Tuesday, October 28, 2003

   Cream Filling and Nougat: World's Finest (Chapter VIII)
I thought I'd kick off this chapter with a peer into my own head. I'd like to explain the use of the title "World's Finest." It works in two ways: one, that was the title of a comic and cartoon collaboration of Superman and Batman; two, "World's Finest" just totally sounds like something on the top of a box of chocolate, doesn't it? Anyway . . . . .


As befit a long-closed place of business, The Decimal Place was dirty, messy, and utterly dilapitated. Dust and animal droppings littered the floor while tied-together furniture under sheets cluttered the space above. Motioning with his head, Cream directed the three of them to a chair adjacent to the bar - the Pi thug was sat and neatly tied down.

"So," said Nougat, "where do you figure we'll be going to next?" Cream looked back to him.
"I'm gonna say warehouse. You?"
"You can never go wrong with factory." Smiling wryly at their complete lack of gravity, they turned back to the still-unconscious man in the chair.
"Alright Noug'," Cream said, "what has your experience taught us that will wake this bastard up?" Nougat thought for a moment. After a while he reached to the back of his belt and produced a small can of mace, which he proceeded to spray into his palm. "No way this is gonna work, man . . ." Cream stated. Nougat remained single-minded, though, and brought his palm up to the Pi's nose. Sure enough, after a few seconds had passed, the man coughed, sneezed, and stirred.
"That's two for me," Nougat said, grinning. "Game on . . ."

The two questioned the man heavily, with Cream doing most of the aggressive work to Nougat's slight surprise.
"Now," Cream said coldly to the man, "I've already beat your head in once for trying to kill me. What do you think I'll do to you if you don't speak up?"
"I'm dead either way," the Pi spat out calmly, still coming to from the rough awakening. Nougat interjected,
"Look man, you know for a fact that you can cut yourself a bit of a deal for givin' us some info. It's win-win, believe me." He turned to Cream and saw him mouth the word "liar" to him - he forced himself to keep his face straight. The Pi spoke again,
"It's not gonna happen, boys . . ." Realising the truth of his words, Cream and Nougat looked to each other again.
"He gonna crack at 'Phase 2' or 'Phase 3' persuasion?" Nougat asked. Cream grinned mischievously.
"Oh, 'Phase 3' no question. This guy's gonna take effort."
"Yeah right, you just wanna hurt this guy . . ."
"You point?" Nougat shook his head in continued disbelief.

Cream bent down and walked around the Pi until he was directly behind him.
"Okay, 'Phase 2' it is," he said into the thug's ear just before pressing pressing his thumb into the back of the man's head. The man's screams echoed around the empty clubroom; Nougat even covered his ears slightly.
"Dude," Nougat said to him, "do us all a favour and just spill it!" In between shouts of pain the Pi was able to get a few words out.
"You guys are some sick sons of . . ."
"Hey now," Nougat said, breaking off the man who had clenched his entire face tight, "in terms of solid content he may have lots to be desired, but I wouldn't exactly say he's sick . . ."

A few minutes had passed, and by then all three men in the room were shouting with vigour. Nevertheless, the Pi remained close-lipped about any hideouts.
"Yo whelp, he's gonna pass out again," Nougat said as he wiped his hand on his pants for the sixth time.
"Damnit . . ." Cream muttered as he released the pressure from the man's bandaged head, " . . . guess it's 'Phase 3' time, isn't it?"
"Guess so . . ."

Cream came back around the chair and smiled when he saw raw, burning hatred in the eyes of the man before him.
"You liked that, huh?" he said - the man just glared as he breathed heavily. "Well, you're gonna love this one even more . . ." With that, Cream crouched down, drew his pistol, and proceeded to point it directly at the bound man's groin - the thug continued to glare, but silenced his breathing. "Now you tell us what we want to know or pretty soon my friend over there won't be the only one with crushed nu-"
"Hey! Easy!" Nougat exclaimed strategically, "don't be draggin' me into this, man!" Cream looked up and around to Nougat . . . and just shrugged.
"Anyway," he said, looking back to the quiet Pi, "you've got 'til the count of five before I send Willy's buddy into the next world . . . one . . ." The Pi closed his eyes and shook his head - he couldn't believe the position he was in . . . "Two . . . . ." . . no change . . . "Three . . . . ."
"Ah hell, this is gonn' be loud . . ." Nougat muttered as he walked away from the spectacle in the empty club, still covering his ears . . . .
"Four . . . . . . . ." the hammer of the pistol started pulling back as the trigger was slowly squeezed . . .


"Alright!" the Pi shouted, cold sweat mixing with the blood along the back of his neck, "put the damn gun away, I'll talk." Cream smiled, holstered his weapon, and looked to Nougat; Nougat released a heavy breath of relief.
"And?"
"They're all meeting at the oil refinery at the docks . . ." Cream and Nougat looked at each other with inappropriately frivolous expressions - they had both guessed wrong. Nougat was first to speak.
"Well sir, thank you for your fine help!" Cream went on,
"Yes, and a cab will be coming by quickly to take you to the hotel. Do have a pleasant stay now!"

Upon exiting the building, the two of them immediately engaged in male congradulatory actions, shouting and punching into the air.
"Man!" Cream said triumphantly, "are we good or what?" Nougat replied,
"If we were any better we'd be homemade, baby!" The two of them slapped hands together and were almost on the verge of a hard embrace before thinking better of the idea. "So hey, get the guy a ride already, he deserves it." Cream's eyes glinted as he walked to a nearby payphone and dialed 911.

"Hello? 911?" he said, slightly frantic, "I need help at the old Decimal Place club! My gay lover tied me to a chair and stole my wallet after I tried to kill him for having an affair with a local bartender! Please hurry!" He immediately hung up before being promted for any more questions. Nougat, shocked, looked at Cream and his impish visage.
"So, um . . . that was entirely pointless, right?"
"Incredibly pointless, yes," Cream responded.
"Good, good . . . wanna go save 'Mel now?"
"Yeah, let's do that."
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