myOtaku.com: SomeGuy

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1983-08-05
Gender
• Male
Location
• Vancouver, BC
Member Since
• 2003-08-02
Occupation
• Writer; Part-Time Hero
Real Name
• James

Personal

Achievements
• Visiting eight different myO friends in person thus far
Anime Fan Since
• Winter 2001
Favorite Anime
• Neon Genesis Evangelion, .hack//SIGN, Naruto, Bleach, Beck, Peacemaker Kurogane, Ranma 1/2 (the guilty pleasure)
Goals
• Visit the myO friends I've missed thus far; complete a cosplay from 300
Hobbies
• Writing, Gaming, Kung Fu, Movies, Acting somewhat strange in general
Talents
• Can recognise most quotes from almost any movie/show on first listen; Can recite the entire 12 days of Christmas by memory

myOtaku.com: SomeGuy

Friday, October 12, 2007

October 12, 2007
Dear Jan,

I got your message the other day after I noticed that I had suddenly lost a couple of your other messages. I guess I just figured for the most part that this was going to be another random, temporary "away while I redesign a couple things" deal. Going by the message you left, I'm guesssing that's probably not the case, is it?

So here we go again, I guess . . .

Going by what little I now apparently know about you, it feels like it's about a 50/50 chance you'll even get this message. But y'know, I imagined here would be as good a way to try as any, as e-mail addresses can be changed, blocked, or outright deleted. So I'm counting on this for now.

I guess I might as well make my point, then . . . why? I know you gave us your answer, that you had to and that you didn't feel free here. And y'know, I get that. You wouldn't be the first person to decide that it was time to move on from this place - Rusty' comes to mind, that artistic Alabaman guy (or was it Arkansas? Probably Alabama). Thing about him, though . . . he told us how we could find him, and we can still keep in touch with him if we wanna. And I like that.

And then we get this other stuff about how you have to be mean to us so that we can forget you . . . yeah, it ain't gonna happen. Again, like Rusty', like DES . . . I've no intention of ever forgetting them. It doesn't work like that, especially not when right after you tell us to forget about you, you say that you'll never forget the good times we had here. Nuh uh, that's not fair to us.

It's almost as unfair to us as it was to up and leave so abruptly. Again.

It's so frustrating. It's frustrating because I want to ask you what's going on, what your mindset is when you're thinking about this stuff; I know the way things are currently going, I'm probably never gonna get the chance, and even if I do you probably aren't going to answer it anyway. Still, I guess it's partly to be expected. You've always been a little frustrating in your own way, y'know? With your veiled words - always poetic, always beautiful - that always hid something else that was just there for us to decode and decipher to get at what you were really thinking about.

I'll admit it, I'm not smart enough to decode them all. And it pained me to know that I couldn't, especially when - like we see now - you do have the propensity to just forget about all of it and be off on your own way again.

Last time we were able to exchange words, you mentioned a friend of yours who no longer wanted to speak to you for that one stupid reason . . . and you talked about how much that whole thing just upset your calm all over.

I'm sure you see the irony there. 'Cause you're good with these things.

Mostly, I'd just hate to think that the last thing I ever got to say to you was for you to "get over yourself." I think I probably hate the second-last thing I ever got to say even more, that "I am absolutely not attracted to you in any way, and I mean that in the nicest way possible." Those ain't so nice to say to people . . . and I can't say they're entirely true, anyway. Clearly I never would have stuck around all this time if you weren't attractive in the way you are . . . it's not a romantic thing either of us are probably looking to pursue, but you've got it.

So yeah, I'm not a big fan of having those be the last things I ever say to you before I respect your wishes to just forget about you. Which, I suppose, is the whole point of why I'm writing all this . . .

So what was it that restricted your freedom here? I really think that's the big question I want answered. I'm sure you have a fine reason and I've love to hear it. I'm sure I'd be thinking too highly of myself to wager that I had a role to play in that . . . but therein lies a whole other thing . . .

Have I ever made you feel tied down or restricted here before? Have I ever done anything but to support and care about you? Unless having that support structure is what you consider to be counter-productive to your freedom, then why the heck do I need to lose yet another friend whom I adore to time? That's stupid.

I'm not telling you that you have to come back here specifically, or that you need to ever apologise for anything you've ever said or done. What I am saying, though, is that I'm afraid I'll never be able to respect your one wish from us: I'm never, ever gonna even begin to forget about you. Whichever screen name you choose to take up in the future, if even . . . you know how to find me. I'll be here, I'll be online (I'd like to hope that you'll also still be online now and then) . . . I'll be around.

I'm hoping in time, you will be too.

'Til then, cutie, you have my love and my knowing that you'll be just fine . . . but I'll still miss ya. No question, yo.

-James
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