Thursday, March 8, 2007

   I ever mention that I love Spartans?
I'm probably writing all this because "300" comes out tomorrow. What can I say, I'm excited. I love this story.


I had a Classical Studies professor who was quite proud of being contrary to others. I suppose it was partly in his blood, being half-Indian (feathers, not dots) among other things. He was the guy who probably opened my eyes up the most to the biases and contradictions of academia, like how textbooks are practically always written with some sort of motive aside from telling that apparent facts.

He talked about how our particular textbook started talking about Sparta in one chapter. Along with the regular stuff, it also made special mention of the harsh life, how unfit babies were left to die on the mountain, how they mistreated the Helots, and how there was Pederasty in there as well (y'know . . . it was EVERYWHERE in ancient Greece, but they mention it in the Sparta Chapter). Then of course at the end they talk about how the Spartan society was very much a proto-Communist one . . . while also showing the groundwork for later governments like Nazi Germany (whooaaaaa) . . . . . so yeah, not an especially opaque book.

My prof loved the Spartans, though. It might have come partially just because most scholars like to like Athens because it was all Democratic and happy (y'know . . . aside from the whole slavery thing), but he did enjoy pointing out how awesome it actually was to be in Sparta. Women had tons of rights and owned almost half the land while their husbands were on campaign, girls got married later in life (like, 16-20 as opposed to 12 or 14) so that their bodies could better survive childbirth . . . y'know, stuff like that.

I wrote my term paper that semester about the Lacedaemonians (other name for 'em, and why their shields have a big "Lambda" on them). I did well on it. Prof' liked it too. It was probably a wonderful twist of fate that I never realised that the essay topic sheet was double-sided, or else I might have written about King Phillip's Macedonian military reforms instead . . . Spartans are just so much cooler.


Let's get into the romantic gushing about them, now. They were the best warriors in the Mediterranean for a long time, masters of hoplite warfare that the Greeks preferred. From childbirth onwards, men were trained to be strong, brave soldiers willing to fight for victory or death. As the saying goes, a mother would give her son his shield, telling him, "Return with it, or on it." Really, that's just badass. They had the reputation, yo.

Everyone respected that reputation, too. Herodotus, Greek historian who is one of the main sources of the period, gives quite high praise for the Spartans. I mean, it's hard to take everything he says at face value . . . but he gave the number of Persian and Persian-allied fighting men at Thermopylae as being . . . hehe . . . 5,283,220 men. Probably impossible, but makes for a good story. 'Sides, it wasn't just Spartans fighting in the mountain pass; there were about 4,000 Greeks altogether (including 700 Thespians who chose to fight to the end with the Spartans and 400 Thebans who were basically forced to fight against their will as people feared Thebes might have Persian sympathies . . . suckers).


Let's look at all the awesome quotes and stuff from Herodotus now! You might recognise some from the trailers . . .

"...They withdrew again into the narrow neck of the pass, behind the wall, and took up a position in a single compact body... Here they resisted to the last, with their swords, if they had them, and, if not, with their hands and teeth..." (Herodotus, 7:225)

"Of all the Spartans and Thespians who fought so valiantly the most signal proof of courage was given by the Spartan Dieneces. It is said that before the battle he was told by a native of Trachis that, when the Persians shot their arrows, there were so many of them that they hid the sun. Dieneces, however, quite unmoved by the thought of the strength of the Persian army, merely remarked: 'This is pleasant news that the stranger from Trachis brings us: if the Persians hide the sun, we shall have our battle in the shade.' He is said to have left on record other sayings, too, of a similar kind, by which he will be remembered. (Herodotus, 7:226)

"The Spartans have a special epitaph; it runs:
Go tell the Spartans, you who read:
We took their orders, and here lie dead." (7:228)

"Xerxes, when the battle was over, summoned Demaratus to ask him some questions. 'Demaratus,' he began, 'you are a good man - the truth of your words proves it. Everything has turned out as you said it would. Now tell me - how many more Lacedaemonians are there? And how many of them are as good soldiers as these were? Or are they all as good?' 'Sire,' Demaratus answered, 'there are a great many men and many towns in Lacedaemon; but what you really want to know I will now tell you: there is in that country a town called Sparta, which contains about eight thousand men. All of these are the equals of those who fought in this battle. The other men in Lacedaemon are not their equals - but good soldiers none the less.'" (7:234)

And then Xerxes shat himself.


Damn, I wanna play Rome: Total War again . . .


[And now to plug the new poll on the front page: Omae no 'tou-san wa dare?!]
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