"Heh... if you did it would be really mean."
"Heh . . . yeah, I'd have to kick my own ass if that were the case . . . . ."

"Ya know, this probably would've been a whole lot easier if you had just said 'no' earlier . . ."
"Ooh, can I take that back now?"
"Nope. Too late.
"Aw, come on... Butterfly Effect?"
"Heh . . . nice try Ashton . . . . . . . though to be fair, you're much prettier than Ashton Kutcher . . ."

"...and when we hang out I always have a lot of fun... but if things got bad, I don't want us to have to hate each other..."
"Hey, I could never stop hating you . . ."
"But how can you..."
". . and I know that's just me saying that now . . . but come on . . ."

"Like I've said before, I know that if someone has already made up his or her mind, no amount of arguing or debating is gonna change it . . . . . but ya know, I just have to know that I tried everything . . ."


Obviously there's a lot more to this, but what can I say, this was two hours of walking around nowhere in particular. Well, at about 7pm, I walked her back to the train station. By this point we were just talking about silly trivial things again - I guess it was as nice a way to end the night as any. When her train came and the doors opened, she looked to me to say goodbye. As she did, I sorta grabbed for her hand for a second; I told her, "don't be awkward."

And . . . . . . yeah, that was that. It's not like I can be especially happy, since we're still not gonna be getting together any time soon (which I more or less expected). At the same time, I can't be especially sad - I mean, these past two years or so, I seriously did wonder whether she still liked me or not . . . . . so yeah, I don't know what to tell ya. It's a strange feeling to feel extremely happy and extremely sad all at once . . .

Such is my life: I wouldn't necessarily reccommend it to anyone. Hope you enjoyed this novel, everyone, for I know that reading super-long things is not everyone's cup of tea . . . . . so yeah, see ya tomorrow.
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Sunday, February 1, 2004

   Saga of The Girl: Culmination, Part 1 . . . . .
I'm gonna drag this one out . . . I bet I could write out something pretty fun for this one . . . . . so yeah, this might get REALLY REALLY long . . . sorry . . . . .


It was a week after that incomplete attempt to talk with "The Girl". By this point in my life I was starting to think that school work might be important, my brother had recently bought "Knights of the Old Republic" for the comp, and I was not studying enough for my stuff. Being me, I then used this as an excuse to chat with "The Girl", who I had not spoken with since leaving that train last week.

I have friggin' four RPGs in my house right now! They're gonna compromise my education!
ironically... can't talk, paper due tomorrow :P
Boo papers! Well then, when'll ya be free?
tomorrow after school
Neat. Alright, I'll leave ya be, then. Good luck!

Obviously, I was still a little freaked out - I mean, the month hadn't been especially kind to me in this particular area, had it? But, it wasn't like I had anything to really lose . . . . . actually, no. That's a lie. I had EVERYTHING to lose . . . so yeah, "game on", I guess . . . . .

The next day (it was last Wednesday), after an absolutely terrible Latin quiz, I headed to her room and stood there for a long deal of time . . . . .
Basically, the next class was already pouring in, and she had yet to show herself by coming out . . . I mean, I could've peaked into the room to check, but ya know . . . in any case, it didn't matter.

My cel phone buzzed. It was her. It seems she had decided to skip her class that day and had spent most of her afternoon playing cards in that Science Undergrad Society lounge. She asked me what I wanted to do: I responded that I wanted to talk and get a lot of things out of the way - so, I went to the lounge . . .

So there I was: a 3rd year English major now sitting around a table with 2 CompSci students, a Biology guy, and a bunch of other people here and there . . . . . lion's den very much, yeah. Well, my particular brand of humour simply wasn't pulling its weight very well in that room, so I just gave up and concentrated on the card game I had suddenly been dealt into . . . . .

We were there for the better part of an hour before people left for some Electronic Arts presentation re: getting jobs or something; the rest of us started reading some student newspaper (I think it was from the Engineers). Yeah, there were lots of shots at Arts Students . . . . . I took it in stride, of course . . .
Aside from that, the only thing I can really think of mentioning was that essentially almost every guy in that lounge had made a comment to "The Girl" of any sort of risque manner . . . fun group of people, huh?

It was about 5pm when "The Girl" and I left to get on the bus. The trip was again pretty quiet between the two of us. For a fair deal of it we just sat next to each other, looking around . . . eventually she tried to fall asleep, as did I . . . . . it was short-lived when the bus braked hard. Yeah, we weren't gonna get any sleep . . . . .

At some point "The Girl" broke the silence, talking about how my nervous tick had come back (I like to blink hard and rapidly when I'm nervous, remember?). We talked a bit about that; she thought maybe it was seasonal, I stood by my nervous hypothesis . . . in any case, we were talking a bit, so that was okay.

We got to the train station. As we stood waiting for the next train, I asked her if she was in any hurry to get home - she wasn't. I then suggested we go to the riverside quay back in my area to talk (for those of you keeping count, this was incidentally also the first place I ever took her out to many years back . . .). After about 20 minutes, we got off the train at the nearest station and walked to the boardwalk . . .

The weather was cloudy, and slightly raining. We both walked under her umbrella, lights on both sides of the river, just talking about whatever. I brought to light how many of my friends were useless, how school was looking here on in, and how I had tried to get her an Inuyasha plushie for Christmas - plus the part about searching 4 different malls for it . . . . . in essence, we were just talking a lot . . . . . . . eventually, we reached the end of the boardwalk . . . she asked if we should turn around . . . . .

We turned around and started walking back . . . it was about this point when I was thinking, "okay, the WHOLE reason I asked her to come out here was to talk about certain stuff . . . talk about it, damnit!" There was more silence . . . . . finally, after sort of a weird light-headed breath-thingy:

"So, I'm still kinda sad that I never got to take you skating . . ."
"..... was that your attempt at really indirectly approaching the subject?"
"Yeah . . . . . it's funny, ya know? After all this effort to get time to talk to ya, and I can't think of a thing to say."
"Just say what's on your mind..."
"Okay . . ."

" . . . . . . . . . I . . . was thinking . . . . . that . . . . . I really like you . . . a lot . . . . ."
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Saturday, January 31, 2004

   Saga of The Girl: Frustrations Arise . . . . .
It's a DAMN good thing I don't believe in fate, let me tell ya . . . . .


As I said before, I didn't see "The Girl" very much after that day I gave her that Christmas present . . . in fact, I did not see her at all! The only times I even saw traces of her living was through her name on MSN - and even then I didn't want to disturb it!

It's weird in that way, I guess . . . it's like, I'll be online, she'll be online, and I just won't even try to converse with her. I dunno, I guess my frame of mind was that if I bugged her too much with too many trivial things it'd get messy and she'd get annoyed and stuff . . . so yeah, a couple weeks go by . . . . .

I can't exactly remember how this went down, but it was during a conversation with someone else online that sparked this (perhaps it was one of you? That night's hazy now . . .). Well, I was chatting with whoever it was for a while about what I can only assume were very personal matters, and for one reason or another it lead to this incredibly intense feeling inside me. I suddenly felt, like, "I need to say something NOW, before it's too late . . ." I felt I needed to say a lot . . . . .

I messaged "The Girl" that night:
Hey, I would very much like to see you some time this week. You gonna have any free time?
Yes. After class tomorrow.
Sounds great . . . um, I wouldn't be asking too much if we made a little sidestop, would I?
No... O_o;
. . . . . I'm not planning on killing ya, relax!

Something like that, in any case . . . . .

So that day (it was the 21st, the Wednesday), after class, I got out of my room, found "The Girl" waitin', and we headed to the bus stop. As we walked, we just made some really light conversation, laughing along the way . . . it was something I had really missed the past while . . .

Bus came, we got on, got seats, relaxed a bit. I asked her what was new, she responded with "nothing much." And then there was silence . . . . .

. . . . . and then an old friend she hadn't seen in a while got on the bus and they saw each other . . . . .

Essentially for the entire 40 minute bus ride, "The Girl" and this other person just caught up, talking about what classes were hard, who was in what class with whom, and what the future of their respective careers looked . . . I, in turn, sat there, singing "1000 Words" in my head . . . . . Hey, what else could I do? It's not like I could go, "excuse me, but I called this time frame. Reschedule your catch-up." So, I took it like a man and waited for the bus to get to the station.

Some interesting bits came up during their conversation. For one, I came to understand that she was often staying at school well into the evening at times doing work, and was sometimes just getting a ride home with another dude who stayed late as well . . . heh, so of course I naturally thought in my head "oh crap" even though I've met the guy and know that what I was thinking was NOT what was happening . . . . . stupid imagination . . . . .
The other bit was her reason of why she wasn't sticking around late today: it was Chinese New Years Eve that day - she had to get home quickly and have dinner with her family. That was why she had time; that was why she was going home so quickly . . .

We got to the train station. "The Girl's" friend went her way, we went to the train. And we talked about whatever (mostly about how it was apparently sacriligeous that my family wasn't having a big dinner that night [parents on vacation, so we had the dinner last week]). By this point I had accepted that I wasn't gonna be able to say what I wanted to say . . . just before my stop, I said to her,
"I think I'm gonna hafta request another meeting some time soon . . ."


So in the end, the stars just didn't like me: if it wasn't schoolwork, it was old friends; if it wasn't old friends, it was family dinners . . . . . I was getting very upset . . . I think that day when I was nearing my house, on my empty street, I just swore out loud as hard as I could . . . . .

This seriously wasn't working . . . . .
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Friday, January 30, 2004

   Saga of The Girl: A Little Gift-Wrapped Box . . . . .
So, there was this present I was never able to get to "The Girl", since we never saw each other in person over the holidays after all . . . . .


I think it was the Sunday night before the new semester started. Now, obviously there was a bit of an awkward air between "The Girl" and I (not to mention a couple phone lines and PCs). We pretty much only chatted a couple times from Christmas to then. Anyway, I messaged her that night, asking if she was "still finishing her days same time, same place". Now, the unvoiced reason for asking was to check if we could still easily meet up to go home together after classes . . . and obviously we both knew that . . . . .

So that Monday, I went to school as normal. Though, I had one extra thing in my bag along with my books and stuff: a belated Christmas present.
As you all know, my plans to get her an Inuyasha plushie for Christmas went to crap. So instead, I painted up a Sam/Frodo/Gollum miniature set, set them inside an empty "Neverwinter Nights" box, and wrapped it up with "Meri Kurisumasu" written on the outside.

The last class ended, I said goodbye to my classmates, got out of the door, walked to "The Girl's" classroom . . . . . and found it to be completely empty . . . what the hell?
I spent the whole week with that little box in my bag . . . every day I'd come out of class and find her room deserted . . .

Obviously at this point I was doing little except thinking more than I should have . . . you know how it is; left to ones own devices, all sorts of weird thoughts pop up . . .
"Did her room change and she didn't tell me? Is she avoiding me? Am I EVER going to be able to give this damn thing to her?!" Yeah, thinking is a bad thing, sometimes . . .

A little later during the next week (that thing was in my bag a loooong time . . .), I finally figured I should make a query about this odd little thing . . . I messaged her one night:

Hey, you still have Classical Studies in that room, right?
Yes... O_o
. . . . . stop leaving so fast!
Well, I'm always busy after classes now, so don't wait up for me.
Alright, but stick around for a second tomorrow, okay? I've had this damn thing in my bag since forever for ya and I'd very much like to be relieved of it.
Okay.

It went something like that, in any case . . . well, yeah, she waited up for a second with a friend of hers, we walked out a bit of the ways a bit, and hit the main crossroad where we'd go our separate ways. She got her present, mentioned something about how nicely it was wrapped . . . . . yeah . . .

So she ran off towards her Science Undergraduate Society lounge, I headed for the bus . . . and then for a long time nothing happened . . . . . but this is getting too long, so that shall have to wait until tomorrow . . . . . heh . . .
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Thursday, January 29, 2004

   Saga of The Girl: The New Year . . . . .
Yeah, I'm gonna post about this a bit . . . things've happened as of late, and I bet you people'd be interested . . . . . this could take a few days . . .

Alright, so for those of you new to this deal, the gist is that there's a girl I've known since high school from about 4-5 years ago. When we were in grade 12, I found out she had a crush on me and I asked her to prom. After that we started going out for a while. Just before the end of 2001 we broke up for some reasons, and I've been trying to get back to her ever since. As the times have gone on, we've shared moments here and there, but otherwise we're still just friends . . . I'm working on that, though . . . . .
(And yes, that sounds absolutely dreadful on my behalf, but this is an extremely truncated history!)


Okay, so now we're past Lord of the Rings, when we all had some fun seeing a movie and then later walking around downtown. So obviously I want to see this girl again, right? Right! And what better place to go out than to go skating at the local arena, right? Right!

Well, I ask her if she'd want to go skating some time. She said that she'd maybe check with her friends as well and see if they want to go as well . . . I sort of explain that that wasn't exactly what I had in mind . . . . . and then MSN conked out for maintenance . . . grr . . . . .

I didn't find her online again for a little while. Incidentally, it was Christmas Eve when I messaged her . . .
"So, I'd still like to take you skating some time . . ." She responds something like,
"(sigh) as friends, or what?" Me, the brilliant guy I am, effectively answered with "what." She then told me, "don't start this..."

I forget how the next few messages went, exactly. I sort of ranted about how I couldn't really help it, she didn't really get it, and then she went to sleep. So yeah, night before Christmas and this is what I drop on her head. I'm such a nice guy, huh? (Erm . . . don't answer that . . .)

I think I talked with her a couple times afterwards between then and New Years. For one, I apologized for weighing her mind down over the holidays like that - she replied that it was okay, so I dunno . . . I then came to understand that she was going to be especially busy until the beginning of classes again . . . yeah, once schoolwork becomes an issue again . . . great . . . . .

So there finished that aspect of my holidays. Wasn't exactly what I was hoping for, but then again it wasn't terrible either. But hey, just wait 'til school starts . . . . .
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004

   Let's get a little ranty, shall we?
Latin quiz today. May or may not be good. We'll see. On a similar thread, that Film thing didn't seem too bad. It's in, so all I can do is wait for it to come back (which I'm fine with doing).

So, as if my gaming life wasn't complicated enough with "FFX-2", "Neverwinter Nights", and . . . those . . . . . a friend of mine more or less gives me "Soul Calibur 2" (for how long I don't know). At the same time my brother buys "Knights of the Old Republic" . . . that's FOUR RPGs in the house!!! Aaahhh!!!

And I wonder why my mother tells me that I play too many games . . . heh . . . . . no, that's a lie . . . I know why she tells me that! Ah well, dum de dum . . . . .
(Kids, again, I remind you: I am a BAD role model when it comes to studying!)

So, I finished my Film test with about 15 minutes to spare, so I took out my school planner and looked at the pages . . .
For those of you (probably all of you) who didn't know, I wrote out all the point-form notes for my "Nougat & Cream Filling" story in it while at school. And ya know what?

I kinda wanna write something new with those two after all . . . . . no idea when (DEFINITELY no idea when), how, or what about . . . but I think I could make a bit of a myO franchise out of those two . . . . . anyone got any stories they wanna pitch?

OH! LAST thing! I'm modifying, so I don't have the power of the HTML thingie, but go to this:
http://www.cbc.ca/chillybeach/trivia/trivia26.swf

It's not quite Canadiana, but I think it'll manage . . .

And, I think that's enough for "Wednesday with Wordy Bastard" today. Ja ne!
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

   Oh yeah, I have school stuff . . .
I have a film test today. I think I'm gonna study for that now. I'll think of something cooler to say later.

Later!
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Monday, January 26, 2004

   One Week Down, One To Go . . .
I experienced the effects of battle-fatigue this past day . . . heh . . . . .

There was another performance at another mall, as I said last time. Well, we had a lion dance on the main stage to kick things off, which went smoothly enough. Pretty much everyone screwed up small here and there (ya know, lion head sliding off the knee of his tail, guys rolling back and getting wrapped up in the tail . . . the drummer dropped one of his sticks . . . lotsa fun stuff!). Well, I was playing the cymbals for this . . . and let me tell ya, I felt out of it! We were about 3 minutes in, and I was getting sore! My shoulders, chest, and arms just didn't feel like going all-out anymore! Such is what happens when you do the exact same vigourous thing the previous day . . .

After we were done, we were later succeeded by various forms of dancers, singers, and our younger club members doing a kung-fu demo. We, of course, got to see very little of this: we were doing more "choi chiang" (the lettuce-eating thing)!

Alright, so this is a BIG mall . . . there were like, 50-some stores we had to do the lettuce thing for, which took us almost 3 hours to finish! So when you have a rotation of about 8 guys going in and out of a single lion, and about the same number of people rotating between the drum, cymbals, and gong, well . . . it gets tiring . . . really, really tiring . . . . . we did get quite a following of people, though; there was always a huge crowd of people around us as the lion would go up, do its bowing, its dancing, and its vegetable destruction (and thusly its money-getting). I did tail for one, I remember, though mostly I stuck to my cymbals. But yeah, it was all over eventually . . . and we were greeted with congratulations and buns (yay buns!).

Next performance thingy isn't until next Saturday. Hopefully by then people will have forgotten about Chinese New Year . . . . .

. . . . hey, it could happen!
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Sunday, January 25, 2004

   C-c-c-c-cold!!!!!
Alright, so yesterday I had that performance to work at. 8 lions, 1 dragon, and I was the 6th dragon person out of 7. And it was outdoors. And it was windy. And raining a little bit . . . . . but ya know, save a couple lions breaking a little from who knows what (the cloth "body" sections had come loose from the "head" part) and the dragon (my part) being effectively oblivious to the main plan (we sorta faked our way through most of it . . . eheh . . . . .), it wasn't too bad.

Well, I didn't trip on the dragon at all, nor did I slip on the wet ground and firecracker bits (incidentally, I left my white shoes at home, so I borrowed a pair from another guy - two sizes bigger than me [heehee . . . they were like clown shoes on me!!!]). However, just standing outside in this windy little nook of the building was absolutely painful! Hands were cold to the point that it hurt! Man . . . we were all hurting . . . . . but, we got to go into the building soon enough, and we thawed out . . . then we did the lettuce-throwing thing a little bit at some shops, and we were done.

After that one, we had ANOTHER thing to do at a different mall . . .

So, I don't know how familiar you guys are with how lion dances work, so I'll spell it out a bit . . . so there's a thing we do where there's a thing of lettuce or something with a thing of money on it. These are usually hung outside shops, and then the lion comes, does a little dance in front of it, "eats" the lettuce, takes the money, and then spews the lettuce back out. It's actually quite entertaining to watch - maybe I'll look for some pictures of this sort of thing some time . . .

So yeah, at this other mall, it was about an hour of going shop-to-shop, making messes of lettuce every which way . . . very tiring for the lions (they're doing all this moving under stuff!), and very tiring for the musicians (I'm lucky I've developed big forearms for "endurance-cymballing"). But, it ended, we all cheered, and then we all went out for dinner (hooray for our sifu!).

So yeah, all in all the Chinese New Year stuff so far has been pretty good. And then you know what the best part is? Well . . . .

I get to have another one this afternoon at a DIFFERENT mall! More lettuce-death!!! Hooah!
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Friday, January 23, 2004

   STREET PHILOSOPHY #9: Laughing OnLine
As some of you may know by now through my postings here or through just chatting with me, I don't use internet shorthand - heck, I rarely even use smileys, if ever! So yeah, you know the good ol' "elle-oh-elle"? Yeah, I don't think I have ever used it online in context before . . .

Personally, I guess I just like being able to type quickly, so I like to present words as I see fit (again, you may or may not have noticed that I always spell out "okay" in full) . . . but that's besides the point here. Here, I am going to explain my somewhat skewed sense of online humour . . .


For me, I just don't think the "lol" is enough for me; it's much too broad in its sense. I mean, I've known people who have used this for anything from a quick exhale type laugh to a lost-for-words explosion. True, there is also the "rotflmao" and other such deals . . . but come on, you know I'm not rolling around, I know I'm not rolling around . . . again, what it conveys is not what I want it to be conveying.

This should explain my somewhat excessive use of the "heh" in many of my posts around here. It's a good, straight-forward, social expression of amusement, I feel: not too big, yet enough to take notice. There's a sense of abruptness that I just really like about it . . .

Now if I need to stretch out the "heh", then I'll add a few letters or words. Here's where it gets subtle . . . . .
I actually see distinction between using the "heh heh heh" and the "eheh heh heh". Though they both have that sly, almost unintentionally insulting tone to them, I feel that in the case of the latter, there's a more relaxed, laid-back feel to it . . . it might just be me, of course, but there is a slight difference . . .

Now, if I'm feeling especially mischievous, I'll probably end up using a "tee hee", a "khee hee hee", or a "teh heh heh". Again, I consider these three as synonyms for each other: more or less meaning the same thing, yet different enough to require different wordings.

And then, what good is an internet persona if you're not going to enforce your will towards others? That said, there is the "bwah hah hah", the "gyah hah hah", the "kyah hah hah", and to a lesser extent the "bah hah hah" (for that last one, I find that it's a little harsh - really insulting, ya know?). These are the ones you use when there's evil afoot . . . especially when perpetrated by yourself . . . ya know, evil mastermind laugh but not quite.

And yet, there are the times when all you really want to do is just laugh out loud . . . just a solid wall of laughter. Ya know, this is where the "lol" probably reigns supreme . . . but I can't do it! There are a few intersting ways I get by in this situation . . .
First, there is the typed-out "Haha!" or "Aha!" Again, I do find different uses between the two.
Second, is a truly much more subtle thing . . . in fact, it probably goes against the whole doctrine of internet laughter! But if something has honestly got me rumbling with pure mirth, I will actually type something along the lines of:
". . . okay, that last thing has got me laughing like a lunatic in an empty room right now . . . . ."


What can I say? When 90% of communication is non-verbal, I have to make up for it with something, right?
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